If this is maintenance, I don't want to maintain.

hj1119

I'm so frustrated with myself and my body at the moment. Two years ago this time, I was probably 15-20 pounds heavier than I am now. I never exercised. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, wherever I wanted. I never even thought about calories. I rarely stood on a scale. I ate the cookies in the break room. I didn't care about protein or fat or carbs. I drank as much booze as I felt like. I smoked cigarettes. I wasn't healthy, but I was happy. I still felt sexy. It feels like life was so much easier then.

Fast forward to today... I weigh and measure nearly every morsel I put in my mouth. I budget my calories like my checkbook. I hate going out to eat. I weigh myself regularly - the same time, the same situation. I don't touch the cookies in the break room. I try to keep my booze in check. I quit smoking and I run 3 times a week.

I clearly don't know what I'm doing. I feel deprived all the time. I don't "lose control" often, but when I do, I binge heavily on beer, cheese, bread, and lean meats. Last week, on paper, I created a 5,843 calorie deficit according to fitbit - hit 11K steps every day for a week - but the scale is up 4 pounds. If I use the TDEE method, I created a 3,443 calorie deficit - SO WHY AM I UP 4 POUNDS? Mathematically, it's not adding up. Even if one event blew my deficit for the week, I shouldn't be up 4 freaking pounds. I've had my metabolism tested, so I know there's no health issues.

I'm depressed and exhausted. If I've eaten at "maintenance" this week, then I would rather go back to being fat and happy. I almost preferred the life of ignorance - where calorie was just a word thrown around at WW meetings. I feel like I've unleashed an obsessive monster within. I don't feel like my relationship with food is healthy. "Family dinner" has turned into me sitting there eating 41g of dry lettuce and a carefully weighed 3 oz ground beef patty because I can't "afford" a dinner roll and I'd rather have a Skinny Cow ice cream than salad dressing.

Which wouldn't be "so bad" if the scale was going down, or I felt stronger on my runs... but it's not going down, and I don't feel stronger on my runs. I'm just a mess and could use some encouragement Anyone have any tips that don't involve trying to see if my health insurance offers mental health consultation?

hyg99

I think you need to build in treats, even if this means a much smaller deficit. I tend to aim for 1200 calories for my meals and then the exercise (or at least most of it) is mine for treats. That way I feel I've earnt but also still at a calorie deficit. For me it's a life change and so I don't want that feeling of deprivation.

thegreatcanook

Sounds like you tanked your metabolism. Maintenance shouldn't be like that. I tried looking at your food diary, but it's locked.

pinktoesjb

We all have these days. Sometimes I have these days for weeks!

You don't really want to smoke again, it's gross and will kill you. Don't smoke.

I'm pretty sure you don't want to be fat and happy again, and will you really be happy? Why did you start cleaning up your act in the first place?

You've done well to get where you are, maybe you need to change a few things up, factor in some treats and stay off the scale for a couple of weeks until things are moving again.

I personally never get far with running, because it's kind of boring. I do much better commiting to gym time or cycling. Take a buddie or take your ipod, make better playlists, find a way to make it less of a chore.

You can do it, don't let a little slump throw you backwards.

TavistockToad

if you're maintaining, why would you have a 5000 calorie deficit?

SezxyStef

I wouldn't want to be in your maitenance either wow...you are obsessing and way to worried about "good" food vs living life.

You feel deprived? why?
You binge? why?

Because you gave up foods you didn't have to I suspect...

The fact you are depressed and exhausted and actually know your relationship with food is off is a good sign to take a step back and look at what you are doing to yourself..."can't afford a dinner roll" really??? wow just wow

My maitenance just like my weight loss is full of nom nom food, random unexpected trips to resturants where I can't weigh my food, parties, drinks, cookies, cake and all the food I want to eat...and a chocolate bar every night...

Not sure why your maitenance isn't like that but I suspect it's because you are copying your weight loss strategy.

Again take a step back...re-evaluate your calories, and your relationship with food.

Iron_Feline

Open your diary and you can get better help.

My guess - you've got too much of a deficit and the 4lbs will be mostly water weight.

EDIT: 5,843 calorie deficit - probably too much.

How much are you eating?

What are your macros?

What is your weight now and goal weight?

How tall are you?

Sabine_Stroehm

That doesn't sound fun.

You need to find a way to make this work able. For me, maintenance was pretty much just like the dieting phase. And that wasn't hard. When I switched to maintenance I just kept doing what I was doing, but knew that I'd probably eat a bit more. I dieted down to a few pounds below my goal. I decided to stop losing. The scale immediately went up 3LBs and then settled. I stay +-5LBS from goal.

The key, as with dieting, is to find what works for you. It may be weighing and measuring and counting and it may not be.

It's hard, but it shouldn't be miserable.

Why are you creating a deficit?
And.. are you retaining water?
So many questions.

Iron_Feline

I suspect the op isn't actually in maintenance - but thinks they ate at maintenance for the week - so assumes that it will always be like that.

gypsy_spirit

You've gotten some good advice about deficits (why you even have one in maintenance?) and your views of food, etc.

My question is this: Why did you even start this process? What was your reason? Because if you were trying to be healthy to live a longer life - then you're on the right road (with some tweaking of the calories, of course).

It's hell to change everything in your life at once. No smoking, no drinking, no eating of your favorite foods, more working out. But really, if your goal is better health, the smoking had to go. Now you just need to moderate your plan so that you're not miserable.

It is a process. You just need to be patient with yourself until your hit your sweet spot.

Good luck.

_HeartsOnFire_

I wouldn't want to be in your maitenance either wow...you are obsessing and way to worried about "good" food vs living life.

You feel deprived? why?
You binge? why?

Because you gave up foods you didn't have to I suspect...

The fact you are depressed and exhausted and actually know your relationship with food is off is a good sign to take a step back and look at what you are doing to yourself..."can't afford a dinner roll" really??? wow just wow

My maitenance just like my weight loss is full of nom nom food, random unexpected trips to resturants where I can't weigh my food, parties, drinks, cookies, cake and all the food I want to eat...and a chocolate bar every night...

Not sure why your maitenance isn't like that but I suspect it's because you are copying your weight loss strategy.

Again take a step back...re-evaluate your calories, and your relationship with food.

QFT

Also, this...

You've gotten some good advice about deficits (why you even have one in maintenance?) and your views of food, etc.

My question is this: Why did you even start this process? What was your reason? Because if you were trying to be healthy to live a longer life - then you're on the right road (with some tweaking of the calories, of course).

It's hell to change everything in your life at once. No smoking, no drinking, no eating of your favorite foods, more working out. But really, if your goal is better health, the smoking had to go. Now you just need to moderate your plan so that you're not miserable.

It is a process. You just need to be patient with yourself until your hit your sweet spot.

Good luck.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1346163-change-your-mindset?page=1

Tunrayo3

I know this is serious topic but but your sense of humor is amazing.. Loooool.
Truthfully stop jumping on the scales too often. Infact forget about the scales and concentrate on a healthy sustainable lifestyle.
Good to count calories..but it seems u have more than enough information about weightloss so portion control might just be your solution and not total abstinence. The science of weight loss can really get freaky after a while. Just make healthy substitutions, exercise regularly , get your mind out of the weight loss boot camp, and stop been too hard on ur self.
You need to let loose a little and enjoy life. Life isn't all about food, enjoy other aspects and learn to enjoy food too. Healthy food. I don't abstain from anything except I know I can make a better healthier alternative.

msf74

I'd go back to what you were doing before if the difference is only 15-20 lbs between the two.

Eat what you like but try and keep your portion sizes and snacking under control. Do some exercise you love. Be happy.

knitapeace

You sound burned out. Sometimes people take little breaks from their weight loss goals and just relax for a week or so. Be aware but not hyper-aware. Do exercise just because it's fun, not to burn calories. And if you can't even afford 50 calories for a tablespoon of salad dressing at dinner then maybe you've set your calorie goal too low. I do think that a year or more at a very low calorie input can cause your body to slow its metabolism to keep you alive on those few nutrients, but with your diary locked it's hard to say.

cwolfman13

I've been maintaining for 16 months and I don't log a thing...I am mindful of what I'm eating, but I don't obsess. I generally eat pretty nutritionally awesome foods, most of which I prepare from scratch...I'm a foodie so everything that goes into my mouth tastes awesome (yeah...healthy and healthful foods can actually be really awesome). I also eat a cookie in the break room if I feel like it and I enjoy my brews...a couple nightly and usually more on the weekend. I make sure I'm getting in some regular exercise...nothing crazy, just an hour long bike ride at a moderate pace for an hour or so 4-5 days per week and a longer ride on the weekends if I feel like it (unless I'm actually racing or training and then I take things a bit more seriously) and I hit the weight room a couple nights per week...I like walking the dog too and just generally try to move more than I used to. I monitor the trends of my weight but don't obsess about day to day weigh ins and fluctuations.

I don't know...when I was logging, I took the time to figure out how I should be eating and how much I should be eating and what I could allot myself in the way of junk, etc. I think maybe you just tried to do a complete 180* overnight or something...but definitely you don't have your head in the right place...none of this is that big of a deal.

Francl27

The weight gain - water retention. It's fine. You'll lose it. You know you didn't eat 14,000 over your weekly TDEE. It just can't be fat. Did you weigh the day after a run? Did you go out to eat this week? Is your period due? I always gain 2-3 pounds before my period.

Eat a smaller deficit so you don't burn out and can have the things you crave within your calories. Make sure you're not underestimating what you're eating though, which is very easy to do if you're not weighing your food.

Do you do any strength training? I think it's what helped me get better on my runs, personally. And it would help you preserve muscle while you lose, and increase your metabolism that way.

But yeah... that's what maintenance is going to be like for me. Having to make choices - I'll never be able to eat what I want when I want it anymore, and I'll still have to make the choice between that dinner roll and that ice cream cone at dinner. And that's why so many gain the weight back... you can never go back to your old habits. And some days it sucks.

chloeealicee

I don't have advice, i'm just here because reading OP's post was like reading my own diary entry.
I'm going to keep watch on the rest of the answers here. I know the feeling of feeling happier when i was heavier and ignorance being bliss.

I wish you luck on finding happiness and balance though! i hope you get there, i sure as hell know how hard it is.

dubird

It sounds like you're treating this as a diet, not a life change. You don't have to cut out all the foods you like! The key is how much of them you eat. For example, I crave salty things, like chips. So when I get the craving, I go by the gas station and buy a small bag. Yes, it's more than one serving, but I can still eat the full thing and not feel like I'm sabotaging myself. If I go buy a full bag, I will eat the whole thing! ^_^; So, smaller servings, and if my day ends up 100 or so calories over, it's not the end of the world. I log it, and go on to the next day. If I start agonizing over small variances like that, I will bring myself down really bad, so I've had to learn the hard way not to stress so much.

Sabine_Stroehm

It sounds like you're treating this as a diet, not a life change. You don't have to cut out all the foods you like! The key is how much of them you eat. For example, I crave salty things, like chips. So when I get the craving, I go by the gas station and buy a small bag. Yes, it's more than one serving, but I can still eat the full thing and not feel like I'm sabotaging myself. If I go buy a full bag, I will eat the whole thing! ^_^; So, smaller servings, and if my day ends up 100 or so calories over, it's not the end of the world. I log it, and go on to the next day. If I start agonizing over small variances like that, I will bring myself down really bad, so I've had to learn the hard way not to stress so much.

This is one way to do it, and a pretty good way for many folks!

brianpperkins

This is the same OP that a month ago wondered why shouldn't just use beer for a good portion of their limited calories. Now we have the concept of maintenance with a huge deficit. Either things will click for them or not ... and I'm guessing not until they wrap their head around some simple concepts and stop working at the extreme edges of everything.