i don't respond well to positive feedback

js8181

i know I'm not obese, and that's perhaps why I realize I need tougher 'love'. I'm losing for vanity, at this point, so I like to hear the most honest, superficial truth. I am not very fit, you can't see my muscles, it's just a layer of pudge. I'd love to hear honest opinions, especially about my belly.
I've been trying to eat at a deficit (1780 calories) to lose the fat, but I wonder if I should up the calories--healthy stuff of course--so I can build more muscle? Or do I have enough fat to get rid of still, that I should still focus on burning?

PinkRosesandCarnations

I think you need to shred the fat, then focus on muscle building. The fat wont go unless it's burnt, you can't turn fat into muscle. It needs to be lost.

Cheekies_

Only my opinion: I think you should stay at a deficit and do some strength training. You can maintain the muscle you already have and it will show through as you lower your body fat. I'm doing the same.

js8181

haha, that's great, actually, thank you.

Oh for God's sake. You're body is just a normal looking body for an everyday looking man who probably works hard for a living. There's nothing wrong or even marginally unusual with the way it looks. It looks like a body that probably functions exactly the way it should. Do you know what a blessing that is? Probably not.

If you want to change it for the sake of showing off or getting the positive feedback you say you don't respond well to, it's not rocket science. Read a Jack Lalanne book and do some morning floor exercises. Like they showed you in Junior High.

How's that for the antithesis of positive feedback?

js8181

So I've been keeping a 1680 diet, plus cardio to cut fat. I think I've made some progress, but not there yet. non-positive feedback encouraged, lol. I'm half-kidding. What I mean by non-positive is just that I easily rest on laurels (e.g. oh, i lost 5 pounds, I should eat ALL the ice cream and beer now!). I really want to cut ten more pounds of fat, so I can focus on gaining 5-10 pounds of muscle after that's achieved. Right now I'm at 155-6.





This, fyi, is what I looked like a year ago (175+ pounds) that I never want to go back to:


And this is what I looked like 9 years ago, when I first realized "oh, hey, my metabolism has slowed down since I was 16, perchance I should not eat all the beer and burgerz." I weighed approx 186.

jemhh

I would say eat more and build muscle. How tall are you? How old are you? I eat more than you, at 156 pounds, 5'6", plus I'm a 38 year old woman. And I'm losing (slowly, but losing.) I'm looking at your pictures from today and saying it's time to work on building muscle.

WhatMeRunning

Do you think I care if you like positive feedback?!? Then you're not going to like what I have to say. I am completely neutral.

js8181

I would say eat more and build muscle. How tall are you? How old are you? I eat more than you, at 156 pounds, 5'6", plus I'm a 38 year old woman. And I'm losing (slowly, but losing.) I'm looking at your pictures from today and saying it's time to work on building muscle.

I am 5'5" and 33 yrs old. I worry that if I eat more that I won't burn my excess fat though.

langurmonkey

If you don't want positive feedback then I have some ;-). You probably want to both cut fat and do a lot of chest resistance work to flatten out those moobs.

TeamGetFinesFirstLady

You should take that positive feedback as good thing, I mean do you want people to be negative? If someone sees your progress and you motivate them to do the same things you are doing then you should feel good about it, just my opinion, but I have a friend who doesn't respond well to positive feedback either, so I stopped giving it to her, no need for me to waste my breath when all she does is reject every good thing I have to say.

spideywebb77

If you don't want positive feedback then I have some ;-). You probably want to both cut fat and do a lot of chest resistance work to flatten out those moobs.

This makes me laugh.... and want to go do some chest work :embarassed:

Lleldiranne

I would say eat more and build muscle. How tall are you? How old are you? I eat more than you, at 156 pounds, 5'6", plus I'm a 38 year old woman. And I'm losing (slowly, but losing.) I'm looking at your pictures from today and saying it's time to work on building muscle.

I am 5'5" and 33 yrs old. I worry that if I eat more that I won't burn my excess fat though.

Pretty sure you can cut the excess fat by eating at least 2000 calories a day as long as you're exercising. Since you want to burn fat and maintain muscle, you should already be doing heavy lifting 3 times a week. Doing even moderate cardio 3 days would just be a bonus. (Take at least 1 full rest day a week). (ETA: I'm talking total calories rather than net, but low-balling the estimate. I'm a 5'1" female and when exercising that much I can eat 1800-2000 calories and trim down)

You also want to make sure your macros are in line -- probably around 30% protein, 30% fat, and 40% carbs (by calories). Though it's overall calories that make a difference in weightloss, macros can be important for getting a "toned" or defined look.

arrrrjt

For the love of God, keep that shirt on til you lose at least ten more pounds.

p_emmel5

Definately gotta fim it up now or later. Why wait?

I think you should do it correctly and see nutritionist. And probably see a nutritionist who is versed in sports nutrition. If you add strength training in with your cardio it totaly changes your caloric needs.

js8181

yeah, sorry, I meant 1680 Net! Some days I don't exercise so that's all I eat, too, but on the 3-5 days a week I exercise, my overall caloric intake could be as high as 2200.

As for the heavy lifting, unfortunately I don't think I can do that. I have a tendency towards hernias (already had surgery once) and so it makes me a bit nervous. But would it be possible to substitute heavy lifting for lots of reps of pushups/planks/pull-ups? I know it's not a 1:1 substitution, but surely I'd get good results? Get rid of my 'moobs' and have better abs for when I lose the fat on my belly?

I would say eat more and build muscle. How tall are you? How old are you? I eat more than you, at 156 pounds, 5'6", plus I'm a 38 year old woman. And I'm losing (slowly, but losing.) I'm looking at your pictures from today and saying it's time to work on building muscle.

I am 5'5" and 33 yrs old. I worry that if I eat more that I won't burn my excess fat though.

Pretty sure you can cut the excess fat by eating at least 2000 calories a day as long as you're exercising. Since you want to burn fat and maintain muscle, you should already be doing heavy lifting 3 times a week. Doing even moderate cardio 3 days would just be a bonus. (Take at least 1 full rest day a week). (ETA: I'm talking total calories rather than net, but low-balling the estimate. I'm a 5'1" female and when exercising that much I can eat 1800-2000 calories and trim down)

You also want to make sure your macros are in line -- probably around 30% protein, 30% fat, and 40% carbs (by calories). Though it's overall calories that make a difference in weightloss, macros can be important for getting a "toned" or defined look.

js8181

Yes! They are disgusting. I can't do heavy lifting, as I've already had one hernia, and don't want to get another. But I figured I could do pushups, maybe 2-3 reps of 15-20 per day? But should I eat more calories (of protein, probably) than 1680 (net) so that I can keep weight on as muscle? Or could I stay at 1680 Net and just do more resistance on my chest and abs?

If you don't want positive feedback then I have some ;-). You probably want to both cut fat and do a lot of chest resistance work to flatten out those moobs.

PikaKnight

If you aren't able to lift with barbells, have you considered doing the same strength programs (Stronglifts, AllPros, Starting Strength, Routines on Bodybuilding.com) but with dumbbell or/and bodyweight alternatives?

There are also routines that use just bodyweight exercises, you just have to be proactive in researching variations in progressing the movement so that you make it harder when you reach that point.

Bodyweight Routines to look into:
Nerdfitness.com
You Are Your Own Gym
Body By You
Convict Conditioning


You can also consider TRX suspension training or resistance bands too.

Luv2eatSweets

You have very nice boobys

jemhh

You could d bodyweight training but that's strength training too so your body will work the same muscles, which means the hernia is still an issue. There are so many different exercises with weights that you may be able to pick and choose those that are okay despite the hernia issue. Have you worked with a physical therapist to find exercises?

ThePhoenixIsRising

Yes! They are disgusting. I can't do heavy lifting, as I've already had one hernia, and don't want to get another. But I figured I could do pushups, maybe 2-3 reps of 15-20 per day? But should I eat more calories (of protein, probably) than 1680 (net) so that I can keep weight on as muscle? Or could I stay at 1680 Net and just do more resistance on my chest and abs?

If you don't want positive feedback then I have some ;-). You probably want to both cut fat and do a lot of chest resistance work to flatten out those moobs.

I had 2 herniated disks 8 years ago and I now lift heavy. The trick is good form!

SherryTeach

My advice is to put a shirt on and hem those shorts about six inches.

p_emmel5

Nothing says you have to lift heavy. With the any lifting you could probably adapt your diet and add more protein and drop some carbs and still stay around your caloric goal. And yes push ups are top shelf exercises for firming your upper body.

Kate7294

Sorry edited to remove my evil remark.

js8181

Yes! So that's exactly what I was wondering. If I add some pushups/planks/crunches, and maybe 100 calories/day of high protein (i.e. 1780/day, but be honest and stick with high proteins), would I still be able to add muscle, but cut my excess fat.

Nothing says you have to lift heavy. With the any lifting you could probably adapt your diet and add more protein and drop some carbs and still stay around your caloric goal. And yes push ups are top shelf exercises for firming your upper body.

js8181

You are very kind, and I appreciate that. For me, the thing is that I admit this is for vanity, and I am lucky for that. My doctor hasn't told me to lose weight, my wife hasn't said she isn't attracted to me. This last 10 pounds is for me, to get a sixpack, and good pecs, so positive encouragement will tend to be like, "Oh, you look fine." But I'm trying for something more than that, if that makes sense. But I definitely don't want to seem ungrateful for the body I have--it is functional, healthy, etc. I'm just doing this in the same way people want to run a marathon, or write a novel they don't intend to publish. Just to prove I can do it. So I don't mind if people say, "To be honest, you have a lot of excess fat around your stomach" because it motivates me, if that makes any sense.

You should take that positive feedback as good thing, I mean do you want people to be negative? If someone sees your progress and you motivate them to do the same things you are doing then you should feel good about it, just my opinion, but I have a friend who doesn't respond well to positive feedback either, so I stopped giving it to her, no need for me to waste my breath when all she does is reject every good thing I have to say.