Finding my Beautiful

Jened13

Mirrors are such a tricky *****. In one way they are a real asset...nobody wants to have their dress tucked in their underwear or the giant piece of poppy-seed in your front teeth, the inch long hag hair that someone from across the room could see......It protects you and gives you the one last look before you present yourself to the world. They can be discreet and small, floor to ceiling, or multi angle. They leave no stone unturned in the reflection department. In reverse though, they are such a terrible thing to have. You obsess about how your back fat looks in that dress...which you didn't even know was there until you took a visit to the mirror. You have the lighted mirror to inspect your age spots and wrinkles as they form and swear to have seen a difference from day to day....not for the better. You avoid or try to have the cloudy build up of the shower last long enough to get dressed because the idea of standing naked in the mirror is overwhelming to you. Oh and DEAR GOD if you have one in your bedroom and happen to get even a glance of yourself in a compromising position (It changed my love for certain positions DRASTICALLY)



I saw this post this morning and was mortified at the idea of it. I mean it would probably work, but what an AWFUL thing to do to yourself. I am always in awe of a woman who 'society' may not put into the pretty box, but she just OWNS IT and loves what she is looking at. She is confident and powerful in that. She isn't lacking socially or with whomever her recommended gender is for a partner. Her confidence is sexy. When I was single I would always play off the idea that I was not the reason that a man would be coming to my circle of friends. I am cursed and blessed with two amazingly beautiful best friends. So they would bring the men in and I would take on my role. I have a lot of male friends so I can hang with the boys. They are impressed with my knowledge of sports, my overall joking manner puts a lot of guys at ease. My wit and charm might be enough to woo a few.....the boobs help too. I am the funny fat chick. One night while out-of-town with a friend I decided to take on an alter ego. We thought "why not?"....we weren't going to be meeting our soul mates that night and just wanted to have fun. By the end of the evening, I literally had someone begging for my number....on hands and knees. It was CRAZY how much more men were attracted to me. Olive, an entrepreneur from Seattle was a sassy, sexy, confident women that people wanted to know. I loved every minute of it. I attempted to try to do that with good old Jen when I got home, but it wasn't the same. That's not me. I am not confident and comfortable in my skin. I struggle every day getting ready to look in the mirror at a person that I don't like. I hate almost all pictures I am in. I compare myself to everybody else and NEVER measure up. This I am sure is part of the reason I am this size. I am my worst enemy in so many ways.

I decided that I would try taking a baby step (well it was pretty big for me) in the right direction. I stood in front of the mirror this morning buck *kitten* naked and forced myself to find 10 things that I liked about the way I looked. I was astonished at how long it took me to do what seemed like a simple task. That is how far my self-hatred has gone. It's sad really. If you asked me about my personality or characteristics that I like I could probably list several things. I am a good person, with a good heart and I am okay with who I am....sometimes I would say even proud (there were times it wasn't looking good for me). When it comes to appearance I am not even close....I put so much on appearance too. It's the cover to the book. It's what draws a person in. As much as you can say "don't judge by the cover", you can't help what your attracted to. I am just as guilty of doing it to the opposite sex. The guy on his knees begging for my number was 5'6" and too short for me. I wouldn't even give him a chance. He may have been amazing, but because he didn't fit into the package that I generally attract to, I never got to see. I wonder though if he had a bit of the "Olive" attitude I would have been drawn to him??? So in order to get to there with just Jen, I start with a list (because I am a list girl)

Things I like about myself when I look in the mirror
1.My dimples
2.My Eyes
3.My Boobs
4.Small Ankles
5.My freckles on my shoulders
6.Clear skin on my face
7.My ears
8.My Clover tattoo on my left calf
9.My legs from the external side
10.My hands

I will try to focus on these attributes instead of what I normally do. I will take a minute each morning to do this. Hopefully after time it won't be such a chore....Hey I may even add to the list.

I challenge all of you to do the same. I would love to hear what your ten things are. You may even surprise yourself. I did. Embrace your beautiful!!!

Also, I have a confession. I weighed myself today. I was waiting for my yoga class and the scale was calling to me. I couldn't resist. I figured if my will power was going to cave on something though, I would rather it be that then cookies. The number was headed in the right direction though, which made me feel good. I had to come clean after the 30 day plan. I will do my best to not weigh again until that time. This blog is full transparency, so I didn't want to hide it.

www.rejenuvate.com

jms1739

What a wonderful, positive idea. It takes less time to see all our faults then it does to see what is wonderful about us. So here is my list, that I am going to work on each morning, so I don't focus on the fact that my thighs don't seem to want to go down like the rest of me does. LOL.

1. My hair color( thankfully at 46 I don't have any grays and I don't color my hair)
2. My eyes, ( I love my eye color)
3. My skin tone
4. My butt.
5. My curves.

Thank you for this wonderful Idea. We all need to work on self love.

ingeborgv

Absolutely love this idea! My list:

1. My eyes
2. My smile
3. My legs (mid-thigh to ankles)
4. My collarbone
5. I have really great posture
6. My butt
7. My hands
8. My toned upper arms
9. My high cheekbones
10. My hair

Jened13

I love your lists ladies. You are both beatuiful!

monie5903

You are awesome! I used to hate to look at myself in the mirror, especially when I wasn't seeing all the changes others were. Every time I shower, I stand naked in the mirror and observe my body for what it is. I'm going to start making a list too!

As you get to know your body in it's natural state, you too will begin to see the changes. One day when I was doing tabata class in the gym, I noticed my arm had a slight sign of definition. I was sure to let my tranier know the next session that the gun show is starting to show up slowly lol. I now notice how my tummy is shrinking as well as back fat.

Now that I'm more comfortable with me, at work my coworkers tease me because anytime we walk past a window I'm staring at myself. My favorite is staring at my butt as I turn a corner. They get such a kick out of my newfound confidence. I honestly feel like I've worked too hard, and come too far, for anyone to tell me I'm fat, ugly, etc. If only they knew our stories and what we're striving for. I respcet those who inquire in a respectful manner so they can hear my story.

No more being the funny, fat chick. I'm just choosing to be me and grow :-)

1) My eyes
2) My chipmunk cheeks
3) My oversized calves
4) My collarbones
5) My brolic neck lol
6) The twinge of definition in my arm
7) My belly I love to rub (cause I'm saying goodbye to it! lol)
8) My smile
9) All my beauty marks
10) My 2nd toe that goes over the big toe lol

RebeccaMaunder

This is such an awesome idea. My husband when we first met, did this same exercise with me... standing me naked in front of a mirror I was horrified. He however did not see what I was seeing and told me some really beautiful things. Since then I have come up with some that I like.

1.My eyes- they really tell you everything about me, plus they change colors it is cool
2. my nose
3. my hair I have really really curly hair
4. my birth mark on my hand
5.my hips- though I can't wait for it all to be smaller I will always have big hips and I like that because it makes me feel like a woman.

s0cktopus

I still have a long way to go until I'm able to point out what I like about myself, zero self esteem over here. But I'm trying, the more I try the more I'm gradually becoming okay with my body, gotta start somewhere I guess. I admire all of you, and look up to those like yourselves who are comfortable with your bodies, it's what I aspire to be like someday

1. My thigh tattoo

Raaneve

Jen, you are both brilliant and beautiful.

This is by far the best and most uplifting "motivational" post I have read, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so open and honest in writing it. I've been having a rough time recently, and your post made my day.

When I was a teenager (just barely 14) I got in a nasty car accident, and my face tangled with the windshield of the vehicle I was in. The windshield won that fight, carved my face up and left me with scars and memories that have taken decades to fade. As you can probably guess, as a very young girl just starting on the road to womanhood that major facial injury wreaked havoc with my self image and esteem, and was a very long, very dark time in my life.

Happily after much struggling I have learned to work with what I've got, love who I am and how I look, but I can't deny that I wish I had had someone like you to help me through those times, someone who encourages people to see the beauty in themselves, not just the mess they think they are. Sometimes people still ask me what happened to my face (the scar across the bridge of my nose is still the most immediately noticeable, and I do a good job of minimizing the rest), but it no longer causes me to hide in mortification because I *thought* I would never be what people consider traditionally "pretty".

Time and some maturity have gone a long way towards helping me accept myself, and I'm usually a cheerful and outgoing person, but there are still days when the old ghosts haunt me and cause pain and self doubt.

So again, kudos to you Jen, for reminding me that the continuing struggle to find self acceptance has been hard but worthwhile.

Some things I like about me, and have fought so hard to achieve?

1) My smile is genuine, and goes happily all the way to my eyes.

2) The quirky little scar across my nose. I have leaned to love it, because it gives me character.

3) My physical strength. I'm not a little waif of a girl... I've got hard earned muscles and I know how to use them! My friends tease me regularly about the fact that I'm brawnier and more powerful than most guys we know... but nobody guesses until they see me haul something heavy! lol!

4) My nice little feet. Size 6 (Because cute shoes are irresistible!)

5) I'm proportionate for my height. Nothing too long, nothing too short.

It has taken the greater part of my adult life to find these few simple things, and I feel humbled and grateful that your post has reminded me that life *is* good, no matter how I look or what others think of it.

Thanks Jen. You so rock. *hug!!*