alcohol abuse

trishalackin

I know that this is maybe inappropriate for this site, but I'm looking for experience/advice. My mother is dying and an alcoholic. I don't know how to handle her (she lives almost 2000 miles away). She is randomly aggressive and mean but at the same time suffering from health issues that make me worry and feel sympathetic. The reason I post this here is that my mother is a huge trigger for me. I often give up my own health goals and go back to old bad habits : binge eating, smoking, drinking after talking to her. I know the logical choice for me is to cut ties, but I also know she will die soon...the thought of letting her go gives me great grief which also triggers bad habits. I'm tired of the cycle....


Thoughts?

sanderbant

Have you considered going to an Al-Anon meeting? There is very little that you can do at this point and sometimes we have to let go of things that are out of our control. I am ot an expert, just to be clear. Good luck, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

RodaRose

The Al Anon group will help you deal.

stephgas

i third finding an alanon meeting. we cannot change other people or their actions; we can only change ourselves. if your mother is dying, it would be very hard for you to cut her out of your life - i understand that. what are the things you can change? you can stop talking to your mother; you can change your health goals and/or habits; or you can change how you react to her.

easier said than done, i know. alanon and/or counseling can really help us learn how to change our reactions. always put yourself first. if you're not happy and healthy, you're not help to anyone else.

alyssa_6481

I definitely support the alanon idea as well as counseling and to continue both after her death.

You can also try keeping the conversation positive when you talk with her. I am not sure if she has always been aggressive/mean or if this is new since she is dying. She could be having a very hard time coping with the thought of death herself and be projecting that onto you. Think about what actions you can handle as far as communicating with her, if you feel that reaching out to her and doing the best you can is the only way you will be able to cope after her death, then do that. Think ahead to how you will feel when she is gone so you decrease the chance of thinking "I should have called more, or I should have been nicer, etc" when she is gone.

Meet her where she is at. Let her know it must be hard and that you can't imagine what she is going through, tell her you want this time to be special and have some positive memories come from it. Ask her if she is willing to help you with that and if so, in what ways?

I do not have a relationship with my own mother due to her drug/alcohol abuse but I know that I cannot for my own sanity (and working in the drug abuse treatment and counseling field it makes it very hard to continue toxic relationships).

Good luck to you!

Alluminati

The Al Anon group will help you deal.

^^