Husbands! Need your advice!
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I wouldn't be offended, in fact if I were struggling or frustrated, I would welcome it.
But I agree, he is probably on a plateau; just needs to stick with it and possibly switch up the routines.
Weight isn't the only factor with exercise. He could be gaining muscle. If he keeps it up the scale will start to drop again.0 -
My very amazing husband is currently struggling with loosing weight. He is eating right and working out. But the scale isn't changing. *I* see the changes! It has only been a month, but he is getting frustrated. I hate seeing him like this.
I personally feel he isn't eating enough calories! He thinks he needs to cut them more!!! he is a foot taller than me and eating only about 300 cals more than me a day!
My question for you guys:
Would you feel offended if your lovely wife bought you a Bodymedia band or something similar? Something the would more accurately calculate his heart rate and his calories burned in a day? ( or a similar product )
Would you be upset that your wife took it upon herself to do this?
While an activity tracker is fun, it ain't gonna do any good if we don't know what exactly is going on with him, such as age/height/weight, method(s) of calculating intake/burns, etc. On the surface it sounds like he's absolutely correct in that he needs to cut calories because it appears he's eating more than he thinks. Activity tracker is a waste of money if he's doing everything else "wrong."
He's calculates all his calories. it's about 1300-1500 a day ( some days less ) for a man of 5'11" 200 lbs.
anyone can see that is WAY TOO LITTLE !! he is working out about 4-5 times a week. He is eating SUPER clean. I make all the meals. He just isn't eating enough because he just wants to loose weight so badly! He doesn't believe me ( or the tools on here ) that he is using up WAY more calories. He thinks his body is sooo different.
I'm hoping a device like this, that will more accurately show him what he is actually using up in a day, and to subtract 300-500 cals from that, will benefit him.
Or am I way off in my thinking?
Just a word of caution based on this post... If he feels like you are trying to get him to use this so you can prove yourself right, he may not want to use it.
Oh gawd no. I don't care if I'm wrong. I'm not like that, and he knows that. It wouldn't even cross his mind. I didn't even think I was coming off that way till I read this
I'm so not trying to "prove a point". Sorry if i'm coming off like that. oh gosh.
I want him HEALTHY. and I really think he is doing this in an unhealthy way. Which is terrifying for me. I know the problems under eating can produce. Especially when working out.0 -
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He needs to eat higher calories than that. I know I recently checked my BMR because I had lost a lot of my energy after MFP dropped my calories to 1420. I adjusted my settings now I'm back up to 1620.
I'm a 5'7" woman. If he eats to little he's going to lose muscle.
This is exactly what my fear is! I really think he is under eating.0 -
I would love the support, the gift, and the ability to eat back all of the calories I burned (accurately).
As for his frustration, if he's anything like me (a totally insecure crybaby), he'll enjoy lots of compliments on how he's looking better. Also, other physical-type motivation... WINK!0 -
Pardon? lol0 -
back in the old days i was 5'11 and 211 pounds and i was Hawt with a capital "H"...now I am NAWT with a capital "N"...BUT....if he is tripping about being 200 pounds and not losing weight..i think maybe he needs to refocus on structure and form and look for the way clothes fit and the way muscles ripple ..and most importantly..how he feels when he forgets about "weight"..and concentrates on how his wife eyes him when he turns around suddenly...that's what I do..i watch my wife....my suggestion? .watch your wives fellas..she will tell you when you are looking good :P0
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My husband has cut out soda and has lost 4 inches around his waist without the scale changing. I think the bodymedia band is a great idea IF it is sensible for your current budget and if you are able to make somewhat large purchases without consulting the other. Otherwise I would suggest taking measurements so that he can see the inches coming off even if the scale isn't moving.
YES! I have noticed his body changing some. he cut out soda also! and so many other bad foods. we did that over the course of 3 months.
I think I will also start taking his measurements! that's a fab idea! I keep trying to tell him the scale isn't important! he is working out and muscle is heavier than fat! he might not be loosing because he is replacing with muscle!
thank you!oh.. and there is no cheating on his diet where I wouldn't know about. No foods I don't know about because i've been home from work for 5 weeks with him on holidays (and he works from home).
He is getting almost scared of food
1. The "bad" foods thing and the "almost getting scared of food" thing is a little troubling
2. You can't be 100% certain he isn't sneaking food, unless you monitor his every movement. I went through 6 weeks of basic training and we snuck food around the dormitories right in front of the training instructors who supposedly knew everything. Just sayin'
He tells me what he eats that isn't here. He isn't a sneak lol and yes the scared of calories is very troubling! He thinks he is only using up 1500-1700 cals a day, so he has to sutract 300-500 from that! which is where I AM! not him!
He has gone out once or twice this month and had 2 beers ( so 4 beers in a month ). He tells me. and he logs it. He is meticulous about logging it! Even butter he logs! everything! lol
The truth is somewhere between what you're saying and what he's telling you. Tell him to post here and open up his diary.
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I would love the support, the gift, and the ability to eat back all of the calories I burned (accurately).
As for his frustration, if he's anything like me (a totally insecure crybaby), he'll enjoy lots of compliments on how he's looking better. Also, other physical-type motivation... WINK!
YES!
Lol! I'm ALL OVER THAT! He rolls his eyes at me when I compliment him, but whatever.. I'm hoping hearing the truth often enough he will see it himself!0 -
When I was bigger, all I wanted to do were the completely wrong things, such as eating at too high of a deficit and wanting to do cardio all of the time. It's seriously taken me years to see the benefit of eating at a small deficit and doing consistent weight training (with some cardio on off days, some days of serious deficit, and some splurge days of eating treats at above calorie goal). Sometimes the only way to figure this out is by making years of mistakes. People tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear them until now when I have to face that it's true.0
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When I was bigger, all I wanted to do were the completely wrong things, such as eating at too high of a deficit and wanting to do cardio all of the time. It's seriously taken me years to see the benefit of eating at a small deficit and doing consistent weight training (with some cardio on off days, some days of serious deficit, and some splurge days of eating treats at above calorie goal). Sometimes the only way to figure this out is by making years of mistakes. People tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear them until now when I have to face that it's true.
This is true.
But as his wife, I hate seeing him frustrated lol.
I'll do whatever I can, and also fail at it, to try and help lol
I think i'm going to surprise him with new range of weights also! He was talking about that a few days ago! he is away on a trip today, so it could be a great welcome back home gift :P -- We both need that, so it wouldn't be so " for you" type of gift lol 0 -
I just wish he saw himself the way I see him.
Sounds like you guys need some pro help.
Not sure which one of you is the neuroses motivator, but one of you is.
Get whole in your mind, and your body will follow.
The spice must flow.0 -
Tell him to post here and open up his diary.
^^^^ This!
If you want to get him the gadget because you think he may be into it, then get it just because that.
If you want to proove a point. Don't. If he feels frustrated with his weight loss, try your best to encourage him and show him support, but it comes down to him owning up to his own weight loss. He has to do the research and ask questions. You can't do that for him or else you risk "shoving it down his throat".0 -
Tell him to post here and open up his diary.
^^^^ This!
If you want to get him the gadget because you think he may be into it, then get it just because that.
If you want to proove a point. Don't. If he feels frustrated with his weight loss, try your best to encourage him and show him support, but it comes down to him owning up to his own weight loss. He has to do the research and ask questions. You can't do that for him or else you risk "shoving it down his throat".
I'm really not worried about that. We have been together for 12 years. He knows I don't do anything to prove him wrong. He knows if I do anything, it is out of love and support.
hmm. guess that pretty much answers my own question though! When I type it out like that.
Thank you!0 -
if he is like me...
i love that my wife wants to support and help...
but i dont want to take or try anything that she is offering if i have not done my full research on it.
its only been month and this might just be a part of his process.
plus you have to give him time to learn what works for his body and THAT IS frustrating
just dont offer him garbage food or make him feel bad if he doesnt want to eat garbage with you!0 -
As someone who has been the majority of my life. Finding the right ratio of calories to working out is a challenge. I think I have finally found what is right for me. Just working on maintaining and building a little more muscle. The scale really shouldn't be the final judge. If his clothes are fitting better he is obviously getting more fit.
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Would it help if you got one for yourself too? My husband isn't trying to live right so if I got him a band he would probably be a little hurt. However, I've seen the fitbit thing that comes with a couple of bands. (I'm not technologically inclined). If you got like a 3 pack and did it together, would it be less offensive?0
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As someone who has been the majority of my life. Finding the right ratio of calories to working out is a challenge. I think I have finally found what is right for me. Just working on maintaining and building a little more muscle. The scale really shouldn't be the final judge. If his clothes are fitting better he is obviously getting more fit.
completely agree!
Now, how do I convey this to him lol 0 -
BTW congrats on the 100lbs down!!!0 -
I don't know your husband, so I don't know how he'd receive a fitbit.
However, I'd like to suggest taking a step back. From your post, it looks like you are owning both the problem and the solution. A better role for you to play is helping him define his problem.
Is he getting results or not getting results?
If he is getting results and not noticing them, a fitbit would not be a solution - progress pictures might be. Tracking measurements might be. There are suggestions you could make and let him figure out what will work for addressing them.
If he's not getting results:
- What results does he want?
- What is his strategy?
- Is it likely to give him those results?
- Is he giving himself a reasonable timeline for getting those results?
A fitbit may or may not be helpful based on his goals and strategy. However, you can provide information and feedback based on his goals and strategy that might help him find a good solution to his issue.
Who knows? Maybe cutting 300 calories a day is appropriate for him? He's the one that needs to decide that.0
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