Can an ex be motivation? Or is that a setup for failure?

Jonthomas79

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

vismal

Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.

fittyinthemaking

anything that motivates you to get fit/healthy can't be a bad thing, I've been single for as long as i can remember, i still have feelings for a guy who's just moved in with his new girlfriend, when i found out it made me want to continue with my loss and show him what he's missing out on, he's only a small part of my motivation though, only change your self for YOU, do what makes you happy, keep smiling, you can do this :flowerforyou:

emkayelle91

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing as long as it's only part of your motivation. I have found that my best success (which is currently) came when I decided to get healthy for MYSELF. I woke up one day and just decided I wanted to get healthy for me, and that is what keeps me motivated daily. When your motivation is based on other people you can easily lose that new found motivation the second your view of that person changes. Just my thoughts

fivethreeone

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.

_BearNecessities_

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.

^^ True story. Listen to her. She's smart.

ew_david

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.

This is what I came to say. Those who profess such happiness all over social media are usually dying inside.

oregonzoo

First of all her being happy on social media means nothing.
Most people put their best face on social media.

For example I always put up pictures of my glories cooking creations. I will not take photos of burnt toast.



Second off. Be happy for you. Let a better life for YOU be motivation. Otherwise yeah, imo it will never be a genuine attempt.

ValGogo

Be your own motivation. We are strangers, we can't tell you anything that can actually make you be motivated.

Ghandi said.....

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”

ZaCkOX

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

Simple NO... if you try to make this motivation you are taking steps backwards. You need something real.

sculli123

Can be but mostly, you got to just do you.

When my wife first left, I had some of that kind of motivation but it was really just anger. Well that's basically gone now, it's been a while. My motivation just comes from within. I don't really even think about her at all (good or bad) as far as relationship stuff goes now. I care that she takes care of my kids and that's about it.

whovian67

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

So all this kickstarted a life change.... everyone loses confidence at some point or another in life....Do IT for You... You, Yourself and You.....

Good luck and get up each day and tell yourself (in the mirror): I LOVE YOU ! Dont look back.. the past has nothing for you.

whyyesitsneke

Personally, I used my ex in the same way once. "I'll show him how sexy I can be!" was my mantra. I lost some weight, but in the end, he didn't notice, or care, and I wound up eating it all back.

The only way I've ever had continuous weight loss is by finding healthy motivations. Whether its for me (I want to look good for ME), or my family (I want to be healthy to spend time with the nieces), or for something else (I will do a Tough Mudder, dangit!), a motivation that is for you and is healthy is easier to follow because you feel good as you lose, rather than vindictive and emotional.

And I'm sure many of us are fully aware of the emotional eating cycle!

Leonidas_meets_Spartacus

Yes, if its a strong motivator. Do it. The first thing is remove the thought that you will fail or can't do anything. Yes you can do it, visualize yourself, how you want to look and get back in to the life. You can do anything if you remove can't and fear of failure.

odusgolp

My opinion? Who cares WHAT motivates you. What is important is that you follow-through and continue until you've met your first goal. Then make another goal and meet that one too... And so on.

MinnieInMaine

If it gets you started, why not? Just realize that it's going to take more than that to keep going - ultimately you have to do this for you.

A month or so before I started out, my brother found out I planned to join Weight Watchers and he rolled his eyes and said "here we go again". I was really hurt and then I was really pissed off. That anger keep me motivated for at least four months which was about all the time I needed to prove to myself that I could do this. Around the time it wore off, I signed up for a 10k walk and that was my motivation for then next several months. Just like a good relationship, you gotta change things up now and then to keep it interesting.

firstsip

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.

100% this. All the world's a stage, and Facebook is like that stage in the park where the homeless guy always performs.

DeguelloTex

How long can "I'm gonna show that b*tch" really last? What if her social life falls apart? Does that undermine your motivation?

Just about anything that gets you started is good, but it seems to me that you're going to need internal motivation at some point.

baba_helly

I guess, but I honestly don't give a flying **** what my exes think of me. It is an attitude that's served me well and I highly recommend it.

ValGogo

but in the end, he didn't notice, or care,

And that's the hit right there.