Raising a well adjusted boy

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ldrosophila
ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
in Chit-Chat
Thoughts and experiences on Mother's who raised their sons without a strong male influence, or any men who were raised without a strong male influence?

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  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    It sucked, and now its over! ....oh and I didn't kill him... and I'm still alive (barely).
  • Snip8241
    Snip8241 Posts: 767 Member
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    My dad was disabled. My mom had four girls and a boy. My brother was in the middle. Mom always made sure my brother had uncles, neighbors, friends to mentor him. She also ran interference between my brother and the girls. My mom was a very strong person. I think that is most important. Boys need a strong example to follow.

    Sports were very important for discipline and continuity. Schoolwork, and getting good grades were an expectation.

    My brother grew to be a very stable, successful husband and a father.

    Good luck!
  • Tonakiga
    Tonakiga Posts: 10
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    Guy raised by a single mom here. My mom had a "if you trust me I trust you" relationship with me, and had a similar stance on respect. As long as I showed her respect she would respond in kind. While she did have rules (homework finished, be home by this time) she wasn't too strict. If I did step out of line, punishment would be based on taking away a privilege (i.e. no video games, no hanging out. Junk like that). I think I turned out pretty well! Finished high school with awesome grades, got into a good college, maintain a good GPA, and I've been on the Dean's list twice so far. If you have more specific questions I'd be more than happy to answer!
  • Tonakiga
    Tonakiga Posts: 10
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    It sucked, and now its over! ....oh and I didn't kill him... and I'm still alive (barely).

    Haha don't worry too much. He'll appreciate it in time!
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    Guy raised by a single mom here. My mom had a "if you trust me I trust you" relationship with me, and had a similar stance on respect. As long as I showed her respect she would respond in kind. While she did have rules (homework finished, be home by this time) she wasn't too strict. If I did step out of line, punishment would be based on taking away a privilege (i.e. no video games, no hanging out. Junk like that). I think I turned out pretty well! Finished high school with awesome grades, got into a good college, maintain a good GPA, and I've been on the Dean's list twice so far. If you have more specific questions I'd be more than happy to answer!

    This gives me hope! My little guy is 4 and I just had a conversation with him after he lied to me. I told him we are a team and I need to be able to trust him if our team is going to work. I strive for a similar relationship with his as you had with your mom.
  • 812sara
    812sara Posts: 72 Member
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    I have two boys, one 12 and one 2 weeks old.... I also have a 6 year old daughter.... So every single day there is a lesson today's lesson "Quit hitting your sister!!! I don't care if she hit you first! Do you want to grow up to be Chris Brown?!?!? Not in my house!!!"

    I wonder what tomorrow has in store hahahaa
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
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    I'm not gonna be super useful here since I'm not a mom nor a son.

    But I grew up without a father and was essentially raised by my grandparents.
    When I was in elementary school, my gram talked to the guidance counselor there and had a small group formed for girls of divorced parents. We hung out once or twice a week for I think about an hour - talked about stuff, played games, bonded. I was friends with one of those girls til high school.

    You might be able to convince your son's school of something similar. It might not be possible to do now due to privacy laws or something - who knows lol.

    I'm also posting because I've got a single mom of 2 boys on my list who is FABULOUS. And she might be able to chime in here =]
  • conklil
    conklil Posts: 81 Member
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    Guy raised by a single mom here. My mom had a "if you trust me I trust you" relationship with me, and had a similar stance on respect. As long as I showed her respect she would respond in kind. While she did have rules (homework finished, be home by this time) she wasn't too strict. If I did step out of line, punishment would be based on taking away a privilege (i.e. no video games, no hanging out. Junk like that). I think I turned out pretty well! Finished high school with awesome grades, got into a good college, maintain a good GPA, and I've been on the Dean's list twice so far. If you have more specific questions I'd be more than happy to answer!

    This also gives me hope. My son is 11 years old. Sounds a lot like our relationship.
  • Debbjones
    Debbjones Posts: 278 Member
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    I wish I could say it was easy... I have two children, a boy and a girl; raised them both primarily as a single parent with little to no male influence. That was over 30 years ago, both of my children have grown into successful adults, although, with my son there were many questions along the way if those words would ever be spoken.

    I need to say now, doing this on my own, the gender of the child has little to do with the success-fulness of parenting. My son was a completely different "rebel" personality than my daughter. He challenged me and every single authority figure (teachers, police, etc... you name them, he challenged them) along the way. My daughter always said (to this day she still say's it!) she learned what NOT to do and say from her brother.

    I think raising children is NOT solely dependent on the gender of the parent or child... a well adjusted person is only well adjusted when all factors are taken into consideration, e.g. parent, child, environment, peer pressure...

    Good luck!

    edited for grammar
  • Tonakiga
    Tonakiga Posts: 10
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    This gives me hope! My little guy is 4 and I just had a conversation with him after he lied to me. I told him we are a team and I need to be able to trust him if our team is going to work. I strive for a similar relationship with his as you had with your mom.
    This also gives me hope. My son is 11 years old. Sounds a lot like our relationship.
    Glad to have helped :happy:!
    I have two boys, one 12 and one 2 weeks old.... I also have a 6 year old daughter.... So every single day there is a lesson today's lesson "Quit hitting your sister!!! I don't care if she hit you first! Do you want to grow up to be Chris Brown?!?!? Not in my house!!!"

    I wonder what tomorrow has in store hahahaa
    Hah- how awesome! Even though I don't have any siblings those kind of jokes remind me of when I was little.

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