Chronic Cheating
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He sent them to me too!0
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He sent them to me too!0
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So sending graphic photos and texts is not right ? :noway:
I am not sure about this myself so, you first! You cam PM me. lol0 -
If you're sure that 4 years of emotional cheating happened, I don't know why your friend would stay with this guy. Seems unforgivable.0
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in all seriousness. I have seen many people change when they found God. People the lowest forms of life, in their most time of need found God and changed. So I believe it is possible but unlikely this guy will change. Though I am not a bible thumper, or even go to church for that matter. I am just a believer from the things I have seen in life, however I have also seen many people that let me down.0
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tl;dr
Just break up!0 -
Agreed...If you're sure that 4 years of emotional cheating happened, I don't know why your friend would stay with this guy. Seems unforgivable.
I repeat...get your friend out now! It won't get better. Think about how much it'll suck for her 3 years down the road when they are married and she catches him doing something worse...then theres the separation paperwork...the waiting period...0 -
I've known one or two that have "reformed" but it wasn't because they found God. It was because they found the right person.
This guy reminds me of my ex, who actually said to me once "women are like fruit, you can't just eat pineapple every day, or you'd get sick of it". Some people might cheat until they find the right person, but people like this guy who text and sext10 different girls (and I can almost guarantee he's doing more, because my ex first claimed that's all he was doing), are doing it because of an addiction. These people will never find "the right person", because they actually can't stop cheating.
It could be an addiction. Whether it is or isn't, these two shouldn't stay together.0 -
I thought this was about food. Like, chronically having a cheat item every day, like pizza/beer/cake.
Haha, exactly! So did I. I want to hear about cheat days with food, not relationships. I'm sure there are other forums for that. ;-)0 -
Hmm, seems like your friend, needs your help and support, and a dose of self love. Good luck0
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Hahahah! me too! Sucked in....
Edited: I didn't use the quote option...this is in reference to cheating foods
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People really can change...but it's difficult, even with God. I just hope they give it all time/ effort necessary to effect real change, and don't rush back into things too quickly.0
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I personally couldn't forgive a cheater - it's a deal breaker for me - but I know other people can get over it and move on in their relationships. I get where you're coming from OP because I used to be very protective of my friends (like a mama bear) but have learned to be less so as what other people choose to do is their business.
It sounds like they're doing all the right things. He's getting his own therapy, they're doing couples counseling within their faith and they're giving it time to see how it goes. The only thing I might do is advise her to get herself into individual counseling too. I'm sure she's got some anger and resentment and trust issues that she's dealing with right now and she could use the extra support.0 -
Sending pics is cheating?0
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It is very circumstantial. Some cheaters are just that, cheaters. They can't/won't be faithful to anyone. Others...well who knows. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons.
While I know you want the best for your friend, you can't make her change her mind, any more than you can change how tall she is. Unless she wants to leave the relationship, she won't. Stand back and be prepared to help her if the time comes. Just don't give her an "I told you so", cuz she won't need that....she will know.0 -
Thanks guys! Believe me, I am not a meddling friend. I've been friends with her for 15 years and we are as close as sisters. She asks my opinion because it matters to her---I don't go around telling her what to do! I tell her what I think but I don't tell her what she should do about it. They were two weeks from their wedding day when all of this came out. It's been difficult because it's affected everyone in their lives: family, friends, coworkers...no one saw it coming. They doted on each other and left cute notes and doodles for each other. Their wedding was supposed to be the best and happiest event this year for all of our friends and family. It's made us all doubt our judgment and try to see which red flags we must have missed. I love her to death and I don't want to see our friendship break down because she chooses to marry a POS Dbag.
Sorry to all those who thought this was about food cheating! :P0 -
I hate chronic cheaters!
You're expecting a bag of primo, but instead it's fckin STICKS AND SEEDS!! I mean, c'mon!
wait...
oh.
Nevermind.0 -
Sending pics is cheating?
No.. .No.. not at all.. You want my KIK name ?
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Sending pics is cheating?
No.. .No.. not at all.. You want my KIK name ?
I've been waiting for it since you added me!0 -
A dude that cheats is not happy with his girl. Therefore...the girl needs to get out.
If a dude is not happy with his girl...he cannot just become happy...the girl needs to get out.
In my experience...those who cheat repeatedly cheat until they find someone that they don't want to cheat on. She is obviously not that dude's someone...move on.
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Ok guys. My friend's fiancee was recently revealed to have been cheating on her for the entirety of their relationship (almost 4 years). He claims not to have done anything physically but he did send graphic photos and texts to at least ten other women. In coming to terms with this, they are going through counseling with their pastor, he is getting help from a psychologist, and their end goal is to get back together if possible.
My question is this: have you ever known a person to chronically cheat, lie and act duplicitously for years....then find God and change permanently? I don't trust him to change for good. I don't believe he won't pull this again in a few years after the ring is on her finger. Do any of you have success stories? All I hear is one or two time screw ups that made good. I have no faith in him.
And while I realize that it isn't my relationship, I love this girl more than my sisters and I hate seeing her go through all this pain. I am fiercely protective of her because she is forgiving to a fault and has been cheated on by almost all of her boyfriends. I'm not meddling, I'm just trying to form an opinion of the situation!
1) yes. i have known someone to stop cheating. but this is usually after leaving the person they were cheating on. I have known one instance where a guy cheated for a while and reconciled. They are still together a year and a half later. I have no idea if he has started cheating again or not. I assume he has not.
2) God really has nothing to do with the ability to be a good person. If this guy uses faith as motivation, then that is great. But I know a few religious people who aren't the most moral.
3) You can warn her, and express concern - but don't push it. If you do, you might push her away. The best thing you can do is be there for her if this happens again.
This is spot on and the best course of action in my opinion.0 -
Also, I think he could change, but she is apparently not worth it for him, so not for her.
And I also thought this would be about food.
My experience (after a long 4 years with a woman who couldn't resist cheating on me, over and over), is that people can change, but it took her finding someone other than myself to be faithful to. Unfortunate because I loved her, but it sounds like these two just aren't compatible. Nothing worse than being in a one sided relationship.0 -
From experience, said above, they say they are in love with SO or spouse, but they DO crave attention.
My husband cheated on me with a girl at the apt building he worked at. She would put her bathing suit on and go out in a field where he could see her and get sun. I guess they became too friendly. I had 3 kids and no job. I was hurt but didn't want him to go. It was painful for a couple of years. I brought it up a lot in the course of arguing. Well, needless to say after two years, he did it again. Yep, again at work but his location was moved.
I could not believe it, Not again. I was not recovered from #1. I went through the darkest depression imaginable. A nervous breakdown and many, many psych drugs. I lived numb for years. I had moved out a while and then I came back. I threw him out. He now lives in a small rental house of ours and I live at home with my oldest son. We get along better now than ever. We never divorced. He is my best friend and we do everything together except sleep under the same roof. It works.
And yes, the business about GOD, my husband was a Sunday school teacher and would fill in for our pastor when he was on vacation. He has also gone back to reading his bible everyday. It is for releaving the guilt.
He has finally outgrown it at 60. They do say, "Once a cheat, always a cheat". So true.0 -
The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.
She should really move on. More power to him for wanting to change, and she can forgive, but that doesn't mean she has to continue the relationship. She'll always wonder in the back of her mind what is going on. She deserves someone who is crazy about her and makes her his priority.0 -
nah i dont think he will change - he was bored to start with they should just split now
not a slight against the dude, but I'm sure he would be happier doing his own thing anyways *shrug*
I initially thought this was a troll - if it is, its an excellent troll0
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