need help with my wife

swrswr1

my wife is really underweight. this is affecting her health. she tries to go down the gym and when she does she eats 3 times a day but when she cannot she doesn't. this I think is because of a few problems 1 she used to be a jockey so eating too little is what she is used to. 2 she is lazy she wont eat because she cannot be bothered to make it
3 a past relationship put her down for being over weight and she doesn't eat from I guess some mental scaring from that.

when she eats and goes to the gym she does well but as I work most evenings those are the days she wont eat. I try and keep the cupboard with breakfast bars in so she can have something. is there a good shake or something that could give her what she needs on those days. I know of weight gain proteins but am worried they will give the wrong effect she doesn't want to have lots of muscle just a healthy amount of muscle/fat etc.

I have tried to buy more chicken and things for a healthier diet but sadly those items tended to go out of date and get thrown away which I cannot afford to sustain

I do try to cook her meals but I will quite often work past dinner time but a simple add milk might be enough for her to actually eat when she is not willing to cook

we have 2 young kids 1 is in school the other is not yet and she doesn't work so we cannot afford childcare. I work in the navy so my working patterns are all over the place with long hours + for my job I need to keep my fitness levels up which gives me less time at home still

any advice would be appreciated

makingmylifebetter

There is not much you can do except to sit her down, look her in the eye, and say, "I love you. I need you. I'm worried about you. Please give your body the fuel it needs to stay healthy... for yourself and for your family that loves you."

After that, the ball is in her court.

Wenchiness

You have 2 young kids and wifey is home all day with them and still doesn't cook? I would have a few words about that. But seriously, your base will have a Health and Wellness clinic. Get a referral and get her in there. Then teach her to turn the oven on and shove some chicken in there.

tangibleskink34

Have a heart to heart with her. Maybe she needs some medical help. They have assistance programs to help young families stuggling. look into maybe some food assistance such as food stamps.

Laura732

There are a few things that bother me about this: kids and not eating. She has to feed the kids at some point. Why isn't she eating when the kids are? If you bought frozen dinners, would those be convenient enough? GNC stores carry meal replacement shakes that aren't geared to body building. I wasn't crazy about them so I never bought any past the first two.

Have you talked to her about this? I mean, really talked? Is she tired, is she stressed? What is behind the not eating? If you're in the Navy, you have health care resources that you can take advantage of if needed.

Just a warning, you're probably going to get all kinds of way out advice on this board...be strong when you read it.

kathy6655

I think she needs to talk to someone perhaps a counselor or maybe you could ask one of her close friends to talk to her you might just be too close. She obviously looks after your children properly or you would have mentioned it but kids pick up from their parents so maybe discussing that will have an impact as I'm certain she won't want them growing up with her problems/issues with food. I suspect she isn' t too lazy to cook but has deeper problems with food sadly you can't make someone eat just the same as you can't make someone not eat they have to want to make those changes and I think she probably needs more professional help.

zoeysasha37

children learn from their parents, so sometimes they can pick up bad habits from watching their parents. It concerns me that the kids could develop an unhealthy relationship with food, from seeing their mother under eat. So personally, I think you should sit down with your wife and have a long talk. She needs to realize that the kids are watching her and she needs to make healthy choices so they can learn from that. But, unless she's willing to change, there's really nothing you'll be able to do about it. I would definitely voice your concerns with her and mention that it would be terrible if the kids picked up these bad habits.

babydaisy81

I'm concerned about the children and their lack of prepared meals, I'm sure you are going to get alot of other comments, so I won't get into it, but what if you (together) shopped and prepared thirty day of crock pot meals or something of the sort that you can get off Pinterest. You prep everything, freeze, and all you have to do is put something in the crock pot in the morning. Relatively healthy (better then other frozen or prepared convenience meals) and its ready when its dinner.

Other then that, hopefully you can talk with her about stepping up her meals and desire to eat well, You only have one body, take care of it.

poohbah4

Is she showing signs of depression?

F00LofaT00K

I'm surprised that nobody has asked about her height and weight. My ex thought I was too skinny and was worried about me when I weighed 170lbs at 5'4". That's obese, not underweight, and he and his family were constantly insisting I wasn't eating enough.. . even though I was gaining weight.

Is she genuinely, clinically too thin? If so, like others have said, sit her down and explain to her that you are concerned for her well-being and the future well-being of your children. Tell her you want to seek counseling and go with her. Psychiatric help is daunting and scary at first. Offering to go with her lets her know that you're seriously worried and that you will be there for her if she needs you.

With your long hours that are all over the place from working in the navy, are you positive that she's not eating? Or is it possible she eats and you don't realize how much?

bevhillsilly

! She sounds either seriously spoiled or seriously disturbed. You have little children? Are they OK? What exactly is she feeding them? Please ask her. Her whole story about how some guy said she was too heavy so now she starves herself? That kind of nonsense typically goes out the window after you have children. She needs to start cooking the chicken pal.

johnnylakis

Your wife needs help. I speak from experience. You need to get her to eat or take her to a doctor before its too late. Sorry to hear it. Good luck to you

makkoi

Look up medical articles online about Zinc and anorexia. There are studies on how taking zinc in supplemental form can stimulate appetite. (Not to say she's necessarily anorexic, although she might be, I don't know.)

I've been starving before (I wasn't anorexic) and had to gain weight, I used the myfitnesspal phone app to feel like I was in control of it, and also because I don't seem to have anything in me that tells me if I feel hungry or not, I usually just get tired/sleepy instead of feeling like, hunger pains or a rumbling in my stomach. Maybe she has this problem too from years of not eating enough as a jockey. If she monitors it, she will know how much to eat.

She might not be aware of how little she is eating, and monitoring her weight and what she eats might be all you have to do to get her to eat. I absolutely don't realize how little I eat on days I forget to monitor my eating because there seems to be nothing in me telling me to eat, it has to be external. Monitoring it and also you encouraging her should help her start to see that she isn't overweight.

I've noticed the more meat and things I eat, versus carbs, the easier it is to eat more. I've also noticed that if I can't eat or don't have appetite, I eat fruit first and this allows me to eat other things after I've had fruit. I don't know if this will work for her, but I think it works for people with acid reflux (which I also don't have... but still the fruit thing works for me, idky)

And for the chicken expiring before she eats it, just cook it and freeze it, it won't expire. I sitll have times when eating is difficult or I don't eat properly for a few days, I keep my meat in a freezer, it works out fine so that I don't waste food.

I actually freeze everything, tortillas, lean turkey, lean beef, fat free chicken, bread, vegetables, fruits... And it's all right there when I need it, so if she's lazy, there are ways around that so she can have food whenever she needs it. I keep a lot of sauces I like in the fridge so I just heat up the food and then pour sauce on it and it's a better meal than anything I ever used to eat, and it's ready in a few minutes. (I do have to cook a lot on the weekend though.)

(I wonder if she's not actually lazy but just deprived of energy from many years of not eating enough/eating properly balanced food and so she doesn't do a lot and therefore refers to herself as lazy. It could be a long term lack of energy based on her dietary habits.)

Also she doesn't want to gain a lot of fat, just have her monitor her macro nutrients, which you can also do with MyFitnessPal phone app. Set the protein higher and the carbs and fat lower, and she will have more energy and won't gain fat as much. Although she will still need to work out, I guess. Maybe you can go to the gym with her to make sure she works out, if she's eaten? (Pretty easy to see if she's eaten, just check the fridge or freezer; also make sure her weight isn't going down. Going to the gym will help her want to eat, too, like you said: she does well on gym days.)

Finally, there are nutrition drinks. They aren't protein drinks, but are balanced nutrition. You can't LIVE off of them exclusively, but they are a great addition to a diet if you are trying to balance your nutrition and have trouble eating. They sell them in the health areas (like, by the pharmacy, medical health areas) of grocery stores or wal-mart. I thnk usually either really sick people or very elderly people drink them.

I did have to see a counsellor and the reasons for me not eating were very deep (I had ptsd and didn't know it and therefore wasn't treating it/taking medicine for it, which was making me severely depressed and really messing up my thinking). I have no idea if your wife is suffering from anything at all related to that. If she's not, this advice should work. If she is, this advice will still work, but only after she's started taking care of the deeper problem and is on the way to recovery from it.

Also my recovery was entirely driven from people who loved me enough to want to see me healthy again and patient enough not to get frustrated at me for my situation. So no matter the severity of her problem, you loving her and having a loving attitude is going to be the key to fixing it, which I think you definitely already do if you are on here and concerned about her and trying to cook for her and everything. That is really wonderful.

aurorareigns

! She sounds either seriously spoiled or seriously disturbed. You have little children? Are they OK? What exactly is she feeding them? Please ask her. Her whole story about how some guy said she was too heavy so now she starves herself? That kind of nonsense typically goes out the window after you have children. She needs to start cooking the chicken pal.

Honestly it sounds like she has an eating disorder. And comments like someone saying you are too heavy can trigger that.

Ms_J1

Honestly it sounds like she has an eating disorder. And comments like someone saying you are too heavy can trigger that.

I agree with this. Lazy people don't go to the gym. And if she doesn't cook because she doesn't have the energy to cook, then she wouldn't have the energy to go to the gym.

It sounds like she has an eating disorder. Unfortunately, an eating disorder isn't something you can fix for her no matter how well you stock the kitchen, how often you cook, what you cook, or how easy you make it for her to cook. All you can really do is find some good help for her and try to convince her to accept the help.

Lemongrab13

No one's too lazy to eat. It's a basic need, so we all find a way to get food.
It sounds more like an ED. When she works out she feels she's allowed to eat, but when she doesn't she's basically starving herself.
Does she have postpartum depression? What are her energy levels like? Have you expressed outright that you're concerned for her health?
I think she needs to see a doctor.

skinnyinnotime

So what do your kids eat when yourer not there to cook..doesn't she prepare meals for them? Surely she must, then she could eat the same?!

Doesn't make sense.

Liftng4Lis

With the sake of your children in mind, I would seek help from a professional asap!
Good luck

relliott412

Definitely look into Military One Stop/One Source and look into getting some couples counseling. It would be easier to do a couples counseling since it affects everyone in the home. Don't put too much on her at one time. She may feel attacked if you do, and the ultimate fight back is to not do anything you want/request, whether it is beneficial to her or not.

BuoyantSoul

Honestly it sounds like she has an eating disorder. And comments like someone saying you are too heavy can trigger that.

I agree with this. Lazy people don't go to the gym. And if she doesn't cook because she doesn't have the energy to cook, then she wouldn't have the energy to go to the gym.

It sounds like she has an eating disorder. Unfortunately, an eating disorder isn't something you can fix for her no matter how well you stock the kitchen, how often you cook, what you cook, or how easy you make it for her to cook. All you can really do is find some good help for her and try to convince her to accept the help.

Thirded. I'd be really surprised if she doesn't have an ED. She needs a psychological evaluation. Probably it'd be best for her to hear it from a medical doctor and to get medical treatment. I don't know how you can get her to do that, but please don't leave this one unchecked. An untreated ED can lead to serious medical issues and death. It's is absolutely a situation in which you need to intervene and continue to intervene if she refuses to accept treatment.

keefmac

Do your children look underweight?.