I feel like I'm losing control...

bluecat145

This morning, I weighed myself and I'm down a pound. Even though that wasn't my intention(I was 112 and now I'm 110.6),I felt proud, but strangely motivated to eat more. I planned out my food for the day and I realized I have room for all of my favorite snacks (banana, pudding, and granola bar). The problem was, I wasn't sure how many were in the banana (I don't have a food scale). Usually, if I don't know the exact number I won't eat it. I felt okay with eating it, though. I also felt tempted to eat my snacks between meals instead of at the end of the day. That's unlike me. I can't excercise today, it's raining.
I know it all sounds weird that this bothered me; that I was okay with how I'm eating and am actually looking forward to eating, but it bothers me. I used to restrict a lot, and excercise a lot, and have only recently started eating more. Food was something I had to work for, not a given.
I feel like I'm shifting into my old self, before the weight loss. The one who ate all the time and never excercised. I feel like I'm losing the control I once had. I want that back. I want complete control.
I feel tempted to restrict again and over excercise like I used to. Nothing feels right. I don't feel normal anymore. I feel like I'm either going to fall into severe restriction, or start overeating again.
Sorry for the rant, and if you read this far: thank you. I just don't know what to do. I feel stuck and lost.

sweetnlow30

I really don't have a lot of advice for you but I wanted to offer support since I struggle with many of the same feelings. I should be maintaining but I am somewhat afraid to increase my food every time I see those couple pounds of water weight settling in and I start restricting again. I do have some belly fat left so it's not dangerous, yet. I have had a couple days at maintenance this week and I also feel that sense of losing control and worry all my old habits will come back since I have yo-yo dieted a bit over the last few years. When I start feeling out of control like that I really make an effort to stop and think about what I am doing. I start getting more strict with my food choices and log every bite so I can visually see what my intake is and the potential damage it can do if I don't make better choices. Sometimes it seems to help me get my eating under control but not always. My best advice is not to let one bad day spill over into the next. It can be so hard to get back on track once you start over eatingl. Having control is just as important in maintenance as it was when losing weight, actually more so because you no longer have that cushion of a deficit. Keep logging your food and maybe try reverse dieting where you gradually add 100-200 extra calories a day each week until you hit maintenance. I am doing more of a calorie cycling where I have two high days a week. It's a difficult process for sure. (Hugs)

LorrieGrace88

I have rarely posted since restarting (again:sad: ), but I can really feel the anxiety trying to keep myself in check. I am 56 yrs. old now and have been doing this yo-yoing since I was around 16. With me, it is ALL or NOTHING. If I mess up one day with eating/exercising, I just say to myself that I will restart next week since I blew it. I have OCD and it is hard for me to think like a normal person. Someone else would just say to themselves that tomorrow is a new day or that starting next meal I will eat properly. I also have body issues. When I have made it to goal and my friends are saying how good I look, I don't understand it because I still see the fat me. This time I have started my day with a prayer to do the VERY best I can. I realize now that I should be praying for all those on here because we are all trying to reach healthy eating and exercising patterns. My main problem is that I am having a VERY hard time motivating myself to just get up and do it. So far, I have had very limited success. I am thankful you posted what you did because even though most of those on here have, or had, food/exercise issues and should be there for each other. Just remember that you will be prayed for. I know you can do it. You are brave enough to post. I am still quite scared to post about being unsuccessful about getting it together to exercise. Stay the course and remember courses usually come with twists, turns, bumps, and potholes.

Swiftlet66

Once people achieve a certain goal, sometimes they end up with a "now what?" type of thinking. I'm assuming you've accomplished your weight loss goals and now that you're maintaining, you feel stuck as though you don't have a goal to work towards anymore but at the same time, is afraid of reverting back to the old you. First, please have faith and trust in yourself. Go easy on yourself, allow yourself some slack. You're awesome and you deserve it! Second, food and exercise is great for a healthy life. And although it does take a large part of life, in the end, is it really your entire life? What other things in your life do you look forward to? Who are the people in your life do you love and should spend some more time with? What do you want to achieve? What other goals in your life have you set for yourself that you can focus on?

I'm starting to maintain myself and I kinda understand that feeling; I'm eating more and wondering if I might gain it back. Come fall, I'll be back in college taking biochemistry and organic chemistry while working on the side; I'll be stressed and I'm wondering if I will slack. But you know what, I'm gonna trust that I will continue to keep track of eating healthy and exercise, I'm gonna have faith in the calories/maintenance system, I'm gonna follow it however, I won't make it priority as I've done thus far. I'm gonna move on with life to achieve my other goals. I hope you feel better though; you're still quite young and trust me when I say this, now's the time to enjoy your youth.

firstsip

Is there a way you could talk with a professional? A counselor or therapist?

These feelings, coupled with your post history, is a bit concerning. I'm very glad to see you're no longer restricting, but the unfortunate part of disordered eating (or a full blown ED) is the thought lingering. And the fact that you are feeling "lost" and desiring "complete control" might mean it's time to see someone, at least to talk these thoughts out with someone who can guide you to a healthy place, both physically and mentally. Because, unfortunately, we can't ever have complete control over things about ourselves or our lives. That's a vicious cycle of "never happy" you don't want to get sucked into.

Definitely see someone. And good luck.

dopeysmelly

This morning, I weighed myself and I'm down a pound. Even though that wasn't my intention(I was 112 and now I'm 110.6),I felt proud, but strangely motivated to eat more. I planned out my food for the day and I realized I have room for all of my favorite snacks (banana, pudding, and granola bar). The problem was, I wasn't sure how many were in the banana (I don't have a food scale). Usually, if I don't know the exact number I won't eat it. I felt okay with eating it, though. I also felt tempted to eat my snacks between meals instead of at the end of the day. That's unlike me. I can't excercise today, it's raining.
I know it all sounds weird that this bothered me; that I was okay with how I'm eating and am actually looking forward to eating, but it bothers me. I used to restrict a lot, and excercise a lot, and have only recently started eating more. Food was something I had to work for, not a given.
I feel like I'm shifting into my old self, before the weight loss. The one who ate all the time and never excercised. I feel like I'm losing the control I once had. I want that back. I want complete control.
I feel tempted to restrict again and over excercise like I used to. Nothing feels right. I don't feel normal anymore. I feel like I'm either going to fall into severe restriction, or start overeating again.
Sorry for the rant, and if you read this far: thank you. I just don't know what to do. I feel stuck and lost.

I feel for you OP, but is it really lack of control you're feeling, or just getting used to a new "normal"? Whenever we change something big in our lives, there can be a feeling of loss of control. Lots of people experience this, not just people with body image or ED issues. It takes a while to get used to these strange feelings, and then eventually they do become more normal, and overcoming the strangeness can feel empowering.

You feel you might be losing control because you are eating at different times of the day than in the recent past, but you are staying within your plan, just shifting calories around. Perhaps this is just you adapting to your new healthy normal? Give it time, take a deep breath and stick with your plan.

47Jacqueline

It's relatively easy to be in a restricted diet because we're used to doing it. It's a whole 'nother ball game to stay in one place (up a pound or two, down a pound or two). The first step is to trust the MFP calorie allotment and make sure you have given yourself the right activity level. I started with a sendentary setting and I'm up to very active, so I have much more to eat even without exercising.

I found it very freeing to be able to eat more than when I was on a "diet." It definitely took some time to balance my intake, but now I am in pretty good shape (yuck yuck) calorie-wise).

My self-esteem also took a definite turn for the better once I started trusting myself and acted like I was entitled to the food I ate. I'm not saying it was overnight, but I don't carry around that worry any more.



Personal, Aqua and Group Fitness Instructor
AFAA Personal and Group Fitness Instructor Certificates
Licensed Zumba Instructor
Five years as a Health Professional

tulips_and_tea

Once people achieve a certain goal, sometimes they end up with a "now what?" type of thinking. I'm assuming you've accomplished your weight loss goals and now that you're maintaining, you feel stuck as though you don't have a goal to work towards anymore but at the same time, is afraid of reverting back to the old you. First, please have faith and trust in yourself. Go easy on yourself, allow yourself some slack. You're awesome and you deserve it! Second, food and exercise is great for a healthy life. And although it does take a large part of life, in the end, is it really your entire life? What other things in your life do you look forward to? Who are the people in your life do you love and should spend some more time with? What do you want to achieve? What other goals in your life have you set for yourself that you can focus on?

I'm starting to maintain myself and I kinda understand that feeling; I'm eating more and wondering if I might gain it back. Come fall, I'll be back in college taking biochemistry and organic chemistry while working on the side; I'll be stressed and I'm wondering if I will slack. But you know what, I'm gonna trust that I will continue to keep track of eating healthy and exercise, I'm gonna have faith in the calories/maintenance system, I'm gonna follow it however, I won't make it priority as I've done thus far. I'm gonna move on with life to achieve my other goals. I hope you feel better though; you're still quite young and trust me when I say this, now's the time to enjoy your youth.

Very wise words! Well said, and I agree!

tulips_and_tea

I have rarely posted since restarting (again:sad: ), but I can really feel the anxiety trying to keep myself in check. I am 56 yrs. old now and have been doing this yo-yoing since I was around 16. With me, it is ALL or NOTHING. If I mess up one day with eating/exercising, I just say to myself that I will restart next week since I blew it. I have OCD and it is hard for me to think like a normal person. Someone else would just say to themselves that tomorrow is a new day or that starting next meal I will eat properly. I also have body issues. When I have made it to goal and my friends are saying how good I look, I don't understand it because I still see the fat me. This time I have started my day with a prayer to do the VERY best I can. I realize now that I should be praying for all those on here because we are all trying to reach healthy eating and exercising patterns. My main problem is that I am having a VERY hard time motivating myself to just get up and do it. So far, I have had very limited success. I am thankful you posted what you did because even though most of those on here have, or had, food/exercise issues and should be there for each other. Just remember that you will be prayed for. I know you can do it. You are brave enough to post. I am still quite scared to post about being unsuccessful about getting it together to exercise. Stay the course and remember courses usually come with twists, turns, bumps, and potholes.

I don't know if this will work for you, but re: the "all or nothing" mindset (ex.: I messed up already today! Forget it! I'll start again tomorrow, next week, etc.), someone told me one time: "So, if you get a ticket for speeding on your way to work in the morning are you just going to ignore all the rest of the laws for the rest of the day?" Kind of a different perspective. Helped me; hope it helps you, too!