Finding it too hard to maintain

etchasketch1

I feel like i'm bipolar in my attitude towards gaining weight. I go from tossing and turning late at night telling myself I need to put on weight and that tomorrow will be different. Or I look in the mirror and think i'm too thin, get frustrated trying clothes on that don't fit me or having people comment on how slim I am. It makes me feel weak.

But then there are other days, where I just want to eat healthily and get satisfaction from having a normal intake of food. But then that always ends up with me at the end of the day worrying I haven't eaten enough, and in a bid to get some calories I uncontrollably eat - even when i'm not hungry.

I feel like I have no control over food, it rules me. I constantly talk about it with others, it must be so obvious I have issues. But nobody can say anything because on the outside it looks like i eat a normal diet - which I do. I don't undereat, i'm maintaining my weight - of 6 and a half stone at 21 years. The issue is i'm not gaining it. I haven't had my period in 2 and a half years.

I buy nuts and yogurt coated raisins and high protein calorie bars to eat - but I pick at them in small amounts throughout the day as opposed to just eating a whole bag.

Nothing passes my lips without me worrying about it. I want so badly to not care about it and be free to eat what I want when I want it's killing me. And I feel so selfish because there are so many people out there starving and here I am whining about having the food.

HOW DO YOU RELAX ABOUT IT?!

susannamarie

You really need to see a professional about this.

Really really.