Moderation DOES NOT WORK for me
Replies
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but people INTERPRET it that way, and you can't control someone's interpretation.
Absolutely and I'm not here to be his friend and coddle him. I see excuses, I'll call him out for said excuses in an effort to help him. If he perceives me as captain D bag and then decides lives out the rest of his life without self control that's out of my power.0 -
Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive
Not here to hold anyone's hand. If they want honest feedback they're going to get it.
You can in fact lose weight eating any and all of your favorite foods and for one to be healthy for life they must develop a healthy relationship with food. Not being able to control yourself around food is an excuse and an unhealthy relationship.
The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101
We will have to agree to disagree then. Me telling someone that they have control over their life isn't a debby downer statement.
but people INTERPRET it that way, and you can't control someone's interpretation.
It's the internet. There's nothing you can post that won't be misinterpreted by someone.
That's assuming they have the reading comprehension to have a prayer of understanding the post in the first place.0 -
but people INTERPRET it that way, and you can't control someone's interpretation.
Absolutely and I'm not here to be his friend and coddle him. I see excuses, I'll call him out for said excuses in an effort to help him. If he perceives me as captain D bag and then decides lives out the rest of his life without self control that's out of my power.
The thing is, with weight loss, calling someone out instead of offering alternatives is often discouraging and is likely to be the opposite of helpful, are you trying to help or just here to point out control issues.
Everyone who is overweight has problems with self control, how else did we get this way, we KNOW we have control issues, the reason we come online for help and start doing something about it is because we need SUGGESTIONS on how to cope with our control issues0 -
The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101
So what? It's not *my* problem, and the underlying issue is not mine to fix.
It's Reality 101.0 -
The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101
So what? It's not *my* problem, and the underlying issue is not mine to fix.
It's Reality 101.
If it's not your problem then why bother commenting on it? Making a comment is a method to get involved0 -
As a recovering binge eater one thing I can tell you is that the less of the unhealthy stuff you eat the less you will crave it. The more of it you eat the worse it gets. If you can cut out the junk food for a while you will go through a type of withdrawal but once you get past that it gets way easier. I rarely have cravings and when I do it is usually for a particular macro nutrient that I am shy on that day.
However, when I went on a trip last month and was eating out non-stop I didn't make the best choices. As a result, I found those cravings creeping back in I am having to stamp it back out. If you stick with good habits and eat less and less processed junk you will wake up one day and find you are no longer a slave to food.
Good luck
Agreed. I'm a recovering binger and I couldn't have said it better myself. I tend to avoid my trigger foods completely for the time being.0 -
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The problem being, when you put someone on the defensive, they will stop listening to the GOOD parts of the advice and focus on the accusation. It's psychology 101
So what? It's not *my* problem, and the underlying issue is not mine to fix.
It's Reality 101.
If it's not your problem then why bother commenting on it? Making a comment is a method to get involved
Indeed.
And just as the person asking the question isn't motivated by the needs of the people the question is being asked of, my response is motivated by my own personal needs.
Everybody here is in it for themselves.
That's what happens when nobody is getting paid to tread gently.
If you need extra hand holding, get off the internet and pay a professional to provide the service.0 -
To many people like to play the victim. And all you do by doing that is sabotaging yourself.
I liked your entire reply but this part especially stuck out to me. Very well said.0 -
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Suck it up and have more self control is offering a solution. May not be what you want to hear but it's a great solution rather than play the whoa is me card.
It's not a solution, it's a goal, the solution is the steps you take/took to get to the self control. A behavior change is not a light switch, you can't just suddenly be a different person. You've got to work at it, and not everyone knows what steps they need to take to make that change.0 -
Nailed it.You're telling me you would allow some stranger online to discourage you to succeed? You would allow a stranger to make you abandon your mission? I'm sorry but that's just weak.
:smokin:0 -
unfortunately there aren't many secrets to this- its gonna take serious willpower. but here are some tips that have helped me-
1. I used to binge on junk at night, so now I set aside a good chunk of my calories to eat later in the evening. i'll have pretzel chips, salsa, string cheese, a fiber one brownie, maybe half a bagel even. it makes me feel like I'm gorging but I'm really not since I planned ahead
2. replacing junk with healthier alternatives- you can get pb2 instead of peanut butter, its only 45 cals for 2 tbsp. quest bars are great as well, they taste like candy but are so much better for you. If you want something that is considered 'junk' just get an individual single serving bag instead of eating out of a giant one
3. maybe you could ask your family if they could keep all the junk in a separate cabinet, and have a designated health food cabinet for all your snacks?
4. fruit fruit fruit fruit. throw some dark chocolate chips on there and you're set
but in the end, it will be up to you. if you want junk, just get some exercise and make the room for it!
Best tips I have seen!
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Whooooo Are yall hungry orsomething? All of these pissy comments AND totally non productive information! Sheesh!!!! :explode:0
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Why would someone throw food away?
Seems wasteful and as inappropriate as Californians doing the Ice bucket challenge.0 -
If you put a basket of naan in front of me, I'm not going to eat just one piece, probably, but that doesn't mean I'm addicted to naan.
That is true. However, if every time I put a basket of naan in front of you you cannot control how much naan you eat, then you might have a problem. I would call that an addiction.
That's not an addiction.
An addiction is when you pull out a Glock and rob the 7-11 on your way into the restaurant so you can order the Naan you wouldn't otherwise be able to eat.
What you're describing is just a lack of discipline.
Yes, I agree. It's a lack of discipline or a strong liking or something akin to the M&M thing (and for what it's worth, I actually COULD eat a few M&Ms without a problem and without it seeming like torture at all, although I don't--there's a bowl of M&Ms on the cubical of a co-worker for people to dig into at all times--because M&Ms usually aren't worth even the reasonably small number of calories to me).
So it is certainly true that if I don't eat naan I don't really think about naan (well, I probably would if it was sitting in front of me at the Indian restaurant because my friend ordered it, which is analogous to the OP and whatever food her parents have around), and if I have a small piece I'm going to want to eat more and will have a harder time not overeating than with many other foods. However, to suggest that this reaction -- which is simply because I really like naan -- is instead an "addiction" seems crazy. Especially since, as I said, I don't have this reaction to other bread, let alone carbs in general or food in general. Precisely what substance, then, am I addicted to and how does this "addiction" work?
And, no, it's not a compulsion either. Liking something enough that you want to eat more of it than you know is good for you (if you consider all factors) does not make something compulsive or mean that you lack free will.0 -
Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive
It's especially not helpful for people who have addiction tendencies.
Many people, myself included, can moderate with most items but have to abstain from particular foods. I can eat 10 french fries and stop, for example, and not think of french fries for another two weeks. But if I get a cookie or any other sweet/chocolatey/fatty treat into my system something shorts out and I HAVE to eat another. It instantly becomes an obsession, and trying to "control" it only makes it worse.
I tried moderating with sweet treats for 10 long years and finally realized/admitted that I have a problem with those kinds of foods. I'm totally comfortable with skipping the cookie now that I know this. I do not feel restricted, obsessed, deprived, and I have zero cravings. I grieved it and moved on. It is now almost three years later since I started abstaining from those foods.
I am now grateful, instead, to be happy, healthy, obsession-free, and I enjoy being a size 4-6 as opposed to a 14-16 (pushing my way into 18's). You gotta do what works for you. One size does NOT fit all.0 -
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An addiction is when you pull out a Glock and rob the 7-11 on your way into the restaurant so you can order the Naan you wouldn't otherwise be able to eat.
Sorry, but you do not have the complete definition of an addiction.
Robbery, etc. is just one tiny behavior manifestation of it. There are myriad manifestations. As an example, my father is an alcoholic. He never robbed, raped, stole, hijacked, nor abused anyone. He became distant from us and angry with us for little things and he isolated himself. He was lost in the addiction alone by himself.
Please educate yourself so that you are not spreading misinformation and shaming people who don't need to be shamed. Thanks.0 -
OP, there isn't just one way to do moderation. Someone saying they eat something "in moderation" doesn't necessarily mean they can have it in the house and just eat one portion at a time. You can also enjoy foods "in moderation" by limiting the frequency. If there is a certain food where you know if you have it, you're eating all of it, you can enjoy it "in moderation" by only having that food on special occasions, or every few months, or once a month, or whatever works for you.
Absolutely. And again the OP hasn't even pointed out what she's talking about with moderation.
From some of the responses you'd think that moderation meant never exercising any judgment about what you want to eat or always having a little of everything available that you might at one time have thoughtlessly put in your mouth, and I don't think anyone is recommending that.0 -
I love these threads, man.
When there is free bread on the table at a restaurant, I can't stop eating it. Therefore, I am addicted to bread.
Say what?0 -
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I love these threads, man.
When there is free bread on the table at a restaurant, I can't stop eating it. Therefore, I am addicted to bread.
Say what?
You try that bread at Red Lobster?
their food is ****e, but I'll go there time and again for those little devil rolls.0 -
Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive
It's especially not helpful for people who have addiction tendencies.
Many people, myself included, can moderate with most items but have to abstain from particular foods. I can eat 10 french fries and stop, for example, and not think of french fries for another two weeks. But if I get a cookie or any other sweet/chocolatey/fatty treat into my system something shorts out and I HAVE to eat another. It instantly becomes an obsession, and trying to "control" it only makes it worse.
I tried moderating with sweet treats for 10 long years and finally realized/admitted that I have a problem with those kinds of foods. I'm totally comfortable with skipping the cookie now that I know this. I do not feel restricted, obsessed, deprived, and I have zero cravings. I grieved it and moved on. It is now almost three years later since I started abstaining from those foods.
I am now grateful, instead, to be happy, healthy, obsession-free, and I enjoy being a size 4-6 as opposed to a 14-16 (pushing my way into 18's). You gotta do what works for you. One size does NOT fit all.
I'm glad that restriction was a solution to your compulsive overeating of sweets, but that doesn't mean you or anyone else is addicted to food.0 -
if you work out nutrition kind of follows. I started p90x which made me stop eating out and buying junk food. Replace soda with water and results will show0
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if you work out nutrition kind of follows. I started p90x which made me stop eating out and buying junk food. Replace soda with water and results will show
Not always.
Last year I started swimming 4x a week, I gained because diet wasn't dialed in.
I knew my low point was when I was at the Taco Bell 300 feet from the pool, and grabbing my order of soft tacos.0 -
It seems like you are one of those people who either has it, or doesn't and it seems to me, you are going to have to just quit it gradually. Don't just go cold turkey, as that will be too hard.0
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Oh, so what you're saying is instead we should lay out step for step exactly what the person should do. Tell them when, how and what to eat? You mean we should spoon feed people the advice they are looking for? The good thing about that is there are tons and tons of people around here looking for that, you'd be a perfect support system for them.Suck it up and have more self control is offering a solution. May not be what you want to hear but it's a great solution rather than play the whoa is me card.
It's not a solution, it's a goal, the solution is the steps you take/took to get to the self control. A behavior change is not a light switch, you can't just suddenly be a different person. You've got to work at it, and not everyone knows what steps they need to take to make that change.
You ever want to learn about something, a certain subject, that you read and look around and spend hours without realizing reading information that takes you to more information? Next thing you know it's 2 am and you have to be up at 5am for work. We can arm ourselves with so much knowledge and information to dissect and apply and learn from. I'd take that approach any day over having someone spoon feed me their beliefs.
I totally agree here. We and OP are not babies. You have to want to have self control and only you can stop it. If you really wanted to stop eating so much, then just stop. Yes its that simple. IF you didn't care then you will keep eating, so in my eyes someone who keeps eating and doesn't use self control just does not care as much.
Point is....suck it up and just stop. Its not an addiction, its a problem with self control.0 -
Then maybe those people need to log off the computer and seek professional help instead of looking for strangers online that will present information exactly the way they need it delivered. That's basically saying "I'm special so please, everyone adjust to what I need, how I need to be treated because my I'm damaged so don't expect me to adjust".Telling someone to "Just get over it, you are in control" doesnt help. THat type of statement puts someone instantly on the defensive. Suggestions are helpful, blanket statements like "don't make excuses" just make people defensive
It's especially not helpful for people who have addiction tendencies.
Many people, myself included, can moderate with most items but have to abstain from particular foods. I can eat 10 french fries and stop, for example, and not think of french fries for another two weeks. But if I get a cookie or any other sweet/chocolatey/fatty treat into my system something shorts out and I HAVE to eat another. It instantly becomes an obsession, and trying to "control" it only makes it worse.
I tried moderating with sweet treats for 10 long years and finally realized/admitted that I have a problem with those kinds of foods. I'm totally comfortable with skipping the cookie now that I know this. I do not feel restricted, obsessed, deprived, and I have zero cravings. I grieved it and moved on. It is now almost three years later since I started abstaining from those foods.
I am now grateful, instead, to be happy, healthy, obsession-free, and I enjoy being a size 4-6 as opposed to a 14-16 (pushing my way into 18's). You gotta do what works for you. One size does NOT fit all.
There are a few things wrong with your response here:
1.) You assume that telling someone that they "just need to exercise self control" is "exactly the way they need it delivered". If everyone were robots that might work. But they're not. People receive things differently and have different needs.
2.) You assume that strangers don't have answers for other strangers reaching out for help, thus these people should "log off". I identify w/the OP and I have answers that will speak to them. So while professional help is also recommended and helpful, we can also help. No need for all-or-nothing thinking.
3.) No one is saying they are so special. Your misunderstanding is causing you to be angry about this subject and project a butthurt image onto these folks. They are hurting, they are in need of help, and asking for such help. When you come at them with pat answers and a judgmental attitude, it is human nature to become defensive.
4.) You say "everyone adjust to my need"... Actually, this is very good advice and what many people here have been trying to say all along, lol. Yes. In many cases, we need to adjust our words and attitudes depending on the person. Again, we are not all robots. I work in Sales in one of the largest food companies on the planet. My guys constantly adjust their words and attitudes depending on their vendor. There's nothing wrong with doing that, in fact, it helps people hear better.
Look, I get that people who have these tendencies can be frustrating to those who don't. Anything you don't understand is scary. And fear produces anger and impatience. Happens all the time. But we are human: we have the ability to overcome prejudice and truly understand one another. I hope people will start to do that.0
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