Need advice from parents of teenagers!
taffypie
Posts: 3
Let me start of by introducing myself. I joined MFP in the past about 6 months ago but I quit because I did not want to log anymore.
Now Im not here to complain about how it is anyone's fault im like this. Its my fault im not motivated to do anything anymore.
Taking care of myself, weight loss, college etc. I just want to ask you parents, if you had a son or daughter who was like me (just
stopped wanting to do anything) what would you tell them? My parents do not care about this and think its just a phase, maybe it
is. But I don't want to stay like this. I'm not depressed, I just don't care about anything.
Now Im not here to complain about how it is anyone's fault im like this. Its my fault im not motivated to do anything anymore.
Taking care of myself, weight loss, college etc. I just want to ask you parents, if you had a son or daughter who was like me (just
stopped wanting to do anything) what would you tell them? My parents do not care about this and think its just a phase, maybe it
is. But I don't want to stay like this. I'm not depressed, I just don't care about anything.
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Replies
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Sounds like depression and like you need to seek professional help, not found on the internet.0
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@odesangel I can honestly say I am not a brat, I do not whine about everything. I truly just want some advice on what people think I should do. If you have nothing helpful to say to me, please do not reply.0
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You say you're not depressed but "not caring about anything" is one of the signs of clinical depression. You're going to need help with it. Take it from somebody who's been there.0
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I would say it sounds like you have moderate depression and you should consider going to a therapist a couple times just to see if it'll help. You say you're not depressed, and hunny I've been there where I didn't want to admit it but it you let it get too far with the "I don't care about life" attitude it could lead/most likely does lead to suicidal thoughts and by then it might be too late.
Talk to your parents about how you feel, talk to school councilors if you have them, talk to a close friend who is there for you. There are 1800 numbers you can call off google just to talk to someone when you're depressed.
and it's not shameful to admit you're depressed, its the first step to recovery. 0 -
I told him to get help or get out.
No joke. My son had totalled his car, lost his job and was partying the summer away...we got on his butt everyday..everyday.
Made him go mow the lawn, look for a job and when he was mopey I found stuff for him to do...
sometimes he would fight me other times he would just leave but at least I didn't have to look at his mopey face...
And yes he has depression...so do I for that matter...diagnosed depression...
When his flares up I tell him to get more sleep, exercise more, get outsdie, and eat right...guess what...it works and he feels better...0 -
Talk to your folks, see a doc. It could just be your hormones are out of whack.
Or sit online asking those of us who have no meaning to your life whatsoever. The choice is yours, but I'd opt for mom and dad.0 -
You're not depressed but you don't care about anything? Are you sure you're not depressed and are avoiding the negative stigma mental disorders tend to get? A little bout of depression is fairly simple to treat and you won't have to feel like that any more. Tell your doctor.0
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I have a 22 year old son, 20 yr. old and 15 year old daughters. Depression and anxiety seem to run in our family. I would say that you should talk to someone. Maybe go to see your regular Dr. and ask them to recommend someone you can talk to. That's a start.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
Look at this site. It gives a lot of information. I hope you are able to find someone that you can trust and confide in......do you have friends that are supportive and know how you feel?
Take care of yourself...no one else knows how you feel or think. :-)0 -
I will make an appointment with a counselor. Thanks to all those who replied.0
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I would try being active as much as possible to naturally increase the good mood chemical boosters that could make you care more. Go for walks by a pond or a rail road tracks(i am fascinated with railroads and enjoy walking near them) So try biking or go to the woods and try a trail…really do something even when you really don't care..do it like your getting paid to do it and do small increments like 10 minutes every day go from your house and walk 5 minutes and walk back and boom 10 minutes under your belt…fresh air can do WONDERS for you hun…I used to be depressed a lot too and could have relied on medicine and i do know some people do need it but just gotta try challenging yourself and you will look back not regretting that 10 minute walk and who knows where that can lead you….be safe, be active and as active as you can and don't think a little won't help- it takes a little to be a lot….i wish i could hug you and hope you will ask for some hugs later from your mom…or someone hugs make you feel better even if you offer them for free to a friend or even a close aquantence-i do it all the time at work:)Let me start of by introducing myself. I joined MFP in the past about 6 months ago but I quit because I did not want to log anymore.
Now Im not here to complain about how it is anyone's fault im like this. Its my fault im not motivated to do anything anymore.
Taking care of myself, weight loss, college etc. I just want to ask you parents, if you had a son or daughter who was like me (just
stopped wanting to do anything) what would you tell them? My parents do not care about this and think its just a phase, maybe it
is. But I don't want to stay like this. I'm not depressed, I just don't care about anything.
Cause you know I have been there too and sometimes some people don't need medicine(don't worry guys I said sometimes) So if you do try medicine then thats fine too if it will help you but medicine won't be the fix factor for losing weight..you may lose a little sure but its not permanent and it can change so..just for your information and it is worth trying to be outside a little more before you go down that road-it may seem easy but it really isn't not if your stronger than we know you really are…but it won't be bad if you did take that road if it means your health even a positive life style:)0 -
Not caring, ignoring problems, procrastinating, trouble making simple decisions (what to wear, what to eat), anxiety and generally irritated or frustrated - all hallmarks of depression.
Depression doesn't need a reason. It can just show on up.
See a therapist. Even if you are sure you aren't depressed, something's up. It could be chemical.
If it were my kid, they be in a psychiatrist's office the next day.
The therapist can help you figure out what is going on.0 -
Having both a preteen and a teen, I gotta say that angst is part of the teenage experience. The whole hormonal rollercoaster along with the not-quite-a-child, not-quite-and-adult thing makes for a rough road. OTOH, I'd hate to just write it off as normal just yet.
So, do you not want to do anything, or just don't have strong feelings one way or another? Did you use to have things you liked to do? How about friends?0 -
I agree with everyone else. I have teenagers (ages 15 and 16) who have been through a hellish life (4 years in foster care, finally adopted, then adoptive father-my husband-abused them, too--he's out of our lives). They see a counselor on a regular basis.
I will warn you...some parents have a hard time accepting that their child may have depression. If you can't get your parents to take you to a doctor, then talk to your guidance counselor at school. He or she should be able to help you with talking to your parents and can help point you to resources that will be of help to you.
Depression is not an easy thing, but you can overcome it (though it may take some medication as well as therapy). If you can force yourself, go for a brisk walk. Exercise releases endorphins that help elevate your mood, which might help until you can see someone.
Please feel free to message me if you need to talk.0 -
Honey this is called being a teenager. I have one. He is lazy some times so I stay on him. I don't know if you are depressed of anything like that but do two things for me. 1.) Get off the computer and talk to an adult who you know and that cares about you. 2.) Learn that if you want anything good in life you need to get over not doing things just because you don't feel like it. That is the next step in your life. Adulthood. Get used to doing things for the beneficial value not fun level now.0
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Teenagers have a tendency to live in the present. They are rarely focused on the futures. They become bored and complacent. Try to think about the life you want to live. The things that you want to have. Lay out some goals for yourself to obtain those things. And then when you need motivation, remind yourself of the things you are working for.
Honestly, no one in life will ever care more about you than you care about yourself. So you really can't look to your parents. You have to take responsibility of your own happiness. If you don't, then you can't really expect to be happy.0 -
*reaches for a belt*0
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Not caring, ignoring problems, procrastinating, trouble making simple decisions (what to wear, what to eat), anxiety and generally irritated or frustrated - all hallmarks of depression.
Depression doesn't need a reason. It can just show on up.
See a therapist. Even if you are sure you aren't depressed, something's up. It could be chemical.
If it were my kid, they be in a psychiatrist's office the next day.
The therapist can help you figure out what is going on.
This too. If you don't outgrow this phase, then you should seek some help.
My mother was chronically depressed for decades... without necessarily having a reason for it.0 -
It sounds like mild depression or disthymia to me.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dysthymia/basics/definition/con-20033879
"With dysthymia, you may lose interest in normal daily activities, feel hopeless, lack productivity, and have low self-esteem and an overall feeling of inadequacy. "
Do get a diagnosis. Maybe a prescription can help.
There are good books that can help, too. Look for ones with cognitive behavioral therapy exercises. You can teach yourself to think differently and that results in feeling differently.
Exercise can help, too. Which of course is the last thing you want to do when you don't want to do anything. But if you can talk yourself into going outside in the sun for 10 brisk minutes walk away from home and then 10 back, you might feel better the rest of the day from that little investment.
Good luck! College is a big change. Go easy on yourself. Sometimes 'fake it til you make it' can get you through things.0 -
Much of the previous advice was good...some not so much. I think you do care, or else you would not have asked that question . A part of you is seeking change, which is a good thing. Fortunately, my kids are 21 and 19 and are very motivated. I am not really sure how that happened so I cannot give you much advice. I found it ironic that you said your parents "dont care about this". Maybe you are picking up a bit of their complacency...just a guess. This is a very important time of your life. This is where you choose your path to succeed or get left in the dust. Best of Luck
Edited to actually answer your question: If my kids were like this I would do everything in my power to find where this was coming from and change things. I certainly would not say"it's just a phase". I would take it very seriously0 -
Let me start of by introducing myself. I joined MFP in the past about 6 months ago but I quit because I did not want to log anymore.
Now Im not here to complain about how it is anyone's fault im like this. Its my fault im not motivated to do anything anymore.
Taking care of myself, weight loss, college etc. I just want to ask you parents, if you had a son or daughter who was like me (just
stopped wanting to do anything) what would you tell them? My parents do not care about this and think its just a phase, maybe it
is. But I don't want to stay like this. I'm not depressed, I just don't care about anything.
You sound like my daughter?? Is this you Ashley??!!!
So here's the deal... My child, well she's now 19 and an adult, says all the same thing you're saying and then some however, there are days and times where she is NOT wallowing in her own self. Now she has repeated the word over and over "depression" however, I have for over a year been screaming back, "call the counselor" to which she doesn't. I am not sure of your age, but as I have told her, IF you are feeling this way then YOU need to get help!! I have tried to call for her, they will NOT speak to me because of her age!! You need to be proactive in your own life and figure out what is making you feel this way, NO ONE can figure that out for you!! And just an FYI, meds only mask some of the issues and make you "tolerable" you really need to get through what's ailing you...that's my simple advice...0 -
I'm going through a similar thing with my 18 year old son at the moment.
The problem is we may have gone through similar things ourselves or with our kids. We can even tell you what did or didn't work for us. However, every individual is... individual! You need to speak to a medical professional to get the help you need that's right for YOU!0 -
Um, my kids don't have that luxury of just not doing anything. They either contribute to the household, get decent grades ion school, or get a job. Period. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get busy. The longer you do it, the easier it becomes. Take it one day at a time.0
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Invite him on a walk or another activity. Get going and help him to get going, too. It'll give you time to talk about anything he might be bothered by and getting some fresh air usually helps lift me out of my SADS. I can get very down when it gets colder or drizzly rain. If it looks dark and dreary, that's when I need to make the most effort ir I end up in a weepy pity party for one.0
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I would say that you are 18 and going through a tough time... like most kids your age. I have two daughters (31 and 24 now) and went through lots of roller coasters with them. I always told them that life is about relationships and priorities and that if either one is out of whack, you will not be happy.... if you are depressed about your appearance, your image, then you need to decide if you want to do anything about it. If diet and exercise are too "painful" for you, then that simply means that staying how you are is more important than changing.
Until the status quo is more "painful" to you than changing, you will not change and no amount advice, therapy, medication will change that. It may take a while and you may have other issues that need to be resolved as well, but it will always come down to what is most important to you.0 -
I would say that you are 18 and going through a tough time... like most kids your age. I have two daughters (31 and 24 now) and went through lots of roller coasters with them. I always told them that life is about relationships and priorities and that if either one is out of whack, you will not be happy.... if you are depressed about your appearance, your image, then you need to decide if you want to do anything about it. If diet and exercise are too "painful" for you, then that simply means that staying how you are is more important than changing.
Until the status quo is more "painful" to you than changing, you will not change and no amount advice, therapy, medication will change that. It may take a while and you may have other issues that need to be resolved as well, but it will always come down to what is most important to you.
Smart man! this is so true for people of ALL ages.0 -
Well, you have gotten a lot of advice here, hope it will be helpful. It might not hurt just to talk to someone to make sure you aren't depressed, but sometimes they are very quick to prescribe medication as a first resort, and that is not always a good thing. So other than the advice you have already been given, I would give you this advice: Fake it till you make it. That means even if you care about nothing, put yourself out there doing things -- school, work, helping others, connecting with friends, photography, writing, whatever. Try to have fun where you can. As you are doing these things you don't "care" about, you may get caught up in something you do care about. Wishing you all the best!0
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Maybe I am missing the point here but I cannot see any reasons for depression or a thing else. There is no 'my parents are splitting up and my boyfriend has dumped me and I am 30 stone overweight' or such like. All you have said is that you quit MFP because you didn't want to log. Ergo, I see no reason to seek therapy or a doctor unless, as I say, I have missed the point. Your lethargy strikes me as a normal teenager, just like my own.
They get told to walk away from the XBox, computer etc and spend some time with some friends. In the same room!! Get to sleep before midnight and get up before 8:30. If they don't get out of the house, they get jobs. And sitting in front if the TV all day is not acceptable!!0 -
I will make an appointment with a counselor. Thanks to all those who replied.
Good. Understand it's quite normal to have some blue years while your hormones are going crazy but that it's also courageous and smart to enlist any help you can find to deal with the issue.0 -
Maybe I am missing the point here but I cannot see any reasons for depression or a thing else. There is no 'my parents are splitting up and my boyfriend has dumped me and I am 30 stone overweight' or such like. All you have said is that you quit MFP because you didn't want to log. Ergo, I see no reason to seek therapy or a doctor unless, as I say, I have missed the point. Your lethargy strikes me as a normal teenager, just like my own.
They get told to walk away from the XBox, computer etc and spend some time with some friends. In the same room!! Get to sleep before midnight and get up before 8:30. If they don't get out of the house, they get jobs. And sitting in front if the TV all day is not acceptable!!
You don't understand depression if you think you need a reason to be depressed.0 -
This is how it was in our house. The uncles were always saddling us up for work to do and even if we were playing outside we would get called in the back yard to clean up a bunch of wood my jadju had worked with to build a dog house. or help my grandma out in the kitchen with dinner or to clean up. We still had a lot of down time but when we looked bored and someone needed help around the cars they were fix in we would called to get it done no ifs and or butts about it…looking back if i had a choice to change things since to some of you it just sounds so unfair and cruel…no i would not…i am strong today for that ...Um, my kids don't have that luxury of just not doing anything. They either contribute to the household, get decent grades ion school, or get a job. Period. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get busy. The longer you do it, the easier it becomes. Take it one day at a time.0
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