feeling alone

fynendandi1

I am writing today to be honest, honest with myself. I don't expect a reaction from this post i just feel maybe to lay the truth on the table may be helpful to me. i am overweight. I have been since i was in my early twenties. My weight does not stem simply because i have ate too much and it crept up on me over the years. i have held onto this weight because it it easier to be fat. It is easy because this way no one will hurt me anymore. No one looks at me when I am fat. Men leave me alone. Yes sometimes it hurts when i am lonely, but over all I feel comfortable being big. I actually become anxious when I think what life might be like if I really do get thin and look the best I can. What if then I become attractive? Then i put myself out for another heart break? i don't think I can go through another one. My self esteem is so low right now. I am torn, should I loose weight and be healthy, or should i just go on with the life I have been leading for almost 20 years, big.....

fynendandi1

I am writing today to be honest, honest with myself. I don't expect a reaction from this post i just feel maybe to lay the truth on the table may be helpful to me. i am overweight. I have been since i was in my early twenties. My weight does not stem simply because i have ate too much and it crept up on me over the years. i have held onto this weight because it it easier to be fat. It is easy because this way no one will hurt me anymore. No one looks at me when I am fat. Men leave me alone. Yes sometimes it hurts when i am lonely, but over all I feel comfortable being big. I actually become anxious when I think what life might be like if I really do get thin and look the best I can. What if then I become attractive? Then i put myself out for another heart break? i don't think I can go through another one. My self esteem is so low right now. I am torn, should I loose weight and be healthy, or should i just go on with the life I have been leading for almost 20 years, big.....

msarro

Live the life you want to live, damn everyone else. After all, you're the only person who will be with you every second of every day until you die, so you better like yourself. Just don't lie to yourself and say you're happy because its become habit, or because you're afraid of how others will act towards you.

Adele

Lose weight for you!! To be healthy, to feel good inside, for energy, for life...

We are here for you - (((((hugs))))))

Liani

Dont worry u r not alone i used to feel like that too....
but i dont care no more at some point u feel bad bcuz everyone is shallow ..I hate that kind of world ppl should accept us how we look...Dont be affaid take chance to be healthier n lookin good..I promise u by time to time it is going to be worth it!!!! **** men(sorry for the langueage)Next time u get heart broken dont feel bad thats their lost...

FitJoani

Get healthy honey YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!! You are not alone!!! DO IT FOR YOU!!!!! your health is the best gift you are given, live it to the fullest. Tell yourself "I love you" and make a change for the better!!!!! We are here for you, so dont ever feel alone!!!! Do this go run a nice hard run for as long as you can, the endophins will be the best thing for you right now!!!!

sgtinvincible

Wow Fyn...I don't know what to say. I have started several times, but it all sounds wrong...

I guess there are several ways to look at it. All I can tell you is that I feel your pain...and being hurt is a universal emotion, whether woman, man, or Michael Jackson....

I too am faced with the daunting task of having to face trusting the opposite sex after having my heart shattered like a truck stop mirror....I want to move on, but it's terribly hard to do...

I suppose the only thing I can suggest is to do as you are doing...being honest with yourself is a wonderfully hard step to take. Reflect on what it is that you want. If you were thin, would that automactically make you more vulnerable?

Ask yourself this...if your best friend/son/daughter was in this situation, what would you tell them? I have found a lot of times it's easier to give someone else advice when you are on the outside looking in...so go outside and take a peak through your windows...

I am a romantic at heart so I have to *hope* that next time it will be worth it. I enjoy being in love too much not to try again...and as many of the wonderful people here have told me, the next person isn't the person that broke my heart, burnt it with a flamethrower and scattered the ashes in a sewer. Is there a chance that it can happen again? Sure there is. There is risk in absolutely everything we do...(including eating yourself 'safe'.)

I wish you so much peace...I know it's hard and my heart goes out to you. If nothing else, lose for your health, and politely turn away any potential suitors that express interest. It's ok to say no (I have had to do it several times as I'm just not ready yet), but slowly reopen your heart...you never know when the most amzing person in the world might cross your path.

*hugs*

-J

kellbell

Wow Fyn...I don't know what to say. I have started several times, but it all sounds wrong...

I guess there are several ways to look at it. All I can tell you is that I feel your pain...and being hurt is a universal emotion, whether woman, man, or Michael Jackson....

I too am faced with the daunting task of having to face trusting the opposite sex after having my heart shattered like a truck stop mirror....I want to move on, but it's terribly hard to do...

I suppose the only thing I can suggest is to do as you are doing...being honest with yourself is a wonderfully hard step to take. Reflect on what it is that you want. If you were thin, would that automactically make you more vulnerable?

Ask yourself this...if your best friend/son/daughter was in this situation, what would you tell them? I have found a lot of times it's easier to give someone else advice when you are on the outside looking in...so go outside and take a peak through your windows...

I am a romantic at heart so I have to *hope* that next time it will be worth it. I enjoy being in love too much not to try again...and as many of the wonderful people here have told me, the next person isn't the person that broke my heart, burnt it with a flamethrower and scattered the ashes in a sewer. Is there a chance that it can happen again? Sure there is. There is risk in absolutely everything we do...(including eating yourself 'safe'.)

I wish you so much peace...I know it's hard and my heart goes out to you. If nothing else, lose for your health, and politely turn away any potential suitors that express interest. It's ok to say no (I have had to do it several times as I'm just not ready yet), but slowly reopen your heart...you never know when the most amzing person in the world might cross your path.

*hugs*

-J

Very well said.

plantlady99

:flowerforyou:

You made a very large step forward. Now take one more.

I can relate to what you are going through. I have felt that way many times.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

TamTastic

Hey!

First of all, I just want you to know that you aren't alone. If nothing else, you have us!! And trust me, this is a wonderful group of people.

I know this is a hard time and I know how you are feeling. It's amazing how much a wall we put up when we've been hurt. And sometimes it seems impossible for that wall to come down. I am going through some things myself at this point that keeps me hesitant and has my wall up. I'm not sure what I am going to do. Time will tell! BUT, I know no matter what, I need to treat myself well and get as healthy as I can.

You need to be healthy for yourself first and foremost. I know it's hard to let your guard down but feeling better and having more energy will benefit you in so many ways. Ways you didn't even think were possible.

And you are ALREADY a pretty woman! Yes, it seems safe to just sort of hibernate but will that truly make you happy? You need to love yourself and be at peace with yourself. This post tells me that you aren't content just staying the way you are. Are you less of a person now? Of course not! Will you feel better and be treating yourself with the respect you deserve?? YES!

Just focus on YOU. Treat yourself well! Because you deserve it. I know you can do it. Let me know if I can help in any way.

Hugs!
Tami

age1389

Please don't let fear stop you from living. We all have to take chances in our lives and the bigger picture is we are here to learn something about ourselves and we can't learn if we don't live and sometimes that means getting are heart broken.
Live like there's no tomorrow, love like you've never been hurt:flowerforyou:

Stay strong and positive

Adrienne

Manda86

One thing I've discovered recently about myself is that for me, even more difficult than putting myself out on a limb, terrified and clinging to the branch like a treed cat , even more difficult than giving someone my unconditional love, knowing it could end in heartbreak, is accepting the love they have to give in return. After all, how can I truly allow myself to be loved if I don't love myself? I've made the mistake in the past of allowing my relationships to define my identity, and thinking that if I just work hard enough, if I just give enough of myself, I will find the honest, pure love I've been looking for. Nuh uh. Doesn't work. And each time it didn't, I'd subject myself to this horrible , painful self-scrutiny, "Well, Amanda, if you'd have worked out harder and stayed in shape, he wouldn't have lost interest in you," or "If you'd only focused a little more on being the perfect girlfriend instead of what's going on in your life, he wouldn't have had to treat you the way he did". What hurt the most what not even that my former boyfriends did not find me worthy of love (ironically enough, the meaning of my name) , it was that when I looked in the mirror and saw the squishy bits, I mirrored their opinion. It's not going to happen until I find myself worthy of love enough to accept it from others. So that's what I'm focusing on right now, falling in love with myself again. I am more than my body. And I have so much more to give than to write myself off as a piece of tail that doesn't deserve happiness (which is essentially what I was saying when I was assigning my worth to my appearance). And no matter how hard I try, I'm not ever going to be perfect- what I CAN do is continue being the person that God made me to the best of my ability, and some day when I least expect it He'll show me who He has for me- he's going to love me for who I am and not what size I am, and by then, I'll be ready to let him love me.

I'm done looking for someone, I'm ready to be patient now, and let His plan for me unfold, because what He has for me is way more awesome than anything I could've put together myself.

I have felt your pain, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers


- The sheep that went astray

oh, and my daddy picked my name- I didn't understand until now how truly important it was for him to stamp that on my life.. I am worthy of love... your post made me cry because I have been in that position so many times in my life- I wish you the best, and the self-love you so richly deserve

Manda86

let me know if you ever need to talk, okay? I may not be the best person to give advice, but I'm a heck of a listener. *hug*

beep

I cannot add another thing. J and Manda articulated my feelings to perfection.

You are a beautiful woman and your children are very precious.... live and love for them.

beep

what He has for me is way more awesome than anything I could've put together myself.

Manda, you are so ahead of the game. It took me many years to realize this. I am so touched and proud (and wishing you were my daughter!)

Manda86

what He has for me is way more awesome than anything I could've put together myself.

Manda, you are so ahead of the game. It took me many years to realize this. I am so touched and proud (and wishing you were my daughter!)

I AM up for adoption..

:happy:

fatsis

what He has for me is way more awesome than anything I could've put together myself.

Manda, you are so ahead of the game. It took me many years to realize this. I am so touched and proud (and wishing you were my daughter!)

I AM up for adoption..

:happy:

Too late. I have already adopted her.

fatsis

Prayers and hugs.

Smilineyes

You're definitely not alone. The thing that really changed my way of thinking was realizing that I need to do this for my health. Don't focus so much on being skinny. Focus on being healthy. Do it for you. You're worth it! We're all here for you. Good luck :flowerforyou:

Kels

sgtinvincible

what He has for me is way more awesome than anything I could've put together myself.

Manda, you are so ahead of the game. It took me many years to realize this. I am so touched and proud (and wishing you were my daughter!)

I AM up for adoption..

:happy:

Too late. I have already adopted her.

DOH!!!


(Guess those dirty dishes are just going to have to stay dirty....:frown: )

mommared53

Wow, what can I add that hasn't already been said (and said very well at that)? Just know that you have so much love and support and encouragement here on MFP. I know you're going to be just fine. God bless you. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Manda86

awww, you guys are ALL my adopted family.

:flowerforyou:

peej76

Do you know what? I have held on to my weight for the same reasons, it's just more comfortable, but in the end I am miserable. I wrote a post last week, bearing my soul, and it was the best therapy! The kind responses made me wake up. I am going to be happy now because that's how I want to be. So the way I see it, you being honest with yourself and us here is the first giant step. It is very hard to admit to yourself, let alone others why you feel the way you do. That was a brave thing to do. It's time for us girls who have always done everything for everyone else, and became a certain way because of being hurt, to be selfish. Let's just do what we want to do, because we want to do it!!! Let's show the world that we deserve to be who we want to be!!! I am kinda new at figuring this all out, but I would love to help and support you in any way I can. We don't deserve to feel like this anymore!!

Liana25

I can safely say that when I started gaining weight it was a mixture of poor diet by learning the habits which are common to my mostly plus size family and poor genes but food also become something to reward myself with, to deal with problems and just something to keep busy when bored. I know I had the smarts to figure out a safe and healthy way to lose weight in high school but I didn't for those exact same reasons. I was scared and still am sometimes about what life will be like without the weight. I've never been thin from 7 years old to the now age of 24 I have been overweight and since 11 I've been morbidly obese. So, I don't know what life outside of being fat is like. When I first started trying to lose the weight, I covered so many issues and I've worked out a lot of them but the fear that I'll either never reach the weight I want or that something terrible will happen the minute I truly am happy and healthy is one I don't think will go away until I make it and nothing happens. Deciding to lose the weight was about what I wanted if I could live any life I wanted, nothing about my social situation will change unless I want it to. I'm not doing this to attract a mate because any guy who wants me based only on my physical appearance isn't good enough for me. I'm not doing this to get the praise and attention I wanted as a kid from my family because if they couldn't love a child just because I picked up on their bad habits and became fat then I'm better off without that kind of love in my life. I'm doing this because I want to be healthier and not get any diseases common in my family and because I want to love my body as much as I love the personality I know I have and that isn't going to happen as long as I'm fat. You have to decide to do it for yourself and you got to remember that losing weight may change your confidence and even how the people around you react to you but how you react to that is up to you.

gabi_ele

Wow great posts.... I have been there ,done that too and not just for a couple of years. I agree with Manda ( by the way should you ever come to southern Ohio come and visit, your'e invited:flowerforyou: )
Peej, Liana and all the other posts. One thing I found is that sometimes we think we deserve to be treated badly because we are to big, or not smart enough, or not wealthy or some other stupid thing and somehow it reflects back on us. ( its like other people can feel how we think of ourselves and then tread us accordingly)
The way I see it now is, that if anybody doesn't like me or doesn't want to know me because I am fat they have missed out on a great person I have a sence of humor , am a good friend when you need me ( someone say'd you can steel horses with me:blushing: ) and God created me, loves me and one of these days I will be perfect ( but not in this lifetime:laugh: ) I want to loose the weight because I am tired of being tired, have no energy , starting to have problems with my back and knees
I appreciate all of YOU:flowerforyou: it is such a great site for all of us and the support can't be beat.

beep

what He has for me is way more awesome than anything I could've put together myself.

Manda, you are so ahead of the game. It took me many years to realize this. I am so touched and proud (and wishing you were my daughter!)

I AM up for adoption..

:happy:

Too late. I have already adopted her.

Dang............ I'm closer!

heather2219

Hi, I read your message and I have to tell you that it was like reading my own thoughts. Except I am not ok about being big. I am losing this weight for me. I don't like the attention that I get when I am thin, but maybe the problem is more about how I handle that attention. It's not about a man, or my friends, family or even strangers. It's just about me. I want to love me. I want to look at myself and smile, instead of doing the low crawl whenever I see a mirror just so I don't catch a glimpse. If you are comfortable being big, then by all means be big. But if it's because your hiding, then that's just not a good enough reason. You deserve to feel good. And it sounds like you have earned it too. Good luck and God bless.

ladylaycee

Girl I feel your pain! but don't hide yourself anymore! lose this weight for you and no one else! and don't worry the lord is going to send you a good man that will appreciate you!!! good luck...


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