Friends who tell you you don't need to lose weight

Jwildeboer

To start off, I'm not one of those people who are going around saying "I'm losing weight, etc etc look at me and give me attention"

I have, however, mentioned motivation to lose weight to closer friends. Mainly figuring they'd understand when I don't want to indulge in all the fried food, alcohol, etc quite as much as I did before and figure they would understand when I say hey, I'm just trying to get myself healthy. I'll still eat the stuff, too - just waaaay less of it and not as often. I'm still losing weight that way, and if that changes, I'll cut back more! I'm still living life, can't they just take it that I could be worse off cutting it out all together?

My friends all tell me I don't need to lose weight and I'm crazy for such things. I know they are being nice, but it's almost like negative motivation when I KNOW I NEED to lose weight. It would be cool if instead of "oh live a little and drink another beer" it would be "okay cool, drink to light beer or water, we won't give you crap"

They come out with all the typically things about how medical charts are wrong because "they don't take into consideration muscle mass or frame size" even though I've looked at charts that specifically take that into account when determining my goal weight.

Then they at times will talk about losing a few pounds themselves, when they only have 5 to lose. Thanks, it is okay for you to want to lose 5 lbs when you are in a healthy weight anyway, but when I need to lose 25 lbs just to poke out of the "overweight" BMI category, and 45 lbs to be of average, healthy, middle of the road weight for my height, then I'm the one who is crazy for wanting to lose that much?

I get part of it may be the fact that I've lost near 50 lbs since I was 18, so I do look waaaay better than I once looked. I also get part of it is that they are my friends and are just trying to make me feel better about my current self. It's really just giving the reverse effect, though.

Sorry for the bit of the rant, but it's almost demotivating hearing my friends say I look great and I don't need to lose weight, when I know when I go home and look in the mirror and scale, they are wrong.

I get I probably look at my flaws much more than they do, but how do you keep pushing on when that's the feedback you get?

healthygreek

It's not up to your friends. I say, don't discuss it with people-just DO it. It's no ones business but your own.

VintageFit

I know this.
My coworker who is also a very good friend was super supportive at the beginning and even helped me research etc. and giving me tips because she'd lost weight herself before.
But now after my first success of 20pounds and aiming for the next 20 lost, she suddenly did a turn around and is constantly going 'You don't need to lose anymore, you've already changed sooo much, you already look amazing' thanks I do but y'know I'm still 20 pounds away from a healthy weight anyway!
It's come so far that she will purposely prepare my favourite fatty foods in the kitchen we work at and eat for free to tempt me... -_-

corgicake

Normal and average are out of touch with healthy and have been for a while. What they're really saying is 'you do not need to lose weight to look normal' and they'd be right - most people in the US aren't at a healthy weight. You don't need anyone's approval to buck the group mentality though. One of the perks to already being down a good chunk of weight is that you can start using your size as a reason for what you're doing. That meal is too big for my stomach. I'm already blitzed. My legs get antsy and need to be tired out. Be weird

rawremzilly

I'd suggest being a bit sneaky from here on out. It's still summer so how about instead of going for a coffee or out for a meal you take them out to get Frozen Yoghurt. It's still amazingly tasty but very low in calories. Or instead of going out someplace fancy to eat invite them over to your place where you have control of the evening. Serve only low fat food (they probably won't even taste the difference) and while they all have wine you have sparkling water or juice. Maybe next time instead of going to watch a film you suggest going for a picnic in the park and then taking a walk with them. Again, you can be in control of what you eat in that situation and get some exercise in without it being a big deal and they'll be right there beside you.

Those are just a few suggestions but maybe if you don't bring up the diet in a while but slowly shift the dynamics of the group and how you spend time together then when you do bring it up you can point out 'Well yeah, that Froyo was amazing and fitted in perfectly with my diet!'. They can't protest to that because you ate what they ate, you spent time with them, in no way was your lifestyle forcing them to be uncomfortable etc

Kabiti

I actually had people think I was sick and dying because I lost so much so quickly. (It didn't help that I was taking a lot of sick leave for a related, life altering, but hardly life threatening condition). This was a big reason people who were very supportive turned into semi-supportive friends.

I_need_moar_musclez

It's not up to your friends. I say, don't discuss it with people-just DO it. It's no ones business but your own.

This. I often find that 'friends' who say that you shouldn't lose weight are the first to rib you for putting weight on!

muppetkeeper

Oh, I'm so with you. I was never really big, but could see the weight going on slowly, and this time was determined to go back to a "pretty slim" weight, as i'm a cyclist and pushing fat up a hill on a bike isn't fun. People around me just didn't help.. I too kept it quiet until people noticed I gave up alcohol, and ate quite small portions, but everyone thinks they have an opinion of how much I should weigh.

Still, I carried on without them, I have now hit my target (just this morning!!), and my BMI is just under 22, and most importantly I think I'm the right size now, not anyone else :-)

Now to try to keep it off..... I've reset MFP for 2100 calories a day, and will use it to show me what the right amount of food looks like for a month, then will try to fly solo...

MK

FlowerFairy493

Sounds like my family. I just carry on without telling them. When they ask I tell them I'm not losing. I'm just toning.

kbryandmore

It's not up to your friends. I say, don't discuss it with people-just DO it. It's no ones business but your own.

What she said.

3laine75

They're probably just trying to compliment you.

I used to say this to slimmer friends before I realised (from reading threads on here, actually) that it probably annoys the F out of them.

IHateThinkingOfAUsername

Friends who tell me I don't need to lose weight...don't see me naked.
:laugh:

FindingAmy77

I just keep in mind that the fact of being overweight and over bmi will lead me to an early death via stroke or heart attack. Most people cant judge what a healthy weight should look like because obesity and being overweight is on the rise. Those people also don't realize that just by losing ten lbs, it will greatly reduce your risks of developing diabetes or if you already have it: will be on the path of getting rid of it, reduce high blood pressure, and add years to your life. Not to mention the energy and confidence I have gained from losing. They aren't in your brain when you are standing in front of the mirror, on the scale or at your doctors so unless they are some type of health experts then don't listen to them. Just smile and nod and change the subject. Only talk about your weightloss endeavors with supportive people. It could be a bit of jealousy on their part as well. You never know how people think. Don't let others lead you off your path to success. Stay strong. Do this for your health and your peace of mind.

farmerpam1

My husband is the one with the snarky comments. I just ignore him and eat healthy, he seems to have slowed down on the remarks ,things like, "Do you want to stop and get a bagel? Oh, that's right, you don't eat anymore." Or " So are you turning into an anorexic now?". "You're not fat." Funny thing is, he needs to lose about 50 or so pounds, I don't bug him about it. Hoping my good example will change his mind about his mindless eating habits. I feel great now, that's all that matters. Ignore 'em, I say and stay the course!:laugh:

_Zardoz_

I don't have any friends so it's not a problem ;-)

IHateThinkingOfAUsername

Still, I carried on without them, I have now hit my target (just this morning!!), and my BMI is just under 22, and most importantly I think I'm the right size now, not anyone else :-)

Congratulations!

Meerataila

Friends who tell me I don't need to lose weight...don't see me naked.
:laugh:

This. x1000.

And we're not supposed to respond to someone saying they're on a weight loss plan with, "Yeah, I wasn't going to mention it, but you were getting pretty chubby there, tubby!" So it's the tried and true response to reassure each other that no, we don't need to lose weight, even when we do!

oedipa_maas

I think you understand well why they do it, which is generous of you. They really need to shut their pie hole sometimes; making your weight loss a public topic is getting tiresome for you, and I don't blame you a bit. The only way to really deal with this is to ignore their remarks--thinking to yourself, "That's all well and good, but I'm still sticking to my goals!"--or simply say, "Thanks for your input" every time they start in. Unfortunately sometimes we don't get what we want from the people close to us. They have their own issues, like you said they mean well, they feel guilty about themselves as they watch you succeed….people just have their issues. Don't you give them too much weight, it's their issue, and you keep on keeping on!

Liftng4Lis

Piss on them! You're doing a great job at losing and you just need to remember that you're doing this for yourself, this is an inside job.

smantha32

To start off, I'm not one of those people who are going around saying "I'm losing weight, etc etc look at me and give me attention"

I have, however, mentioned motivation to lose weight to closer friends. Mainly figuring they'd understand when I don't want to indulge in all the fried food, alcohol, etc quite as much as I did before and figure they would understand when I say hey, I'm just trying to get myself healthy. I'll still eat the stuff, too - just waaaay less of it and not as often. I'm still losing weight that way, and if that changes, I'll cut back more! I'm still living life, can't they just take it that I could be worse off cutting it out all together?

My friends all tell me I don't need to lose weight and I'm crazy for such things. I know they are being nice, but it's almost like negative motivation when I KNOW I NEED to lose weight. It would be cool if instead of "oh live a little and drink another beer" it would be "okay cool, drink to light beer or water, we won't give you crap"

They come out with all the typically things about how medical charts are wrong because "they don't take into consideration muscle mass or frame size" even though I've looked at charts that specifically take that into account when determining my goal weight.

Then they at times will talk about losing a few pounds themselves, when they only have 5 to lose. Thanks, it is okay for you to want to lose 5 lbs when you are in a healthy weight anyway, but when I need to lose 25 lbs just to poke out of the "overweight" BMI category, and 45 lbs to be of average, healthy, middle of the road weight for my height, then I'm the one who is crazy for wanting to lose that much?

I get part of it may be the fact that I've lost near 50 lbs since I was 18, so I do look waaaay better than I once looked. I also get part of it is that they are my friends and are just trying to make me feel better about my current self. It's really just giving the reverse effect, though.

Sorry for the bit of the rant, but it's almost demotivating hearing my friends say I look great and I don't need to lose weight, when I know when I go home and look in the mirror and scale, they are wrong.

I get I probably look at my flaws much more than they do, but how do you keep pushing on when that's the feedback you get?

It makes them feel better if they aren't eating the fried food and drinking beer by themselves.

prettigirl01

when I discuss my plans to lose weight with my friends and even my boyfriend all I hear is youre not fat you don't need to lose weight. for a long time I believed them. why would they lie to me? but people will tell you what you want to hear to spare your feelings. ive only been doing this for about 2 weeks and has lost almost 2 pounds. no one notices yet but when they do I bet they will see the difference. don't let others stop you from doing whats best for you.