Ugh, my mother...

Brinray

Sorry guys, I just need a quick rant.

The reason I'm fat is that I kept cramming cake in my face. The reason I crammed cake was my mother. I've been so good these past few weeks, but one weekend with her and it's all down the drain. All she does is complain about how overweight she is (she's not) and criticize everything I choose to eat (plus, you know, everything else about me). If I fill my plate I'm too fat, if i don't I have an eating disorder. If I want to go for a walk she wants to join me but we have to go slow because her feet hurt, and her hips creak, and her head hurts from the sunshine. When I suggest we turn around and go home she makes fun of me for not being able to 'keep up' with her. I'm a grown-*kitten* woman, but I'm a fat, self-conscious, teenager when I spend any time with her. I'm an adult, I have a mortgage, I pay bills! So why can't I just ignore this she-devil that spawned me?

Guns_N_Buns

You are an adult.

So, as an adult, don't let her turn you into the helpless child.

Speak up, tell her to keep her *kitten* at home because she knows damn well that she's going to b**tch and moan about her hips as soon as you start walking, tell her to mind her own f'ing business when she says anything about your food, when she complains about her weight, you can choose to get up and leave -- ignoring her -- and if she pesters you about it you can easily confront her blatantly and tell her how it makes you feel.

If you can't put your big girl panties on, avoid your mother or continue letting something so simple affect your lifestyle/weight.

ponycyndi

Ugh. Moms. Why are we all such pains in the a**?

JoRocka

You are an adult.

So, as an adult, don't let her turn you into the helpless child.

Speak up, tell her to keep her *kitten* at home because she knows damn well that she's going to b**tch and moan about her hips as soon as you start walking, tell her to mind her own f'ing business when she says anything about your food, when she complains about her weight, you can choose to get up and leave -- ignoring her -- and if she pesters you about it you can easily confront her blatantly and tell her how it makes you feel.

If you can't put your big girl panties on, avoid your mother or continue letting something so simple affect your lifestyle/weight.

the win is strong with this one.

Brinray

You are an adult.

So, as an adult, don't let her turn you into the helpless child.

Speak up, tell her to keep her *kitten* at home because she knows damn well that she's going to b**tch and moan about her hips as soon as you start walking, tell her to mind her own f'ing business when she says anything about your food, when she complains about her weight, you can choose to get up and leave -- ignoring her -- and if she pesters you about it you can easily confront her blatantly and tell her how it makes you feel.

If you can't put your big girl panties on, avoid your mother or continue letting something so simple affect your lifestyle/weight.

Yes, this is exactly how it sounds in my head. Generally, I just ignore her. I can usually handle it for a few hours or so, but we ended up in the same hotel room out of town for the weekend. After a few days I just head for the cake and don't look back.

fangcat623

My mom is way more subtle. She has never had to watch her weight ... ever! She is now 89 yo and watches every morsel that goes into her mouth and everyone else's for that matter. She likes to criticize her fellow residents (retirment community) about being overweight (not to their faces), but in front of me. I'm not sure if she is just oblivious to the fact that when she criticizes fat people that she is criticizing me. It's annoying rather than hurtful because I can tune her out. You can't pick your family.

Artionis

Just tune her out mentally and agree with everything. "You're right, mom. Uh huh. Uh huh. Right mom. I'm fat, I'll work on that. Uh huh. Uh huh. Right mom, I'll work on eating more. Uh huh. Uh huh. You're right mom, you are too fat. Uh huh. Uh huh. Oh look a squirrel. Uh huh, uh huh. Oh mom you're so cute thinking I can't keep up with you. I'll just speed ahead. Uh huh. Uh huh."

Your mom is never going to change. But YOU can change how you react to her. If she really annoys, give her a hug and leave. Next time, give her a hug and leave. And the time after that. And don't do a whole weekend, you know what's going to happen. Visit for two hours, "uh huh, uh huh, right mom, I'll work on that. Love you, bye."

DeadliftAddict

You're an adult but you are blaming the reason you over eat on your mother? Very adult acting right there. Take full responsibility for your actions. No matter what she says to you, she isn't holding a gun to your head and making you overeat.

meshashesha2012

have you discussed this with your mom?

that might be a good place to start

Guns_N_Buns

You are an adult.

So, as an adult, don't let her turn you into the helpless child.

Speak up, tell her to keep her *kitten* at home because she knows damn well that she's going to b**tch and moan about her hips as soon as you start walking, tell her to mind her own f'ing business when she says anything about your food, when she complains about her weight, you can choose to get up and leave -- ignoring her -- and if she pesters you about it you can easily confront her blatantly and tell her how it makes you feel.

If you can't put your big girl panties on, avoid your mother or continue letting something so simple affect your lifestyle/weight.

Yes, this is exactly how it sounds in my head. Generally, I just ignore her. I can usually handle it for a few hours or so, but we ended up in the same hotel room out of town for the weekend. After a few days I just head for the cake and don't look back.

So, you're punishing yourself to get back at her. How is that working?

Next time, head home and don't look back. OR...grab the cake and slam it right in her face.

The point is, ignoring the issue isn't the same as ignoring the person. You have to speak up and tell her to STFU if she's making you feel anything but happy to be around her. She won't stop if she doesn't know it's affecting you negatively; you have to address it head on! If she persists, then you have to cut her out of your life. Period. Do you and don't worry about how she'll feel, she's an adult too...she's responsible for her own feelings.

MinnieInMaine

Seriously, listen to Aries NV... You're probaby not picking up what she's putting down but read her responses over and over and hopefully it'll sink it.

And trust me, it's only going to get worse if you keep letting her walk all over you. Start being honest with your mother, resolve the issues, and STOP using them as excuses to stuff your face.

The only other alternative I can think of is to stop spending time with your mother in ways where you have to deal with her. Don't eat with her, don't stay with her, etc. However, I imagine at some point she's going to ask why and you're going to have to give a reason. So why not avoid all that drama and just tell her the truth and get it over with. It's going to be rough at first but you can do it.

captaindle

I had a very difficult relationship with my father. When I was a kid he was abusive and frankly it took me some time to get over being "afraid" of him. One day I realized that he had absolutely NO CONTROL over me in any way. He has mellowed and changed a lot as he's gotten older and we've started to have a rellationship again. However, that relationship is on MY terms. If he steps out of line with me, I take myself away from him. Right now he wants me to be around and I absolutely will not if he misbehaves. Life is too short to be around anyone that makes you feel like crap, that most assuredly includes family. You train people how to treat you. When you tell your mother you will no longer spend time with her if she continues to do (fill in the blank) and you stick to it, she will soon learn to treat you with the respect you deserve. If she doesn't., you are really better off not spending time with her. Just because she's related to you does not mean you have to take her abuse, and believe me, that's exactly what it is.

ccm53114

Mothers ugh. I'm not overweight, maybe 5-10 pounds but I swear listening to my mother I'm in need of serious help. If I get too large like I am now, all I hear is I need to diet and work out. When I drop weight I get the your not eating, you must be on drugs again. Since having my children the only time I have met my mothers weight standards is when I was actively using drugs. I am who I am and I just avoid her now to avoid the ridiculousness. Mothers

beautifulmonica

Do you live with her ? If not stop visiting . I cut my family off completely because theyre so full of hate and jealousy. Even though im fat theyre still jealous n theyre skinny! Anyways I will visit like once a year or so but when I do I feel like im at the theatre watching some drama , the good thing now is I get to go to my own home after the show. When I lived with them id walk till bed time to avoid being around them . Id find a place to go to 5 miles away n walk then rest then walk back. Negative people are so annoying. My sisters grandmother is fat n she would complain about it so much when I was thin id just be thinking ya ya whatever. Shed say she would be dead in 10 years so no point of losing weight. Its been 10 years since I graduated high school n shes not dead. What a waste of time.

JasmineJYJ

Welcome to my world! Same my mum is on my case all day cause well I'm 18 and I live with her but the best thing to do is just ignore it and brush it off! Your a grown independent woman you pay your own bills don't let anyone bring you down keep the will power strong and you'll get through it ! Keep doing great! I wish you all the best on your journey!