OMG are you for REAL right now?

MissAnjy

Okay, so my husband drives me completely insane. I've been at this lifestyle change now for over 3 months. I've struggled for TWO YEARS to lose my baby weight (after having twins). I had complications throughout my pregnancy including uncontrolled blood pressure that put me in the hospital for nearly a month & caused me to retain water resulting in a nearly 100lb weight gain. Right after the birth of my children (and many medications for blood pressure and diaretics later) I dropped 80+lbs in a week. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes & felt amazing. Soon after, we got the diagnosis of not 1, but both of our sons (Cystic Fibrosis) and I nose dived. I completely held myself together with food (used to use alcohol) and it comforted me through the hard times. It took me two years to learn how to break that cycle and learn to live healthy and deal with raw emotion. I've got it down pat now and I feel better than ever (well ... sort of)

Don't get me wrong, my husband is great, but he 'doesn't get it'. Nobody in his family does. I've dropped nearly 30lbs in the past 3 months and I know I look great, however, I'd still like to tone up! There's no blame or shame in doing that! They all think I'm ridiculous for doing so and think I just need to stop. I'm by no means unhealthy. My BMI is in the "healthy" range and I finally feel good about myself so WHY discourage me? My husband used to be 450lbs, he is now 240 and stands 6'4. He was 220 when we got married and he looked fabulous (still does) HOWEVER, his eating habits are atrocious!! He eats nothing but garbage and his mother ENCOURAGES IT! It's almost as if she WANTS her son to die young. She has NEVER been happy with his weight loss, even though it was necessary for him to do in order to live to see his kids growup. She blames me and the fact that i 'starve myself' for his weight loss. WTH!? Anyways, ever since i started my new lifestyle she bakes CAKE, COOKIES, MUFFINS ETC every single day and brings them to my house. It's all well and good. I've gotten over the temptation. BUT, my husband is indulging in this stuff ALL THE TIME now and doesn't see the problem. I worry constantly about his heart. He was a big guy, there was a lot of strain for a lot of years on his heart.

He manages a sports bar/restaurant so he eats that crap every single day. I cook him healthy meals every night BUT for bedtime "snacks" he'll eat the WORST of the worst things (and usually are the size of yet another meal). Last night he called me telling me he wasn't feeling well after dinner (this has been TWICE this week so far). I was gone out with my mother for FOUR hours. He didn't eat a single thing. BUT, when i got home, he sat down not 5 minutes later & ate RAW COOKIE DOUGH. Like wth? you're complaining that you're not feeling well yet you're eating RAW cookie dough? I love the guy, but his diet freaks me right out. We have 2 young kids both with a fatal disease. Like i told him last night, I CANNOT raise these kids on my own. I can't take on that burden without him (not the burden of raising my kids but of fighting back against this disease which is the hardest battle i've EVER fought in my life). I'm terrified for him but anytime I say anything he tells me I'm annoying or i'm "bothering him".

Anyone else have a spouse that either needs to lose weight or needs to eat healthier?? how do you deal with them? I swear, my husband ONLY eats crap INFRONT of me all the time. It's like he wants me to know what he's eating or something? Like WHY in 4 hours would you not eat the cookie dough. You HAD to wait until i got home? ARGH. How do I go about telling my husband to eat healthier without being 'annoying or a bother'.

Any suggestions? I don't honestly care if he gains weight, it's the HEALTH that i worry about.

MissAnjy

OMG just realized how long winded that was. Forgive me, i'm at work. I have nothing better to do then ramble!! lol

KendalBeee

I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this. I don't really have any suggestion for you.....I just hope it doesn't take a major health problem for him to realize that you are right to be concerned.

rmkorama

For the mother-in-law, I've got nothing.

For the husband, I have encouragement and support. I was that spouse once. Okay, maybe not to that extreme, but the hubby has been really concerned for my health for a long while. Vent as you need, but my recommendation would be to just try to breathe deep, have patience, explain in a calm conversation why you're concerned and how he is not being supportive. Then back off for a bit. Don't give up by any means, but it sounds like he has to figure some things out for himself. Hopefully it won't take a heart attack before he starts thinking about it.

Do you think that this behavior is possibly a reaction to stress and/or other problems?

JodiS75

That's ok, I'm at work too and I'm pretending I have nothing better to do than read other peoples' ramblings lol! My husband is super supportive of my new lifestyle. He eats crap a lot, and could handle losing probably 20 pounds (he thinks 5 will be perfect!). When this whole thing started I told him that if he chose to eat it, he had to keep it away from me, and out of my sight. I cannot know it's there. He's usually pretty good about it because he knows that if I see it, I will throw it away. But......that's not the issue here! I have told him at times that I am worried sick about him and his health, and that it freaks me out that he could die because he refuses to change his ways. That has helped sometimes. I really don't know what to say, except.....sorry :flowerforyou:

lloydrt

wow, seems like your mother in law is out to sabatoge you and kill your husband with her kindness........

hmm, you can write to Dear Abby and get a heads up from her, or you could kick your mother in law to the curb and TELL THE ***** , to stop killing you all with her kindness ( cookies, pies etc)

That ought to put an end to it.............

p.s,......just curious, who is the beneficiar of your husbands life insurance policy ? You or your mother in law?

kdiamond

Wow!! First of all, how are your babies now? How rough and I can totally understand the need to pacify.

I have the same issues with my husband. He comes from an Italian family and his mother totally overfed her kids (I call her Marie Barone LOL) and they were all overweight. When I was a kid we were all active and thin. So when we got married he was at his highest weight ever of 320 (6'5") and I adopted some of his bad habits until after I had my 2 kids and I started exercising a lot and eating healthier. He took the cue and lost 50 pounds which was great. This was 5 years ago. Since then I have maintained my weight and continue my fitness regimine, and he goes through his yo-yo dieting. He's gained about 10 pounds back and he keeps losing and gaining the same 10 pounds.

My theory is he doesn't "get it". He doesn't understand it is a constant thing, not eat good all week long then blow it on the weekend. It will never work in the long run if you have that mentality. He thinks I am obsessed, I prefer to call it educated. He tells me I worry too much, I look good already, why do I have to count every calorie? Well, news flash, if you don't count every calorie (and I don't mean that literally, just watch what I eat) you will gain it all back!! He doesn't feel the motivation I guess. And you know what, it irks the CRAP outta me. So I can relate to what you're going through.

I have the same issues you do, I worry about his health and heart and all that. He is actually back on right now and eating gluten free, because I have been reading so many things about how eating gluten free can help prevent Parkinson's, which his father has (and is in bad shape at 70) and his grandfather died from in his 70's. I figure, anything we can do to possibly prevent issues later on we should do, right? But he comes from an Italian family, so he LOVES pizza, pasta, bread, etc.. We'll see how long he lasts, but I figure, if I can cycle it like I do (2 weeks on, 2 weeks off) that is something.

Anyway, long winded too, but I totally relate with you. It is so FRUSTRATING!

nehtaeh

If it were me - my personal opinions - I would try to distance my family from his mother. It might not be the best option, but that is what I would do. Maybe without the outside unhealthy influence he would begin to understand eating healthy. Also, if she isn't bringing over crap, you can control what's in your house. At his work is another issue, but with teaching him and educating him, he might start to make better choices. But, the part that you can control is your house. I guess one way or another I would try to do that. If you can't distance yourself from the MIL - maybe just throw out the baked goods when she brings them over...

Its a hard situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I really hope that something will work before anything major happens.

JAGWIRE13579

wow congrats on keeping everything together despite all you and your family have been through. I don't have much advice on how to help your husband eat healthy. I did have a thought about your M-I-L.
I come from a family that equates food with love (no wonder I've had weight problems my whole life) My mother and grandmother were not able to verbalize thier love or even hug, but man could they push the mashed potatoes. I doubt life long habits like that ever change. You just have to nod and smile but put your foot down if she tries to pass the unhealthy eating on to your children. As you know, children with CF have to have a lot of calories, but healthy calories and a well balanced diet. I managed to break the cycle and raised a very fit and athletic daughter. She's 20 now and never been overweight. No doubt you have a long road ahead but you have the best motivators in the world, your children.

ZacFields

First off, sorry to hear about your kids. Dealing with CF (or any disease or disorder) is never fun. I lost a good friend to Cystic Fibrosis about 5 years ago and I still miss him a lot. But take comfort in knowing that there has been a medical revolution in that area over the past couple decades and in many cases, people are able to live fairly long and fairly healthy lives. My buddy was 28 when he passed, but he refused a lot of medical treatment in his last few years of life and somewhat allowed himself to die. Everyone kept telling me that he could have lived 15 or more years if he had accepted all the treatments that were available to him. For kids as young as yours, who knows what kind of breakthroughs there will be? I donate every year to CF research, so you've got people on your side!

Now as for your husband - I can definitely see where you're coming from. My poor fiance (we've been together almost 9 years) has been on weight-watchers at least a few times since I've known her and I've never tried to lose weight until now. I had a really good metabolism and I just didn't need to worry about that stuff (or at least felt like I didn't). She's so sweet that she'd cook whatever I wanted for dinner and she would just eat smaller portions to stay under her "points." I'd have her cooking beef stroganoff, lasagna, cheesy potatoes with ham, etc etc and she'd have these teeny tiny portions while I would gorge myself with half a pan. She felt like she was starving and I'd feel like I could explode.

I feel bad because if I had been more supportive, and maybe even tried myself to lose a little bit of weight with her, she might have been more successful before and I wouldn't be stuck trying to lose weight for my cholesterol right now.

I think most guys almost need you to be a little rude to them about it. It feels like you're doing something wrong by harping on them about it, but we just generally have less desire to be skinny and healthy than women do. There are certainly exceptions, as there are with anything, that's the general idea.

You've just got to have a serious talk with him about his health. Insist that he go get his biometrics checked... maybe that'll scare him into eating better. That's what did it with me. I don't want to have a heart attack when I'm 35 or 40, and I found out recently that at age 25 I'm on a slippery slope.

MissAnjy

wow, seems like your mother in law is out to sabatoge you and kill your husband with her kindness........

hmm, you can write to Dear Abby and get a heads up from her, or you could kick your mother in law to the curb and TELL THE ***** , to stop killing you all with her kindness ( cookies, pies etc)

That ought to put an end to it.............

p.s,......just curious, who is the beneficiar of your husbands life insurance policy ? You or your mother in law?

hahaha it would seem like her eh? Hubby actually doesn't have a life insurance policy that i'm aware of, lol. I don't know what his mother's problem is? I think because she is fat, she wants everyone around her fat so that she doesn't feel so bad. Also, she has an unhealthy attachment to him. It's almost as if she's always wanted him for herself, keeping him fat, kept him single for her. I'm a very normal weight for my height yet she constantly tells people that I have an eating disorder. Anyone who eats in a NORMAL fashion, has an ED in her opinion. I usually throw all of her "goodies" out as soon as she brings them over. She says they are "for my kids" however, my kids do NOT need to be obese on top of all their other health problems. She has NO respect for me or my household. She pretty much comes in and does whatever. She babysat the other day and when I got home, my house was rearranged. She looked at me and said "if you want to change it back to how you had it, i won't be offended" wtf? why WOULD you be offended? this is MY house that YOU came in and rearranged. I SHOULD BE OFFENDED. She's extremely controlling (even of hubbys weight) and wants him fat for whatever reason. She was the same way when he was an alcoholic (he had a severe drinking problem). We had 2 4 month olds at the time, he went on a bender for his birthday ( i wasn't around during the day so I was unaware) I found him later that night **WARNING TMI** choking on his own vomit and i frantically called 911. I called his mother immediately after, I was VERY concerned. She got MAD at me for sending him to the hospital and proceeded to tell him the next day that he doesn't have a drinking problem (when he said that he wanted to quit - he's been clean and sober for 2 years and thanks me for saving his life) yet his mother still believes i was wrong. wtf. Does it not seem like she wants him dead?

ashley_h10

i have a similar problem with my husband, hes 5'11 and about 125 pounds...he struggles to gain weight but will starve himself throughout the day because hes too lazy too make a lunch, or if i make him one, he "accidentally" leaves it in the fridge. He constantly ate junkfood untill i stopped buying it cuz i started MFP, now hes starving. He gets about 1000 cals or less a day, i swear! I dont know how he is still alive right now. I fear he will have a short, unhealthy, unhappy, painful life.

ive tried everything within my means to get him to take care. There is only so much responsibility we have to take care of when it comes to our husbands. They are not children and we have our own children to worry about. (you sound like you have your hands FULL) I have asked him to see a doctor, even offered to make the appointment, he continues to refuse and admit that he has a problem...i told his mother lol she talked to him to...

Just remember he is an adult and he needs to care also about his healthy eating habits and if he doesnt, he will learn the hard way i guess.

JessicaPahl

I am kinda going through a similar thing right now.. lol its funny cause this post made me smile.. what is up with these men its almost as if my husband it trying to slip me up... its like he has been eating worse than ever and gaining some poundage...i am more concerned about my hubs health than anything..like coming home from work with a entire digorno pizza and eatting the whole thing except a slice.. waking up to having the whole lemon maragne pie gone that i got one slice of.. (he works nights) buying the whole thing of oreos because the baby likes them and then eatting like half the thing.. he was never like this.. i told him i was concerned about his health and he needs to start watching what he eats and that it was not about his looks.. witch is true.. it is frusterating.. its almost like he is insecure now that i am looking hot again and he is like going the opposite way.. hes all like i dont have to look good im old.. haha like rebeling.. these men what are we gonna do with themm....

kdiamond

wow, seems like your mother in law is out to sabatoge you and kill your husband with her kindness........

hmm, you can write to Dear Abby and get a heads up from her, or you could kick your mother in law to the curb and TELL THE ***** , to stop killing you all with her kindness ( cookies, pies etc)

That ought to put an end to it.............

p.s,......just curious, who is the beneficiar of your husbands life insurance policy ? You or your mother in law?

hahaha it would seem like her eh? Hubby actually doesn't have a life insurance policy that i'm aware of, lol. I don't know what his mother's problem is? I think because she is fat, she wants everyone around her fat so that she doesn't feel so bad. Also, she has an unhealthy attachment to him. It's almost as if she's always wanted him for herself, keeping him fat, kept him single for her. I'm a very normal weight for my height yet she constantly tells people that I have an eating disorder. Anyone who eats in a NORMAL fashion, has an ED in her opinion. I usually throw all of her "goodies" out as soon as she brings them over. She says they are "for my kids" however, my kids do NOT need to be obese on top of all their other health problems. She has NO respect for me or my household. She pretty much comes in and does whatever. She babysat the other day and when I got home, my house was rearranged. She looked at me and said "if you want to change it back to how you had it, i won't be offended" wtf? why WOULD you be offended? this is MY house that YOU came in and rearranged. I SHOULD BE OFFENDED. She's extremely controlling (even of hubbys weight) and wants him fat for whatever reason. She was the same way when he was an alcoholic (he had a severe drinking problem). We had 2 4 month olds at the time, he went on a bender for his birthday ( i wasn't around during the day so I was unaware) I found him later that night **WARNING TMI** choking on his own vomit and i frantically called 911. I called his mother immediately after, I was VERY concerned. She got MAD at me for sending him to the hospital and proceeded to tell him the next day that he doesn't have a drinking problem (when he said that he wanted to quit - he's been clean and sober for 2 years and thanks me for saving his life) yet his mother still believes i was wrong. wtf. Does it not seem like she wants him dead?

Yea I think she should be renamed Marie Barone. There was actually an episode where she babysits for Ray and Deborah and rearranges the house and throws away all of their food. LOL (But seriously, she is in la-la land!)

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

The best thing you can do is be an example.... it's KIND of worked in my house. My husband just got his cholestoral checked, so we'll see what happens. Maybe that will get him back on track. lol

megamom

Working on a heart floor I am the nurse that see's your husband or wife when they come in with their bad eating habits and lack of exercise. They are getting younger and younger every year and I have been at this for 30 years. The young ones have eaten the way they always used to eat and could handle it. Then reality hits home, they have really really messed up. Some we find out have had several heart attacks they ignored thinking they were too young to have had one.

For many it is at that moment they throw away their cigarettes and change their eating habits. They drop that pesty 20 to 60 pounds they have been carrying around and adding to year after year. And if they haven't damaged their hearts too badly your body, which is very forgiving, will reward you with several more wonderful years. And I hear time and time again the family member say they have tried to tell them.

Change gets you out of your comfort zone. You have to find news of doing things, eating, moving. And it has to be something your husband is willing and ready to do. You can ride a mule to water but you can't make them drink, until they are ready. Just be there waiting and willing to help when the time comes.

And I would ask your MIL why she is trying to kill her son early. Bluntly. I can't tell you how many times at the hospital family members will bring up fast foods and candy to diabetics and patients recovering from heart surgery. It is like giving someone who is suicidal a gun.

JulieBoBoo

My Husband and I have been together since 1998 and there was only 1 time that we fought so bad that I considered ending it. That was when we were dating and he suggested I lose weight to be more healthy.

I had to listen to that from my friends, I had to listen to that from my family, I had to listen to that from myself every time I looked in the mirror... what I needed from him was unconditional love and support no matter what or how badly I was screwing up.

He promised never to bring it up again and he hasn't. Every time I lose weight he tells me how proud he is of me and if/when I gain he says nothing to make me feel even worse about it than I already do.

Your Husband has to change for HIMSELF. You can't guilt, nag, push or pull him into doing it. He'll only come to resent you and hate himself more.

That's my 2 cents.

MissAnjy

I can totally relate to everything you guys are saying here. My hubbys family also equates food with love, or so it seems. It's sad really. His dad is 64 and is having health problems currently. He has gained a lot of weight recently around the middle & has had pains in his arms and chest for awhile. It's horrible, but somehow, they don't understand it's because of the FOOD you're ingesting. She continues to cook for him like that every single night. The guy is doomed. I won't let her take down my husband though. It just feels like a lost cause because I TELL HER not to bring cake, cookies, muffins etc. and she totally disregards it. It doesn't matter what i want IN MY OWN HOUSE, she brings it over anyways and says its "for the kids and my husband" aka it's "not my business". We've worked HARD to keep our home junk free. We don't buy junk food at all. IF we have a little cheat treat, it's something small that is gone that night. We don't keep bags of chips etc. I'm so frustrated with her. Argh. I don't care what she does with her husband, but I'm tired of her sabotaging mine. He obviously had a food addiction to gain up to 450lbs. He is finally HAPPY with where he is at, and she's trying to push him back over the edge. I don't know what else to tell this woman. I've already asked her to stop countless times. She ignores me. I don't matter. My husband has also told her to stop sending food, but everyday we'll go home and something has been put into our fridge. KILL ME NOW!!!!!! lol

lloydrt

Wonder if her mother in law tried out for the role of Norman Bates.s mother in that movie classic "Psycho".........lol

I can just hear her now..............."Norman,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Norman, you come here right now. Eat Norman, Eat.......we dont have time to slice and dice in the bathroom......we must eat Norman"

Too funny...........

In all kidding aside hun, your mother in law isnt playing with a full deck. Shes a "control freak" , just like 2 of my 4 brothers. Good luck, been there and done that..............

Again, its your house, your rules and regulations. Seems you need to put Mommie Dearest in her place, esp when it comes to rearranging your furniture.............Best wishes, .........Lloyd

jamielee37

Oh my lady, you are a strong one. I hope your beautiful kids are as healthy as can be. Have you told hubby what you've told us? I think maybe a little reverse psych is in order. "Honey, what if I died in a car accident tomorrow? What if you were driving near me and watched it happen?" Maybe when he sees how powerless you feel at the moment by watching him hurt himself that he'll get it.
As far as the MIL, if I were you, i'd let the holidays pass and say something. Are you happy with her otherwise? Are you able to speak to her? If so, i'd try to ask her to either limit the amount of trips or to make healthier choices. Of course, if hubby can be on board that might be better left to him. There are healthier cookies and such she can make. If she's open to it, get her some ideas. If not, tell her it'll have to be x times a week. And that is because you want to be an example to your children. If she wants to spoil them when they visit her that's fine (that's what grandmas are for!) but within your doors its not acceptable. Its your house and those are your rules and she needs to be respectful to them, even if she doesn't agree!

MassiveDelta

I love the guy, but his diet freaks me right out. We have 2 young kids both with a fatal disease. Like i told him last night, I CANNOT raise these kids on my own. I can't take on that burden without him (not the burden of raising my kids but of fighting back against this disease which is the hardest battle i've EVER fought in my life). I'm terrified for him but anytime I say anything he tells me I'm annoying or i'm "bothering him".

My suggestion....Start making preparations to do it on your own. Make it obvious what your doing When he figures it out you can explain to him that you are preparing to raise the kids on your own because you know eventually you will have to... IF he doesnt notice than well at least your preparing ahead of time.

Im pretty sure he will get the drift . Chin up you got this !

MissAnjy

My Husband and I have been together since 1998 and there was only 1 time that we fought so bad that I considered ending it. That was when we were dating and he suggested I lose weight to be more healthy.

I had to listen to that from my friends, I had to listen to that from my family, I had to listen to that from myself every time I looked in the mirror... what I needed from him was unconditional love and support no matter what or how badly I was screwing up.

He promised never to bring it up again and he hasn't. Every time I lose weight he tells me how proud he is of me and if/when I gain he says nothing to make me feel even worse about it than I already do.

Your Husband has to change for HIMSELF. You can't guilt, nag, push or pull him into doing it. He'll only come to resent you and hate himself more.

That's my 2 cents.

I understand what you're saying. However, my husband looks great, it's not about losing weight with him. He feels great about himself. He looks good, HOWEVER, he has no idea what he's doing to his body by eating things like raw cookie dough. I blame him. When he was bigger, he ALWAYS used to tell me "im going to die young, i've always known that i will die young". He put the fear in me.

TracieJ65

So sorry that you have got to go through this when you are trying to make a lifestyle change of your own, and live with it. I have nothing for you with the mother in law, or the husband, really, but I can offer a suggestion. In our house I do all of the meal planning, grocery shopping, couponing, cooking, etc. My husband, well, my family, are all supportive but they like their treats. My children have really gotten into the healthier, or 100 calorie treats, that I keep on hand, usually to the point that they eat it all before I can. But, my husband doesn't like that. He wants his treats. Coincidentally, my husband, too, runs a bar/nightclub and comes home in the middle of the night and has a complete munchie attack. (the proof is on the coffee table when I get up in the morning.) Ok, fine, that is his thing, it's what he wants, it's the middle of the night and I don't see it. I do keep some of the stuff in the house that he likes, but I don't, so he has some things to munch on and that I am not tempted to have. So, here is what I am suggesting; don't keep the stuff in the house! If there is NOT raw cookie dough in the house is he really going to go to the store, himself, and get it? (in my case, no my husband would not do that) If you cook healthy, lower calorie dinners, that taste good, is he going to eat that or run to his mother's house? (if he runs to his mothers house I would tell him to stay there!!!!) The point is, if you are getting healthier, lower calorie meals in him, and your children, and then around there he has "some" junk, it might balance out a little bit. I understand that you are worried about him but you have to remember what it took, within you, to make the different changes that you have. Did it have to come from within or were you open to someone telling you to change? That could be where he is and you need to make little changes, in the cooking, grocery shopping, and so on, to help the situation along. If the mother in law continues to bring CRAP over every day I honestly can tell you that I would throw it away right in front of her. After once or twice she won't do it anymore. Hope maybe that helps a little and gives you some options. Chin up and although you are worried about your husband, remember you are making a change in yourself, for yourself, and that you have children to stay strong for.

teasdino

Whew!
You do have things coming from all kinds of angles dont you.
My mother is the one that used to do all that stuff with our keebs. I was trying to raise them healthy, but when we would visit her she would start throwing all kinds of junk at them saying 'oh..its not going to hurt them'. I am sure that the inlaws would have been worse, but we did not see them that much. My hubs fam is really bad about their health. They are candy and white bread fanatics. They also have type2 diabetes in the family not to mention alchohol issues.
I feel bad for you that you live close to the problems. That would have been a nightmare for me! My mother would have been Marie on me like insanity. When she and my dad come to visit there are always things that will never be good enough for her. I gave up trying to please her.
Its hard to watch your spouse get healthy and you stay overwieght. Its hard for you to get healthy and watch their health go down the crapper.
I guess my suggestions would be-
** see if he will go to the doc for a check up. I would say for you to go with him so you can see what the doc says
** I am a flat out logical person. I would find a time when we were relaxing and tell him 'babe, I love you. I want to spend my whole life with you. I want us to be able to have a great life together. That is why I am working on being healthy. I want to have a good quality of life and not be having a heart attack or developing diabetes, or all those other things a person gets when they are unhealthy.
** You could stop there if you dont want to say anything about his health.
Could he have that secret fear that if you are healthy and spry you will leave him? Yeh....I know....it would a silly thing to even think. But some times people can be irrational. If his mom kept him fat to keep him from dating.. then that could be something that has learned. He could be afraid you will be healthy and grow away from him.
Other than those suggestions I can only wish you luck. I am a red head and ...lol..have the mouth with my family. I did not allow junk in my house when my children were young. Believe me, it was not easy and caused some fights to break out.
If you have a mild relationship with your mother in law, ask her if she would not like to experiment in the kitchen with healthier versions of the things she cooks for you guys. I would tell you to tell her you want him to around for a long time..but I dont know. I dont have any kind of relationship with mine. She is a piece of work! But that is a long long long story for another time...lol!
Good luck! Add me if you want
jac
My favorite quote?
'why is it that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that got you mad in the first place'

dmgaloha

I don't know that I can be much help, other than listen and tell you that you have every right to be upset / frustrated / angry / etc. Your feelings are valid. My situation is milder, and it stresses me out too, so I can imagine you must have been simmering at your boiling point for quite some time!

As for MIL...
OMG - change the locks! How is she getting that food into your fridge while you are out? :noway:

The tough love approach: If your husband really means it that he doesn't want the stuff either, ask him to tell her to take her next offering back home, or that he will throw it out. If she refuses to take it, have him throw it in the garbage right in front of her. She will probably be shocked by the blatant waste of food, and may stop. But don't make him do this if he doesn't mean it, because she will just say that you put him up to it, and resent you.

And now for the nicer approach: Perhaps your MIL is using all this baking as her own coping mechanism. Try to be truly understanding, and thank her for her efforts, but that you are ALL (hubby and kids included) eating your doctor-recommended healthy diet, which does not include cookies, cakes, pies, etc for ANY of you. If it's the physical act of cooking them that she can't give up, (and then doesn't want to eat them all herself so she's trying to slough them off on you), suggest that she donate them to a local community soup kitchen, or a meals on wheels program, or open a gosh-darn bake shop! Or find some alternatives that you would accept that she can make for you that are healthier options, like banana bread or carrot muffins.

Good luck, you need it! I'm very lucky with my MIL. She is more supportive of my attempts to eat healthier than my own mother. Her cooking may not always be the healthiest choices (the deep fryer is used almost as much as the toaster), but she tries to include vegetables at each meal when I am there, and last night for my bday dinner, she did not have a cake, since she knew I was trying to cut out sugar. Instead, she made us a cup of tea, and offered a dessert plate with slices of banana bread and lemon loaf, and a few scotch cookies. It's not quite a fresh fruit tray, but the thought was there.

As for hubby... if I knew how to fix the hubby issue, I would fix my own. :laugh:

My husband is 38, 5'10" and currently weighs over 300 pounds. He was still overweight but reasonably so when we met over 10 years ago, at 230-240 pounds, but he's put on weight over the years. He's now on high doses of blood pressure medication, and both his father and his grandfather died at age 50. At this rate, he may not even live that long, and even at 50, that would not be old enough to see our two beautiful daughters graduate from high school. It's not so much the junk food (like chips or chocolate) that gets him, it's that he eats huge portions of food (including fast food). I hear a lot of women complain that their husbands have to have their "meat and potatoes", well for my husband, it is more like "chicken and pasta", not to mention pizza and burgers and hot dogs, etc. And Coke, by god, the Coke that man drinks... Ack!! He eats very few fruits or vegetables. Ok, enough, you get the picture. It blows my mind.

But, he doesn't care. He actually believes that this food contributes to his happiness. It's what he likes, and if he can't eat it, then he might as well die anyway. His general attitude is that you're going to die anyway, you might as well eat what you want and enjoy your life.

I agree with JulieBo, that he has to decide to do this on his own. I don't want nag my hubby and I wouldn't want him nagging me. If/when I have more time, I know I am able to make a bit of a difference - like today, I said "oops I washed too many grapes", and threw a handful on his plate. If I place the select few fruits/veggies that he will eat in front of him, he will eat them. But he would NEVER do it on his own. It's like healthy foods are so inconvenient - you have to peel a banana? wash the grapes? oh no, cry me a river!! :sad:

My biggest piece of advice when it comes to your hubby, GET SOME LIFE INSURANCE!! especially with your 2 sick little ones. My DH and I have two life insurance policies on each other (one for the mortgage and one for 'living'). You may have a hard time getting coverage, with his weight and history, but it's worth your peace of mind. Not that money can replace him, but can you imagine being alone PLUS having money concerns??!! I am paying a high premium on the second policy for my husband, since he had gained weight by then, so he was a higher risk, but it's still worth it to me.

OK... if you're still with me after this long post, I want to say one more thing...
YOU have amazing strength and courage, and have already battled more than your fair share of issues in life. KEEP THE FAITH! You will overcome this too!!

(oh god, I sound like a weirdo preacher, but I do mean it from the bottom of my heart)

edorice

pressure that put me in the hospital for nearly a month & caused me to retain water resulting in a nearly 100lb weight gain. Right after the birth of my children (and many medications for blood pressure and diaretics later) I dropped 80+lbs in a week. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes & felt amazing.

You lost 80 pounds in a week?

nehtaeh

pressure that put me in the hospital for nearly a month & caused me to retain water resulting in a nearly 100lb weight gain. Right after the birth of my children (and many medications for blood pressure and diaretics later) I dropped 80+lbs in a week. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes & felt amazing.

You lost 80 pounds in a week?

Well, she did have twins, and a lot of water weight. That is totally doable.

bethm1210

I don't have any advice for you, but want to share a story that goes along with taking care of yourself.

My 20 year old daughter is engaged to a great guy. My biggest concern is that he comes from a "large" family - and I'm not talking about the number of siblings and cousins. Her fiance's dad is a wonderful cook, and it shows on everyone. Even my daughter has put on weight since she started dating her fiance. While I love them all dearly, I'm concerned about their health.

Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from my future son-in-law's aunt. My daughter's 52 year old future father-in-law died in his sleep, the day before his son's 21st birthday, less than a month before Christmas, and 6 months before their wedding. They suspect it was a heart attack. His 49 year old wife is now a widow, and my son-in-law's infant nephew won't remember his grandfather. I am heartbroken for everyone. He was a wonderful man and will be sorely missed. I can't say for sure that his premature death was caused by his diabetes and smoking and extra weight, but it sure makes one wonder.

My hope is that the rest of the family will take a look at their eating habits and realize that the choices they make now may have an effect on their loved ones later on. I hope my daughter and her fiance will change some of their habits and make healthier choices. I know they've been trying. I hope his brother and sister-in-law will think of their son, and what it would be like for him to lose a parent when he's just starting his own family.

I also know that when you're young, in your 20's or 30's, 52 seems "old." You think you have lots of time to lose the weight, improve your cholesterol, get in better shape. But the older you get, the harder it is. And when you are the one who's 52, you still have a lot of life ahead of you. You never think that you'll be the one to die an early death. But then, I'm sure my friend didn't think he would, either.

If you love your family, make the effort to be healthy. Do it for them, so they don't have to wonder what life would have been like if you'd been around longer.

Mamoonie

I too have a husband who should lose at least 100lbs, maybe more. He always has headaches, he's on the limit to have high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes (which is in his family anyway). He already made an effort 3 times to lose weight, all of them he lost some 20 lbs, felt better, no headaches anymore, but all 3 times he fell back into old habits and put everything back on. Of course headaches came back...

What can I say? The more I nag, the more he gets stubborn. The more I say, the more he eats.
I started using MFP in August, not telling anybody as I was not sure if I really would stick to it. I started doing stationary bike, which I could not do unseen, so he noticed there was a change somehow. He started asking for fast food, cakes and cookies ever so often, and eating out all the time. Of course that doesn't help with losing weight. Sometimes I manage to bring fast food home for him only, and nothing for me. He notices it and wonders.... He asks for cookies and cakes, I have one pieces, he can have the rest. I do not always manage to be firm in my choice. Sometimes I give in, but I forgive myself.

My recommendation to you is:
Do stay with your healthy choices, for yourself and your kids! Have healthy meals as much as possible, it won't be possible all the time, but that's ok. Do exercise as much as you can, for yourself.
Be egoistic, do it for yourself.
It doesn't help to worry about a husband all the time, making yourself sick about it ( which results in unhealthy choices for yourself very often), because once your hubby has died (worst case) you'll be unhealthy too and on your own...
So watch after yourself and the kids. Leave him out of your health plan.
The more you nag, the more he finds you annoying and his reaction will be the opposite of what you want it to be.

Do what you need to be healthy yourself, then at least there's one healthy person present to watch after your children. Either he gets on the way he does, and you can't help him, or he might just be intrigued by your way and eventually get curious and follow you on the healthy path.
You can't make him change, he has to do it himself. If he doesn't want to, you spend unnecessary energy on trying. He has to want it, and then he'll ask for your help, but as long as he doesn't want to, there's no point in trying to make want it.

At least that's my experience on this.

MM

LotusF1ower

OMG just realized how long winded that was. Forgive me, i'm at work. I have nothing better to do then ramble!! lol

Don't worry about it, it wasn't a boring post it was damned interesting to be honest.

Regarding your original posting, it made me seethe! How dare they!!!!

I am curious to know what they would do if you suddenly flipped your lid and let out a torrent of anger and told them how you really feel?

They are being completely and totally out of order, THEY want you to stop, THEY want you to do what THEY want, hence the MIL bringing crap food and empty calories to your place all the time and your husband eating them in front of you all while.

They are trying to control you, trying to take away any credit you have and are gradually going to chip away at your confidence until it has all gone.

I am so glad you do not crave them like crazy, because if you did, sure as eggs are eggs, you would have given in a while back and be back to your original larger weight.

They are being cruel, you are not, put your foot down, let them know who is boss with regards to the grub in your house. Tell your MIL that junk food is no longer welcome unless you request it.

They are taking the piss out of you, start taking control xxx

kwardklinck

I personally wouldn't want someone going on and on about my eating habits. It would probably cause me to eat more out of spite. Your intentions are good and I completely understand where you're coming from, but it's not changing anything. All you can do is continue your healthy eating, provide healthy snack alternatives at home, and let him watch you get continually healthier and more fit. Making the healthy dinners is good. You could also invite him to go on a walk with you or invite him to go to the gym with you. I am so sorry to hear about the health problems of your twins. I hope your husband finds it in himself to get healthier for his family. What I know about healthy living is, you have to find the motivation in yourself. Nobody else can do it for you.