Diary of a Compulsive Overeater - Day 35

ellelit

American Heritage Dictionary -
Binge (bĭnj) Pronunciation Key
n.
A drunken spree or revel.

A period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.
A period of excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink: an eating binge.

intr.v. binged, bing·ing or binge·ing, bing·es

To be immoderately self-indulgent and unrestrained.
To engage in excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink.

so, i guess it was a binge.:sad:

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF!!!???

it is soooooooooo incredibly frustrating.

i looked at my health plan as well, and it turns out counselling is not covered by my plan. the cheapest one in the town is $150/ hour. makes me sad that i can't afford to fix this.

yesterday started off well. i was happy, in a good mood, looking forward to some me time. i walked downtown (about 15 minute walk) and the gravitational fast food pull was at work once again. it's so hard when, in our society) there is a fast food joint on every corner. they are unavoidable! it's like being caught in a nightmare where everywhere you turn the fast food restaurant is chasing you! geeeeeesh.
then, in the evening, i had dq again. i need to move to the country and live in a log cabin where the nearest fast food was 500 miles away. knowing me i'd probably still trek through the forest to get that big bacon classic.

here is how yesterday went.

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

lunch:
1 big bacon classic
1 large fries
1 diet coke
1 ranch sauce

supper:
1 dq ultimate burger
1 large fries
1 diet coke
1 large gravy
1 buster bar

snack:
3 choclare cookies

sigh. what is there to say? i'm incredulous. seriously have no idea why i do this. here is the plan for today:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 yogurt
22 almonds with dried cranberries
mini carrots
cup of tea with splenda

lunch:
2/3 cup rice
250 g roasted pork chop
1 tbsp bbq sauce
1 banana

snack:
100 calorie pack of cookies
1 applesauce

supper
2/3 cup chili
1.5 cups rice

snack:
1 cup skim milk

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday that suggested i try weight watchers and foolow the core plan. i tried weight watchers a few years ago, on the flex plan, and it did not seem to work for me, but i wonder if the core plan would work. her reasoning was that if i am not eating bad stuff in the first place, the cravings for them will go away. and there is little calorie counting, you just eat the healthy whole foods on the list until you are satiated. sounds like it would be good, but i dont know if i am up for trying another " diet". seems like when it fails i end up just gaining more and more weight. maybe if i don't let myself fail it will work... any how, i'm going to try hard not to be in a depressive mood today. today is the beginning of something, i just don't know what yet...

ellelit

American Heritage Dictionary -
Binge (bĭnj) Pronunciation Key
n.
A drunken spree or revel.

A period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.
A period of excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink: an eating binge.

intr.v. binged, bing·ing or binge·ing, bing·es

To be immoderately self-indulgent and unrestrained.
To engage in excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink.

so, i guess it was a binge.:sad:

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF!!!???

it is soooooooooo incredibly frustrating.

i looked at my health plan as well, and it turns out counselling is not covered by my plan. the cheapest one in the town is $150/ hour. makes me sad that i can't afford to fix this.

yesterday started off well. i was happy, in a good mood, looking forward to some me time. i walked downtown (about 15 minute walk) and the gravitational fast food pull was at work once again. it's so hard when, in our society) there is a fast food joint on every corner. they are unavoidable! it's like being caught in a nightmare where everywhere you turn the fast food restaurant is chasing you! geeeeeesh.
then, in the evening, i had dq again. i need to move to the country and live in a log cabin where the nearest fast food was 500 miles away. knowing me i'd probably still trek through the forest to get that big bacon classic.

here is how yesterday went.

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

lunch:
1 big bacon classic
1 large fries
1 diet coke
1 ranch sauce

supper:
1 dq ultimate burger
1 large fries
1 diet coke
1 large gravy
1 buster bar

snack:
3 choclare cookies

sigh. what is there to say? i'm incredulous. seriously have no idea why i do this. here is the plan for today:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 yogurt
22 almonds with dried cranberries
mini carrots
cup of tea with splenda

lunch:
2/3 cup rice
250 g roasted pork chop
1 tbsp bbq sauce
1 banana

snack:
100 calorie pack of cookies
1 applesauce

supper
2/3 cup chili
1.5 cups rice

snack:
1 cup skim milk

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday that suggested i try weight watchers and foolow the core plan. i tried weight watchers a few years ago, on the flex plan, and it did not seem to work for me, but i wonder if the core plan would work. her reasoning was that if i am not eating bad stuff in the first place, the cravings for them will go away. and there is little calorie counting, you just eat the healthy whole foods on the list until you are satiated. sounds like it would be good, but i dont know if i am up for trying another " diet". seems like when it fails i end up just gaining more and more weight. maybe if i don't let myself fail it will work... any how, i'm going to try hard not to be in a depressive mood today. today is the beginning of something, i just don't know what yet...

spaul82478

MY dear.. dont look at it as a diet look at it as a way of living. IT's hard i know/ I :LOVE TO EAT.. but what i figured is that each BACON BURGER i ate will just make me sad... so If you are going to eat at fast food places.. ( why i like the flex better than core) i eat chicken and once a week i eat my fav food.. PIZZA from jets... 8 pts a slice so 2 is hard but i manage... If its hard to make better decisions at fast food rest.. don't go and if you are out EAT SUB WAY much better... I know you have it in you to eat healthy stuff... GO to the groc store and stock up on foods you like to cook... chicken even ham mean just hte 90 10 stuff.. much better for you. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT..... I am an compulive eatter as well turst me... ive been heavy since the 11th grade and well since im almsot 30..... ya get my drift.... Don't get down on your self when you do bad.. we all have bad days..... but TOday take one meal at a time and forget about anyone else but you.. This is where its ok to eat healthy and not care what others think.. i mean i had to go to "Old COounty Buffet" and GUess what I ate what i wanted and didnt even watn to eat the fried chicken or eggs with cheese and potatoes.... i ate yougart fruit and one pancake...lol anyhow..... YOU CAN DO IT....

walnut

You could check with some of the local counseling offices - there are some that offer services on a sliding fee scale based on your income. :flowerforyou:

spaul82478

You could check with some of the local counseling offices - there are some that offer services on a sliding fee scale based on your income. :flowerforyou:

GOOD ADVICE... i forgot about that.. :flowerforyou:

BlazinEmerald

Hunny, if you NEED that burger, make one at home. We grilled burgers on Saturday and it was WAY better than any fastfood place. Plus on the grill most of the grease and oil left in the meat drips off. You CAN do this. Cause I believe in you. And if I have to do it , so do you! :flowerforyou:

pmkelly409

IMHO, Weight Watchers is a great deal for the amount of support you will get, albeit they are not counselors that will help you get to the heart of the problem psychologically, they are trained to talk to people who know they have a problem and are ready to make a change...you might even find another woman in there who can be a 'sponsor/friend' of sorts, like in AA.

What about the local Overeaters Anonymous meetings? Free!

timragan

any how, i'm going to try hard not to be in a depressive mood today. today is the beginning of something, i just don't know what yet...

This is the most important part of your post. Lord knows I have tried hard to change the past. I've made some really giant mistakes in my life and continuous mistakes related to food. I can't change yesterday and you can't either. Don't beat yourself up over it. Let it go and have a great day today. We all struggle with choices and though I've been making great choices lately I am sure that I will make some bad ones.

I have really tried to work at recognizing the events in my day that set me up for bad choices. An example for me is that I realized recently that when I allow myself to get very hungry and home in that condition I am likely to open the pantry and find something to eat. Is my pantry different than yours? Probably not and there is nothing in the pantry that offers healthy quick nourishment. (I am sure someone will disagree but I am talking generally). I decided that eating ANYTHING when I am in that "old" mental state is a problem and can lead to bad choices. My solution is that I do not allow myself to make any nourishment decisions at that moment. I wait 20-30 minutes, unwind with a cold glass of water (always the first choice) or other sugar free drink. Only then do I eat/drink a meal or snack and 98% of the time it will be a good choice.

This might not work for you or anybody else but it seems to work for me. I wish you the very best. You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweetandstormy

I found that I had a problem with "trigger" foods and that made it next to impossible for me to eat anything from ANY restaurant or even anything that I prepared at home. I went on NutriSystem so I got good carbs and portion control. The urge to binge went away after a while. Don't get me wrong, I still get the urge. But only if I let myself have something (usually highly processed or high in fat) and that gets the old ball rolling. I know NutriSystem is costly but they are offering 3 weeks of free food right now. The meals are actually very good and there are only a few things I completely hated the taste of. Would it maybe be possible to give it a try to see if you can rid yourself of the urges to binge and cravings while you learn portion control and find out what foods trigger you? I'm here to help in any way I can. I know the binging cycle and I know how frustrating it is to see yourself do the same things over and over again and not know why you can't stop yourself.

Katy009

Hunny, if you NEED that burger, make one at home. We grilled burgers on Saturday and it was WAY better than any fastfood place. Plus on the grill most of the grease and oil left in the meat drips off. You CAN do this. Cause I believe in you. And if I have to do it , so do you! :flowerforyou:

That's a great idea....stock up on meat or even ground turkey with all of the fixings and make it at home. You can even get whole wheat buns and control the amount of mayo, etc. Then you can still have what you love but probably less than half the calories. Then slowly try to cut down from there. Now I want a burger! :grumble: Plus, at home you can make a baked potato rather than fries. And I saw one time on here where someone posted some lower cal french fries that sounded really good.

ellelit

Hunny, if you NEED that burger, make one at home. We grilled burgers on Saturday and it was WAY better than any fastfood place.

of course i don't NEED the burger.:noway: most of the time i don't even WANT the burger... i just can't help it! but i do value your advice and will try that the next time i feel the compusive urge to have fast food. one of the big things is when i get that urge, i must have it RIGHT NOW!!! i don;t know if it will work having to actually make the food. i might hurt someone :P

spaul82478

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

Ok.. i see this as a potental problem for being hungary during the day.. YOU NEED TO EAT more at breakfast..... yes a banana is 200 cal but its good calories.... add some more protein to that skimpy breakfast.... like cottage cheese or an egg... or 1/2 cup egg substitute... if your feeling kinda down spinkle some cinnimin on your oatmeal and add some raisins... i think this may help through out the day.. and i also noticed a cup of milk for your snack.. no wonder you want burgers...lol... EAT FOOD for your snack not liquid.... GIVE it a try see if it helps.. like what your eatting.... :P enjoy your snacks girl.

also to loose weight you need to eat... kinda strange but you do.. YOU CAN DO IT

spaul82478

Hunny, if you NEED that burger, make one at home. We grilled burgers on Saturday and it was WAY better than any fastfood place.

of course i don't NEED the burger.:noway: most of the time i don't even WANT the burger... i just can't help it! but i do value your advice and will try that the next time i feel the compusive urge to have fast food. one of the big things is when i get that urge, i must have it RIGHT NOW!!! i don;t know if it will work having to actually make the food. i might hurt someone :P

CUTE... very cute... but if you dont even want the burger my advice stay outta wendys parking lots... they are curel vicious people that lure you in.. I KNOW they do it to me... so..... stay away....

Katy009

Hunny, if you NEED that burger, make one at home. We grilled burgers on Saturday and it was WAY better than any fastfood place.

of course i don't NEED the burger.:noway: most of the time i don't even WANT the burger... i just can't help it! but i do value your advice and will try that the next time i feel the compusive urge to have fast food. one of the big things is when i get that urge, i must have it RIGHT NOW!!! i don;t know if it will work having to actually make the food. i might hurt someone :P

I know what you are saying.....but try anyway to get the stuff for home.....make just the patties beforehand and put them in the freezer. Then when you get home, you don't have to start from scratch. You have it there already.

I also saw the comment about protein and I think I responded to another of your posts a while back that I thought you needed WAY more protein in your diet. I TOTALLY agree.....Meat, eggs, cheese, fish, etc. It will keep you more full during the day.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

wanderinglight

As we all know, it's SO hard to overcome food addiction. It's not like quitting alcohol, cigarettes or even drugs, where you can choose to cut those things out of your life completely (not to diminish how hard it is to quit alcohol, drugs or ciggies). We all NEED to eat, therefore it's like having to make the right decision over and over, a million times a day.

There have been many many times I've said I wish I just didn't even have to eat, because I just can't be trusted to do the right thing all the time. I'm an all-or-nothing person. I binged for years. That's why just having one slice of pizza or a few squares of chocolate is SO HARD for me. I'd almost rather not have it at all, and I commend those people that truly can live in moderation.

I'd recommend Overeaters Anonymous. It's free and it certainly can't hurt to try.

P.S. I don't know if you ever watch "Work Out" on Bravo but I was really interested to see that one of the trainers struggled with bulimia and still goes to OA meetings.

peej76

DO NOT get down on yourself. As far as I can tell, your still improving from where you started off. If I remember right your first few diaries were filled up with much more junky food then they are now. Ok, so you ate take out for lunch and supper, where before you ate that meal as a snack. But the best thing is, is that your are not lying to yourself, you are admitting it to yourself when you are not eating the best, and staring the situation straight in the face and you are dealing with it. So, I say good job, keep it up, and you will get there.

ellelit

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

Ok.. i see this as a potental problem for being hungary during the day.. YOU NEED TO EAT more at breakfast..... yes a banana is 200 cal but its good calories.... add some more protein to that skimpy breakfast.... like cottage cheese or an egg... or 1/2 cup egg substitute... if your feeling kinda down spinkle some cinnimin on your oatmeal and add some raisins... i think this may help through out the day.. and i also noticed a cup of milk for your snack.. no wonder you want burgers...lol... EAT FOOD for your snack not liquid.... GIVE it a try see if it helps.. like what your eatting.... :P enjoy your snacks girl.

i do enjoynthe food i eat. i don't control the bad stuff that goes into my body. that is why it is called compulsive overeating. i can't help it. it has nothing to do with what i am actually eating because i enjoy the food i eat, most of the snacks have some form of protein, and if i actually follow my plan to a tee, i'm not hungry througout the day. when i binge, i don't do it because i'm starving. i don't know exactly why i do it, but hunger is definitely at the bottom of the list. to this end, most of the time i binge, it's after i've already eaten a substantial meal. aka not hungry. here is how my scedule breaks down:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal (eaten at 7:30 am. All i can handle this early in the morning)
1 banana (eaten at 9:30am)

snack: (eaten at 10:30am)
1 yogurt
22 almonds with dried cranberries
mini carrots

cup of tea with splenda (sipped between snack and lunch)

lunch: (eaten at noon)
2/3 cup rice
250 g roasted pork chop
1 tbsp bbq sauce

1 banana (eaten at about 1pm)

snack: (eaten at 3:30pm)
100 calorie pack of cookies
1 applesauce

supper: (eaten around 6pm)
2/3 cup chili
1.5 cups rice

snack: (around 8pm)
1 cup skim milk

eating between 2-3 hours between meals, and alot of the time less time between. and if you actually break this down and do a calorie count of what i am eating, it's healthy, but it is still over my daily caloric requirement, so eating more is not this issue. thanks for the input, though.

spaul82478

YEAH.. your breakfast at the early time can be small if you want but the one at 930 should be pretty good.. example of what i ate for breakfast today

2 eggs scrammbled with
ww cheese and green and red peppers

2 light pieces of toast with reduced cal jelly

or i eat a bowl of cereal with skim milk
a bannaa and a yougart or cottage cheese

lunch i eat a can of tuna drained with 1 tbsp of mirical whip
either a whole weaht pita or 2 slices of
light whole grain sara lee bread
with an apple and a talbe spoon of penutbutter and string cheese

dinner varies

i eat chicken with lots of green beans and light prog soup

taco salad homemade

or subway my fav

on my day to eat pizza i eat pizza

briblue72

I'm sure you've thought of it before, and counseling would help, but if you're binging on 1,000 or 2,000 calorie meals when you're not even hungry, tells me that you're trying to fill some other void within yourself. Do you have a strong support system of family and/or friends? When I started losing weight in January, my friends, family, husband all started being the most supportive people ever. If we went out to dinner, they'd let me check the menu first, they'd take me to Subway instead of Pei Wei, they congratulate me on progress, tell me how good I'm looking/eating/feeling. Just like I needed their support when I quit smoking, I need their support now. Do you have any neighbors to hang out with at night? Do you have any pets? A dog provides unconditional love AND a built-in need for exercise.

Have you considered moving to a different part of the neighborhood where you're not living next door to the DQ? If this is truly going to be a life change, change your life....

I hope none of that came off the wrong way. I want you, and all of my MFP friends, to be successful and am just brainstorming ideas to help you out along the way.
:flowerforyou: Bri