Getting Stronger, Scale Nervousness, and a Healthy Mindset

rightaboutmeow

So since switching to TDEE (although I do still log my workouts, but I just don't go over my set goal no matter how many "extra" calories I have, and have set my goal a little lower than I could have to allow for any slight overages from day to day) and starting back to my lifting/cardio routine I have not stepped on the scale...

I had gained a bit when I kind of slacked off for a month or so due to personal life issues, and then I realized I was being dumb and that I shouldn't put someone else's jealousy and desires before my own and that if I really wanted this then I needed to quit pouting and get back to it. I had already come 17 pounds down the road ( I'm the lightest I've ever been right now!) and why the hell should I go back?!

The plan is to weigh on September 1st and then not again until September 30. I'm focusing less on numbers now and more on progressive strength because I know the loss will eventually come with it.
Still nervous though....I don't know I guess I will always be a fat kid at heart, somewhat scared that the scale will tell me something I don't want to hear. I have to say this is mental progress though!! I remember when I was 16/17 and wished I had the will power to starve myself just so I could be skinny. I ENVIED people with eating disorders!!! How insane is that?!!? All I knew was that my friends were skinny and liked and I was fat and just "the funny one". Therefore to me being thin equated to being happy. Well, not anymore!

SO glad to be where I am now and starting to have a healthy relationship and respect for myself and food. Although I do consistently worry that I'm going to regress back to my old self or that my clothes aren't REALLY too big its just that my dryer messed them up and now they are subsequently loose. Don't get me wrong I do still love food and I'm on the "anything in moderation" boat, but I understand a lot more now and I don't just binge and then hate myself for it later. I'm finally here, doing this and making progress. It's a bit overwhelming at times to know that this is for real, but I'm so happy at the same time. I still have so far to go and I know that. But having come this far already is such a big deal for me.


Ok, rant over!! Just had to get that out there.