Fad Diets, 2 Slices of Cheese & WLS? A Cry for Help?
EchelonHunt
Posts: 1
Hello everyone,
If this is in the wrong section, please move it to where it's more appropriate.
A little bit about myself before I go into talking about my friend. I am 5'4" and used to weigh 232lbs, currently weigh 223lbs, having lost 9lbs. In the past, I committed to cutting back on junk food and doing 30-60 minutes exercise everyday, I lost 44lbs and my weight was 185lbs, only to gain it all back when I fell off the wagon. I DO know I can lose weight and this time around, I am doing it with a much more positive outlook, making it a lifestyle change rather than treating it as a diet.
Since making changes to my lifestyle to be more healthy, I have found eating 1200-1400 calories per day has helped me overcome my binge-eating habits because I came to the realization that I didn't need to eat four times the portion size when the regular portion is enough to keep me satisfied without feeling full and physically sick. I have tried fad diets, shake diets, just about everything except the diet pills - none of diets worked long-term personally, the weight always regained - sometimes with a vengeance.
My friend is struggling with her weight. She weighs 332lbs and is roughly the same height as me. She has low self-esteem and calls herself fat all the time. (It's one thing to be realistic, it's another to beat yourself up with the fact.) She has a habit of going on fad diets and going off them if she doesn't see immediate results or if she becomes bored with it.
She once went vegan for a few weeks, exclaimed about how much weight she lost then once she stopped, she regained the lost weight back. She told me that she had lost weight in high-school by eating very minimal amounts of food. I asked if the weight stayed off, she said yes until she stopped the diet. Doesn't that make it painfully obvious that diets don't work long-term?
A few days ago, her behavior started to worry me. I went over to her house and she told me she is now on shake diet but she hasn't started yet. She stayed awake until 4am drinking beer and only had two hours sleep. She told me she hadn't started her shake diet yet and felt guilty for "cheating" aka drinking beer and but that didn't stop her from downing beer can after beer can in front of me. It's confusing when her words contradict her actions.
She admitted to me she only had two slices of cheese the entire day - she said this about five times while I was there, almost like she was bragging and proud of herself. I'll give her props for trying to change her eating habits but let's be real, two slices of cheese is a pathetic amount of food to force your body to rely on. When I frowned and told her that's not good, she went and got herself a glass of her diet shake, drank it and raved how delicious it tasted.
I don't personally believe in shake diets. As a meal replacement once in awhile, yes, I think that is okay but my friend wants to live ON the shake diet. She wants to try the Rapid cycle (Week 1 consisting of mostly shakes to boost weight loss) for not one week as the shake product instructs, but for THREE WEEKS. Her reasoning? Because she has a lot of weight to lose.
The reason I was going over to her house was because we were going to Zumba together, it was a free session and I had never been to Zumba before so I thought I would give it a shot. We were walking from her house to the local bus-stop and it was 240m, she said that she was out of breath. I was concerned because if walking got her out of breath, how would she handle an hour of high-level activity such as Zumba?
The hour of Zumba came and went. She looked dead exhausted and it dawned on me that she had only two hours sleep, one shake drink, 2 slices of cheese and had slammed her body with copious amounts of beer. She kept coughing a lot - does that mean she got some kind of asthma attack from forcing her unfit body to do Zumba for an hour? That can't be healthy at all.
She weighed herself the next day and told me she lost 1lb. I weighed myself and found I lost 1lb as well. I was excited for her, y'know? As small as 1lb can be, at least it's SOMETHING! I congratulated her and said that "Slow and steady wins the race" I really do believe that losing weight slowly and consistently is safe - even if you end up having to wait longer.
Now, all of the sudden, she's talking about lap band surgery and is being referred to a doctor for a consultation. I... just, I'm so confused. I thought she was going to give the shake diet a go? I'm sure she can keep losing weight if she eats properly (ACTUAL meals, not 2 slices of cheese and shake diets) and continues with Zumba more consistently. She says lap band surgery stops the hunger and she's had friends who had WLS, that they lose all the weight. That's why she wants to have it done. I thought weight loss isn't always guaranteed with WLS especially if you go into it with the misguided expectation that it's "easy"?
I want to support her but the way she is approaching the whole thing over the last few days has made me cringe. I keep thinking she is going to be one of those WLS patients who are miserable years after surgery and wish they had done it the old fashioned way. Before people get angry - I agree WLS can be a helpful tool but I don't think my friend is at that stage where she can implement WLS safely without damaging her health further. I know I sound like a jerk for saying that because it's not my place. I've watched her stumble and fall off the diet wagon so many times for several years, if she can't stick to a diet consistently before WLS, how is she going to cope when she wants to get off the restrictive diet they have you on after WLS?
In the end, if she wants to do it, she can - it's her life, it's her body after all. I just hope she doesn't end up even more miserable than she already is. That's my main concern. Sorry this was so long. I hope I haven't offended anyone and I don't mean to make myself sound like an expert - I just know what's worked for me.
If this is in the wrong section, please move it to where it's more appropriate.
A little bit about myself before I go into talking about my friend. I am 5'4" and used to weigh 232lbs, currently weigh 223lbs, having lost 9lbs. In the past, I committed to cutting back on junk food and doing 30-60 minutes exercise everyday, I lost 44lbs and my weight was 185lbs, only to gain it all back when I fell off the wagon. I DO know I can lose weight and this time around, I am doing it with a much more positive outlook, making it a lifestyle change rather than treating it as a diet.
Since making changes to my lifestyle to be more healthy, I have found eating 1200-1400 calories per day has helped me overcome my binge-eating habits because I came to the realization that I didn't need to eat four times the portion size when the regular portion is enough to keep me satisfied without feeling full and physically sick. I have tried fad diets, shake diets, just about everything except the diet pills - none of diets worked long-term personally, the weight always regained - sometimes with a vengeance.
My friend is struggling with her weight. She weighs 332lbs and is roughly the same height as me. She has low self-esteem and calls herself fat all the time. (It's one thing to be realistic, it's another to beat yourself up with the fact.) She has a habit of going on fad diets and going off them if she doesn't see immediate results or if she becomes bored with it.
She once went vegan for a few weeks, exclaimed about how much weight she lost then once she stopped, she regained the lost weight back. She told me that she had lost weight in high-school by eating very minimal amounts of food. I asked if the weight stayed off, she said yes until she stopped the diet. Doesn't that make it painfully obvious that diets don't work long-term?
A few days ago, her behavior started to worry me. I went over to her house and she told me she is now on shake diet but she hasn't started yet. She stayed awake until 4am drinking beer and only had two hours sleep. She told me she hadn't started her shake diet yet and felt guilty for "cheating" aka drinking beer and but that didn't stop her from downing beer can after beer can in front of me. It's confusing when her words contradict her actions.
She admitted to me she only had two slices of cheese the entire day - she said this about five times while I was there, almost like she was bragging and proud of herself. I'll give her props for trying to change her eating habits but let's be real, two slices of cheese is a pathetic amount of food to force your body to rely on. When I frowned and told her that's not good, she went and got herself a glass of her diet shake, drank it and raved how delicious it tasted.
I don't personally believe in shake diets. As a meal replacement once in awhile, yes, I think that is okay but my friend wants to live ON the shake diet. She wants to try the Rapid cycle (Week 1 consisting of mostly shakes to boost weight loss) for not one week as the shake product instructs, but for THREE WEEKS. Her reasoning? Because she has a lot of weight to lose.
The reason I was going over to her house was because we were going to Zumba together, it was a free session and I had never been to Zumba before so I thought I would give it a shot. We were walking from her house to the local bus-stop and it was 240m, she said that she was out of breath. I was concerned because if walking got her out of breath, how would she handle an hour of high-level activity such as Zumba?
The hour of Zumba came and went. She looked dead exhausted and it dawned on me that she had only two hours sleep, one shake drink, 2 slices of cheese and had slammed her body with copious amounts of beer. She kept coughing a lot - does that mean she got some kind of asthma attack from forcing her unfit body to do Zumba for an hour? That can't be healthy at all.
She weighed herself the next day and told me she lost 1lb. I weighed myself and found I lost 1lb as well. I was excited for her, y'know? As small as 1lb can be, at least it's SOMETHING! I congratulated her and said that "Slow and steady wins the race" I really do believe that losing weight slowly and consistently is safe - even if you end up having to wait longer.
Now, all of the sudden, she's talking about lap band surgery and is being referred to a doctor for a consultation. I... just, I'm so confused. I thought she was going to give the shake diet a go? I'm sure she can keep losing weight if she eats properly (ACTUAL meals, not 2 slices of cheese and shake diets) and continues with Zumba more consistently. She says lap band surgery stops the hunger and she's had friends who had WLS, that they lose all the weight. That's why she wants to have it done. I thought weight loss isn't always guaranteed with WLS especially if you go into it with the misguided expectation that it's "easy"?
I want to support her but the way she is approaching the whole thing over the last few days has made me cringe. I keep thinking she is going to be one of those WLS patients who are miserable years after surgery and wish they had done it the old fashioned way. Before people get angry - I agree WLS can be a helpful tool but I don't think my friend is at that stage where she can implement WLS safely without damaging her health further. I know I sound like a jerk for saying that because it's not my place. I've watched her stumble and fall off the diet wagon so many times for several years, if she can't stick to a diet consistently before WLS, how is she going to cope when she wants to get off the restrictive diet they have you on after WLS?
In the end, if she wants to do it, she can - it's her life, it's her body after all. I just hope she doesn't end up even more miserable than she already is. That's my main concern. Sorry this was so long. I hope I haven't offended anyone and I don't mean to make myself sound like an expert - I just know what's worked for me.
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Replies
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Tough one, I've been on many a fad diet like the majority of us really. I think it takes a while to kinda correlate that it's not a diet and it is a "lifestyle change" It's that lifestyle change that I still have trouble with now really. I commemorate you for taking an active interest in changing your life it's far from easy.0
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I weighed 330.8 pounds 11 days ago, and I weigh 328 pounds today. Take it from another "330 pounder" - it's awful.
Maybe tell her about this "sweet new website" you found that can track your food and challenge her to try it with you? Offer to be an accountabili-buddy?
The hard truth is that at the end of the day, the only person who's gonna kick her butt into gear is her. She "wants" it, but she doesn't WANT it, and the only thing that's going to make her WANT it is time, effort and hope. Tell her you love her and you want whatever she wants to be healthier, and you'll help however possible. But if she's going to sit by and self-destruct, sadly you might just have to let her. I did that so many times before it finally clicked in my head - you might just have to wait it out.
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I really appreciate your patience with her - truly it's admirable. It seems she wants to change but has no idea how to do it. Do you think she'd be willing to see a nutritionist and follow a more sustainable plan?0
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I like the idea of encouraging her to do this with you. But who knows if she will. Honestly, I don't want to be judgmental, but she sounds like she wants an easy answer. Unfortunately, there really isn't one. If she wants to lose the weight and keep it off she will have to do it by making long term changes to her life.
I believe, in order to have weight loss surgery, there is a considerable amount of counseling you have to go through. Maybe that will help her. She probably feels very overwhelmed by the amount of weight she has to lose. I can empathize. It sounds like you are on a good path. Keep encouraging her to do this with you. Maybe when she sees what you are doing, your success will be enough of an impetus for her.0 -
Yeah I can sense the desperation here. Personally I started at 338lbs myself. And just as unfit as your friend. So you can assure her it can be done. But she has to start slowly. Here is how I got started.
1. Don't expect ANY weight loss overnight. Confiscate her scales and only let her weigh herself once a week. At the moment the only thing fluctuations will do is upset her or give her false confidence.
2. Walk as far as you can every day EVERY DAY! Get a pedometer or activity tracker and try and beat your record.
3. Set a modest caloric deficit but focus on eating healthy. If you don't eat as much crap you won't be as hungry all the time. If she isn't good at preparing food just get her a griddle Anyone can slap some meat and veg on something like this. http://www.amazon.co.uk/VonShef-Electric-Teppanyaki-Barbecue-Griddle/dp/B007FQY6WU/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1409838018&sr=8-5&keywords=griddle. For a few minutes. Anyone can make cereal or boiled eggs on toast. And personally I have fruit nuts and some cold meats for lunch. It's not as if I can't cook it's just most days I don't take the time. Once she is used to this have her learn to create some healthy food that is to her taste. So she can treat herself without reaching for junk food.
4. Try and do a short work out every day. Focus on body weight exercises like squats. Or even get-ups and get-downs. These are where you simply go from laying down flat to standing up straight. Sounds easy? Yeah the first few are. Try doing it 10-12 times in a row XD. Esp with body-weight like hers. Trust me it's actually great exercise.
5. Expand her coping mechanisms. She may be a comfort eater/drinker. In that she may be drinking or eating to relieve boredom stress depression or anxiety. If that is the case then this problem will undermine all other efforts including weight loss surgery. You need to work with her to help her find new outlets for her pent up emotions.
6. Encourage her to see the good bits of physical activity. Don't be too oppressive about this. But after a lighter workout where shes not dead on her feet point out how exhilarated she feels (and she will be). IF she makes any progress at all point it out. If you can get her interested in making herself stronger and fitter that will help the battle tremendously.0 -
I don't personally believe in shake diets. As a meal replacement once in awhile, yes, I think that is okay but my friend wants to live ON the shake diet. She wants to try the Rapid cycle (Week 1 consisting of mostly shakes to boost weight loss) for not one week as the shake product instructs, but for THREE WEEKS. Her reasoning? Because she has a lot of weight to lose.
I did this when I was a teenager. Nothing but shakes for two weeks. I lost 15 pounds, felt crappy the whole time and gained it back as soon as I started eating real food again.
I think it was the cambridge diet.
Fad diets don't work, and are even dangerous. I can't even believe my mom bought me the stuff.0 -
Can I just say that no one who reads your post fully will be offended by it - you are so level headed and you have clearly thought this through carefully. I applaud you for having the presence and intelligence to put together such a post.
As someone said above, you have to WANT it, not just 'want' it, and I think that is the difference between you and your friend. You have done your research, learnt from your mistakes and considered that it has to be a life change, not just a diet. you've come to terms with that. You will have bad days, like all of us, but you know that in the long run, eating well and moving more will get your there.
From the sound of your post, you've probably already tried speaking to your friend, but its always hard to hear that these things don't happen quickly - I remember that feeling... 'I want it now. I want to look like an underwear model and I want it to happen so easily and quickly, like they promise in the commercials', no planning ahead, no consideration of the aftermath, just immediacy. I also remember how annoyed I got at my friends and family for suggesting that a lifestyle change might be a better way. How i thought i could prove them wrong. Blurgh. If only I'd known then what I know now. But its all about experience isn't it?
I think patience may be the thing here. Again as someone said, wait it out. With friends like you around her, she'll get through her mistakes, and hopefully, sooner rather than later, she'll have that Eureka moment that you (and I and many many others on MFP) have had!
Also definitely no harm in pointing her in the MFP direction... !
:flowerforyou:0 -
Can I just say that no one who reads your post fully will be offended by it - you are so level headed and you have clearly thought this through carefully. I applaud you for having the presence and intelligence to put together such a post.
As someone said above, you have to WANT it, not just 'want' it, and I think that is the difference between you and your friend. You have done your research, learnt from your mistakes and considered that it has to be a life change, not just a diet. you've come to terms with that. You will have bad days, like all of us, but you know that in the long run, eating well and moving more will get your there.
From the sound of your post, you've probably already tried speaking to your friend, but its always hard to hear that these things don't happen quickly - I remember that feeling... 'I want it now. I want to look like an underwear model and I want it to happen so easily and quickly, like they promise in the commercials', no planning ahead, no consideration of the aftermath, just immediacy. I also remember how annoyed I got at my friends and family for suggesting that a lifestyle change might be a better way. How i thought i could prove them wrong. Blurgh. If only I'd known then what I know now. But its all about experience isn't it?
I think patience may be the thing here. Again as someone said, wait it out. With friends like you around her, she'll get through her mistakes, and hopefully, sooner rather than later, she'll have that Eureka moment that you (and I and many many others on MFP) have had!
Also definitely no harm in pointing her in the MFP direction... !
:flowerforyou:
I like the cut of your jib
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Im guilty of jumping on the fad diet! They never work and i always just end up deflated.
The best diet is one you stick too, im currently on the ethosien diet and while its tough its really simple and im starting to see some pretty decent results.
GL0
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