For the boys.... Insult? or Compliment?

hotjacki85

OK so i have lost 24 lbs since i got married in august. my husband and i hve been going out a lot more and when he sees friends he introduces me to them.... they make comments like "wow how'd you get her" or ask me "What made you get with him?" they say it jokingly and it makes me feel great... but i wonder what it does to my husbands self esteem? For a guy is that an insult or compliment? I dont know how guys take a comment like that


so boys.... would this HONESTLY NOW make you feel prouder to be married to me and more confident .... or make you feel insecure... also what would be something i could say after those comments?

NightOwl1

I think it has to do entirely with your self confidence. I've gotten those comments when I've been in relationships in the past, and I haven't let it phase me. I mean, on the face of it, it's definitely insulting and demeaning, but then it's like, I'm a guy with a hot girlfriend, why do I care what other people think?

I think thats probably better than getting the alternative of "I'm sure she has a really great personality" :laugh:

lilRicki

I think it has to do entirely with your self confidence. I've gotten those comments when I've been in relationships in the past, and I haven't let it phase me. I mean, on the face of it, it's definitely insulting and demeaning, but then it's like, I'm a guy with a hot girlfriend, why do I care what other people think?

I think thats probably better than getting the alternative of "I'm sure she has a really great personality" :laugh:

lol I just snickered out loud...this reminds me of the ``how I met your mother`` episode where they discussed reaching and settling...in every relationship there`s a reacher and a settler. Now they aren`t necessarily bad things, but sometimes a person feels bad if they find out they`re a reacher, or they got someone above them...NightOwl is right, I think it depends on the guy...does your husband blush and stammer or does he puff up and think `hell yeah she`s hot and she`s mine!`

chris2991

If a friend said that to me it would make me more confident, like their saying they approve. If it was just some random guy its probably an insult but then I'd be more like "yeah my girlfriend/wife’s absolutely beautiful, and your jealous”

That’s me but ultimately it would come down to how your husband feels about it.


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LynnBirchfield

That used to happen to me and my husband a lot -- back in the day. He would just put his arm around me and give me a squeeze. Like....yeah...she's mine! He always seemed proud. Also, everyone thought he was older than me by 4 or 5 years, when actually I'm a year older than him.

bsshaw1

Being in a Beauty and the Beast marriage (with me being the beast) , I have been in that position before and without a doubt, it was each time a huge compliment.

Just smile and say, "Funny, I thought I was getting the better end of the deal"

Good job on the 24 pound loss to date!

JamesPartridge

Most guys I know would be proud to have a HOT girlfriend and those comments I believe are overlooked because what they are really saying is your wife is hot.:glasses:

hotjacki85

Thanks everyone... i just wasnt sure if a guy took it as "hell ya ive got a hot wife" or if deep down inside they felt insecure.... as a woman.... even if it was a friend of mine... if they said "wow jacki howd you get him!!!!" my womanly hormones would kick in and id be hurt or upset LOL

Hitsujikai

Its a bit of both really.

Guys are NOT allowed to compliment each other in the conventional way, everything has to be a backhanded compliment. A friend of mine recently asked me on a night out "What the f@*! happened to you?", I hadn't seen this friend in a long time and I've lost 56lbs since then but as a guy talking to a guy he wasn't allowed to come out and say "Whoa, you look amazing .... have you lost weight?".

You should both take it as a compliment.

BobL436

Having been in that same situation, I was always proud that I have a beautiful girl by my side, that feels comfortable being with me, while all the other guys kept wondering "why him". As the saying goes: "Proud as a peacock"!

nilisabel

interesting thread! it's a tough social cue isn't it? It's not really progressive but it is a compliment so take it and smile, it's not intended to insult anyone. My husband's best friend told him he was marrying up and that he himself was undeserving of his wife, so it's just a bit of self-deprecating flattery. I think we women are more sensitive to it than a guy is; true to form I had a discussion with my husband about it afterward to make sure his self-esteem was intact. Luckily, he's fine.

aaddaammggoolleeaaffss

Definitely take it as a "hell ya i've got a hot wife" for sure

alantin

LoL

I'd take those as huge complements and I think most other guys would as well. Actually, I was a little surprised by the question at first (I mean, that's obvious! Right..?) but I suppose, it's a good example of how girls think differently from guys..
It is often uncomfortable for a guy to complement another guy about his appearance or some other personal stuff (not to talk of getting such complements!) so doing it in a roundabout or sarcastic way makes it okay and not feel gay.. Not to say that, we don't complement often, so I'd say that's big!

It is funny to see, for a change, that you girls just don't seem to get it.. :bigsmile:
I mean, how in Moses' left pinky toe nail can anyone think of that somehow LOWERING anyones self esteem! The whole notion is twisted beyond belief! :laugh:

I have learned the hard way that the same principles don't seem to apply to dealing with girls.. :blushing:
Later we'd wonder about what went wrong and marvel how volatile women can be, or get angry at them for always finding some twisted excuse to feel hurt. :ohwell:

Scorpiomom222

People used to say that to my husband. How did he get you? And my mom said, seriously? you could have anyone you wanted, but you chose HIM? (he didn't hear her, but still) I find it odd that men take it differently than a woman would. Most women if someone said "How did she get you?" (meaning he was the more attractive one) as a woman, I would develop a complex about it.

mccorml

lol puts a huge grin on my face everytime haha definate confidence booster

alantin

By far the best complement, I have ever gotten about my weight loss, came from a guy that I used to have some courses with and hadn't seen in one or two years.
He stared at me for a while frowning, then, when I walked over to him, he seemed to recognize me an exclaimed, "dude! What happened to you? You've withered away!"
That made my week! Complements from relatives are one thing, but just some guy? That's GOLD!


@i_wanna_b_an_rn

That's whole different thing! Anyone would take what your mom said as a grave insult! No masked good intention whatsoever in those words!
Btw. Not just everything is taken as a complement. It's about complementing without being obvious about it. The very same words can become an insult depending on the situation, who said it, and how it was said. A complement always comes from good intention, which IMO is far more important than what's actually said. Granted, it might sound a bit blunt at times..
Isn't it nice that guys are so simple.

Scorpiomom222

It is! I don't think I'd have the patience for a womanly male in my life! LOL I don't mean that in a bad way toward men who are more in touch with their feminine side in a sexual way, though. Those guys are friggin awesome!

darknight0dc

in my experience guys just take it as saying "hey you have a hot wife"
This is sort of unrelated, but I was out eating w/ my boyfriend once, and this old man came up next to our booth & he semi-sat down next to my boyfriend, threw his arm over my boyfriends shoulders and said "how'd an ugly guy like you get such a pretty girl like her!?" both my & my boyfriend's faces were O.O then the old man started laughing maniacally and walked away.

asteppaway

My husband would readily agree with anyone who said anything like that...he always ask how a guy like him, got a girl like me (I just laugh at him) but I do know a guy who gets those comments and it enrages him (I'm guessing his self esteem is pretty dang low)...

LorinaLynn

I'm not a guy, but growing up with four older brothers... I think like one. Dirty jokes and all.

That's a high compliment in guy-speak. Guys routinely insult each other, affectionately. Among my husband's friends, there's "Bigg'n" (who is quite a big fella) who is sometimes "Mannicotti" because it's similar to his Italian last name, the "Flaming Heterosexual" (straight, but a meterosexual before it had a name), "Joey Bag O'Cheeseburgers" (who sadly passed away recently) and my husband, "Turbo," named for his ability (in his younger, single days) of going "from zero to drunk in 60 seconds."

I love guys.