Does your loved one try to Sabotage your Diet?

Metamorphosis4Me
Metamorphosis4Me Posts: 327 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband has always been first in line to point out i am not as thin as i once was. Ok, I agreed with him. Got a trainer and am working out and trying to watch my diet. Today was weigh in and measurements day. He knew.. he even asked after how it went. (II lost 5 inches and almost 3 lbs) But in the kitchen is a bag of candy for me. Not only a bag of candy but the kind that my Mom loved. (she has passed) So not only is it candy but candy with an emotional issue attached to it. Anyone else experiencing this kind of thing?

Replies

  • Skrib69
    Skrib69 Posts: 687 Member
    Did you ask him why he bought it??? He might have just been being nice without seeing the obvious flaw.....

    I would just eat the candy as a special treat when you reach a goal or something and stick to everything else. You then wont screw your macro's, the candy lasts a long while and he should get the hint.

    Failing that, be as direct as he has with you and stick to your guns!
  • iamladygusta
    iamladygusta Posts: 42
    Yes, in a way. My roommate has a "Oh, just do it" attitude. Here I am measuring/weighing food and there she is "oh, that's too much work" and "just eat it, already. "

    My family is sort of the same. When I was visiting all 5 siblings this weekend they all probably ate 1000 calories each in chocolate on front of me. That is 2/3 of my daily calorie goal. I don't think they are intentionally trying to sabotage, but it doesn't help. Luckily the program I use I can reach out to whenever I'm tempted for help.
  • astroophys
    astroophys Posts: 175 Member
    No one can sabotage your diet unless they are force-feeding you or physically preventing you from exercising. Talk to him about the candy, but he is not (and cannot be) responsible for your weight loss. It's all you! :-)
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    Unless he's been doing this kind of thing all along I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's sabotage. Perhaps he just thinks you've earned a treat and he knows that is something special to you. Many people who aren't trying to lose weight don't realize that food is not an appropriate reward for meeting goals. You might gently let him know that so the next time he won't do it again.

    I say thank him, but let him know next time you'd rather a reward wasn't food, eat the candy a little bit at a time and work it into your goals if you want it. I wouldn't confront him like he's done something wrong if he didn't do it intentionally.

    I have a husband, on the other hand, who has recently asked if I'm becoming a "fitness nut" because I run every other day and lift weights twice per week. This would be more understandable if I hadn't been running since 2011. He dislikes when I "eat funny" (i.e. less food or low carb or what have you) and now when I'm exercising and going to the gym regularly. I recognize that it's his problem (guilt, envy), not mine, but that doesn't make it any less irritating.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
    Never had him threaten harm or force feed me soo, no! Is it possible it was the only way he could think of to reward you for your achievement?
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Tell him next weigh in you want a pair of those shoes in your picture and to save the candy!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    My husband bought me a box of hazelnut filled Lindt chocolates. And he knows I can't resist them (and yeah, I didn't). He wanted to be nice, but well... I could have done without (although I totally enjoyed them).
  • ukaryote
    ukaryote Posts: 850 Member
    Yes.

    Not intentionally. DW just does not get it or does not care about healthy foods and controlled eating. She cooks pasta almost all the time because it is easy. She rarely has vegetables on the table. When they are, they are usually in some dense cheese casserole.

    I get all my support from MFP. Please keep it up guys!
  • love8383
    love8383 Posts: 169
    people do this and i don't know why...120 lbs ago people were always offering to help me work out and encouraging me to eat healthy..now they say all you do is go to the gym, never want to work out and just want to go to chipolte. :/
  • silentKayak
    silentKayak Posts: 658 Member
    Your husband could very well be feeling insecure. It sounds a little codependent to me, especially the "emotional" component.

    You need to directly ask him not to buy you sugary treats: just explain that right now your diet and fitness plan is far more important to you than anything you could eat.

    In the meantime, the stuff he bought today can go in the garbage if you don't want it. You don't have to eat it just because he bought it.
  • bkthandler
    bkthandler Posts: 247 Member
    Say thank you and take them to work and put them in the break room.
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
    No one can sabotage your diet unless they are force-feeding you or physically preventing you from exercising. Talk to him about the candy, but he is not (and cannot be) responsible for your weight loss. It's all you! :-)

    Agreed.... You are in charge of you, if you don't like it say something to him or thank him and fit the candy into your daily caloric intake and enjoy them... Your choice.....
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    My wife and I are always yelling at each other "push" when we're trying to set PRs in the gym. It's horrible! I'm so mean! And so is she. She should let me be. Love is letting each other JSF.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    When you decide to make a lifestyle change, there's a ton of mental preparation and re-framing that you go through. Your partner doesn't necessarily go through the same thing. It's unfair for you to expect him to be on the same mental page as you, when you're doing a lot of work to move yourself to a different page. Before, candy = something that makes you happy = something that reminds you of your mother, etc. He probably still sees it through that lens and isn't thinking candy = temptation = sabotage. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just talk to him. Give him ideas for other ways he can express love and caring that aren't food.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,268 Member
    yes, sort of. I will be saying I am not losing as much or its so hard to get as good of a workout as I once did or man I need to get more focused and then my husband will be all trying to lecture me on being nicer to myself and giving myself a break because "
    you are human and have come so far" then he goes and says he feels like having dairy queen and acts like eating the ice cream while walking in the park cancels out the calories (his words, lol) I love that man to death but man I wish he would just let me rant here and there. I am sure I am annoying by now but hey I am on a mission here. Maybe he just thought he was being nice to you. My husband used to come home with peanut butter in a jar. He knows its my fav and I cant resist it. I had to nicely ask him to please don't buy me any thing that is food related unless he wants to pick up some fresh vegies and fruits for my smoothies. It took him a year but he is getting there slowly but surely. Unless someone has tried to eat at a deficit themselves, they do not know how hard you have to work to just get off one lb a week or less. Just try to talk to him. as far as the candy goes, I say put it in the freezer or keep finding ways to give it away.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    yes, sort of. I will be saying I am not losing as much or its so hard to get as good of a workout as I once did or man I need to get more focused and then my husband will be all trying to lecture me on being nicer to myself and giving myself a break because "you are human and have come so far" then he goes and says he feels like having dairy queen and acts like eating the ice cream while walking in the park cancels out the calories (his words, lol) I love that man to death but man I wish he would just let me rant here and there. I am sure I am annoying by now but hey I am on a mission here. Maybe he just thought he was being nice to you. My husband used to come home with peanut butter in a jar. He knows its my fav and I cant resist it. I had to nicely ask him to please don't buy me any thing that is food related unless he wants to pick up some fresh vegies and fruits for my smoothies. It took him a year but he is getting there slowly but surely. Unless someone has tried to eat at a deficit themselves, they do not know how hard you have to work to just get off one lb a week or less. Just try to talk to him. as far as the candy goes, I say put it in the freezer or keep finding ways to give it away.
    I read awhile ago that many men try to "fix" things when listening to a woman complain. These men think that the main reason for communication is to share facts that then can be used for problem-solving. They think that venting and sharing feelings gets you nowhere and that if you are not willing to initiate problem-solving then you are being self-indulgent and wasting time and energy. Perhaps he is like that? Maybe you just tell him "I just need to vent. The problem doesn't need fixing" :)
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    My mom offers me tons of calorie-filled foods. My siblings cook these huge meals and bring me plates of it to work. I've told everyone of them countless times that it just hinders my progress and I wish they'd stop, but I know they don't want me to feel "left out". I have a love/hate thing with it.
  • GrammyPeachy
    GrammyPeachy Posts: 1,723 Member
    My husband always used to bring me "treats", even when I told him, "don't bring me candy,sweets,and fast food".
    Once I got serious and wouldn't touch the stuff, he asked why. I told him, he can still bring me treats, if they are fruit,(I love strawberries , yellow cherries,etc.), or skinny cow stuff for my dessert each night. Those are exactly the things he brings now!!!
    So maybe, just try telling him the kinds of treats you want now. He might be like mine and that's his way of showing a little extra affection.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    My boyfriend and I are extremely supportive of each others' goals. That said, we're also both hedonists who really enjoy food, and we're prone to treating each other to delicious delicacies and making food an important entertainment as well as mere sustenance.
  • fabnine
    fabnine Posts: 379 Member
    When you decide to make a lifestyle change, there's a ton of mental preparation and re-framing that you go through. Your partner doesn't necessarily go through the same thing. It's unfair for you to expect him to be on the same mental page as you, when you're doing a lot of work to move yourself to a different page. Before, candy = something that makes you happy = something that reminds you of your mother, etc. He probably still sees it through that lens and isn't thinking candy = temptation = sabotage. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just talk to him. Give him ideas for other ways he can express love and caring that aren't food.

    ^Yes this! Real love grows and changes. Those changes take time. You're on a new path right now; you're making changes he encouraged you to make. Unfortunately, just because you've changed the way you look at food & exercise doesn't mean he's made those same changes. He may never equate food as sabotage to your new lifestyle. In fact he may be puzzled by your frustration about receiving things you once enjoyed. Your success is proof that you are capable of making the right choices for yourself. You can encourage him to reward you with non-food gifts, but it may take a while for him to adjust to the idea. After all our culture generally celebrates with food- Birthday cakes, Thanksgiving feast, Christmas cookies, Valentine chocolates, Easter eggs, Summer barbeques... Until he takes the hint, thank him for his thoughtfulness and continue to make choices that work for you.
  • getready66
    getready66 Posts: 17
    yes he does! but not intentionally....he gets snacks I used to buy and we would eat them, now he gets them for him but duh I have access....ice cream snickers...mmmmm......I could eat a whole box ....I just have to have self control! Now I usually just fit them into my calorie goals!
  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
    My DH used to. When I was on WW he would have a habit of buying a bunch of candy and other sweets, and going to McDonalds down the street and getting me food there. I don't think he necessarily meant to sabotage me, but it wasn't helping. He stopped when he stepped on the scale for the first time in a couple of years and found he gained 50 lbs. Now he and I are workout buddies and we're able to keep each other accountable for what we do and what we eat.

Categories