Need friends with kids, family on spectrum

skinnybythanksgiving

Hi, I'm needing additional support from those of you who have kids, family members or friends on the autism spectrum. My daughter has started high school and things are rough for both of us. She's 15 and I've always thought of her as high functioning. Now I'm not so sure as the stress of the work load, socialization, bell schedules, homework, paying attention in class, taking notes and being a teenager all come into play. I'm not handling things very well, we are both snapping a lot at each other and tempers are flaring as well as tears for me. It makes me feel like such a failure Because I want to be the very best Mom I can be for her and I feel like I'm letting her down!

I guess I just need to know that there are others out there going through the same thing I am. I'm usually very strong in this area, but now I just want to eat everything in sight for the past 4 months or so. Her Dad bailed when she was 9, he lives 3 minutes away but only sees her once every three or four weeks and doesn't understand her, so there is no support there. Would love support from any of you who are on the spectrum as well!

ASH2038602

My son is not on the spectrum, but from one mother to another we all feel like we are screwing it up sometimes. This is a difficult transition for both of you. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, but I am sure things will get better when you both get more comfortable with the routine. Keep doing the best you can, you have a difficult job. Head up :-)

Realtree2429

My son is on the spectrum (he's 8) and also considered high functioning. The past two years we choose to do a center for school which majority being ABA and some academics. As of today, he is in a "real school" where our goal is to mainstream him completely.

I completely understand your frustration(minus the teenage years) as my son and I butt heads so often.

You're not a failure and you are a great mom! If you weren't, then you wouldn't be worrying about it! I eat my emotions and when I'm stressed. Most often when my son is stimming because he does so by making noises, and they can be loud and can go on forever! I find myself just grabbing food when he starts that

Add me if you want

skinnybythanksgiving

Thank-you for your kind words, it means the world to me right now! I decided to deep clean the house to burn calories and take my mind off things and do something that needs to be done very badly anyway :blushing: !!! Sometimes I forget life is one day at a time.

S_Murphree

I don't have an autistic child but I have a friend with a child with special needs. Her user name is Inshape13. I think alot of her. You may see if she's accepting more friends.

Best of luck to you.

aethre

I'm on the spectrum. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my mid-twenties, but I can say without at doubt that although I wasn't diagnosed, high school was pretty damned awful. The socialization aspect was definitely the hardest... I studied hard and got good grades.. and I had good friends who looked out for me... but I didn't spend a whole lot of time with them, outside of school. I didn't really know how.

Then again, things were kind of weirdly easier for me at that age because I actually caught glandular fever (mono?) at that age and barely the house for about three months. I was ill with it for a while and honestly it was a great excuse to get out of socialising. It probably made things harder for me in the long run though.

School is weird, because the whole social dynamic changes so fast around you. All of a sudden you've got all these weird decisions to be making about how you're going to handle important social issues... and you don't have your normal sources to gain information from - I'm talking things like drink, sex, drugs - you can't ask anybody about how to handle this stuff, because you're not learning it naturally in the way that NT people do and any NT responses are going to be useless because they're approaching from an entirely alien angle. It's like you desperately need a point of reference that you just don't have. The way I felt, it was like I was missing a 'life' textbook that everybody else had. Everything's supposed to be your choice and people say that nobody's going to judge you on your choices, but you KNOW that they are and you have no idea what the rules are...... only that the rules are very different than they were two years, one year, six months ago. It's awful, I just felt so.... unsafe.

And on top of all that, you're stressed, you're tired from staying up till 1am studying, and everybody is telling you that the rest of your life hinges on how much effort you put in to the next few months, so you feel like you have to push yourself harder and harder. :explode:

Even if I'd had a diagnosis, I don't think it would have made it any easier... and honestly, I'm glad I didn't at the time because I would have felt 'marked' by it. :huh: I'm not saying it's a bad thing that I was diagnosed, not to use a cliche but it was honestly the start of the rest of my life. I'm nearly 30 now, and on paper I have had a terrible year, but honestly I'm the happiest I've been in ages and it's because, five years on, I'm really 'growing into' my Aspergers. It's not a curse, it's not a crime. There can be fantastic benefits to having an autistic mind. But when you're a teenager, holy hell it makes things difficult.


Feel free to message me if you need to.

skinnybythanksgiving

Thank you once again for your replies! :flowerforyou: Also thank-you for the friend requests.

fitcrt

My son who is almost 17 is a Junior this year & he has Autism Spectrum Disorder & ADHD. He has an IEP at school & all the teachers are aware of his "special needs" - he attends regular classes. A few things we have done that seem to be helping are we require him to participate in at least one sport or activity - kids w/ ASD seem to fit in well in Drama & Art Clubs - or if your daughters school has a no-cut sport (cross country, tennis, something) that is a great option. My son is doing a sport which helps with the "H" in his ADHD & he feels like he belongs to something & the coach is aware of his issues so she is very encouraging to him which helps with self esteem. I would suggest talking with the school counselor for recommendations on a group, club, activity that your daughter would fit in with. My son also has a volunteer job on the weekend where he is learning to work & also helps with his self esteem. I would search for "social skills training" in your area, you might be able to find one at a nearby college that has a psychology dept. or through a life skills counselor, where your daughter can improve her social skills & awareness. My son has a very unique group of friends at school that he has made through the activities/groups we made him participate in & he feels like he "belongs". Also, we have my son take all the "life skills" classes available to help prepare him for becoming an adult. If you are able to afford regular counseling with a life coach (we can't right now - but hopefully sometime...) that would be awesome, someone other than you (parents) that she can talk through things with & that can tell her things she won't hear from you. My son & I have regular struggles but these things have helped in our situation - I hope this helps you too!

mom2_4gr8kids

My third son (age 7) is not autistic, but he has special needs and he is "medically complex". I completely understand worries and stresses about school - we are on our third elementary school, and he is only in second grade! I keep looking for the perfect fit that doesn't stress him out. I've learned that doesn't exist, and I've accepted that evenings are going to be rough after a full day of keeping his emotions in at school. That knowledge doesn't make it any easier when he goes into a rage, because I ask him to put his shoes away...

Sometimes, I have to take life one minute at a time - one day at a time can be so daunting!

Dessilicious

Hi,
I have three children on the spectrum, feel free to add me. I've sent you a request.

skinnybythanksgiving

My son who is almost 17 is a Junior this year & he has Autism Spectrum Disorder & ADHD. He has an IEP at school & all the teachers are aware of his "special needs" - he attends regular classes. A few things we have done that seem to be helping are we require him to participate in at least one sport or activity - kids w/ ASD seem to fit in well in Drama & Art Clubs - or if your daughters school has a no-cut sport (cross country, tennis, something) that is a great option. My son is doing a sport which helps with the "H" in his ADHD & he feels like he belongs to something & the coach is aware of his issues so she is very encouraging to him which helps with self esteem. I would suggest talking with the school counselor for recommendations on a group, club, activity that your daughter would fit in with. My son also has a volunteer job on the weekend where he is learning to work & also helps with his self esteem. I would search for "social skills training" in your area, you might be able to find one at a nearby college that has a psychology dept. or through a life skills counselor, where your daughter can improve her social skills & awareness. My son has a very unique group of friends at school that he has made through the activities/groups we made him participate in & he feels like he "belongs". Also, we have my son take all the "life skills" classes available to help prepare him for becoming an adult. If you are able to afford regular counseling with a life coach (we can't right now - but hopefully sometime...) that would be awesome, someone other than you (parents) that she can talk through things with & that can tell her things she won't hear from you. My son & I have regular struggles but these things have helped in our situation - I hope this helps you too!

Thanks for the tips! Yes, my daughter had social skills training trough her school for about 4 years, then no training for the past 4. She is taking theatre production this year and actually made a friend in there that she ate lunch with the past 3 days. She went to art the past 2 years but never followed up on friendship overtures. I know there is a social skills specialist in my area, actually many because I live near a huge metropolitan area, but I like the idea of the local college a lot if they have something like that. Thanks for taking the time to respond everyone!

vegkitten

My oldest son has bipolar. He's nine years old, and it causes some social problems obviously. He's very intelligent, but he struggles with perfectionism which makes homework hard. His dad has been in and out of his life the entire time. He officially called it quits about three and half years ago. He came back briefly for a few months at the end of last year, but this is only because he was in renal failure, and he thought he was going to die. When he didn't, he continued with his usual MO.

I understand what you're going through, I think, is what I'm trying to say. My son and I have a long road ahead of us, and I'd be happy to befriend you.