disabled 2 iraqi campaign combat vet...fat and need help.

pelaccioiniraq

hey gang. i hope someone actually reads this because i have been an emotional wreck the last few years. lol i looked at MFP for the first time in a great while and im like 50lbs heavier than i was when i found out about the app years ago!

anyways, ill try to keep the flow positive, i am emotionally all over the charts, some days up some down, im being put out on medical discharge from army, i damaged my back and have 5 herniated disks. life came to a screeching halt, and now the breaks are frozen on. i have gone from a young buck 115 at 19 to 215 at 26. i have been over 185 since 23. i am just done being fat. the gut keeps growing and my legs are hella fat. i didnt even know legs on a man could get fat. my personal area has shrunk and my drive in that dept has gone way down. having an extra 100lbs im sure doesnt help my back either. i have always been so self confidant and spunky now i am just like. eh. meh. blah. f*uck this. tried the diets, tried altering my foods to "real" and "whole" foods. not sticking. my wife has also gained weight, but only like 20 not 100 lol. neither of us are active and we have no kids. both work full time but have time to spare most days went to a gym with a friend for a while until he bailed when i was feeling great. honestly i am not a self starter in this area. not looking to be a mopey bi*ch but sorry, had to do an emotional dump to feel clean about starting my new life. i have tried before, but something gets in the way. i cant say ill stick to it, but *kitten* being fat. this is gross and i feel gross and dont see me when i look in the mirror.

ALSO im trying to get back into running, i never enjoyed it but never really mind it either. if you are in the greater sacramento ca area and want to take a fat guy running, im down. sounds weird i know, but im just a guy. i have my own business making ammunition, maybe i can bribe you. thats actually a good idea. i might try that locally.

Sharon_C

Have you watched the YouTube video "Never, ever give up. Arthur's Inspirational Transformation"

When I read your post it reminded me of you. Arthur is also a disabled combat vet, overweight and was told he would never walk without crutches. Watch the video and I promise you will be inspired. If Arthur can do it, so can you. You just need to dig deep to find the strength to do it. Schedule gym sessions like a doctors appt. Put it on your calendar and just go because you have to. After awhile you'll be going because you want to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

pelaccioiniraq

about to check that vid out ASAP. that seems legit. my old man lost his leg when i was a kid. they didnt have high hopes for him, but he does everything everyone else does...except like...run. but he has ridden my motorcycle even lol. was a funny site. thank you so much. i have become emotionally crippled and bitter and come off like an A hole, defense mechanism i guess but im trying to turn it around.

brianpperkins

http://www.sportsonearth.com/video/v34683809/the-story-of-a-wounded-warrior-on-the-mend

healthygreek

Bump for later.

Sharon_C

about to check that vid out ASAP. that seems legit. my old man lost his leg when i was a kid. they didnt have high hopes for him, but he does everything everyone else does...except like...run. but he has ridden my motorcycle even lol. was a funny site. thank you so much. i have become emotionally crippled and bitter and come off like an A hole, defense mechanism i guess but im trying to turn it around.

You didn't come off bitter to me at all. You've been through a lot and of course there's going to be some emotional damage. You might want to consider some of the resources the VA offers. Get some counseling--just someone to talk things through. It helps a ton.

Exercise is really good for depression too (not saying you suffer from depression but I'm guessing that's where some of the bitterness is coming from). Exercise is great for lifting your spirit.

Actually, exercise is great for everything--body, mind and soul. It's just getting up and doing it that's hard at first.

Good luck to you! Keep us posted.

ETA: Thank you for your service! :flowerforyou:

FatFreeFrolicking

I think your problem is that you feel sorry for yourself. That mindset will get you nowhere.

You need to find out your TDEE/BMR. Use the calculator here: http://iifym.com/tdee-calculator/.

Also, maybe you should look into psychiatric counseling to learn coping strategies to deal with your emotions.

Smart_Beautiful_and_Strong

Have you watched the YouTube video "Never, ever give up. Arthur's Inspirational Transformation"

When I read your post it reminded me of you. Arthur is also a disabled combat vet, overweight and was told he would never walk without crutches. Watch the video and I promise you will be inspired. If Arthur can do it, so can you. You just need to dig deep to find the strength to do it. Schedule gym sessions like a doctors appt. Put it on your calendar and just go because you have to. After awhile you'll be going because you want to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

This is amazing! DDP Yoga

LAT1963

I think your problem is that you feel sorry for yourself. That mindset will get you nowhere.

Wow. Talk about able-ism....

How's your access to the VA going? Do you have access to medical care yet?

It's okay to feel sorry for yourself. Seriously. You have my permission. You are a disabled combat vet and you are *entitled* to your feelings about the situation.

And, while feeling sorry, you can also take action to improve your situation--which you've started by asking for help. Go you! You may be retired now, but you will always be a soldier--a problem-solver--case proven.

You've probably noticed by now that everything takes a little longer when you are disabled. That will be true of getting back in shape, too.

When you have access to medical care, you'll want to ask them to check all your hormone levels. Either from battlefield exposures or from normal random stuff you would have gotten without military service, your mood etc. could be affected if your hormones, such as thyroid levels or cortisol levels, are out of spec. If you feel certain body parts have "shrunk", it's probably because fat creates that illusion, though it also can produce estrogen. Anyway, toss testosterone onto the hormone list of things to look at.

You could also have an undiagnosed chemically-based psychiatric problem such as depression bipolar disease--which can interfere with your coping with your physical disabilities. So you will want to be checked for those. About 40% of Americans meet the criteria for a diagnosis of "clinical depression" at some point in their lifetime, and disability can trigger depression--so don't feel alone or strange if you get that diagnosis. And 1-2% of us are bipolar--so there's nothing particularly unusual about that either. People are often eager to jump to "PTSD" for anyone with combat experience, but that's not the only possible diagnosis if your emotions are annoying you. There's also something called "adjustment disorder", for when people have mood swings after a major life change such as becoming disabled, before they learn to compensate for the loss.

Meanwhile (while waiting how-many-months now for your VA coverage to be processed?) consider back-friendly exercises. Walking is always good because it strengthens core muscles in the lower back without a lot of jarring impact. If you can walk without causing nerve irritation (if you don't have spinal stenosis as part of your problems), then walk as much as you are able. You can increase intensity by going uphill, if you need to. I would suggest walking to start out rather than jogging so that you are have less impact on your back at your current weight. As you start to lose weight and feel better you can progress to jogging.

Do you have access to a gym? A recumbent stationary bike might be a good alternative to walking that also spares your back, more than a treadmill would. Consider it as a possible alternative for rainy days.

*IF* you can get access to your VA care, the actual care once you get an appointment is excellent. Use it to your best advantage.

jkal1979

If you feel comfortable enough going to the VA for assistance, they do have a weight management program.

http://www.move.va.gov/

Leenda62

First of all...Thank you for your service. Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time and have paid so dearly. That being said I think it says a lot that you are here and reaching out. Please feel free to add me as a friend for encouragement or I bet there are a lot of people on here that would support your endeavors and with whom you have much more in common. Good luck and I think you are making a great first step. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

FatFreeFrolicking

I think your problem is that you feel sorry for yourself. That mindset will get you nowhere.

Wow. Talk about able-ism....

Excuse me? My comment is in no way discriminating against those with disabilities.

That comment can apply to ANY and EVERYONE- disabled or not. Don't try to turn my post into something it isn't.

Having a pity party isn't going to get this man to the place he wants to be in life- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not everything that happens to us is in our control. Accidents happen, people die, illness strikes. No matter what happens to you, YOU and ONLY YOU get to play the cards you are dealt. YOU choose how you react when you get injured in an accident, lose a parent, or lose your job. Yeah, it sucks but life goes on.

Self-pity is a comforting emotion. It takes zero effort to feel sorry for yourself. However, it takes a HUGE amount of effort to overcome what life throws at you.

This man has plenty to be grateful and happy for. He is ALIVE, he has a wife, he has a job. Sure, gaining weight sucks when you were at a healthy weight your whole life (I gained 100 lbs myself). The good thing is that he is fully capable of taking control of his life and losing the weight he wants to lose.

Lemongrab13

Welcome!

This post. Read it. It's linked everywhere for good reason.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

The fact you have a sense of humour about such sheety circumstances is a great sign that you'll be able to tough out this process.
You just need to get the ball rolling, and that ball might be you :laugh:
I keed, I keed!

Btw why bribe them with ammo when you can use it against them?
RUN WITH THE FAT MAN OR CHEW LEAD, MADAFAKA!

Violence burns calories.

LAT1963

He's not having a pity-party. He's having a legitimate reaction to his life circumstances and using that energy to change those circumstances.

I interpreted your post as de-legitimizing his emotional state.

FatFreeFrolicking

He's not having a pity-party. He's having a legitimate reaction to his life circumstances and using that energy to change those circumstances.

He's been having a pity-party for the past couple years! He admits it in his profile. Clearly that attitude hasn't helped him since he has gained 50+ lbs since getting injured. So no, he actually hasn't been using that energy to change his circumstances.

jenilla1

OP, you just got here and women are already fighting over you!

crys39

LAT1963

He's not having a pity-party. He's having a legitimate reaction to his life circumstances and using that energy to change those circumstances.

He's been having a pity-party for the past couple years! He admits it in his profile. Clearly that attitude hasn't helped him since he has gained 50+ lbs since getting injured. So no, he actually hasn't been using that energy to change his circumstances.

He is using his energy to change his circumstances *now*. "Now" is the important time.

add: it also takes time to physically recover and to figure out where the boundaries are on physical capabilities, after a debilitating injury--all the while responding emotionally to the newly-delinieated edges of the lost capabilities.

add2: disability is not a single-hit from which you go through stages of grief and then recover. It is also a subsequent period of multiple smaller hits every time you attempt to do something and fail because of your debility. The recovery process for each of these smaller insults overlaps, and the continual nature of constant added hassles, and in some cases constant added pain, wears down people's energy and emotional states.

To make matters more confusing, some things that were not possible early in the physical recovery become possible later, so boundaries that failed early on must be retested later--and sometimes re-failed.

Debility is not just "one thing" that happened at a point of time, to get over. It is a *process* that of repeated, emerging new insults to ability and ego that must be worked through over time.

You know that 'stages of the grief' process? You've got that going on, with grief over different triggers all in different grief stages at the same time.

Soldiers are trained to be tough. I'm not surprised to see a soldier label the experience as a pity party. But whether from him, an onlooker, or especially a practitioner, "pity party" is an overly harsh label. This is a necessary adjustment process that takes differing amounts of time for different people.

add3: in any case, HE is ready to move on with his life, and so should we be in this discussion.

jemhh

First off, good for you for deciding to make some changes and putting yourself out there. Second, I'm really sorry about the circumstances--disk issues, etc. That just really sucks.

My advice at this point would be to ease into your lifestyle changes. This isn't because I don't think you can handle them. Rather, in my personal experience, trying to do everything at once is overwhelming and can be discouraging. So the first thing I would do would be to focus on food. Specifically, figure out your calories using the IIFYM TDEE calculator (-20% setting) another calculator. That way you have what you should eat every day without having to log exercise calories. Follow that for a couple of weeks, focusing on calories and protein. Weight loss wise, a calorie is a calorie. So technically speaking you could eat all of your calories in Lucky Charms and beer and still lose weight. However, you would likely find that you wouldn't feel all that great eating just that. A good rule is to attempt 80% "healthy" foods and the rest can be whatever. It is good to keep up on the protein, though, in order to help maintain muscle mass while you lose weight.

Once you are in the swing of things with food, then start really nailing down exercise. I mean, you can go ahead and run now but if you are sitting there feeling overwhelmed, I think diet comes first. And if you prefer walking to running, do that. It's just as good an exercise and you might find it a really good way to spend time with your wife. I know that my husband and I have some of the best conversations while taking walks. There's something about being side by side rather than face to face that makes the conversation flow better.

Anyway, that's my $.02. Best of luck to you!

MKEgal

LAT1963 said

He's not having a pity-party. He's having a legitimate reaction to his life circumstances and using that energy to change those circumstances.
I interpreted your post as de-legitimizing his emotional state.

Yes, what she said.
And what she said in her longer posts too, all of it.

My advice (in addition to her very sensible advice)...:

1 - decide on a healthy goal weight. You're not going to weigh what you did at 19. You're not that person any more.
Here's a BMI chart. You want to be in the green range. For now, aim for the highest weight. When you get there, see how you feel. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll want to be a little lower.
http://www.shapeup.org/bmi/bmi6.pdf

2 - "Most weight loss occurs because of decreased caloric intake. However, evidence shows the only way to maintain weight loss is to be engaged in regular physical activity."
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/physical_activity/index.html
So walk as you're able, but the first thing to do is get your intake under control.
Take that healthy goal weight & multiply by 10. There's your calorie goal. Don't go under 1200. Ignore exercise calories.
The other way to come at it is to multiply your current weight by 10, then subtract 500-1000 to lose 1-2 lb per week.
Don't make any food forbidden, just eat reasonable amounts of it. Try to make most of what you eat healthy, unprocessed, and maybe 20% not-so-healthy. I regularly budget calories for chocolate, or have pizza & a beer.
When you get close to your goal, add in 50 cal & see what happens for a couple weeks, until you're losing 1/2 lb per week.
When you hit your goal, tweak the calories up again so you're not losing weight. Harvard Medical School says it takes 15 cal per pound to maintain weight.

3 - You didn't get here overnight, you're not going to get healthy overnight.
I did a blog post about motivation & encouragement that might help.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MKEgal/view/2014-07-24-motivation-encouragement-680938
Yes, you're going to get frustrated, you're going to have weeks when you lose no weight, but remember that you're doing _something_ to change for the better, no matter how small the step.
If you don't change, you won't change. You'll be stuck where you are, feeling as bad as you feel.
Set small intermediate goals. Take measurements. Take pictures. Weigh yourself regularly & record it. Be flexible. Forgive yourself for being human, and frail, and broken / healing. :flowerforyou: Celebrate the non-scale victories (NSV's) just as much.

4 - Do take advantage of VA services, as soon as you're able to access them.
Maybe their PT people can help you learn some safe limitations on exercise while you heal.
If you have $10 a month, go join your local Planet Fitness. They're open 24-7.

Jdolphin42

I just want to say thank you for your service to our country. I'm sorry to hear about your injuries. I am thankful to have not known injuries such as yours, but I imagine that really impacts you wanting to exercise. You are certainly allowed to feel how you feel. I don't know any overweight person who hasn't had a pity party once in a while! I agree that you need to get in a mindset that you are going to make this happen. Counseling may be the first step. Don't be shy...people these days go to counseling with a whole lot less on your plate. You can do this if you try! Keep us posted on how you're doing!