Jealous
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I totally understand how you feel. My bf also lost weight accidentally around 20lbs in the span of a few months while I struggled to get the scale to go down. It doesn't seem fair that we try so hard but they can just stumble into into it. But like others said try to talk to him about bringing the topic up so much. Maybe by not being so privy to his specific numbers can you help you focus on yours. Good luck0
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Oh I get the husband go me rah rah issue.
When I was training to be a police officer (never did, just trained for it for a while), I'd do 4-5 mile runs all the time and my husband would go with me occasionally. He would literally RUN CIRCLES AROUND ME because he was so much faster at running.
Had that conversation with him - it didn't go well. He hasn't run with me since (it's been probably 4 years and I still run about 600 miles/year). That can be hard for anyone to hear and it will more than likely just make him feel like you don't support him. It would take an incredibly secure person to hear that and actually hear what's being said rather than what they think you are saying, and anyone in a weight loss program is likely not that secure. Heck, I know I wouldn't be.
I give you MAJOR props for knowing what the real issue is and for being brave enough to post about it. That's what these forums are for and we are all here for you!0 -
You really just have to focus on you, otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. Men and women have different metabolisms and different caloric needs. Also, I don't understand why you say he only works our 2 hours, 3 times a week. That's quite a bit and rock climbing is tough. That's the same as working out an hour a day, for 6 days straight. So, really, you are doing half as much even though it doesn't seem or feel like it.
Focus on your needs. Take it day by day. Talk to him about your feelings.0 -
If you aren't doing the right things, then you have no reason to be jealous. "Forgetting" to eat isn't an excuse to use. Comparing yourself to him isn't obviously good for you either. Compare yourself to yourself previously. That's where true progression is gauged.
A.C.E. Certified Group Fitness and Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.0
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He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
WUT?0 -
He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
Most people do not notice a 5 lb. weight loss. JMO0 -
He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
WUT?
Basically people notice when people lose weight and gain weight?0 -
He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
WUT?
Basically people notice when people lose weight and gain weight?
5 pounds is not substantial enough for people to notice. I can swing 5 pounds in a week and no one would know the difference.0 -
He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
Most people do not notice a 5 lb. weight loss. JMO
5 pound weight loss is different from 5 pound fat loss.0 -
I'm with you there. Took almost 20 lbs for people to start really noticing.He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
WUT?
Basically people notice when people lose weight and gain weight?
5 pounds is not substantial enough for people to notice. I can swing 5 pounds in a week and no one would know the difference.0 -
He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
Most people do not notice a 5 lb. weight loss. JMO
5 pound weight loss is different from 5 pound fat loss.
And it's nearly impossible to tell the difference between fat and water weight when you are dealing with such a low number. Even if you could split that hair, most people still wouldn't see it. It's not a lot of weight.
ETA: That's not to say losing 5 pounds isn't progress, because it is. :drinker:0 -
I'm with you there. Took almost 20 lbs for people to start really noticing.He been with you 9 years. I sure he does notice your yo yo weights. Plus a 5 pound fat loss for example is very noticeable on people usually. Also not everyone needs to count calories to get to there weight goal.
WUT?
Basically people notice when people lose weight and gain weight?
5 pounds is not substantial enough for people to notice. I can swing 5 pounds in a week and no one would know the difference.
Just because people don't say it does not mean they never observed your weight loss.0 -
It sound like most people are using the fact that someone said "hey you loss weight how much?" If we use that example then people have been saying that to me since I was losing no weight at all.0
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I'd suggest being supportive and happy for him about his progress, but also making sure he knows how you feel about it. Maybe you feel like he's rubbing it in when he keeps on talking about his success? You can be a little resentful of his attitude towards it and still be happy for his success. Maybe he could be a little more sensitive towards how challenging you've found it, when he's talking about his success.
I get the same way with run training and my husband. We both train for the same 10k every year, on more or less the same schedule, but he usually gets to a comfortable point where the runs are easy on him much sooner than I do. There are always several weeks where he says things like "Those 5 miles flew by! I'm feeling so great! I think I'll go for 6 miles next time!" when I come through the door sweating buckets and wanting to die after three miles. I'm so happy for him that his training is having such good results, but it makes me feel bad about my own progress when he goes on and on about it. If he just lays off the go-me-rah-rah talk a little bit, I find it much easier to handle our differences. I just think it's a sh!tty topic of conversation when he's doing so much better than I am.
Yes its this exactly. Thank you for finding the words I couldn't, or maybe felt too guilty admitting to. How does your husband take it when you talk to him about laying off the rah-rah stuff?
I'll let you know when I get to that, haha. I feel like such a downer telling him (nicely) to shut up about it that I just do my best to avoid it and change the topic.
I should probably try being a big girl about it pretty soon, huh.
Just curious...has anyone ever tried replying to a braggart husband with "Oh yeah , well I got these!" *boobflash*
Cause I've been tempted once or twice.
My BF and i got into a fight b/c he's a grown man who won't eat veggies- like GTF over yourself and just eat them. Anyway it got so bad I stood up and ripped my shirt off and yelled
YOU GET ALL THIS!!!! ALL THIS I WORK FOR BUST MY *kitten* FOR THAT YOU GET TO ENJOY- AND YOU DON"T CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK OR ALL THE HARD WORK I DO_ AND YOU DON"T CARE WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU. AND YOU DO NOTHING
<yes- I did this>
oh it gets better.
The pants.
I dropped trow.
turned around and yelled- THIS_ THIS COMES FROM HARD WORK. AND YOU DON"T CARE- AND YOU DON"T CARE THAT I CARE AT ALL. YOU DON"T CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND WHAT I THINK EVER. IT"S LIKE I DO ALL THIS WORK AND YOU GET TO APPRECIATE IT AND YOU DO NOTHING AND YOU JUST DON"T GIVE A *kitten*.
not one of my finer moments standing naked in my kitchen yelling at my BF
.:ohwell:
It's a sort of laughable subject now. (sort of because the feelings and emotions are still there and I still feel that way)
But it makes me crazy- he gets whatI think it's a pretty hot body to go to bed with at night- and I get... meh. And he doesn't care that he's meh. I love him- but his body is ridiculous FOR NO FKING REASON other than pure lazy (also- makes me crazy).
Anyway- OP you're in a good head space- you're moving in the right direction. You're tracking- your working out. You have less to lose than he does- so it's harder to lose it. I know it's cliche- but you've talked yourself into a good space on how to react and move forward- so keep doing what you're doing.
I think it's pretty awesome of you actually to be adult enough to come full circle and realize what's going on. I think that's really REALLY awesome.0 -
It sound like most people are using the fact that someone said "hey you loss weight how much?" If we use that example then people have been saying that to me since I was losing no weight at all.
No, that's not the example I'm using.
I maintain anywhere between 130 and 140 pounds. 136 tends to be my sweet spot. Right now, I'm at 140. The only difference I feel in my body is that I'm bloated. I think I'm probably at 138, with a 2 pound water weight gain leftover from the weekend, but that's besides the point because it's nearly impossible to tell until I flush it out. Even though I feel it because we can all feel bloating, I can't see it. And I know my body. So, no, someone else definitely can't see it. Spread out over my 5'4 body, it would be nearly impossible to see it.0 -
It sound like most people are using the fact that someone said "hey you loss weight how much?" If we use that example then people have been saying that to me since I was losing no weight at all.
No, that's not the example I'm using.
I maintain anywhere between 130 and 140 pounds. 136 tends to be my sweet spot. Right now, I'm at 140. The only difference I feel in my body is that I'm bloated. I think I'm probably at 138, with a 2 pound water weight gain leftover from the weekend, but that's besides the point because it's nearly impossible to tell until I flush it out. Even though I feel it because we can all feel bloating, I can't see it. And I know my body. So, no, someone else definitely can't see it. Spread out over my 5'4 body, it would be nearly impossible to see it.
You have to be fairly tiny to notice a real 5 pound gain or loss.
Because Paige is correct- most people flux regularly at least 5 pounds. Hell my coworker and I will joke and go- "I'm off to lose 5 pounds" Or he'll disappear and come back stretch and go "damn feels good- just lost another 5 pounds"0 -
It sound like most people are using the fact that someone said "hey you loss weight how much?" If we use that example then people have been saying that to me since I was losing no weight at all.
No, that's not the example I'm using.
I maintain anywhere between 130 and 140 pounds. 136 tends to be my sweet spot. Right now, I'm at 140. The only difference I feel in my body is that I'm bloated. I think I'm probably at 138, with a 2 pound water weight gain leftover from the weekend, but that's besides the point because it's nearly impossible to tell until I flush it out. Even though I feel it because we can all feel bloating, I can't see it. And I know my body. So, no, someone else definitely can't see it. Spread out over my 5'4 body, it would be nearly impossible to see it.
You have to be fairly tiny to notice a real 5 pound gain or loss.
Because Paige is correct- most people flux regularly at least 5 pounds. Hell my coworker and I will joke and go- "I'm off to lose 5 pounds" Or he'll disappear and come back stretch and go "damn feels good- just lost another 5 pounds"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Well, maybe you should re-consider how you look at this, because its very off. 2hrs of rock climbing 3x a week is far far from a tiny change. Now you are doing 3hrs/week of activity by your report, but unless you are swimming hard for 20 mins and pushing a lot of weight, you are comparing 3hrs of lower intensity exercise to 6 hrs of intense aerobic activity/week...that's your problem! He is not only doing TWICE the time you are, but the intensity is higher (I'm pretty certain you aren't lifting hundreds of pounds, and he's lifting his entire body weight rock climbing).
So don't feel discouraged or jealous, its a given fact he's burning a ton more than you. His weight loss is going to be much faster than yours unless he increases his eating. In fact, if someone were to take a wild guess and assume eating is logged and restricted, it should be at least FOUR times as fast as yours. Now you say his is 3x as fast as yours, so you are probably right, he's bad with the food logging and his eating increased.
Either increase your exercise, or realize you can't expect to keep up with someone doing twice the effort and spending twice the time on something, burning probably 4x the calories...0
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