Can an ex be motivation? Or is that a setup for failure?
Jonthomas79
Posts: 12
I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
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Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.0
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anything that motivates you to get fit/healthy can't be a bad thing, I've been single for as long as i can remember, i still have feelings for a guy who's just moved in with his new girlfriend, when i found out it made me want to continue with my loss and show him what he's missing out on, he's only a small part of my motivation though, only change your self for YOU, do what makes you happy, keep smiling, you can do this
:flowerforyou: 0 -
I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing as long as it's only part of your motivation. I have found that my best success (which is currently) came when I decided to get healthy for MYSELF. I woke up one day and just decided I wanted to get healthy for me, and that is what keeps me motivated daily. When your motivation is based on other people you can easily lose that new found motivation the second your view of that person changes. Just my thoughts 0
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I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.0 -
I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.
^^ True story. Listen to her. She's smart.0 -
I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.
This is what I came to say. Those who profess such happiness all over social media are usually dying inside.0 -
First of all her being happy on social media means nothing.
Most people put their best face on social media.
For example I always put up pictures of my glories cooking creations. I will not take photos of burnt toast.
Second off. Be happy for you. Let a better life for YOU be motivation. Otherwise yeah, imo it will never be a genuine attempt.0 -
Be your own motivation. We are strangers, we can't tell you anything that can actually make you be motivated.
Ghandi said.....
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”0 -
I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
Simple NO... if you try to make this motivation you are taking steps backwards. You need something real.0 -
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Can be but mostly, you got to just do you.
When my wife first left, I had some of that kind of motivation but it was really just anger. Well that's basically gone now, it's been a while. My motivation just comes from within. I don't really even think about her at all (good or bad) as far as relationship stuff goes now. I care that she takes care of my kids and that's about it.0 -
I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
So all this kickstarted a life change.... everyone loses confidence at some point or another in life....Do IT for You... You, Yourself and You.....
Good luck and get up each day and tell yourself (in the mirror): I LOVE YOU ! Dont look back.. the past has nothing for you.0 -
Personally, I used my ex in the same way once. "I'll show him how sexy I can be!" was my mantra. I lost some weight, but in the end, he didn't notice, or care, and I wound up eating it all back.
The only way I've ever had continuous weight loss is by finding healthy motivations. Whether its for me (I want to look good for ME), or my family (I want to be healthy to spend time with the nieces), or for something else (I will do a Tough Mudder, dangit!), a motivation that is for you and is healthy is easier to follow because you feel good as you lose, rather than vindictive and emotional.
And I'm sure many of us are fully aware of the emotional eating cycle!0 -
Yes, if its a strong motivator. Do it. The first thing is remove the thought that you will fail or can't do anything. Yes you can do it, visualize yourself, how you want to look and get back in to the life. You can do anything if you remove can't and fear of failure.0
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My opinion? Who cares WHAT motivates you. What is important is that you follow-through and continue until you've met your first goal. Then make another goal and meet that one too... And so on.0
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If it gets you started, why not? Just realize that it's going to take more than that to keep going - ultimately you have to do this for you.
A month or so before I started out, my brother found out I planned to join Weight Watchers and he rolled his eyes and said "here we go again". I was really hurt and then I was really pissed off. That anger keep me motivated for at least four months which was about all the time I needed to prove to myself that I could do this. Around the time it wore off, I signed up for a 10k walk and that was my motivation for then next several months. Just like a good relationship, you gotta change things up now and then to keep it interesting. 0 -
I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.
100% this. All the world's a stage, and Facebook is like that stage in the park where the homeless guy always performs.0 -
How long can "I'm gonna show that b*tch" really last? What if her social life falls apart? Does that undermine your motivation?
Just about anything that gets you started is good, but it seems to me that you're going to need internal motivation at some point.0 -
I guess, but I honestly don't give a flying **** what my exes think of me. It is an attitude that's served me well and I highly recommend it.0
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but in the end, he didn't notice, or care,
And that's the hit right there.0 -
Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.0
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I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.
FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.
100% this. All the world's a stage, and Facebook is like that stage in the park where the homeless guy always performs.
That's great!
Shoot I know some folks who have insane, drama filled lives but by the frigging uplifting memes they post (gag) you'd think they have it all together and doves fly out of their armpits everytime they stretch. And they DON'T, trust me on this one.0 -
Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.
What if their ex motivates a life change?0 -
Get off social media. It sucks you into a world of make believe where everyone is happy and desperately eager to prove it. Get outside. Go do something like work on your goals.
Wut? I'm stuck inside. That's my excuse.0 -
Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.
What if their ex motivates a life change?
Then you want a life change, read the title, this is EX BE MOTIVATION, NOT LIFE CHANGE MOTIVATION.0 -
I think your interest in what your ex is doing is the setup for failure. Maybe it would be good to disconnect a little and not check up on her. More of a "clean break".
If the split motivated you to become a happier and healthier person, then I think that is awesome. But the comparisons and examining her new life just seems unhealthy and probably will not do you any favors at all.
Not to crush the hope that your ex is secretly miserable...but I think some people who have happy lives on social media really do have happy lives. I admit that I take pause at people who post DAILY photos of them cuddling with their mate and endless "My hubby is the best because today he did this for me". Overkill. But I know my facebook page since divorcing my ex husband has looked a lot different, because I did make a happier life for myself and I am now more active (in the exercise sense, yes, but travel and social life as well).
Apparently some people break up with their mate and feel the need to "prove" something to that person. I guess it could be a motivator for them but I personally don't think it would be a very constructive long term motivator. As for me personally...I've lost 100 lb since I got divorced but I don't care if my ex husband ever knows that or not, it really makes ZERO difference to me. He's not in my life and his opinion is not important to me, to be honest, even though our split was amicable.0 -
Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.
gonna have to agree.
It's time to stop living in the past, stop stalking her social media and get busy living your own life.
There's enough happiness to go around.
She can have hers.
YOU can have yours, too.
Stop watching from the sidelines and get yours, because she may never notice that you make changes. But it doesn't matter because she isn't part of your life and eventually, you'll be glad for that.0 -
Depends on the situation in my opinion.
If you're coming from 0 exercise any motivation to start moving around sounds good to me. The hardest part in getting in shape is actually starting. I would suggest finding a more personal motivation though once you have established your routines. Perhaps use something such as building up self confidence/esteem.
If you are already exercising though I'd avoid any kind of external motivation. Stick with something simple such being able to eat something tastier because you burned enough calories to allow yourself a treat.0 -
I've seen many people use this as motivation, but never quite got why myself. In a general sense, it seems as if a reason for it would be the fact that you're doing it out of spite or because you're still hung up on someone, and neither seem like they are worth the effort to even use as motivation. Im generalizing, but there are far better ways to get motivation. Try and go for something more positive.
Also, people are so good at putting up airs on social media too. I know a lot of people like this, particularly a couple like that look completely perfect and all that fairy tale bull**** via social networks, but in actuality the guy is a controlling, jealous, and short tempered *kitten*.0 -
i think if it gets you to where you want to be, then its hard to call it a bad thing...
but your probably right that this thinking contributes to the yo yo effect... i might ad to this that it seems likely you are an emotional eater, like myself. simply knowing and owning the fact that your emotions are driving you to eat can give you a enough insight into your behavoir to stop yourself sometimes.
that being said, i make the guilty pay nearly every work out. wether that be my ex, my boss, employee, whomever.
it sounds a little psycho and very anti social, but i feel a lot better when its over0
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