New name...hopefully not the same game. Tired of failing.

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

I'm like an engine with a bad spark plug, or and engine with sugar in it's tank... I just can't seem to get going...or I get going and then I stall out....

About me....

3 years ago I found an unbelievable amount of motivation. In 6 months I lose approx 65 lbs. I was dedicated, I was energetic, I was motivated, and I was determined. After that 6 months of kicking my fat's *kitten*-We went on vacation for a week. When we got back I just never went to the gym. I began to eat whatever I wanted....

and over the next 3 years I just didn't give a ****.

and over the next 3 years I gained 100+ lbs.

In that 3 years, my wife got pregnant, and we now have an amazing 2 year old little boy. I tell myself all the time that he is my inspiration for getting back at it and dropping this weight...but i just sputter out. I just fall back into old habits.

I'm about to turn 33 and I'm 359 pounds.

I'm tired of this, but I keep getting caught in this trap of self denial, mental abuse on myself and my inability to stay motivated.

I don't know what else to do. I don't know how else I can motivate myself to get going. I read some success stories on here and sometimes I literally cry, for a couple of different reasons. 1. for the fact that I know I WAS one of these success stories. I WAS healthier, I was STRONG, I was MOTIVATED, I WAS determined. i DID lose the weight. and 2. Because i tried to get started for the past 3-6 months and I'll make it a couple days to the gym, then i'll use the excuse that I'm sore, or I'll go to the gym and then I'll just gorge myself on food.

Well...I need support. my employer is holding a Biggest loser competition in September, and I almost talked myself out of signing up. but i did it anyways. I'm hoping this will give me the accountability that I need in order to get started and keep going.

I urge anyone who feels that they can help me along the way to please send me a friend request. I ask that if you see me slipping and not logging in, or not tracking food to PLEASE reach out to me and encourage me to do it.

I'm tired of being a "habitual failure"

I'm tired of being fat and unhealthy.

Liftng4Lis

You have to want this for yourself as you're the one you will be accountable to most. Having friends on here helps quite a bit with motivation, but this is an inside job!
FR sent.

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

Thanks for the add. I know that I'm the one that needs to do it. I'm the one that needs to WANT it. I tell myself that i DO want it...but then I fail, or I lie to myself. I'm stuck in this perpetual lie. I tell myself that I'm going to do it, but when it comes down to going to the gym after work-I go home and inhale calories instead. I'm pretty sure I've got some sort of food addiction/eating compulsion. I'm tired of beating myself up. I want the mind I had 3 years ago...I just can't figure out how to get it back for good. Instead of getting motivated I crumble.

Thanks for the add, I'm hoping that this time is the last time I have to "start again"

Over the next few days I'm going to write everything down and make a plan. From food and calories to working out and staying on track. I'm going to start a blog here to keep myself accountable. I'm going to try and do it every day.

I need to fix my brain. I need to shut it up from telling me i can't.

I can.

I've done it before.

cat_monster

Hello Habitual,

I am in the same boat as you. I keep having a go and then not just failing but putting on more weight than before. It ends here though!!! I'm no longer going to put as much pressure on myself - in the past if I messed up for one day I just dropped the whole thing and felt bad about myself.

Now I just need to realise that you draw a line under it, move on and you will have success. And I want to eat this way forever. Not get down to my goal weight and get stuck in to burgers every night!

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

It definitely sounds like we are in the same boat for sure! Thanks for the add!

I'm hoping the biggest loser competition here at work will motivate me to keep it up for a month, if i can keep it up for a month I should be able to keep the engine going.

someone told me one "it takes 2 weeks to make a habit, and one day to break it"

Here's to those 2 weeks, and hope we never see that day again.

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

I've got a goal to lose as much as I can before June 29th of next year, when My wife and I leave for a 10 day jamaican vacation to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want to feel attractive to my wife again...because sadly at this point....I don't. I don't know how anyone could be attracted to this much flubber. I need to succeed. I have to succeed.

Also-after our Jamaican vacation my wife and I are both scheduled to get tattoos in July of next year with an amazing artist. I gotta get these arms in shape for a great tattoo!

I need to keep my eyes on the prize and go forth and conquer.

I talk a big game, hopefully my doubtful mind doesn't prevail again.

cat_monster

"it takes 2 weeks to make a habit, and one day to break it"

That's a great quote - I'll be sure to try and remember it and stick to it!

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

Yeah, Im not sure where it originally came from, but a previous co-worker who is super dedicated to working out and eating healthy gave me that gem. I'm going to try and keep that in my head to never give myself that break.

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

well, since my last weight check in, i've lost 3 lbs! That's something i guess, lol.

kanga1342

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Congrats on the 3 pounds. Every time the scale goes in the right direction it is more motivation to keep going. Wishing you continuted success!

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Congrats on the 3 pounds. Every time the scale goes in the right direction it is more motivation to keep going. Wishing you continuted success!

Thank you!!

1stplace4health

ditto

emdeesea

I think the first thing you need to do is to find out why you have an unhealthy relationship with food and why do you need to overeat. (I'm not scolding because I had to do this too. And everyone's answer is going to be different.)

I would say that first you need to concentrate on eating better. That alone will help you lose a whole lot of weight as losing weight is about 80% diet and 20% exercise.

Once you get the diet under better control, then start to throw in some light exercise. Even walking is good. And build up from there.

But first recognize that you have a problem with food and try to uncover why and fix that "why." Good luck!

paniolo5

I'm sorry you renamed yourself "habitual failure"...that starts you off with a bad mindset that you will look at every day. You need positive things around you. You aren't a failure. You can do this, as you have already proven that you can. Vacation breaks a lot of people, including me. I finally decided on this last vacation to get up in the morning & walk every single day. It was a little thing, but it kept me going & I didn't gain any weight that week (a first for me!) and I got right back to my normal work outs when I got home. I'm a long term yo-yo dieter who was either 100% in healthy mode or 100% out, but I've (hopefully) finally calmed down & decided this needed to be a permanent life change, not a temporary break in my bad habits. Honestly, it will take a lot of hard work and time to get where you need to be, but you can start with eating a little better & a little bit of exercise. Work at it slowly. Be happy when you lost a pound; at the same time, don't berate yourself if the scale goes another direction every now & then. I personally believe that you don't give up anything (food-wise) unless you just can't handle having it around. My downfall is too many sweets, so I no longer keep them in the house. But I will get the occasional treat when I can fit it in my daily calorie limit. I don't deprive myself. I also fit in a small piece of dark chocolate every day - my must have - and that little 56 calories satisfies my craving so I don't go eat a super-size 500 calories Snickers. That works for me; you need to figure out what works for you. But please be positive! Get positive support around you & don't beat yourself up when you miss a beat. That's life. It's the long term progress that counts!

And congrats on your 3 lb loss! Progress already!

cat_monster

well, since my last weight check in, i've lost 3 lbs! That's something i guess, lol.

Cool as!

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

Thanks everyone!

And Yes-I did that name change on purpose. It makes me feel accountable for myself. I don't want to be a failure. I'm out to prove myself wrong. Once I get going and back on track, the name will change.

I appreciate all of your comments and motivation!

shellma00

I think you will find out that you will really like the Biggest Loser competition.. IT IS great motivation.. IT WILL help you succeed and get back on the right track!!! IT WILL bring back the fire you had 3 years ago!! YOU CAN AND YOU WILL do this.

I did the Biggest Loser here on MFP for 4 seasons and it kept me motivated and kept me on track. Life happened, just like in your situation and I had to take a few seasons off, but I just recently rejoined the Biggest Loser group and we are in our first week. I have to say, it is EXACTLY what I needed!! I AM motivated again. YOU WILL BE TOO!!

I will send you a FR as soon as I am done posting this... just know that you can use your support system.. even if your support system is only on MFP... Let us know what you are going through.. let us help you with advise... even if it is not what you want to hear.. you will most likely get honest hard truth!!

royaldrea

Change your username. Seriously. If that's what you think about yourself, this whole exercise is a total waste of time. When you log on and look at that you're giving yourself an out because you're already telling yourself who you are and what you'll do.

Change your mindset so that you are not reliant on motivation (which fades). You have to want this so bad that even when you're not motivated, when you're tired or sore, you're going to get up and exercise, and not gorge yourself, anyway. Because your goal is greater than your discomfort or pain.

You're at a weight now where you can lose a good amount of weight by modifying your lifestyle, which is good. But I would honestly suggest to anybody, that when you're embarking on something like this, you should make changes that you can maintain forever. If you can't do what you're doing forever, you're likely going to slip up and then backslide.

I hope all goes well with your competition! I don't like the premise of those biggest loser things, because it pushes people to lose a lot of weight quickly, which is in most cases unsustainable. I would much rather you take a measured approach, even if it takes you longer. But regardless, good luck. If you don't win or come close to winning, don't let that be an excuse to go back to your old bad habits. This isn't a race, this is a marathon that lasts for the rest of your life!! (scary hey lol) Feel free to add me

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

well, I tried to change it, but apparently you can only change it once. so it seems I'm stuck with this user name unless i completely delete my account.

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

I want to thank everyone for your support thus far!!!

cat_monster

Keep us posted with how you get on!

HabitualFailureSeekingNewWays

went camping this weekend, did some hiking and a lot of relaxing. definitely took some time to think some things through and try to get some priorities straight in my doubtful mind...

Ate some great food (Some healthy too!) drank way too many beers though!

Biggest loser contest starts at the end of this upcoming week at work. Starting weigh in is at the end of the week.

JennInTx

I know exactly how you feel. I was so motivated once and lost 180 lbs. But something happened one day and I never went back to the gym, I no longer cared (even though I kept telling myself I did). I gained back over 80 lbs. I've tried numerous times to get it back off, but my motivation wasn't there. I think it's coming back, so here I am. I'm feeling a bit more confident. Hope we can encourage each other and get over this hump.