It really bothers me...

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13

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  • shaila0517
    shaila0517 Posts: 10
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    You can tell people all you want that they are not fat. but they have to believe it for themselves. most of the time if you agree with them and say "i know right" and then they ask "oh so you're saying I am fat???", that's them wanting compliments. you just need to understand there are lots of people with low self esteem, that could come from hard times at home being told they're fat or what not, and nobody can understand more than them and nobody except themselves can convince them otherwise. who knows, they might also have a doctor like the one I used to have that's like 2 lbs that says "you need to lower your BMI how much do you exercise?". I'm clearly not obese but my bmi is high (30.8) due to muscle and bone mass. she even asked me, "do you even know your cholesterol level?" and I replied, "yes I do and according to my blood test I am in the normal range but thank you. do you want a cookie?". we just need to pray for them and hope they find themselves and get happy with their image and not worry about the media and what it portrays as the "ideal body". :flowerforyou:
  • tyrannosarausREX
    tyrannosarausREX Posts: 32
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    I will flat out admit that yeah. I say I'm fat. Maybe once a week. Sometimes more. But I've had low self esteem all my life and have struggled with it. I know now that I really am not fat but "feel fat" when I'm bloated. I don't say it for attention or fishing for a compliment. I just say it cause it's on my mind and that the type of person I am.

    I say ignore these people. Who needs people like that on your friends feed? You need support. Not to baby people that fish for compliments.
  • SparrowGal2014
    SparrowGal2014 Posts: 33 Member
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    But yeah it is still obnoxious to me when someone says they're at 157 lb and wanting to die because they're so fat.

    I am 5'2" and 157 lb. I'm at the top end of "overweight" by the Body Mass Index scale. I started here at 165 lb, which is BMI 30 for someone my height and termed "obese" by BMI scale. Someone who is 157 lbs may have a legitimate reason to feel bad about their weight.

    @ SoCal! Me too, so for someone who is shorter, its still 30 lbs (40 in my case) that need to go. We may be "fat" for us. Being overweight still has significant health implications. Whether it's 30-40-80-160 lbs that need to go, it's bad for your joints, blood pressure and blood sugar.
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
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    It's called projection.

    You're projecting your own insecurities onto them because they have insecurities about themselves.

    My opinion might be unpopular, but it drives me crazy when people make things like this about them. Anyone can have body image issues. They are not exclusive to only one body type. And they are usually only issues with ourselves. Not with you.
  • FourtyBelow
    FourtyBelow Posts: 4
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    It just goes to show that everyone can be unhappy. I have weight to lose to get to a healthier place, never will I say that I am fat. Self-deprecation is one of the most detrimental things to me on a physical./emotional level. Regardless of what you weigh you are worth way too much to be self-deprecating. Society does a good enough job of deprecating for us.
    When people say that kind of stuff just be there to support them because regardless of what you see, what they see could be very different.
    Body dismorphia doesn't discriminate.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
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    Let it go. Life is too short to let things like this bother you.
  • toolzz
    toolzz Posts: 163 Member
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    I say I'm fat and I know I'm not....I now add - "I know I'm not fat - but I feeeel fat" so anyone within earshot doesn't get bent out shape. Fat is how I feel sometimes whether it's my IBS, or bloating or just feeling flabby rather than tight....I don't want attention or compliments....I figure it's less worrisome than telling someone I'm gassy....
  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
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    My standard response is to agree with them. "I know, right? I was going to invite you to the beach but I was afraid you'd be harpooned" is a good one.

    :laugh: this made me crack up for real.

    I was always the "fat friend" as a kid and I totally feel where OP is coming from. I remember being 195 at 17 and having my stupid 150 lb friend saying "omg I am SO FAT." It made me want to melt into the floor.

    I am only about 15 lbs overweight at this point and still say "i'm fat" in certain company because sometimes I feel fat. I don't say it to fish, or to make anyone feel bad. Insecurity is rough.
  • galenofedgewood
    galenofedgewood Posts: 146 Member
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    Agree with them that they're fat. And then tell them "I'm glad that you finally admit it." And then hand them some candy and mutter under your breath, "Tubby".
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    They are fishing for compliments.ignore it
  • kumitejs
    kumitejs Posts: 34 Member
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    I know I am not "fat", however I also know that I have put 30 pounds on over the past 5 years and am not comfortable with that. However, there are not too many people I can actually talk to about that without the risk of the exact reaction of the OP, even though it is something that legitimately upsets me sometimes, BECAUSE of the reactions of those with more weight to lose than me. My sister, who currently lives with me, is heavier than me, and I feel guilty every time I say something about having a bad day or logging my food and exercise, etc. I try to be sensitive to her feelings about it too because I imagine that she IS thinking (OMG give me a break!!), BUT as other posters have said, everything is relative to one's own situation. If we apply this to other areas where one might need emotional support, would it always have to be a contest? (i.e. "I am feeling sad today"...response: "Oh you think YOU feel sad, now I am having a MUCH worse day than you! or "I am feeling overwhelmed with responsibility"..."Oh you think THAT is a lot of responsiblity?".... etc.) I am recovering from a recent difficult break up and a close friend is in the joys of the beginning of a new one. Should she not talk to me about it? Yes, it stings inside when she does, I admit, but I am happy for her and would not want her not to share that. I try to be sensitive to the feelings and situations of the people in my life and don't throw things in their faces that I know they might be sensitive about. And, sometimes it is a good thing to think about how others might have be having a more difficult time to put what we consider our own hardships in perspective. However, that said, my perception and my struggle IS my reality, and I would hope that those that care about ME would be equally sensitive and open to supporting me as well. I think that is what friends are for. p.s. I am NEVER fishing for a compliment when I am saying I am having a bad day or not feeling good about myself ! (p.p.s. I do however agree that those with obvious possible eating disorders may be an exception to this rule and need to be guided to help!)
  • kumitejs
    kumitejs Posts: 34 Member
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    See, stuff like this used to annoy me.

    Then I realised it was kinda ****ish on my part.

    Sure, they may not be as fat as me, but I'm kinda invalidating and ****ting on their feelings by suggesting they can't feel fat without weighing 300+lb.

    :flowerforyou:
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,732 Member
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    When someone says they're sooo fat. And I weigh more than them. >:(

    My sister used to do crap like this. She was 2 years older, 2 inches shorter and tiny...graduated high school at 92 lbs. But now she's had a couple of kids and gotten lazy and she's packed on the pounds. Now she says this crap as if she still expects people to disagree with her. I just keep my mouth shut ;P
  • Tony_Von_Stryfe
    Tony_Von_Stryfe Posts: 153 Member
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    I find it annoying, because it's just fishing for compliments
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,287 Member
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    it doesn't matter if they weigh more than you, their comfort level may be somewhere else, or hey maybe they carry it poorly because you look proportioned! I've seen curvy girls that carry weight well look 100 times better than someone 50 pounds less that has say,just a gut.....try not to worry about other people.
  • MrsUptonOgood
    MrsUptonOgood Posts: 1,897 Member
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    I believe when most people say "Oh, I'm so fat", that they are just looking for someone to say "Oh no, you're beautiful"

    But........remember that even skinny people can have fat.... I'm not skinny and I'm not fat...that being said....I am trying to lose a few pounds because I have a fat gut. When I sit down, my rolls touch each other and that is just no longer acceptable to me. I don't think I have ever uttered the words "I'm so fat" but I have certainly felt that way when I look in the mirror and see my thin arms and pretty good looking legs and then see my fat gut sticking out ruining my whole body image making me look like I'm pregnant (it's really goofy looking). Anyway, I wish that all of us could see ourselves as beautiful and not have to have any validation from others.

    Good luck to everybody on your weight loss, gain, maintenance journey :)
  • tracymayo1
    tracymayo1 Posts: 445 Member
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    I have called myself 'fat' before. I don't think I am fat but I am overweight.
    I use the term fat just because to me there is no difference between fat and overweight - it is the same to me.

    I had a friend tell me how they rolled their eyes (after I left to make a snack) when I made a comment about not wanting to eat something they brought over, cause I wasn't going to log it / didn't have the calories left. I was going to make my own version that I knew would fit into my chart for the day.

    Hearing that didn't make me feel good. It kind of made me feel like my feelings on my own body aren't valid and I'm being silly/stupid. Like I didn't (don't) have the right to be unhappy about how I look because I am 'skinnier' than my friend that made the above comment to me.

    But I DO feel like I need to lose a few pounds. I DON'T feel good about how I look - so why is it wrong for ME to feel this way? Why should I get eye rolls and such when I am trying to change it?
  • kumitejs
    kumitejs Posts: 34 Member
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    I have called myself 'fat' before. I don't think I am fat but I am overweight.
    I use the term fat just because to me there is no difference between fat and overweight - it is the same to me.

    I had a friend tell me how they rolled their eyes when I made a comment over the weekend about being 'fat' and weighing my food etc.. to lose weight. She told me that I am not fat and kind of laughed about it.

    Hearing that didn't make me feel good. It kind of made me feel like my feelings on my own body aren't valid and I'm being silly/stupid. Like I didn't (don't) have the right to be unhappy about how I look because I am 'skinnier' than my friend that made the above comment to me.

    But I DO feel like I need to lose a few pounds. I DON'T feel good about how I look - so why is it wrong for ME to feel this way? Why should I get eye rolls and such when I am trying to change it?

    and THIS !!!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i think some people say it to get compliments.

    i know one girl who would do it a lot. she was like a size 0. she stopped saying it to me when i began agreeing with her that yes indeed she was sooo fat.
  • vanillacoffee
    vanillacoffee Posts: 1,024 Member
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    I find it annoying, because it's just fishing for compliments

    Same. It used to drive me insane.

    I know stuff changed for me mentally as well as physically when I went to dinner with personal trainers and didn't feel bad about myself, even though one of them talked about how "fat " she was in wedding pictures and she was smaller than me.

    You do you!

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