How to encourage the socially anxious

LAT1963

There have been many recent posts along the theme of people being so self-conscious about their weight that they don't want to exercise in public.

Replies generally try to reassure people that nobody in a gym will think badly of them, most will think well of them for making effort.

But, while true, this doesn't seem to be very effective support for people who feel self-conscious.

So, if you feel afraid to work out in public, is there some kind of support that we should be giving you? If we see you in the gym, or out jogging or walking, is there anything we can do that would encourage you and make you feel good about what you are doing, or does any form of notice discourage you?

I just smile and wave. Is that the best approach? Because when I see you working out what I'm thinking is, "Wow, that guy/girl's got a long way to go, I hope they make it."

Meerataila

I wonder this too, because I'm one of the anxious some days and sometimes not. It varies by how I'm feeling. So I figure next time I'm out and passing by someone, I'll glance over, and if I get eye contact, I'll smile and wave and say hi as I go by, but if I get a determined non-eye contact, I'll just nod, maybe with a friendly smile, and go by, assuming the person doesn't want interaction. And then of course headphones.

As for the gym, I'd do about the same. Sometimes you gotta give the shy ones their space, sometimes if you pay attention you can tell when someone wants to stay in their 'I'm not looking at you, therefore you can't see me' bubble. Especially in a more crowded setting.

missbethea

For me it's little things. The smile and wave does encourage me. I also love to get random compliments? You know. Like "Wow I love your shoes!" or "You look so cute in your workout clothes" etc. That kind of stuff is really a big boost to me. I had a woman tell me one day last week "Wow I see you here all the time! Keep it up." and indicated my dedication was inspiring. It makes me want to keep going and keep working out despite the fact I'm somewhat overweight and look like a fool when I'm working out.

Happy_Niss

I used to be that way a little bit, which has since gone away.
But it does feel great when anyone encourages me.
One day, while I was running on the sidewalk, someone walking on the track hollered "Get it girl!"
It helped me so much!

itsbasschick

it varies from person to person. my husband is VERY shy and uncomfortable in the gym (despite the fact he's in good shape), and he'd feel awful if someone talked to him. on the other hand, i used to feel awkward in the gym, but a couple really nice and really fit people were encouraging to me when i started out and that really helped me get comfortable.

RaggedyPond

I just like pretending nobody else is there.

Alatariel75

This is such an individual thing, I hesitate to even venture to give advice. Some people love the encouragement, some people want to be ignored, some people will appreciate a smile and a wave, some people might get self conscious because of it. I appreciate a smile and a wave, but would get bashful at a comment.

stuffinmuffin

I always admire anyone out doing exercise, no matter what shape or age. Just being out there and doing it is great.

Nertak

There is not any set thing that can be done, and something that helps one person could hinder another.

For example, I am pretty anti social. Yet I don't care if people see me when I work out, unless its allot of people and my Ochlophobia (fear of crowds) kicks in. Plenty of normal things that normal people like bother me. I don't like when people recognize me though. I have been known to stop going to restaurants because the staff there has started to recognize me. I know a normal person likes social contact like being recognized or smiled at, but more then anything though once I start to feel anxious I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. In my case the best thing to do would be to leave me alone (which people tend to do when i'm exercising which is probably why I don't tend to have problems when I exercise)

You would think that being crazy would be allot of fun, but really its just depressing.

michellemybelll

In my case the best thing to do would be to leave me alone

yep. that's all i ask. and sometimes it seems impossible to get.

IHateThinkingOfAUsername

I don't like when people recognize me though.

This. I hate seeing people I know when I'm working out. The rest of you I don't care about because you're not part of my life. But people I know, seeing me looking sweaty and red faced. That puts me right off. If you see me please just pretend you haven't.

Velum_cado

I remember back when I first started losing weight. I'd only been doing this a few months and had never exercised outside the comfort of my own home and for some reason, I decided I wanted to go jogging. It was relatively early in the morning, so I wasn't that concerned I'd be seen by too many people. There was one other girl jogging at the park I went to. She had obviously been doing it a LOT longer than I had. I was mostly walking with a few seconds of jogging in between. When she came by me, she smiled at me - just a genuine, friendly smile. That was really nice because I felt like I wasn't making a fool out of myself. We were just two people, out getting some exercise.

Edited to add: I'm not that self-concious now, but I have my moments. I don't think I would EVER want someone to say something to me in a situation like that. Certainly nothing along the lines of, "Hey, well done! Wow, you're running really fast!" It would feel awfully condescending and set me back so much. Feel free to talk to me, I'm a nice person! But don't try to encourage me. I'm doing fine on my own.

Jaygee13

*Couldn't figure out how to delete.

I_Will_End_You

In my case the best thing to do would be to leave me alone

Yep, if I had it my way, everyone would pretend I didn't even exist. Hence the reason I work out at home, completely alone.

jemhh

It is so different from person to person. I am much better about feeling confident enough to exercise in public now but when I first started running outside, I hated the idea of people seeing me. I exercise without my glasses on. I can see but used to pretend that I couldn't see or recognize people so that I had a reason to ignore them. It was an "if I can't see you, you can't see me" mindset. If anybody would have said anything "encouraging" to me when I was out running, I would have gone straight home and been done for the night.

mswoodsy

I was at the BAC with my husband and a girl on the treadmill in front of us, easily twice our weight, was working incredibly hard. On our way past we told her "You are kicking that machines *kitten*! Making us feel bad back here!" She just smiled and nodded a thank you.
Later in the women's locker room she came up to me, thanked me for encouraging her to continue her workout that she was about to quit early, and even got teary eyed!!
She was shy out on the floor, but in the privacy of the locker room was very very appreciative. Definitely worth throwing the compliment her way! Don't know if its the same for everyone.