I don't know how to date...

SunKissed1989

Ok, so I'm ready to put myself out there after being single for 2 and a half years. I've been really busy with my postgrad degree over the last 2 years so dating has been the last thing on my mind. However, a friend of mine recently suggested that I would get along with a friend of hers so I added him on Facebook toward the end of last year, but that's it really. We've never met, but he seems to be a really nice guy and I would like to meet him in person for a few drinks or something.

However, the idea of 'dating' kinda scares me, mainly because I've never really done it before. My last relationship was kind of a whirlwind - we became bf/gf after about 3 days and it was long distance, so we only saw each other every few months. It lasted 3 and a half years.

I just want a few pointers on how to ask someone out, how the dating process works, how to get to know the guy better etc...

seltzermint555

the cool thing is you can make your own rules. If you want to ask someone out, go for it. Do it your way. There's no one set of rules...just go with it and see what feels right.

Obviously you probably wanna steer clear of coming on too strong w/ calls, texts, etc, and expecting the kind of dramatic beginning where you hang out daily after that one great date...but take the power into your own hands when you feel comfortable. Just do that -- then put the ball in the other person's court now & then to ensure interest :-)

Things vary pretty widely from person to person, even among people of the same ages and life stages. With every person you date, it's a whole new situation. What is normal to one person could be super weird to another...but if they like you, they'll even like weird.

meshashesha2012

girl this ain't rocket science :laugh:

you just go out and so stuff together.

find common interests and activities and do those . while doing those get to know them by asking them questions about themself and they do the same,.. you discuss those answers, etc.
if you're both attracted to each other physically, emotionally, mentally then it's good if you aren't then that's OK too, just move on to another person for dating.

beginning dates should be easy, breezy and fun - however the two of you define fun.

as far as how to ask someone out "hi, do you want to XYZ with me?" works pretty well.

kxbrown27

Guys are really simple creatures, so make the first date something simple, like lunch or coffee. When you ask him, you should say something like, "hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?" This short time together will allow you to ask him some questions to see what you have in common. Then maybe ask him to do one of those things with you.

Really. It's that easy. And don't get discouraged if he says no. He's one guy out of about 100 million that would like to go on a date with you.

yellowlemoned

Think of the way you would invite a friend to go do something. Say that, but maybe a little less informal.

My first rule for dating is to ignore all the stupid rules people have made up. Just go have fun and hang out like you would with friends. You'll learn a lot more about each other that way, and it's a lot less stressful than worrying about following all these guidelines.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. There's no rush to find My Right and there is nothing wrong with seeing a few Mr Right Now's along the way.

baba_helly

1. "Would you like to get a drink/food sometime?"

2. Go get drinks/food

3. Ask questions and talk to him to learn more about him


it's not difficult, don't psych yourself out

The_Enginerd

Tip 1: Do not wear crazy cat lady shirts.

MikeCrazy

Tip 2: Do kiss him (even a peck) goodnight, if you like him.

Guys are pretty oblivious most of the time, and the chances of the average guy picking up on subtle hints is pretty nil...LOL

SunKissed1989

Thanks guys.

I know it sounds really basic, but I've just never gone through the process of dating and feel a little out of my league. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I lack confidence in a lot of things so this is really out of my comfort zone but it's probably what I need so I can get used to it.

The_Enginerd...what exactly is a crazy cat lady shirt??:laugh:

_Waffle_

Guys are really simple creatures, so make the first date something simple, like lunch or coffee. When you ask him, you should say something like, "hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?"

Is that a euphemism?

nutmegoreo

Thanks guys.

I know it sounds really basic, but I've just never gone through the process of dating and feel a little out of my league. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I lack confidence in a lot of things so this is really out of my comfort zone but it's probably what I need so I can get used to it.

The_Enginerd...what exactly is a crazy cat lady shirt??:laugh:

SunofaBeach14

It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

MikeCrazy

Thanks guys.

I know it sounds really basic, but I've just never gone through the process of dating and feel a little out of my league. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I lack confidence in a lot of things so this is really out of my comfort zone but it's probably what I need so I can get used to it.

"Everyone has flaws, what makes yours so much worse than someone else?" What that quote means, is that you have no need to lack esteem for your self. You are a human being, a woman, and someone who is attracting guys. Ignorance or lack of practice doesn't make you any less of a person, nor less attractive to many guys. Keep your chin up, and go get em tigress.

meshashesha2012

It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

no sammiches on the first date

tristan299

Tip 2: Do kiss him (even a peck) goodnight, if you like him.

Guys are pretty oblivious most of the time, and the chances of the average guy picking up on subtle hints is pretty nil...LOL

Spot on man, i am so crap at reading signs. No wonder i have be divorced twice. Ladies please if we ever meet on a date tell me you hate me, dont let me guess. lol

SunKissed1989

Haha, this has put a massive smile on my face tonight - cheers for the tips and laughs

Just gotta stop psyching myself out and do it!

tristan299

Hey take the bull by the horns, you want to date a guy/girl ask. Whats they worse thing that can happen, they say no! BFD. seize the chance kid, you may end up like me if you dont. And trust me, that's worse than a knock back.

SunofaBeach14

It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

no sammiches on the first date

Then it''s just hooking up. Sammiches make it legit.

CaddieMay

"hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?"

You should wear a t-shirt with this quote on it.

kerrymaas

To get something you've never had you have to do something you've never done...step outside of your comfort zone. Remember that in life a person that is willing to grasp the concept that change is inevitable, and that delighting in new experiences will allow a person to delight in life overall, is a person that will see much more success than the person who is not willing to step out of their comfort zone, and that is resistant to change and taking risks.

DaughterOfTheMostHighKing

It's pretty easy, really. Sammiches, sex, sammiches, sex, sex, sammiches, sex.

no sammiches on the first date

Then it''s just hooking up. Sammiches make it legit.

lol!!!! oooooh…. a picnic and nooky!!!!

BlondeButtercup127

"hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?"

You should wear a t-shirt with this quote on it.

Agreed! :laugh:

seltzermint555

Tip 2: Do kiss him (even a peck) goodnight, if you like him.

Guys are pretty oblivious most of the time, and the chances of the average guy picking up on subtle hints is pretty nil...LOL

I agree with this! A peck kiss, a goodnight hug, and/or touches on the forearm and/or shoulder while chatting are really good ways to help a guy know you're attracted to him. Many guys need that nudge I have found, especially if you're not a naturally affectionate and flirty woman. I know I'm pretty physically affectionate with guys I am already in a relationship with, but have a very modest and maybe even (CRINGE) businesslike demeanor on first dates so yeah...what he said!

SunKissed1989

"hey would you like to *insert activity here* on Saturday?"

You should wear a t-shirt with this quote on it.

I'm going to make this shirt now.......no, not with a sharpie.

*ordering*

Should get one for each day of the week...and wear them on top of each other :laugh:

kxbrown27

Hey take the bull by the horns, you want to date a guy/girl ask. Whats they worse thing that can happen, they say no! BFD. seize the chance kid, you may end up like me if you dont. And trust me, that's worse than a knock back.

This is the best piece of advise ever given on the internet.

red66stang

The easiest way to meet him is ask your mutual friend to host a relaxed group activity like a BBQ, watching a sporting event, etc. that you both go to. Put on some cute clothes, have a couple cocktails, and just talk with him. If you like him and there is chemistry you can ask him out at the end of the night if he doesn't do it first.

So_Much_Fab

However you choose to go about it, I wouldn't get in a situation like you described your last "relationship"...commitment after a few dates and long distance to boot. I don't know how often you spent time together but if it wasn't very often then it really wasn't a real relationship (especially considering you really didn't know one another to begin with).

Just get out there, get involved with things you enjoy, and start meeting people. And if you're feeling insecure, fake it 'till you make it!

ETA I re-read your OP and saw how often you saw the last guy.

americangirlok

Best thread ever. OP- I totally hear ya on this one.

Veil5577

Why not wear a crazy cat lady T shirt? That's really all I own.. and if the guy likes cats he's almost a winner with me.

MisterZ33

Dont know how much advice i could offer up. ive been with the same girl since i was 20, so not a lot of dating experience here.

but i will tell you that be yourself, dont spend the whole evening talking about just yourself, and most important, pick an activity where there is a lot of interaction, i.e., dont go to the movies...

as another poster mentioned above, if it feels right, go in for the kiss - dont make him wonder whether he should or not.

shadowofender

Don't worry about what other people think or what norms are, or any of that. I've never been the kind of woman to sit back and wait for someone to chase me, if I like someone, I tell them. It stops being so scary after a bit, but honestly that adrenaline moment before you say something is kinda cool.

And like someone else said, what's the worst that can happen?

Pick a date where you can really get to know someone, and just...be yourself.