Anorexia Recovery TW if easily triggered by numbers

tashyj25

Hi all,

I really desperate for some help.

I have suffered from anorexia since I was 12/13, I am not 28. The last couple of years my eating disorder became consderably worse and I was admitted for inpatient care at an EDU. I was committed to recovery and restored my weight to the minimum healthy BMI which was 18.5, which seemed okay as I am Indian and naturally do have a small frame.

Since being discharged from hospital, I have had horrible times of restricting and then trying to get back on track which has resulted in my gaining more weight. I have been a lot better the last couple of months but I am still gaining more weight, I am currently the heaviest I have been in 7 years which you can imagine I am really struggling with.

I want to know if I am eating too much? I currently eat 2,100 calories a day, I am still on a meal plan which I follow every day and pretty much eat the same thing day in and day out, as I am still not very good with variation. I always add 50 calories at the end of the day because I have a tendency to round up.

Is this too much? I am scared I am going to relapse as I am not comfortable with the extra weight I am gaining. Yesterday and today I am eating 2,000 calories but in my head I know I will have to keep reducing it if my weight doesn't go down.

Can someone please please give me some guidance?

I am really struggling here.

Thank you xx

W31RD0

Don't make any drastic changes to your diet. The fact that you have suffered through anorexia and then later gained weight tells me you have the will power to make a change. You just have to find the middle ground.

Because you may have a tendency to go overboard one way or the other, I strongly recommend getting a food scale, prepare your meals, and log your calories. Then make the small adjustments over time. If you do that correctly, then math doesn't lie.

Don't try to take any shortcuts to prevent you from having a relapse.

Good luck

Laurenloveswaffles

It's best to speak with a professional about this.

I wish you all of the best in your recovery.

sassyjae21

You're doing fine. Make sure you are regularly seeing a Dietitian and getting counseling.

tashyj25

Don't make any drastic changes to your diet. The fact that you have suffered through anorexia and then later gained weight tells me you have the will power to make a change. You just have to find the middle ground.

Because you may have a tendency to go overboard one way or the other, I strongly recommend getting a food scale, prepare your meals, and log your calories. Then make the small adjustments over time. If you do that correctly, then math doesn't lie.

Don't try to take any shortcuts to prevent you from having a relapse.

Good luck

Hi,

Thank you for your comments, the problem is that I already do all those things. Part of my eating disorder is an obbsession with weighing and measuring my food and keeping a strict count of all my calories.

I know every single thing that goes inside me, because I am still quite obbessive about food.

Thank you for your support I do appreciate the reply!

Tash

Swiftlet66

If you're on a meal plan set by your doctor/nutritionist, I highly suggest you follow it. If the numbers are triggering, do not look at them or try to count calories. You're recovering from an eating disorder; it's best not to think about it. FYI, you've probably heard this so many times already but despite gaining weight and being at your heaviest weight, it's your body's attempt to return back to a normal weight. Keyword: normal, not heavy. Sometimes, giving up control for awhile and putting all your trust and faith in your doctor(s) and family and trusting that they know better for you is best for getting back in control and in your case, it's getting back in control of your health--both mental and physical. Remember, your body may go through all sorts of changes throughout your life but in the end, you are perfect and beautiful, just the way you are, at every single moment of your life. It's time to accept this!! Hope I helped in some way...

girlviernes

It is really great how hard you have worked for recovery and how far you have come. 18.5 BMI is just a starting place. Like any number, it is not the right fit for everyone. You have had an eating disorder throughout your adult life, so it is difficult to know where your natural adult weight range is.

It might help to reflect on where you are now versus where you were at when you needed to go into the hospital. Were you happier? Did you feel physically better?

Genuinely, you will feel best and your life will be best when you are in your natural weight range. The scary part is that you really need to release some of the control to get there. Stick to regular meals and snacks and getting different food groups at each meal.

This is something very hard to do on your own. Keep reaching out for support, especially from experienced professionals.