I miss my dad...Cancer Sucks

lindalee0315

My father died this spring after a six year fight with multiple myeloma. For some reason, I'm missing him acutely right now. I miss him all of the time, but right now I just can't stop crying. He was my compass, the person I turned to with every success, every setback, and whose approval I sought even as an adult. He was my guiding force and I talked to him every single day. I miss him.

pursuinghappiness

I'm sorry for your loss and that you have to go through this pain. Try to remember the good times and that he is no longer in pain. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I believe that you will see him again, in the next life. Is there someone you can talk to? To get support from?

When I get depressed from missing a loved one, I try to distract myself.

Again, sorry for your pain.

Suzy12

This time of year is hard for most people who are coping with a loss, whether it happened recently or a long time ago. I'm guessing that your dad passed that "compass" skill along to you, so he's still guiding you through life! If your grief continues, go talk to a counselor...please. Merry Christmas with hugs!

michelletr

i know how u feel i lost my mom to overian(sp?) cancer boxing day (dec 26th) last year. she was my best friend..i miss her more then words can say. this being my very first christmas without her is so hard....i cry almost everyday since december started. and i was doing good....i still missed her but it was bearable. i'm trying hard to make christmas feel the same as always but i know i can't because there is someone special missing. i fell off the food wagon the other day due to eating way too many cookies on a really hard day....but after thinking how proud she would be if i managed to lose the weight i have been trying to lose for the longest time i jumped right back on that wagon......i know it's hard right now....believe me i understand. and it's more then ok to cry....god knows i have done my fair share....but do remember he is in a better place and no longer in pain. it's hard to remember when u are really missing that certain person...but it's true. even though i miss my mom i am happy she is no longer in pain, even if it means she is not here with us anymore...hope u doing ok

wardiemelissa

I also lost my dad...it has been almost 9 years since he passed away and I still think about him EVERDAY! He was also my rock and my number 1 supporter in all that I did. There were so many things that he "missed" after he passed, walking me down the aisle and the birth of his 2 beautiful granddaughters...but it wasn't until I hit rock bottom both emotionally and with my weight about a year ago and started running that I finally felt some peace. I was never extremely overweight but my dad was and he would always make "comments" which were not mean but also not the nicest-he didn't want me to follow his path and that was his tough love approach.

Running has become my release...it allows me to clear my mind and focus on nothing by my next step. My dad always encouraged me to become healthy and fit like I was in high school and often suggested running but I would just laugh (never a runner). I recently finished my first 10K and raced with my aunt (my dad's sister) and we were both bawling as we crossed the finish line because it was something my dad would have been SUPER proud of! So in a way I am kind of running for him and I have never been happier (it's a lot of time where I can talk to him alone).

I guess what I am trying to say in a roundabout way is it will get a little easier...but it's going to take time and don't force it! If you need to cry-cry, yell, scream...it's ok!!! My girls have never met their grandpa but you better believe that they know who he is because we choose to keep his memory alive!!! I hope you have a support system where you can talk about him and your feelings!

Sending you big (((((hugs))))) right now!!

gayleehal

My heart goes out to you. The times that families traditionally get together, are the times that a loved ones passing is most felt. Long held traditions are forced to change. It's been 9 years, but my Grandma passed away on Thanksgiving day, 2001 and then my Mom passed the same year two days before Christmas. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling and don't attempt to bury things with self destructive behavior.

msemejuru

I'm so sorry this is a difficult time for you. I lost my Grandpa to prostate cancer so I know that the long battle never really prepares you for their passing. My parents were in the army so my Grandpa was a parent to my brother and I while my parents where stationed in the field. He did the parent teacher conferences and violin recitals with the best of them! The holidays are hard when you are missing someone so hang in there, you will heal and feel somewhat normal again. The ache dulls, honest. Make sure you tell your kids lots of stories about him so they know who he was and keep living a life that would make him proud. When we see a nice watermelon or sweet potato from the farmer's market my son says "Great grandpa would have loved this one!" because he knows my Grandpa had a vegetable garden; even though he passed years before my son was born. Try to fit in more workouts, get more outside natural sun and fresh air and eat lots of fruits so depression doesn't set in. When I get down I will workout, even if I have already worked out on that day. It is such a lift. Keep some light versions of comfort food on hand if you need it. If you start craving meatloaf and lasagna it's better to have a Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice than the real deal. A vitamin B6 supplement may also help. Keep talking about him and you will heal and laugh at old memories again. Promise.

eversits

I am very sorry for your loss. It is very painful to lose someone who you really love and attached to. I am 25 years old now, but when I was only six years old, I lost my dad to a fatal bicycle accident. At that time I did not really comprehend what happened, why my dad did not come home...But when I was about 10 years old, it hit me, and it hit me hard. I felt alone, I cried for years every single night....And I still do. I went to therapy, but it did not help me cope with my loss. Ever since then, I cannot deal with death of anykind. I know I have a psychological problem, but nothing seems to work, and I am refused to take medication. All I can say this is to keep yourself busy, and when you sad, do not be afraid of crying. It is okay to cry. It actually shows that you are human and that you care. Also, remember this, "only those people die who we forget"!!! Please feel free to add me as a friend, and if you need to talk...just message me!!!!

YogaRunner

My Mom died this past July of Multiple Myeloma. This past Friday would have been my parents 49th wedding anniversary. It is very painful and my heart goes out to you. Losing a parent is extremely profound and has a lasting impact. I miss my Mom dearly as you do your Dad. My brother said the other day that he wished grief went in a straight line. If it did, as time passed you'd go from feeling horrible to a bit better each day until enough time had passed. But it doesn't. It ebbs and flows like the tides. It hits us at times we don't expect. Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with loved ones and honor his memory every day. I keep telling myself that my Mom would want me to live a very rich life, and so that is my aim. Wishing you peace.
Risa

michelleinpa

Cancer does indeed suck, I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe it would help you a bit to try to be a compass for someone in your life who needs one now? Sort of carrying on your Dad's legacy?

chelekaz

I know what you are going through. I love my Dad 10 years ago and he was my rock, my best friend, my counselor and my Daddy. Him and I were very close every since I can remember. When he was diagnosed with AML he was given 6 weeks, he lived 7 1/2 weeks. Christmas was always so special with my Dad and the fact that Dec. 26th was his birthday always makes it more difficult.

the first Christmas was the worst. I didn't think that I would ever be able to get through it. But, I did. We told stories of my Dad, my husband went to Christmas Eve services with me that year (well, then he was my boyfriend) as my Dad and I used to go together.

The most important thing to remember is that the memories of your Dad will allow him to live on in your heart and through you. When you remember your dad, when you laugh, when you smile.... that is honoring your father's memory and YOU are his legacy that allows him to live on each day.

Thinking of you during this holiday season.

cjkasseckert

I can relate... last year November I lost my son to death. It was just three or four days before thanksgiving. My experience has been that this first year has been really hard, however the holidays are the worst. Hang in there and as previously stated, allow your self time to cry.... it is a healthy release of your emotions. Do not be afraid to think about your father, it is a good memorial to him and allows you to work though your grief. I wish you only great memories.

godblessourhome

My father died this spring after a six year fight with multiple myeloma. For some reason, I'm missing him acutely right now. I miss him all of the time, but right now I just can't stop crying. He was my compass, the person I turned to with every success, every setback, and whose approval I sought even as an adult. He was my guiding force and I talked to him every single day. I miss him.

i can relate! my dad died in may after a 2-year battle with prostate cancer. i miss him so much! thanksgiving was hard, but okay. christmas, however, is killing me. i am sad all the time. everyone tells me the first year is the hardest.
dawn

lindalee0315

Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your wise words. It's true that grief doesn't travel in a straight line. For days I will be okay, and then something will hit me, and I'm lost again. This morning was one of those moments. The grief is just so intense, and there isn't any one thing I can point at and say, "That was the trigger" or "It's just the holidays." It's much more subtle than that. It could be a smell, or something funny my son said or did, or hearing my uncle's pain at losing his brother. I do strive to stay positive, and make my life a rich one, as you said.

lindalee0315

Thank you all for sharing your stories, your wisdom and insights. For some of you, your burden is so much more than mine. I cannot imagine losing my son. My heart goes out to you. Again, thank you--all of you strangers--reaching out to me when I hit a low moment. I appreciate it more than you will know.