I binged. Hard. Now what?

PattyTheUndefeated

So, 90 pounds later and one and a half years of changing the way I eat, live, think AND I still manage to periodically do this to myself. I binged. It was an all-out, out of control, totally-not-myself out of body experience.

What triggered it? Well, a million things, I suppose. I've been stressed out about work, I've been working out hard trying to get through ninety days of P90x and I've been suffering from insomnia which only gets me two to three hours of sleep a night if I'm lucky. I eat clean 99% if not 100% of the time and don't really allow cheats to get in the way of my fitness goals, ever.

So, I finally had a moment to myself today, and for the first time in a long while I was home alone. All the thoughts of stress and sleep deprivation finally took their toll on me and before I knew it I ate more crap in a span of two hours than I have in a solid six months. I mowed through a box of christmas chocolates, half a box of cereal, half a loaf of banana bread, three servings of fries, two tablespoons of peanut butter (right out of the jar). AND the icing on the cake was the order of chinese food that I still managed to down without vomiting. What an accomplishment. Yay me.

I'm sitting here, feeling nauseated and like I'm going to give birth to a fast-food mutant baby any moment now. I feel ashamed, guilty, and like I've tossed into the air the puzzle pieces of my life that have taken me so long to slowly assemble.

How do I get past this? How do I forgive myself for the self-sabotage and move on? Do I deprive myself tommorrow to make up for the ten million calories of crap I ate today? Do I just pretend like today never happened and go back to a normal clean-eating day? Do I exercise until I pass out? How much damage can one day of marathon eating really do to the over-all picture? I feel horrible, defeated, and alone. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I can't live a healthy lifestyle and occasionally cheat, then it's not lifestyle change to me. I can't have these binge days where I eat every ounce of garbage in site and then go back to eating my eggwhites and drinking my protein shakes the next day. I feel like a fraud.

I'm healthy now. I'm 'fit'. Then what's wrong with me? Why can't my brain be 'healthy & fit'?

Gah, I'm done rambling. I just need some words of encouragement from anyone whose been where I am at this very moment...

MyWishfulShrinking

Now you move on and forget about it tomorrow. Nothing you can do about it now, it'll only make you go insane if you think about it too much. It's all done with. It doesn't mean you aren't healthy mentally. Even the healthiest people with the healthiest lifestyle and mindset binge. Just don't let it get out of control. Tomorrow is a new day.

utes09

I've never been in your exact situation but honestly all you can do is live by the motto:

"Tomorrow is a new day"

Do with that what you want. Go back to your clean eating and regular exercise routine or dwell on it. I personally would go to sleep tonight and be ready to get back on the healthy life train and keep going.

Eating healthy and exercising isn't about the latest diet/workout trend. It's about changing your habits FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Therefore you can't expect every day to be exactly how you want or to go according to how you've been living.

So I would just put this behind you can keep moving forward.

eglass64

Now that your done move on. You've accomplished alot. Amazing.!

velvetechos

It happens.

I think it even happens to people that have "always been healthy and fit" - on occasion. Let it be a lesson though, maybe journal a bit about why it happened - really meditate on it.

You know you've been stressed about work, you've been tired, etc, so maybe in the future when you know stress is starting to build up - nip it in the bud ASAP. Journal, take a long hot bath, chat with a friend. Find other outlets, so you don't find yourself sitting in the house eating to try and stuff your problems.

Know that one bad day isn't going to undue a year of hard work. Don't deprive yourself tomorrow, just get back in there like you would any other day. Recognize what happened, forgive yourself, and think about how you might prevent it in the future.

sevangelista

Just forgive yourself for being human and making a really bad choice. It doesn't make you a bad person. You have accomplished so much you should be proud of yourself. I bet, today aside you were feeling better, so I think you should just go back to your normal eating. By the way what have you been averaging in terms of net calories

Veggie_Eloise

I used to give up and give in to the binges.
I would binge one day and then it would become a week long (sometimes month long) no exercising binge eating fiasco.
I have finally (after a massive two day binge that resulted in some crazed exorcist-like vomiting) that I would have to accept that sometimes I would have a bad day but I shouldn't let that bad day make any other day bad.
Sometimes it is just hard. We aren't perfect. We can only strive to be the best we can.
So you had a bad day, it's okay. Tomorrow will be better.
And you've had done amazing so far. 90 pounds? That is awesome. Don't beat yourself up. Just start fresh tomorrow

sweetie89207

well...in my own personal opinion i think you have to figure out how to just move onto the next day...thats how you got to fit! you didnt let the small set backs mess you up...also think about this- do you remember the last time you binged...how about the time before that...before that, before that??? prolly not...and thats the point...those times didnt stop you from getting here- getting to fit...and you cant even remember them, even though when they happened you freaked out and worried about what to do...but you made it here! you did it! you succeeded!!!

thats the point!. you made it through the wilderness and picked yourself up off the ground when you stumbled over a rock, and just kept going...i think if you ponder on how you worked hard to get where you are and that those past binges didnt stop you from reaching the finish line, i think that should help you overcome any binge...beacause when it comes to it...it doesnt matter!! one day will never ruin what you have worked so hard for.

so today- dont think about what you ate or how badly you binged- but think about the many many many days that you spent losing that weight!

chewy8874042

I wish I could see what everyone else wrote! I went to a Christmas party tonight and binged myself. I, too, feel very guilty and also like a fraud. I don't know what you or I should do, so I guess I will remind myself that tomorrow is another day, and hopefully remember this feeling the next time I want to eat poorly. Good luck!

tlp8rb

There are many people who believe you need a day like you just had to throw your body off kilter and get your metabolism working. Several folks in MFP observe a "day off" once a month, or once every two weeks for exactly that reason - to "reset" things.

Not only that, but all the sugar you just absorbed is bound to affect your emotions so do what every one has said. Forget about it and start again in the morning.

Have you tried using Melatonin as a sleep aid? Just curious as you said you have insomnia. Don't exercise in the evening - let your mind and body cool down before you go to bed.

reginabroyles

We can not be perfect all the time. 90 pounds flushed is great and if everynow and then you have a moment so be it. Tomorrow jump back up on the wagon and act as if today was a normal eating day. Your doing great!

richiefixo

omg this post and the way it was written made me laugh soo much ! babe theres nothing to worry about. just work out extra long tomorrow and eat alot of spinach or naturally detoxing foods (alot of fibre)...hopefully that cleans you up abit. Use this as a reminder to urself. remember how bad u are feeling now and promise your self that you never want to feel this way again.

its all ok! you are an inspiration to many! ....u lost 90lbs!!! be proud! many would love to be in ur shoes!

JoyceJoanne

MOVE ON SISTER! Start tomorrow like nothing happened. Although, you'll probably have a food hangover, you'll need to nurse that. But I'm guessing that you're going to be craving something healthy tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up- it happens.

ThePhatMan

Yes, forgive yourself. Don't forget it,never forget it. Keep that feeling of what you ate and how you felt afterwards. Write it down and look at it daily. This will be a reminder to never get that out of control again. I wish I could stop my binges also. I kind of live in denile and then it happens again. Write it down, keep it with you, read it everday as a reminder of what not to do. I know this seems harsh but the alternative sucks even worse. GOODLUCK

nubreeze33

MUST HAVE BEEN IN THE AIR I TELL YA!


Listen you move on. You get passed how you feel, remember how you feel fah real fah real! Feel every moment of discomfort and I bet you won't do it again. If the binging happens when you are home alone plan activities to do when you are home alone since sleeping is kinda hard for you. What are you doing about the insomnia anyways? I suffered from it for so long.......funny when I quit drinking it went away. You would think it would be the opposite at least to me. Smack yourself on the hand for cutting up, and then give yourself a hug lol. Be okay with knowing you are not perfect and will do things that make you feel disappointed in yourself. Be grateful you have thoughts like that. Atleast you are conscious of the excess and it not being such a good thing. You have come a long way. Be good to you.

SandraMay1982

*slaps you*

tomorrow = new day. you can't change it. Just learn from it.

YOU ARE FREAKIN' AWESOME! Look at those 90lbs, you can't, why? Because YOU LOST THEM! They're gone. one day won't make them come back.

just keep moving

canoo

Hi there Dont be too hard on yourself,you didnt hurt anybody else,Just star as if yesturday never happened,you have done brilliant a few lapses are not going to hang you.Hang your head up high and rise above it.I just started this today so I have alot of catching up to do.Have an awesome xmas,Take it easy and take care.

mrskern06

like so many have already said. Forget about it and start fresh tomorrow. To take a page or quote from Anne of Green Gables..."Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it!"

You have done awesome!! You should be so proud of yourself. If you recognize that today wasn't a good day, do better tomorrow!

whittrusty

Write down how you feel and if you ever have the urge to do this again, read your own advice to yourself. I'm sure you don't want to feel this way again, so write it down and move on. It's just one day. Tomorrow is a new day!

BoresEasily

So what! It was one day. You can't eat 315,000 calories in one day. Also, forget about waiting till tomorrow, I hate that advice. Just eat cleanly for the rest of today.

watkinsc

First- calm down and take some nice long breaths. What you have accomplished over that year or so, is absolutely AMAZING! You are a great inspiration! Now, what happened today is more scare to your psyche than it is a scare to your overall fitness and health. Why did it happen is the biggest question, right? I think it is akin to the "kid in the candy store". You have disciplined yourself very strictly, and today when your guard was down, you went overboard because it is 'forbidden'. My best guess is there are two ways to look at this. The first is to treat it like a smoker does when quitting smoking. You can't have just one, because it will lead to another and another. 100% strict denial, which it sounds like is what you do now. NEVER take another bite of anything out of the plan. Or the other way is that perhaps you are too strict in your daily life, you deny yourself too much. Maybe you should allow yourself an occasional treat when you really want one. It is possible to have something not 100% healthy be a part of your healthy diet. I have found that Kashi makes a bar that has chocolate and nuts in it and it also helps towards my fiber, and protien count. It will up your sugar/carb count, but in the big scheme of things, not a whole bunch. And in the long run, if something like this cuts out the guilt you are suffering right now, maybe it is worth it. Don't beat yourself up for this. You have done very impressive work. Get some sleep, and start fresh tomorrow. And don't forget to keep loving yourself!

singkat53

You have to forgive yourself, because if you don't you could go into a tailspin. But I think you need to do some "penance" for your transgression... how about an extra 1/2hr workout for the next week. But you also need to figure out why you did it. It seems that it was more than just exhaustion and stress. Trying to adhere in an all or nothing fashion is a recipe for failure. You will need to come up with your own steam valve so you can deviate a little without blowing it for good.

Be kind to yourself... there are people in the world waiting to "beat you up". You need to be your best friend. Take care of yourself, emotionally and physically.

bosanka

I have to say , i admire you and i have learned something from you- not the fact that you lost 90 lbs - which by itself is really an amazing accomplishment.
But i admire you for something else- you had the strength to be honest about what happened. Many times - after a binge- i would feel horrible and hate myself for it -but i would somehow hide it- even from myself.. i would tell myself " shut up.. forget about it.. don' t mention it- not even to yourself.. move on..

Well - someone would think " that's good " but on the long run - it's not. Because i didn't take time to evaluate- what happened, what caused it. how i felt.. what i did. .. i didn't have enough strength to face the fact that i messed up- one more time..

So i'm telling you - the fact that you are honest about it- to yourself- is the first good thing about it.

Is it only because you are having stress, no sleep, - or is it so mething with more deeper issues that you might want to reconsider- i don't think we can answer that. If it is so mething that happens like you said - once in 5-6 months- maybe it's nothing you have to worry about

remember : just like a day of exercise will not make you skinny- a day of binge eating will not make you fat .
what count's is the other 90 or 99 % that you ahve mentioned -

Fantastic job so far. Keep going. Stay positive. Live is not black and white- there are some gray shades too- and i was just like you everything had to be ' either or.. i could not be inbetween - but maybe that is something that you need to start working on

Good luck - don't be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow - new chance to do the best you can. Don't punish yourself- accept it and move on .. ( i'm talking to you and myself

nickeymhughes

lol, love your well written letter of guilt with admission......lucky for you it's not a letter that will send you to prision.. SOO... Stand up... brush yourself off, and move on...What other choise do you have...everyone is right, Tomorrow is another day and with that there is hope!

IsMollyReallyHungry

No good beating yourself up. Consistency is what got you 90 pounds down. Congrats on your success!! Perfection is not key to our success. Consistency is one of the keys and you have proven consistent. So dust yourself off and don't dwell on your binge because you are not and will never be perfect. So imperfection is no reason to beat yourself up. Negativity is counter productive for us binge eaters.

Today is a new day and a binge does not make you a bad person. You wil re-lapse from time to time but the important thing is not to dwell on the past and mistake.

Today is a new day dear. Move forward and forget about yesterday!! Dwell on all you have accomplished thus far and you will see yesterday as a little bump on the road. Check out below link and keep up the good work!!:flowerforyou:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/140590-track-successes-not-failures?hl=failure#posts-1916682

ErinMarie25

Move on!

Do not beat yourself up. It was ONE day. Pretend it never happened. This is normal and it happens to a lot of people, but beating yourself up over it won't help. It might actually make things worse.

sarahliftsUP

This one night isn't going to back track all of your hard work and progress. It happens. What you have to do though, is not let this get you in the way. You can't look at yourself as failing for this but rather take it as a lesson. You obviously don't feel good (physically and mentally) after the binge so hopefully that will prevent it from happening again.

Don't deprive yourself tomorrow.. just make sure you drink lots of water and stay away from high sodium foods, get lots of lean protein and vegetables.. Make a journal of how you were feeling at the time of the binge and at the time of eating every food you did. Hopefully that will help prevent it again and help you understand more of what caused it in the first place.

90lbs is an awesome loss.. keep going!!