engagement/wedding gift help?!

kbc525
kbc525 Posts: 149
in Chit-Chat
I did not have an engagement party.. but a wedding... a family member recently got engaged and had an engagement party.. i declined rsvp'd no but gave money as a gift anyway.. now their wedding is soon... do i have to give them the same amount they gave me as a wedding gift? Or can i subtract the difference.. especially since i have to go run and pay for my husband's rental tux because their affair is black tie.. help.. my father says i should give the same amount even though i'm technically paying almost 400 more for a cousin i'm not close with...

Replies

  • Anahita_Swims
    Anahita_Swims Posts: 4,127 Member
    don't go?
  • _SantaClause
    _SantaClause Posts: 335 Member
    You're WAYYYYY overthinking this.
  • Praying_Mantis
    Praying_Mantis Posts: 239 Member
    Select a nice card, review their registry, and pick something. Or, card + something nice not on the registry. There's no tit-for-tat when it comes to gifts. Family members and friends are invited to a wedding to celebrate the happy couple. Enjoy. Have fun.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Wow if your so worried about stay home.
  • MlleKelly
    MlleKelly Posts: 356 Member
    You already gave them an engagement gift, and since you are spending so much on going to the wedding anyway, you are in no way obligated to give an additional gift.

    If you just REALLY want to give them a gift, make it what you can afford with a nice card and a personal note wishing them the best.
  • kobiemom
    kobiemom Posts: 218 Member
    Your wedding has nothing to do with theirs. If it's a formal affair, they may be spending as much as $100/plate to a caterer along with everything else. Decide what a reasonable gift would be and give it. Your father's right.
  • kbc525
    kbc525 Posts: 149
    I want to go and have to go... Secondly, kbmnurse - take the sarcasm somewhere else.. all I was asking was if I put $100 less in their card if that was ok... my husband's tux cost almost $200 to rent and I gave them $150 for their engagement party (again I didn't have an engagement party).. their gift to us was $400.. so all I was hoping was making it $300 was ok.

    In this case, their engagement gift and wedding gift comes out to more than what my gift was... If I could happen to gift more I would consider it, but under the circumstances... I found $300 to be efficient.. my father though worries about what people will say or think... he will be giving the same amount to them that my uncle gave me...

    My wedding was a formal affair as well BUT not black tie.... I understand the etiquette.. I just wanted to know if what I was doing was ok.

    In the end, I am giving them more... sorry for those of you who thought i was being cheap. i was not, but also it needs to be considered that not all can give as much as others...
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    It seems appropriate.

    I get it, depending on the family, not giving the same amount in the envelope, despite a higher net, can create drama. If your father is worried about what people will think let him know the circumstances and if he wants to pitch in more- he can.

    Personally, I feel a heartfelt card makes a big difference and the monetary figure given is secondary.

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