The Don't Lose Anymore Weight Thing and How to Cope

PinkRosesandCarnations

Hello

I've read a lot of threads on this site about the problem of losing weight - or being in the process of losing a lot of weight to be more precise, and then getting "Dont lose anymore weight" or the seeming alternate version "you're wasting away" or "skinny *****".

I know that there are a lot of topics about this, I've been reading them to get help, but I really felt I needed to start my own thread about this as I feel that "venting" or getting this off my chest and asking for help in terms of how this effects me, would help me the most. Sorry if this is in the wrong section, mods please feel free to move it to where it might be more appropriate if so.

I am someone who seeks approval from others. I do things best when I get a lot of encouragement and support. So for me, hearing "dont lose anymore weight" seems to have an undermining effect. Like it bothers me. I guess it kind of makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong and also creates this infuriating feeling that I need to perhaps not be as slim as I would like as others are going to disapprove. The rational side of me says they are jealous, they are so used to people being overweight and eating junk food I stand out, they are so used to knowing me as really big that they are just not used to it etc...but the emotional side feels derailed and bothered.

I started getting a lot of this around about May when at that point I'd lost around 25kg. Added to others tensions and stresses at the time, I pretty much really struggled and mostly went off the rails between June - now and have now gained around 6kg of it back.

I know that not all of the 'blame' is on these comments - obviously a lot of it was just me / stress / whatever, but I do feel that part of the problem was getting a lot of this from people - like it kind of encourages you to give in or give up when you're feeling a bit stressed or down?

I was a slim person, and around 10 years ago gained a lot of weight. So, most people at work - make that everyone at work - only knew me as quite overweight - yes obese, at times. So I know how I want to be, I've been there before. My goal weight, and where I feel most happy and physcially comfortable is at the low end of my healthy BMI range.

I had one woman at work saying "dont lose anymore weight" and when I said "I'll be the judge of that, and my waist measurement isnt even less then 80cm (the standard max waist measurement for health for women) she had the nerve to start lecturing me about her sister in law has a small waist and she is dying of anorexia. I said but I dont have anorexia and she said "what do you want to be the supermodel of (where I work) do you?"

So, now having a healthy waist measurement is only something people "dying of anorexia" have?? It's not okay with the standard semi slim, semi fat women that you would like to "look like a supermodel" which is apparently what it means in this fat based society these days to be slim and healthy and not on the edge of fat all the time?

I am an apple shaped body. I have slim legs and waist and small bum. My excess weight is carried on my upper body, so I have to lose a lot more to get my waist anywhere near a healthy measurement and one that I'm happy with. I explain patiently that I will not lose anymore weight from my legs / lower body as there is no more there to lose...I am at the point now where I feel like why the hell should I explain, point out facts or justify?? What right do these women have to comment on my body, my weight or more or less tell me that they know better than me what is best for me? They dont know my waist measurement, then dont know how I look naked etc etc.

I sometimes get the comments "you've got no bum" or "your pants are loose now" Well, I do, it's just not really big. Would it be okay for me to comment on a pear shaped woman who has gained weight with comments like "Youve got a huge bum now, your pants are getting really tight wow"!? Or just things like "Dont gain anymore weight" "youre really filling out".

I am not 'wasting away' - I'd be wasting away if I was already underweight and still losing. I'm shedding ugly and unhealthy fat. Why do people feel it's ok to say these things? Are they really trying to be complimentary or are they actually trying to bring you undone? Why is it deemed acceptable to comment on someones body or weight when they are losing weight, or seen as no longer fat but not at all okay when people are overweight?

I really feel that my hard work and discipline takes a hit when I hear these things due to my need to gain approval - so what is the best way to shut it out and turn it around? How do you politely tell people not to say it and to mind their own business?

Why do we even care so much that people say it?

PinkRosesandCarnations

I forgot to add - a 'friend' at work called me "skinny *****" one day - and this was after the crap comments like this had started - I was very very depressed when I was overweight so imagine how happy I am to lose the weight and hence how sick of hearing skinny ***** I am.

I said to her, "I'm not skinny for a start, I'm within my healthy weight range, and I'm not a ***** I've worked my *kitten* off for this"...I noticed some weeks later that she had 'defriended' me on Facebook.

So, if I had said to her "fat *****" I would be the biggest ***** around, yet it's ok to say "skinny *****" to someone and they are not supposed to be in any way offended??

When she was sitting around eating ice cream I was dieting and exercises, so I dont appreciate being called a ***** when I get the results.

lizzybathory

I think it's a combination of jealousy (no fair, now she's going to be hotter than me!) and just being used to the way somebody looks. My mom lost a ton of weight, and she's still overweight, but she looks SO SKINNY to me. Obviously I'm proud of her, and would never say anything critical like you're talking about, but it's a big adjustment for me to see her this way.

Also, some people just aren't calibrated right. That same mother also thinks I'm too skinny anytime I'm not borderline overweight. So whatev. All you can do is tell them you're healthy, you appreciate the concern, and it's none of their business.

Totally get it, though. When you're getting close to, or reaching, your goals, and people are critical of THAT, it's tough. If you're healthy, then cheers, do what you want.

TiberiusClaudis

Ok...I'm with ya...been there. Go look at my profile page for a before pic.

Up until about 32 I was in fair to good shape. Then took 15 years off to raise a family...and got overweight...not, just plain fat. I ran into people that knew me years before and where shocked. Most were polite enought not to say anything upfront, but I quickly caught their drift. While some just came out and said I'd let myself go.

I can remember going to a club and seeing this really hot girl dancing and thinking...wow she is sooo far out of my league. But also thought to myself, at one point in my life, I could have had a shot. But those days I figured were long gone.

Over the years I developed many health problems: high blood pressure, high tris, pickled liver, gout...Finally my doctor told me if I didn't change my wicked ways, I'd wake up dead. Told me to lose 40lbs...I didnt follow his advice, instead I lost 60lbs.

Along the journey to lose weight, I also got the "you don't need lose anymore...or why are you doing this are you sick (like in AIDS or something?). Also friends and family didn't like me missing out on social setting. As I decided to stop drinking and I no longer ate out. Even at potlucks, I'd stick to my own prepared meals.

People have a tendency not to what change. So as I changed, and they continued to stay the same, they hit me up to come back to their lifestyles. Instead, I plowed ahead.

After I lost the 60lbs, I looked at myself and thought I looked like death warmed over. Sure I was healthier, but what people know call skinny fat. Excess skin and little to no muscle. So I started at the gym hitting the weight hard but also kept on my cardio. In about 9 month, I looked healthy...about 15% BF, if you go to my profile page, the pic along the coast is that time..a little over a year from when I started my life change. I felt great...but ...but ..I wanted more. So I REALLY got serious about the diet. And by this time, people stopped asking why I was doing it...instead they wanted to know how I did it.

Now 2 1/2 years later, I've totally transformed my life. Everything is better, and I mean EVERYTHING when you are in tip top shape. You can run farther, faster and stronger than ever and quiet frankly more so that people half your age. You no longer take 'normal" vacations, instead you go rock climbing, or swim with sharkes, or black water river rafting...why...because you can.

People now stop you in the mall and ask for healt advice. Waiter make comments. You have far surpassed normal...you are abnormal..and people want to know how you did it. Because you didn't simply change your life, you transformed.

So let me bottomline it for you: if you have the courage and tenacity to strive to be the very best you can be for one year...eat right, stop drinking (if you do), train hard...both cardio and weights...and learn to tune out what others think...I promise you a year from now...those people that pestered you by saying don't lose anymore weight...will be coming to you to ask how they can transform like you did.

You don't need anything more than the will to change.

annette_15

Ok...I'm with ya...been there. Go look at my profile page for a before pic.

Up until about 32 I was in fair to good shape. Then took 15 years off to raise a family...and got overweight...not, just plain fat. I ran into people that knew me years before and where shocked. Most were polite enought not to say anything upfront, but I quickly caught their drift. While some just came out and said I'd let myself go.

I can remember going to a club and seeing this really hot girl dancing and thinking...wow she is sooo far out of my league. But also thought to myself, at one point in my life, I could have had a shot. But those days I figured were long gone.

Over the years I developed many health problems: high blood pressure, high tris, pickled liver, gout...Finally my doctor told me if I didn't change my wicked ways, I'd wake up dead. Told me to lose 40lbs...I didnt follow his advice, instead I lost 60lbs.

Along the journey to lose weight, I also got the "you don't need lose anymore...or why are you doing this are you sick (like in AIDS or something?). Also friends and family didn't like me missing out on social setting. As I decided to stop drinking and I no longer ate out. Even at potlucks, I'd stick to my own prepared meals.

People have a tendency not to what change. So as I changed, and they continued to stay the same, they hit me up to come back to their lifestyles. Instead, I plowed ahead.

After I lost the 60lbs, I looked at myself and thought I looked like death warmed over. Sure I was healthier, but what people know call skinny fat. Excess skin and little to no muscle. So I started at the gym hitting the weight hard but also kept on my cardio. In about 9 month, I looked healthy...about 15% BF, if you go to my profile page, the pic along the coast is that time..a little over a year from when I started my life change. I felt great...but ...but ..I wanted more. So I REALLY got serious about the diet. And by this time, people stopped asking why I was doing it...instead they wanted to know how I did it.

Now 2 1/2 years later, I've totally transformed my life. Everything is better, and I mean EVERYTHING when you are in tip top shape. You can run farther, faster and stronger than ever and quiet frankly more so that people half your age. You no longer take 'normal" vacations, instead you go rock climbing, or swim with sharkes, or black water river rafting...why...because you can.

People now stop you in the mall and ask for healt advice. Waiter make comments. You have far surpassed normal...you are abnormal..and people want to know how you did it. Because you didn't simply change your life, you transformed.

So let me bottomline it for you: if you have the courage and tenacity to strive to be the very best you can be for one year...eat right, stop drinking (if you do), train hard...both cardio and weights...and learn to tune out what others think...I promise you a year from now...those people that pestered you by saying don't lose anymore weight...will be coming to you to ask how they can transform like you did.

You don't need anything more than the will to change.

Great post, thanks for sharing!