need opinions: maternity leave and daycare.

ChristinaT0507

So i need an unbiased opinion about a situation.

There is this mother, lets call her Bethany. she is on mat leave and has been for about 9 months now. she kept her kids in daycare for the first 5 months, then due to not being able to afford it kept them at home, and now is trying to get her one daughter put back in daycare because she thinks she has A.D.D., and the other child is at school. if that doesnt work out she is going to make her ex's fiance (who is also at home on maternity leave with her 2 children) watch the kids half the time so she only has to take care of them half the time.

Do you think she is being fair?

or selfish?

Jena_72

hmmm only the word strange comes to mind...

abyt42

I'm a little bit impressed that she can be on maternity leave for 9 months.... After 6 weeks, my leave was up. My DH has been a SAHD, only doing online teaching when our kids were tiny. When I got home from work, I did the childcare to free him up. It seems fair that both parents are involved in childcare (or, in the case of the ex, his household), and, as someone who works with ADHD and ADD students, I can totally understand needing a periodic break from that level of energy. What I don't understand is how it's maternity leave if she's shipping the kids elsewhere....Isn't that just "holiday"?

nehtaeh

I think the more power to her. I can't even begin to know the whole story and don't care to. No judgment here.

For the record - if we could afford it, my girls would be in daycare or preschool at least part-time and my husband would still be home not working.

Ditto on the 9 months maternity leave...where do I sign up? I'll totally have another baby for that.

erickirb

I'm having a hard time with the 9 months of maternity leave... why didn't I get that?!?!??!?!

When I had my 2nd child, I sent my older one to day care as if I didn't I still would have had to pay to keep his spot. However, sending your own child to daycare when you're at home seems very silly & selfish.

In Canada you get 15 weeks maternity leave then another 35 weeks parental leave that can be used either by the mother or father or split between the 2. This is a total of 50 weeks. The federal government give you 55% of your salary up to a maximum of $43,000 ish Canadian (42,000 ish American) per year. On top of that many employers top up your salary of employees for some or all of the leave.

MichelleFirestone

I sent my son to childcare, while I was off on maternity leave for the 2nd child. but only to keep him on his routine. But I was only off for 6 weeks. not 9 months. I think if I was going to take off that long,especially without pay, neither kid would be in childcare. Why when I can teach them everything.

As for the 1/2 parent thing. parenting is a full time job. but both parents should contribute. But again tell me why both parents are at home on maternity leave 9 months later? my husband took of 1 week and I was off 6 weeks. back to work. its not really maternity leave, if she plans on just being a stay at home mom. and if thats the case father needs to get a job. or the other way around. But somone needs to make money. How do the afford to eat without income?

MichelleFirestone

Really??? I'm moving to canada next time we decide to have more children.

chelekaz

Without having the entire story, I don't want to be judgmental and throw her under a bus.

I do however feel, that for me personally, I could never do something like that. We were fortunate that our mom's were able to watch our Xavier when he was born so we didn't have to do daycare. When I was pregnant with our second I was offered a job as an Admin Assistant for $5 less per hour but I would have a home office and would never need to go into the corporate office. 5 Years later, I am still working full time at home for my paying job while raising our children and taking care of the house and my husband when his illness strikes up.

So... do I cringe when I hear stories like this? Yes, because I would do anything to be able to spend time home with my kids. But, sadly having worked at a Family Center partnering with Social Services, that is not always the case.

erickirb

Really??? I'm moving to canada next time we decide to have more children.

For some reason many American's are against socialism, but the maternity benefits and free health care make having a child is much more affordable in Canada. In Quebec daycare is free as well, but their taxes are higher.

ChristinaT0507

I'm having a hard time with the 9 months of maternity leave... why didn't I get that?!?!??!?!

When I had my 2nd child, I sent my older one to day care as if I didn't I still would have had to pay to keep his spot. However, sending your own child to daycare when you're at home seems very silly & selfish.

In Canada you get 15 weeks maternity leave then another 35 weeks parental leave that can be used either by the mother or father or split between the 2. This is a total of 50 weeks. The federal government give you 55% of your salary up to a maximum of $43,000 ish Canadian (42,000 ish American) per year. On top of that many employers top up your salary of employees for some or all of the leave.

thanks, i should have mentioned that at the beginning lol

ChristinaT0507

i guess i should have put in more details.

'bethany' has a live in boyfriend who works full time. she has a 1 year maternity leave and is currently 9 months in. she returns to work feb 1 as will the kids return to daycare. i should also mention that the A.D.D. in her daughter has not been diagnosed as of yet.

her ex works full time days also, and his fiance is on a year long mat leave, currently 4 months in and stays at home with their 2 kids, and will continue to do so unti mat leave is up and she returns to work. the ex and his fiance have custody of the kids 50% of the time, and Bethany had said it was no problem having her kids with her during the day until recently when she wants more time to herself.

nehtaeh

I would say that unless the maternity leave has stipulations to it - like the kid having to be with you - then it is what it is.

When my girls were babies I wanted to be with them all the time. As they are getting older I can totally see the break being beneficial. I am not home with my girls, but they are a handful and they are 3. If I were home with them, or had more on top of them, the daycare/break would be nice.

I really don't see much wrong with it from the outside, with the details we have.

PS - I would totally live in Canada!!

SamanthaSteg

Honestly, if I had someone willing to watch my kids (if they weren't in school) for a couple hours a day every day I might just take them up on it! The girls now are able to go on playdates without me and it's awesome! It's nice to have the break to do other things you might not normally be able to get done (housework mostly). I would probably try and return the favour though, but if the ex's fiance only has her kids 50% of the time I can't see needing a break from that.
I can see why some might be annoyed though too. You did decide to have children, if you are able to watch them then just do it, especially if you're home anyway (in this case, mat leave) If you're getting someone to watch them because your lazy, then that's not cool. But if it is truly just for a break, then it doesn't sound so bad.