Too Boney, It Hurts To Sit!

OGmauiwowie

Hello!

So here it goes.. I'm a 19 year old small framed female who weighs 102 pounds at 5'4". Yes, I'm underweight. I know this all too well. Back in March, I use to weigh 117 pounds. Healthy weight right? Well, I thought I was chunky. Went back to eating clean, dropped my calorie intake to 1200 but with doing cardio 6x a week for an hour, I was only eating 600-900 calories. I became obsessed with wanting to be absolutely skinny and up to the past couple weeks I still never felt flat enough. No matter how many times I was told, I never thought I was skinny enough. I've focused too much on my stomach. Cutting fruit and eating the same thing every day. Barely any fats and minimal amounts of protein. I'm sucking the life out of myself. I haven't had my period in months because of the stress I put myself through. Because of this, I would have breakdowns. It wasn't until I found a giant bruise on my tailbone that I realized how skinny I really am. Since then, I really took the time to just simply look at myself truly. My arms are toned but lack muscle, legs are just the same. I can see and feel the ridges of my chest bones and the indent between my breasts. I do have a nice toned stomach but there are days that I looked bloated. I am my own worst enemy. Overall I just don't look healthy. I don't want to be frail looking anymore. Un-Proportional. I've become anorexic. Yet, I want to be a dietitian.. This is not the way I want to live anymore. I want to look, feel, and be strong. I'm currently studying health and nutrition in college and yet I'm still struggling with my own fitness life. But I have upped my calories. I currently intake 1500-1700 (so far so good as of not losing any more weight) but I'm struggling with counting macros (45p/35c/25f). I feel it's sooooo important. I've done too much research on the topic. It's hard to eat so much but I'm doing it. I cut my cardio to only 2-3x a week 15-45 minutes and now spending more time lifting weights and progressing while also doing pilates. My thing is, am I doing enough? Eating enough? My goal is to weigh 110 pounds of healthy fat and muscle then go from there. I want to gain muscle mass but I understand to do this I need fat. Can't build muscle from bones. And the title of my post, I'm not lying. I sit down and I can feel my bones or when I do roll ups for pilates it is painful. There's indents in my mat. I wear size 3 pants and the butt area sags because I have no butt! I miss having one. I know it's not going to be an overnight thing but I want to put my mind at ease for once.

What should I do?

Has anyone been in my shoes before? If so, what did you do? What do I need to be doing/eating? Are my macros good? Any good routines to do at the gym? Every person's body is different but I simply don't want to be this boney anymore. Nor do I want to gain the wrong fats in the wrong places. I'm tired of constantly stressing of what to put in my mouth day in and day out. I train as hard as I can but I always end up feeling like I didn't do enough or guilty over food choices. I plan on seeing a nutritionist especially since the whole period thing. I just feel alone in all this and completely lost. I want meat on my bones! I'm jealous of fit thick girls.:sad: :blushing:

RodaRose

You are moving forward in the right direction by increasing your calories and by making plans to talk to a nutritionist. /dietician. You also should talk to a psychiatrist or therapist. The psychiatrist might be more helpful than the therapist but either one is good. They can help you with the feelings of guilt.

TavistockToad

if you have been eating 1500-1700 and not losing then that's about maintenance... so you need to add an extra 200-300 cals to slowly gain some weight back.

TavistockToad

You are moving forward in the right direction by increasing your calories and by making plans to talk to a nutritionist. /dietician. You also should talk to a psychiatrist or therapist. The psychiatrist might be more helpful than the therapist but either one is good. They can help you with the feelings of guilt.

and this, definitely speak to a doctor.

flumi_f

You are going in the right direction! Congratulations on opening your eyes!

I totally agree with Tavis and Roda.

Up your cals a bit more. If you are full from veggies and low cal stuff, eat some nuts, avocados etc. and steer clear from low fat / low sugar versions of everything.

To build those muscles you need more mass, thus more cals/energy. Bones don't turn into muscle.

Get yourself some help from a therapist. When you beat this, you will be an even better nutritionist in the end. But you do have to confront yourself with the underlying Problem. That's not the weight. I know this, because I struggled with my weight (obese) all of my life. When I started healing my psychological quirks and wounds, the weight started falling off. Weight (too much / too little) usually has underlying other reasons.

I wish you well!!

OGmauiwowie

Actually, I had been seeing a psychiatrist and she had said that she was worried about me being anorexic and strongly urged me to set up a time to speak to a nutritionist... I have yet to do. Out of fear I suppose. But that ends today. I made the call!