I don't know how to date...

SunKissed1989
SunKissed1989 Posts: 1,312 Member
Ok, so I'm ready to put myself out there after being single for 2 and a half years. I've been really busy with my postgrad degree over the last 2 years so dating has been the last thing on my mind. However, a friend of mine recently suggested that I would get along with a friend of hers so I added him on Facebook toward the end of last year, but that's it really. We've never met, but he seems to be a really nice guy and I would like to meet him in person for a few drinks or something.

However, the idea of 'dating' kinda scares me, mainly because I've never really done it before. My last relationship was kind of a whirlwind - we became bf/gf after about 3 days and it was long distance, so we only saw each other every few months. It lasted 3 and a half years.

I just want a few pointers on how to ask someone out, how the dating process works, how to get to know the guy better etc...
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Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,743 Member
    the cool thing is you can make your own rules. If you want to ask someone out, go for it. Do it your way. There's no one set of rules...just go with it and see what feels right.

    Obviously you probably wanna steer clear of coming on too strong w/ calls, texts, etc, and expecting the kind of dramatic beginning where you hang out daily after that one great date...but take the power into your own hands when you feel comfortable. Just do that -- then put the ball in the other person's court now & then to ensure interest :-)

    Things vary pretty widely from person to person, even among people of the same ages and life stages. With every person you date, it's a whole new situation. What is normal to one person could be super weird to another...but if they like you, they'll even like weird.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,344 Member
    girl this ain't rocket science :laugh:

    you just go out and so stuff together.

    find common interests and activities and do those . while doing those get to know them by asking them questions about themself and they do the same,.. you discuss those answers, etc.
    if you're both attracted to each other physically, emotionally, mentally then it's good if you aren't then that's OK too, just move on to another person for dating.

    beginning dates should be easy, breezy and fun - however the two of you define fun.

    as far as how to ask someone out "hi, do you want to XYZ with me?" works pretty well.
  • kxbrown27
    kxbrown27 Posts: 769 Member
    Guys are really simple creatures, so make the first date something simple, like lunch or coffee. When you ask him, you should say something like, "hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?" This short time together will allow you to ask him some questions to see what you have in common. Then maybe ask him to do one of those things with you.

    Really. It's that easy. And don't get discouraged if he says no. He's one guy out of about 100 million that would like to go on a date with you.
  • yellowlemoned
    yellowlemoned Posts: 335 Member
    Think of the way you would invite a friend to go do something. Say that, but maybe a little less informal.

    My first rule for dating is to ignore all the stupid rules people have made up. Just go have fun and hang out like you would with friends. You'll learn a lot more about each other that way, and it's a lot less stressful than worrying about following all these guidelines.

    If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. There's no rush to find My Right and there is nothing wrong with seeing a few Mr Right Now's along the way.
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    1. "Would you like to get a drink/food sometime?"

    2. Go get drinks/food

    3. Ask questions and talk to him to learn more about him


    it's not difficult, don't psych yourself out
  • The_Enginerd
    The_Enginerd Posts: 3,973 Member
    Tip 1: Do not wear crazy cat lady shirts.
  • MikeCrazy
    MikeCrazy Posts: 2,716 Member
    Tip 2: Do kiss him (even a peck) goodnight, if you like him.

    Guys are pretty oblivious most of the time, and the chances of the average guy picking up on subtle hints is pretty nil...LOL
  • SunKissed1989
    SunKissed1989 Posts: 1,312 Member
    Thanks guys.

    I know it sounds really basic, but I've just never gone through the process of dating and feel a little out of my league. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I lack confidence in a lot of things so this is really out of my comfort zone but it's probably what I need so I can get used to it.

    The_Enginerd...what exactly is a crazy cat lady shirt??:laugh:
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,051 Member
    Guys are really simple creatures, so make the first date something simple, like lunch or coffee. When you ask him, you should say something like, "hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?"

    Is that a euphemism?
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,534 Member
    Thanks guys.

    I know it sounds really basic, but I've just never gone through the process of dating and feel a little out of my league. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I lack confidence in a lot of things so this is really out of my comfort zone but it's probably what I need so I can get used to it.

    The_Enginerd...what exactly is a crazy cat lady shirt??:laugh:

    12c5_grumpy_kitty.jpg
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
    It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.
  • MikeCrazy
    MikeCrazy Posts: 2,716 Member
    Thanks guys.

    I know it sounds really basic, but I've just never gone through the process of dating and feel a little out of my league. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I lack confidence in a lot of things so this is really out of my comfort zone but it's probably what I need so I can get used to it.

    "Everyone has flaws, what makes yours so much worse than someone else?" What that quote means, is that you have no need to lack esteem for your self. You are a human being, a woman, and someone who is attracting guys. Ignorance or lack of practice doesn't make you any less of a person, nor less attractive to many guys. Keep your chin up, and go get em tigress. :tongue:
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,344 Member
    It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

    no sammiches on the first date
  • tristan299
    tristan299 Posts: 2,537 Member
    Tip 2: Do kiss him (even a peck) goodnight, if you like him.

    Guys are pretty oblivious most of the time, and the chances of the average guy picking up on subtle hints is pretty nil...LOL

    Spot on man, i am so crap at reading signs. No wonder i have be divorced twice. Ladies please if we ever meet on a date tell me you hate me, dont let me guess. lol
  • SunKissed1989
    SunKissed1989 Posts: 1,312 Member
    Haha, this has put a massive smile on my face tonight - cheers for the tips and laughs :smile:

    Just gotta stop psyching myself out and do it!
  • tristan299
    tristan299 Posts: 2,537 Member
    Hey take the bull by the horns, you want to date a guy/girl ask. Whats they worse thing that can happen, they say no! BFD. seize the chance kid, you may end up like me if you dont. And trust me, that's worse than a knock back.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
    It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

    no sammiches on the first date

    Then it''s just hooking up. Sammiches make it legit.
  • CaddieMay
    CaddieMay Posts: 356 Member
    "hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?"
    You should wear a t-shirt with this quote on it.
  • kerrymaas
    kerrymaas Posts: 11 Member
    To get something you've never had you have to do something you've never done...step outside of your comfort zone. Remember that in life a person that is willing to grasp the concept that change is inevitable, and that delighting in new experiences will allow a person to delight in life overall, is a person that will see much more success than the person who is not willing to step out of their comfort zone, and that is resistant to change and taking risks.
  • It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

    no sammiches on the first date

    Then it''s just hooking up. Sammiches make it legit.

    lol!!!! oooooh…. a picnic and nooky!!!!