That Internal Struggle

danielg87
danielg87 Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
Why is it that when I'm trying to lose weight I'm more motivated to do it when its for a girl and not myself ....
My dieting we going well a few months back but when I found out she wasn't interested I've been struggling since. I keep telling myself its gotta be for me but it seldomly works. I told myself I'd continue this journey with or without her from the beginning but still I struggle to gain a good footing.
Has anyone else experienced this with dieting and exercise with the opposite sex?

Replies

  • pds06
    pds06 Posts: 299 Member
    You have to do it for yourself and only yourself. The rest will fall into place. :flowerforyou:
  • danielg87
    danielg87 Posts: 5
    Yeah, I keep telling myself that. To focus on ME and ME alone and it will fall together eventually...
  • OliviaCounts
    OliviaCounts Posts: 36 Member
    I think you need a reason beyond just telling yourself you're doing it for you and nobody else. Like, my reason is it makes me feel great. Simple. If I didn't eat and exercise like this I'd go back to feeling bloated and kind of sick most of the time and weeks, months, years would go by wasted! I'm done with that. Also, I started losing weight after a bad breakup. Knowing I was doing better than he was and how good I was going to look when I ran into him next spurred me on, but rage-dieting never lasts. After a while it became all about how this is my new life, and here are the benefits, worth the sacrifices. What's your completely self-motivated reason for wanting to change your life?
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Yes, you are right, although it's easier said than done! It took me years to learn how to do it and now I can't imagine NOT living that way, but I don't know how to explain the process to someone else - sorry! I never had an "aha!" moment, or whatever, and I tell my kids this type of thing all the time: don't rely on others for your own happiness, but I don't know how to walk them through the process. That's the key. That's the hard part.
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    You could try detaching your goals about relationships from your fitness goals. What I mean is, compete against yourself by getting a fitness test at a gym, for instance, and work to improve your stats for endurance and perceived effort. Sign up to compete in a race and focus on getting ready for that. Eat wholesome foods because they give you more energy and try different eating plans to see if one works better than another for giving you more energy. In other words, distract yourself by focusing on something other than this link you have created in your mind about being fit and going with someone special. Yes, life is always less effort when we are getting positive feedback from those people that mean a lot to us. But in the end, we can only truly be confident, competent and independent when we know we can rely on ourselves to create a happy environment for ourself.
  • danielg87
    danielg87 Posts: 5
    Yes I have more reason to get into shape and eat better. Diabetes runs on my mom's side and high blood pressure on my dad's. Even then my mindset isn't as focused. All good suggestions, maybe this is something I must figure out on my own through trial and error....
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    You could try detaching your goals about relationships from your fitness goals. What I mean is, compete against yourself by getting a fitness test at a gym, for instance, and work to improve your stats for endurance and perceived effort. Sign up to compete in a race and focus on getting ready for that. Eat wholesome foods because they give you more energy and try different eating plans to see if one works better than another for giving you more energy. In other words, distract yourself by focusing on something other than this link you have created in your mind about being fit and going with someone special. Yes, life is always less effort when we are getting positive feedback from those people that mean a lot to us. But in the end, we can only truly be confident, competent and independent when we know we can rely on ourselves to create a happy environment for ourself.

    Very wise words here.

    It took me a long time to separate the emotions and just execute a plan to become healthier, with no judgment or rewards attached.

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