HELP Need Support!

kbean33
kbean33 Posts: 50
in Introduce Yourself
Hello, I am a lesbian female that wants to be in an intimate relationship, but I have many insecurities. Since joining MFP I have lost 50lbs. I have 30 more pounds to go. My isuues are that I have horrible stretch marks ALL over my body(breasts, stomach, pubic area, hips, back, inner and outer thighs, and on my legs). I also have saggy boobs, a hanging stomach, and fat thighs with cellulite. The other issue is my hair. I have bad dark facial hair on my lip, chin neck, and sides of my face. I have to shave my chin and neck every morning, and have black stubble by the end of the day (5'oclock shadow). I also have dark hair on my stomach, lower back and butt. I have been loosing focus on my weight loss lately because I see no point with all of these defects. I have worked very hard to get where I am today and I do not want to lose site. I also want to find love, but I feel like I will not be able to be intimate with anyone. Please help!

Replies

  • TheAncientMariner
    TheAncientMariner Posts: 444 Member
    Congrats on your progress so far. You have to love yourself, first and foremost, before anyone else will. You have to learn to accept and love your perfect imperfections. Happiness must come from within, and it must be shared. We too often make the mistake of depending on others for it, but they will fail because they aren't perfect. To be lonely sucks all day. We've all been there at times. Keep your head up and believe in yourself. Show a bit more confidence and others will begin to see that in you regardless of what you look like. I mean, look at me for crying out loud, lol! Never got any of the ladies until I started to believe that I was worth loving. You can do it too, despite what you believe are physical drawbacks. Trust me, you don't want to be with anyone that truly gives a damn about those superficial things. Keep rocking it hard and doing what you need to do. You'll get there! #TeamBAWSS
  • myjding70
    myjding70 Posts: 22
    Oh honey, I want to give you a hug and then shake you!! :) None of your perceived "defects" are going to keep you from finding love and intimacy, but your insecurity will every single time! I am in no way trying to minimize your pain, I too have saggy boobs, hanging skin, bat wings, etc., so I know how it feels to look in the mirror and feel despair. And I had those things when I was 125 pounds, divorced and facing the dating world after 15 years with a man who accepted me warts and all. It was scary to be out there with all of my *defects*. But, guess what? They never came up. Not once. They were *my* fears and insecurities. My now husband has never had an issue with my body; even now when I have gained 60 pounds and he is still smoking hot and considerably younger.

    You have to get out of your own way in order to be happy. Confidence is a huge turn on for most people. Figure out how to feel confident in your skin, no matter the state of it!

    And my last piece of advice is what I tell every girlfriend I know and love: when you start dating someone, leave your vagina at home for a while. Let them get to know your brain, first. If someone only wants you for your body, they aren't worth your energy. <3
  • srd_23
    srd_23 Posts: 43 Member
    It sounds like you may be dealing with PCOS. Take a look at this link and see if it applies to you. It it does, see a doctor, there are treatments to reduce the symptoms of PCOS:

    http://www.webmd.com/women/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview

    Two of my sisters and I have PCOS, and have to deal with being prone to obesity, acne, excessive facial hair, and thin hair. Its not easy. One of my sisters shaves and has problems with the 5 o'clock shadow. I find that, although more time consuming, plucking is the best way to get rid of the hair without getting prickly same day. I have to pluck for about 20 minutes every day (yes on my neck too), but you'd never know it.

    As for the body issues, sagging skin and stretch marks will happen when you are losing weight. You should be loosing weight for health reasons above all else. However, I understand wanting to address these problems as well. The sagging skin takes TIME to go back, and this can be sped up with strength training. The stretch marks will fade over time but will not disappear completely without lasic treatment. You can go that route if you have the money, but honestly? I don't find stretch marks to be a big deal.

    I agree with the others that your biggest problem is lack of self esteem and confidence. You need to learn to love your body and recognise that you ARE a catch. If you know it, then others will see it. I am currently single (by choice and loving it), but my ex had told me that although he might see the flaws in my body, he just didn't notice them very much. He was too distracted by the good to pay attention to the minor flaws. None of us have a perfect body, but someone who really loves you will only see the good.
  • jaimie120
    jaimie120 Posts: 39 Member
    I sure hope that is not the profile you put on a dating site :)

    You are so much more than what you see in the mirror. Each and every person in the world has physical flaws including saggy skin and breasts, facial hair, moles, stretch marks, elf ears, crooked teeth, glasses, weird eyes, dark nipples, light nipples, odd shaped toes, funny looking eyebrows, I could continue forever and ever. The physical flaws pale in comparison to the character flaws of people that care about them and base their judgement/friends/intimate relationships on what they see rather than what they know.

    Chin up, I have no doubt that love, happiness and intimacy is in your future!

    BTW, after I wrote this I looked at your picture, you have beautiful skin tone, a lovely smile and bright eyes, you look just fine to me.
  • kbean33
    kbean33 Posts: 50
    Thank you all for your support

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