Comparing myself to others...

missIssa36
missIssa36 Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone....I have the worst the problem. Recently I have gained weight about 60 lbs because I had back surgery and couldn't do a lot of working out. Before I gained the weight I was fit and cute, I am only 5'4. I also had a boyfriend and was happy. Well, my boyfriend dumped because I got too fat just a few weeks ago and now all I do is compare myself to thin women. I see them as the ideal I must get back too. I am so unhappy with myself. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. How can I be kinder to myself? How do I stop comparing myself to people I don't even know? Any of your suggestions are helpful or if you have been thru the samething, how did you get thru it?

Melisa

Replies

  • jammer2net
    jammer2net Posts: 42
    Girl, don't EVER compare yourself anybody....EVER. We are all completely different people. We have different genetics, metabolism rates, hormone fluctuations, body chemistries, appetites and etc. If he broke up with you for that, then he isn't the one for you. I hope someone doesn't expect him to be the vision of when they met forever, because we all change. We age, we get older, we gain weight and you cant stop time or the aging process. Just brush him off your shoulder and move on. He sounds like a shallow douche anyway, and doesn't sound like much of a catch, lol. If you want to lose weight and be a healthier person, then do it for YOU....nobody else. Think about it like this, anyway.....no matter who we are, there will always be someone that is younger, prettier, richer, skinnier, more popular, taller, shorter, tanner, smarter, etc. You will drive yourself comparing yourself to others. Besides, with the different body makeup and genetics, how could you? It's impossible. Just be content where you are at in life right now and if you can improve, or feel like you need to, then do it for you. :flowerforyou:
  • cheyenne_alexis
    cheyenne_alexis Posts: 69 Member
    Hi Melisa! I had lost 80 about 3/4 years ago and currently have gained back 20 within the past year and half. I follow all these fitness pages on Instagram with workouts and recipes. I tend to do the same thing and catch myself looking at my old pictures and pictures of other these thin women. Sometimes it makes me upset but on the optimistic side I let it motivate me! This past week I have hit my turning point and began hating what I saw in the mirror, especially when I would try on new clothes, Im just not happy anymore.

    You owe it to yourself to be happy and enjoy life! Let this be YOUR turning point! Let this breakup motivate you! Show off what he left! Let him realize he made a mistake and you'll be hotter than ever! Let that be your motivation! Regardless if you were married or not, he should have been supportive and motivate you to become the better person. Through sickness & health! Make him regret this decision!

    Stop comparing and let it be something to work towards! Use old pictures of yourself! :flowerforyou:
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    One thing to remember is that you can lose weight without exercising.

    PLEASE understand I'm saying this as a reminder for now, in case you are still recovering from surgery and NOT as an admonishment for not watching what you ate more carefully during your inactive period post-surgery.

    Of course you will probably prefer the results and feel better if you do exercise, and I assume you will in some form - especially as a person who has been fit in the past, it probably won't be too hard for you to get back on track with fitness when you can.

    But honestly you have come to the right place if weight loss is your goal. Even with no working out - or exercise like 30 minute walks - you CAN lose the weight.

    As for being kinder to yourself that is a very worthy goal. I think a little bit of success, like maybe losing that first 10-15 lb, will make a huge difference in this problem you are having of comparing yourself to everyone else.

    I think it is a good sign that you have not been a woman who has just always done that...in speaking with female friends and other women on MFP, it saddens me to realize that for many women that is just a part of life, ALWAYS comparing themselves and their bodies to other women and gauging who is thinner/thinnest and so on. I am more of the mindset that to do so indicates a real problem. Years ago before losing over 100 lb I would always go into a new situation wondering if I was the fattest woman there and looking around to see if I was, and when I wasn't I'd feel very pleased about that. Now I never think like that and I am glad that although I'm sure I fall somewhere in the middle always, I don't worry about who else is thinner/fatter. For me that change happened once I started to lose a considerable amount of weight, even though I still had tons and tons of weight to lose since I was morbidly obese rather than your situation of being cute/fit pretty recently.

    Sorry that your boyfriend dumped you but you'll find someone better. Clearly he could not handle life's ups and downs.
  • cheyenne_alexis
    cheyenne_alexis Posts: 69 Member
    145lbsWomen-625x527.jpg

    I hope this image helps! :)
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    Omg what a jerk! I'll beat him up for you!! At least you know now he's not good enough for you because he's so shallow. Once you start getting into the groove of working out you'll feel better and compare yourself less. I used to go online and search pictures of skinny girls and then feel crappy about myself. Just stay motivated!!! And he'll totally regret leaving you once he sees you happy, healthy and fit! A weight loss journey is a slow and tedious one so find ways to keep you motivated.
  • phyllb
    phyllb Posts: 735 Member
    That is a great photo for 154lbs. I will remember it. Lol
  • goldmay
    goldmay Posts: 258 Member
    For every person you compare yourself to, there's someone wishing they had something you have. I haven't found a permanent solution to judging myself but I just keep reminding myself of what I've accomplished instead of what I haven't. There's also a saying floating around: "Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle."
  • missIssa36
    missIssa36 Posts: 7 Member
    Thanks everyone your messages really helped. Its nice to know I am alone in how I feel. :)
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    maybe when you find yourself comparing yourself to others stop and think about what you are grateful for about yourself. think about the steps you can take to get yourself to your goals. think about your goals.



    as for the boyfriend i'm going to have to go against the grain and disagree with the others. you werent married, boyfriends are not required to stick with you through literal thick and thin, sickness and health, etc. maybe 60 pounds overweight wasn't what he's attracted to but that doesnt automatically make him a jerk, shallow a douche or any of the other things some of the people have called him
  • FatJockSing
    FatJockSing Posts: 164 Member
    Hi everyone....I have the worst the problem.
    Melisa

    On the scale of things - sorry to be harsh, this is NOT THE WORST problem. Good luck getting back to being self-professed cute!
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    Worrying about other people is any and everyone's downfall so don't do that. You look good to me so I dont know why you trippen. Now about thinking about others.What about you and what can you do about it. Try a little cardio if you can my sister. Supress your appetite with green tea to keep you from eating to many calories. Soak in the hot tub for about an hour. The heat speeds up your heart rate and burns calories not just water weight, from my personal experience and still doing it. Try synedrex it suppresses your appetite and triples your calorie burn every time you do an activity causing you to loose weight even without exercise, "still doing it. There's 500 calories in a pound. Not 3500 like the liars on other sites are saying. Calculate how much you eat. And get a heart monitor that show calorie burn. So you can calculate them, diet excercise etc till you reach your goal. "your one of gods greatest creation, there's nothing you cant do".

    A hot tub will not contribute to any significant calorie burn. I can't remember the numbers, but it is less than 100 calories. Synedrex, I don't even know what this is, but it sounds sketchy at best. I don't know where you get the information that 500 calories is a pound, it is a 500 calorie per day deficit over a week that leads to a pound loss. 500 x 7 = 3500.

    OP, I get that you are in a very painful place in your life right now. You can do this. There are many helpful and supportive people here. Calorie deficit for weight loss, exercise is for fitness, so if you can't do it yet, start with your eating habits, and move forward as you are able.

    ETA: Synedrex from: http://www.dietpillswatchdog.com/synedrex/
    Synedrex Concerns:
    Synedrex contains ingredients banned by the FDA
    May cause strokes and heart attacks
    Lack of independent customer reviews
  • 2BeHappy2
    2BeHappy2 Posts: 811 Member
    Wondering why OP started up another thread with pretty much the same questions/info??
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1377675-dumped-for-being-too-fat
    :ohwell:
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Wondering why OP started up another thread with pretty much the same questions/info??
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1377675-dumped-for-being-too-fat
    :ohwell:

    She's probably pretty upset. And to be fair, this post was about comparing herself to thinner women NOT focusing totally on her break up. I definitely see nothing that makes me think, "Man, this person is a trolling weirdo"...she sounds like a completely straightforward woman who is determined to lose weight and really struggling with recent issues.

    Why not just ignore one or both threads if it bothers you?
  • BekShark
    BekShark Posts: 55 Member
    I just think OP sounds upset and rightly so. She's been through a horrible time.

    As for comparing yourself to thin women, it's something a lot of us do. In fact, I used to struggle with comparing myself to other people all the time for all kinds of reasons .

    This was until someone said "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    This got me thinking and I never looked back.
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  • akamom704
    akamom704 Posts: 4
    The 154lb picture posted earlier is a very important picture to keep in mind. Everyone is very different even when they have something in common.
  • SoManyCookies
    SoManyCookies Posts: 31 Member
    Wondering why OP started up another thread with pretty much the same questions/info??
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1377675-dumped-for-being-too-fat
    :ohwell:


    and this one...
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1376029-just-joined-how-has-80lbs-or-more-to-lose
  • TXRanchGirl
    TXRanchGirl Posts: 303
    I think..and I am and always have been the queen of comparing..its primal..we ALL do it.

    My advice? use that as a launch to get theyself in shape..

    I compared..but never did anything..it took the most hurtful experience of my life..coupled with my awful habit of comparing to get my fat butt into shape..

    Its funny..I dont find myself comparing with seething resentment anymore now that Im fit and thinner..unfortunantly karma is a beach and now I sometimes GET what I used to give..

    bottomline is..and this is my husbands favorite saying..you can wallow or pick your *kitten* up and DO something about it. My personally..the more I get sympathy, the more I wallow..so while I hate my husbands crassness and no nonsense approach at times..it works for me. :)
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Wondering why OP started up another thread with pretty much the same questions/info??

    She's hurting.

    It's ok to cut her some slack.
  • missIssa36
    missIssa36 Posts: 7 Member
    Hi everyone. Im new to this starting a new thread thing so sorry I asked the same question in another thread or whatever. Im still figuring this site out that's all. Thanks for the advice, it made me feel better. Its hard to be rejected by someone I thought loved me no matter what size I was. So everyday is a new day I guess. :):drinker:
  • allie_00p
    allie_00p Posts: 280 Member
    Focus on the things that you have control over. Comparing yourself to other women, especially in a delicate emotional state, is not going to be healthy for you. It feels pretty impossible, but if you start to compare, don't dwell on it and try to redirect your thoughts to positive actions you can take right now. You can only work on yourself one step at a time. Feel free to add me as a friend as well.

    Also, when I find myself starting to compare I think to myself "she's probably just as bat-*kitten* crazy as I am." :wink:

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