25 Things People in Happy Relationships DON'T Do
This is worth a read. For the TL;DR crowd I've bolded the main points. 
http://relrules.com/post/25-Things-People-In-Happy-Relationships-Dont-Do/1
Nothing good in life comes easy. Happy and healthy relationships are no different. They require a lot of constant work from both sides. This article is going to focus on 25 of the most common things people in happy and healthy relationships DON'T do.
#25 They Know It's Not Easy
People always ask me how I manage being in a healthy and happy relationship for so long and still keep nurturing every day. It's not like my relationship is a walk in the park, it's not always sunshine and rainbows, it's not always hugs and kisses. Me and my girlfriend go through our fair share of ups and downs, the thing that makes our relationship strong is the fact that we have more ups and we try every day to make sure there are no downs.
#24 They Don't Rush Their Relationship
People often tend to rush their perfectly happy relationships in hopes of a happier tomorrow. Stop rushing things. Spend every single day as if it were the first day of your relationship. Cherish even the smallest of moments and create memories each day as it goes by. Don't stress about what's next, just keep at it and continue moving forward with life as it goes. Live your present with your partner and stop focusing on the future while ignoring the present.
#23 They Don't Expect A Magical Solution
I know people in relationships help each other grow and make each other's lives better, but that does not mean that your relationship is the magical answer to everything. Don't expect your partner to solve all of your problems just as how they should not expect you to solve all of theirs. The key to a healthy and happy relationship is to know when and where you can manage the issue yourself and not to turn to your partner at every sign of trouble. Be supportive and expect support, but learn to support yourself first.
#22 They Don't Ignore The Tough Times
Healthy relationships have a lot of ups and downs. The reason for that relationship to be so strong is the will of both people and how they tackle their problems rather than ignoring them. Nothing good in life comes easy, neither does a happy relationship. It takes a lot of effort from both sides to make sure everything is perfect. The people who ignore you in your tough times and still have the guts to tell you they love you should immediately be kicked out of your life.
#21 They Don't Allow Fear To Take Control
Going into a relationship with someone can be really scary. Giving someone all of your trust, expecting a lot from them, depending on them in times of need, all of your weaknesses being exposed to them, it can get really overwhelming sometimes. But healthy relationships are those in which two people know their fears and still choose to trust each other, give each other their all and still want to see how it goes. Like I said, nothing in life comes easy.
#20 They Don't Keep Secrets From Each Other
This one is kind of obvious but you'd be amazed at how overlooked this point is. Strong and healthy relationships don't have secrets. You can't expect to lead a happy life with someone if you always have a dark cloud looming over your head which is the cloud of your secrets and you're always worried of it bursting in front of your partner. Let me make one thing very clear, secrets come out eventually so it's better to clear everything up and not keep any skeletons in the closet for them to damage your relationship later on.
#19 They Don't Fake How They Feel
This is another point that is highly overlooked. Some people think that by faking the way they feel or by nodding their heads they'd be doing their relationship a solid, well they're not. Be yourself, be true to yourself and your partner. You might be hesitant, you might be scared, you might be judging yourself more than they'll ever judge you, take a deep breath and be real.
#18 They Don't Hide Their True Selves
The key to a happy and healthy relationship is to completely expose yourself to your partner, don't be scared and let them know everything about yourself. Let them see the "you" that only you see. Don't let yourself fall prey to identity crisis by being someone else in front of your partner.
#17 They Don't Ask Others To Validate Their Partners
True relationships are the ones that involve pure love between two people without anyone else having anything to say about it. If your partner always looks to others to validate you, they're not for you. You and your partner should be enough to validate each other, no one else should have the power to do that for either of you.
#16 They Don't Hold Grudges
Think about it, go ahead and talk to yourself, take your space, take your time, but let go of the grudges. Forgiveness has the highest rewards and we all make mistakes. Forgive their mistakes and let go of the anger, let go of the grudges and move on with them. Move forward with them. And trust me, don't even think of revenge. I've tried it myself, revenge is the most empty things in the world. Just let go and live a peaceful life.
#15 They Don't Focus On The Past
Let's face it people, what's done is done. You cannot change the past, arguing about it or worrying about it will only hurt your future and nothing else. Don't cry over spilt milk and let go of what you can't change. Smart people know to find happiness in the present and find hope in the future rather than finding trauma in the past.
#14 They Don't Expect Each Other To Always Be Strong
We all have our weaknesses. Sometimes, you might hear something mean from your partner in time of need. It doesn't mean they don't love you enough to support you, it only means they are coping with their issues too. Don't expect your partner to be strong all the time just like they shouldn't expect it from you. Let each other breathe and make each other strong.
#13 They Don't Focus On The Flaws Of Others
Good people end up in great relationships. People in healthy relationships know not to judge people on their flaws and not to focus on them. Because we all have our flaws, it's wrong to judge someone else on theirs.
#12 They Don't Expect An Equal Response
People in good relationships don't live on the basis of give and take. It's a relationship, you need to do the best you can with the most effort without expecting your partner to do the same in return. The word is "selfless" and the sooner you learn it, the better. The more selfless you are, the more amazing you'll feel about life in general and hence you'll enhance your relationship.
#11 They Don't Take Each Other For Granted
This one is a given but people often ignore this one, surprisingly enough. People in healthy and happy relationships know not to take each other for granted, they know how to cherish each other and how to make each other happy. Most importantly, they don't take their relationship for granted.
#10 They Aren't Just There For The Good Times
People in happy relationships are there for each other during the darkest of days, they aren't just there during the good times. Happy couples support each other out of countless miserable and traumatic periods and come out stronger than ever. Those who are with you only during your happy days aren't meant to be with you.
#9 They Don't Constantly Fix Each Other
Yes, there are a lot of things I would change about my girlfriend but I won't. Because by changing them, I'd be changing the way she's meant to be. I accept her for who she is and love her for everything she represents, even though it may seem crazy to my friends. The key is to accept people for who they are because that's the only way they're going to accept you for who you are. What goes around comes around. You're not perfect, neither are they.
#8 They Don't Talk When It's Time To Listen
It's not easy to speak your mind completely, it's certainly not easy to spill your heart out to someone, but it's insanely difficult to just listen with an open and willing mind. Happy couples are those who know when to speak and when to listen.
#7 They Don't Take Everything To Heart
People in good and happy relationships know not to take each and every little thing to heart. They know not to let themselves be hurt by everything they hear their partners say. A lot of things said in anger can be really hurtful, but when people are angry they don't take time to think. The key is to be strong enough to not let every little thing make you seem overly sensitive.
#6 They Don't Stop Arguments In The Middle
I've written about this countless times both on the page and on this website, NEVER stop arguments in the middle. Arguments, if stopped in the middle without being solved, can grow like a malignant cancer to hurt you tremendously later on. Sit with each other, open your hearts out and solve the problems, never think any problem will solve itself with time.
#5 They Don't Agree When They Shouldn't
This just happened with me recently, I had a conflict with my girlfriend about something she was doing. I did not like it and I knew it would be bad for her. I also knew that if I said no, it would mean that I'm trying to keep her from doing the things she thinks are right. But I still said no. I disagreed. She still went on with what she wanted. But, in the end, she realized why I disagreed and apologized. KNOW when to say NO. Don't just agree for the heck of it.
#4 They Don't Let People Hold Them Back
People in strong relationships simply don't care of what others have to say about them. They just love each other and let each other know that. The moment you let yourself be affected by what others are saying, you'll slowly start losing all the happiness you have in your life. Random people and friends eventually leave, your partner will still try to stick around.
#3 They Don't Compare Each Other To Someone Else
Comparing your partner to someone else (especially your ex) is the most horrible thing you can do to them. Love them for who they are because they have their own individuality. Comparing your partner to someone else only tells them they aren't good enough for you the way they are. If you're not happy with them with how they are, you'll never be happy with anyone. Learn to accept people without finding the constant need to change them.
#2 They Don't Lie
This one is also going to make people say "No *kitten*, Sherlock", but this one is the biggest reasons for making or breaking a relationship. When trust goes out the window, it can never be rebuilt. I've seen people struggle to make it work, they always end up failing. Lying and cheating will only lead to bad things. Be yourself and be the most truthful.
#1 They Don't Go Into Replacement Relationships
Okay, so the two of you may be going through a rough patch. It does not mean that you can go flirt with other people just to see how it feels. Strong relationships are the ones where two people love each other even when they want to hate each other. The hardest part of the strongest relationships is the fact that they know for a fact that they NEED to be in each other's lives and leaving each other is simply NOT an option.
http://relrules.com/post/25-Things-People-In-Happy-Relationships-Dont-Do/1
Nothing good in life comes easy. Happy and healthy relationships are no different. They require a lot of constant work from both sides. This article is going to focus on 25 of the most common things people in happy and healthy relationships DON'T do.
#25 They Know It's Not Easy
People always ask me how I manage being in a healthy and happy relationship for so long and still keep nurturing every day. It's not like my relationship is a walk in the park, it's not always sunshine and rainbows, it's not always hugs and kisses. Me and my girlfriend go through our fair share of ups and downs, the thing that makes our relationship strong is the fact that we have more ups and we try every day to make sure there are no downs.
#24 They Don't Rush Their Relationship
People often tend to rush their perfectly happy relationships in hopes of a happier tomorrow. Stop rushing things. Spend every single day as if it were the first day of your relationship. Cherish even the smallest of moments and create memories each day as it goes by. Don't stress about what's next, just keep at it and continue moving forward with life as it goes. Live your present with your partner and stop focusing on the future while ignoring the present.
#23 They Don't Expect A Magical Solution
I know people in relationships help each other grow and make each other's lives better, but that does not mean that your relationship is the magical answer to everything. Don't expect your partner to solve all of your problems just as how they should not expect you to solve all of theirs. The key to a healthy and happy relationship is to know when and where you can manage the issue yourself and not to turn to your partner at every sign of trouble. Be supportive and expect support, but learn to support yourself first.
#22 They Don't Ignore The Tough Times
Healthy relationships have a lot of ups and downs. The reason for that relationship to be so strong is the will of both people and how they tackle their problems rather than ignoring them. Nothing good in life comes easy, neither does a happy relationship. It takes a lot of effort from both sides to make sure everything is perfect. The people who ignore you in your tough times and still have the guts to tell you they love you should immediately be kicked out of your life.
#21 They Don't Allow Fear To Take Control
Going into a relationship with someone can be really scary. Giving someone all of your trust, expecting a lot from them, depending on them in times of need, all of your weaknesses being exposed to them, it can get really overwhelming sometimes. But healthy relationships are those in which two people know their fears and still choose to trust each other, give each other their all and still want to see how it goes. Like I said, nothing in life comes easy.
#20 They Don't Keep Secrets From Each Other
This one is kind of obvious but you'd be amazed at how overlooked this point is. Strong and healthy relationships don't have secrets. You can't expect to lead a happy life with someone if you always have a dark cloud looming over your head which is the cloud of your secrets and you're always worried of it bursting in front of your partner. Let me make one thing very clear, secrets come out eventually so it's better to clear everything up and not keep any skeletons in the closet for them to damage your relationship later on.
#19 They Don't Fake How They Feel
This is another point that is highly overlooked. Some people think that by faking the way they feel or by nodding their heads they'd be doing their relationship a solid, well they're not. Be yourself, be true to yourself and your partner. You might be hesitant, you might be scared, you might be judging yourself more than they'll ever judge you, take a deep breath and be real.
#18 They Don't Hide Their True Selves
The key to a happy and healthy relationship is to completely expose yourself to your partner, don't be scared and let them know everything about yourself. Let them see the "you" that only you see. Don't let yourself fall prey to identity crisis by being someone else in front of your partner.
#17 They Don't Ask Others To Validate Their Partners
True relationships are the ones that involve pure love between two people without anyone else having anything to say about it. If your partner always looks to others to validate you, they're not for you. You and your partner should be enough to validate each other, no one else should have the power to do that for either of you.
#16 They Don't Hold Grudges
Think about it, go ahead and talk to yourself, take your space, take your time, but let go of the grudges. Forgiveness has the highest rewards and we all make mistakes. Forgive their mistakes and let go of the anger, let go of the grudges and move on with them. Move forward with them. And trust me, don't even think of revenge. I've tried it myself, revenge is the most empty things in the world. Just let go and live a peaceful life.
#15 They Don't Focus On The Past
Let's face it people, what's done is done. You cannot change the past, arguing about it or worrying about it will only hurt your future and nothing else. Don't cry over spilt milk and let go of what you can't change. Smart people know to find happiness in the present and find hope in the future rather than finding trauma in the past.
#14 They Don't Expect Each Other To Always Be Strong
We all have our weaknesses. Sometimes, you might hear something mean from your partner in time of need. It doesn't mean they don't love you enough to support you, it only means they are coping with their issues too. Don't expect your partner to be strong all the time just like they shouldn't expect it from you. Let each other breathe and make each other strong.
#13 They Don't Focus On The Flaws Of Others
Good people end up in great relationships. People in healthy relationships know not to judge people on their flaws and not to focus on them. Because we all have our flaws, it's wrong to judge someone else on theirs.
#12 They Don't Expect An Equal Response
People in good relationships don't live on the basis of give and take. It's a relationship, you need to do the best you can with the most effort without expecting your partner to do the same in return. The word is "selfless" and the sooner you learn it, the better. The more selfless you are, the more amazing you'll feel about life in general and hence you'll enhance your relationship.
#11 They Don't Take Each Other For Granted
This one is a given but people often ignore this one, surprisingly enough. People in healthy and happy relationships know not to take each other for granted, they know how to cherish each other and how to make each other happy. Most importantly, they don't take their relationship for granted.
#10 They Aren't Just There For The Good Times
People in happy relationships are there for each other during the darkest of days, they aren't just there during the good times. Happy couples support each other out of countless miserable and traumatic periods and come out stronger than ever. Those who are with you only during your happy days aren't meant to be with you.
#9 They Don't Constantly Fix Each Other
Yes, there are a lot of things I would change about my girlfriend but I won't. Because by changing them, I'd be changing the way she's meant to be. I accept her for who she is and love her for everything she represents, even though it may seem crazy to my friends. The key is to accept people for who they are because that's the only way they're going to accept you for who you are. What goes around comes around. You're not perfect, neither are they.
#8 They Don't Talk When It's Time To Listen
It's not easy to speak your mind completely, it's certainly not easy to spill your heart out to someone, but it's insanely difficult to just listen with an open and willing mind. Happy couples are those who know when to speak and when to listen.
#7 They Don't Take Everything To Heart
People in good and happy relationships know not to take each and every little thing to heart. They know not to let themselves be hurt by everything they hear their partners say. A lot of things said in anger can be really hurtful, but when people are angry they don't take time to think. The key is to be strong enough to not let every little thing make you seem overly sensitive.
#6 They Don't Stop Arguments In The Middle
I've written about this countless times both on the page and on this website, NEVER stop arguments in the middle. Arguments, if stopped in the middle without being solved, can grow like a malignant cancer to hurt you tremendously later on. Sit with each other, open your hearts out and solve the problems, never think any problem will solve itself with time.
#5 They Don't Agree When They Shouldn't
This just happened with me recently, I had a conflict with my girlfriend about something she was doing. I did not like it and I knew it would be bad for her. I also knew that if I said no, it would mean that I'm trying to keep her from doing the things she thinks are right. But I still said no. I disagreed. She still went on with what she wanted. But, in the end, she realized why I disagreed and apologized. KNOW when to say NO. Don't just agree for the heck of it.
#4 They Don't Let People Hold Them Back
People in strong relationships simply don't care of what others have to say about them. They just love each other and let each other know that. The moment you let yourself be affected by what others are saying, you'll slowly start losing all the happiness you have in your life. Random people and friends eventually leave, your partner will still try to stick around.
#3 They Don't Compare Each Other To Someone Else
Comparing your partner to someone else (especially your ex) is the most horrible thing you can do to them. Love them for who they are because they have their own individuality. Comparing your partner to someone else only tells them they aren't good enough for you the way they are. If you're not happy with them with how they are, you'll never be happy with anyone. Learn to accept people without finding the constant need to change them.
#2 They Don't Lie
This one is also going to make people say "No *kitten*, Sherlock", but this one is the biggest reasons for making or breaking a relationship. When trust goes out the window, it can never be rebuilt. I've seen people struggle to make it work, they always end up failing. Lying and cheating will only lead to bad things. Be yourself and be the most truthful.
#1 They Don't Go Into Replacement Relationships
Okay, so the two of you may be going through a rough patch. It does not mean that you can go flirt with other people just to see how it feels. Strong relationships are the ones where two people love each other even when they want to hate each other. The hardest part of the strongest relationships is the fact that they know for a fact that they NEED to be in each other's lives and leaving each other is simply NOT an option.
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Replies
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#26 they don't post how happy they are on social media every five minutes.0
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#26 they don't post how happy they are on social media every five minutes.
bwahahaha! so true.0 -
Bumping for my newsfeed.
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post on MFP chit chat forums0
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This content has been removed.
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These are excellent and so very true. #9 and #12 are my favorites. #21 is an issue for me. I find it terrifying, but I am working on changing that.0
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I needed to read a couple of those, and I feel like my husband could read a few of these too.
And adding:
#28 Sometimes it takes an apology to get past something. Don't let personal pride get in the way of resolving an issue.0 -
this is great
thank you. my boyfriend may not be a dog person or may not have tattoos (two things i thought were somehow important once upon a time) and can be rather curmudgeonly, but he's a wealth of love and caring and that's what matters most to me. and he accepts me for who i am. and always makes me laugh. it's a learning process for me--this whole "being in a healthy relationship" thing. 0 -
#26 they don't post how happy they are on social media every five minutes.
Actually they did a study which showed that people who post about how happy they are in their relationships on social media actually ARE, on average, happier than those who don't.
It may be annoying to other people, but the social science backs them up.0 -
#26 they don't post how happy they are on social media every five minutes.
So true... I hate those people... it's like who are you trying to convince.... My husband and I rarely post anything about or even to each other.0 -
#26 they don't post how happy they are on social media every five minutes.
Mostly those with the nauseating PDA selfies to go with those posts. And when the posts are only from one of the people in the relationship, and the other side does not even acknowledge the post. . . bells go off in my head that it's not all paradise for that couple.0 -
post on MFP chit chat forums0
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I needed to read a couple of those, and I feel like my husband could read a few of these too.
And adding:
#28 Sometimes it takes an apology to get past something. Don't let personal pride get in the way of resolving an issue.
truth0 -
How many years has this person been married?0
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How many years has this person been married?
3 weeks. I think I failed on half of these by week 4.0 -
They don't share a Facebook account...
Jealous much!?!0 -
#999 they dont feel the need to tell others how to have a happy relationship..... also i am pretty sure he said girlfriend, not wife.
about posting on social media... sometimes the more you see people in a relationship posting googaw to and about each other, the more of a red flag it is.
i knew a couple who suddenbly started posting to each other on facebook and to everyone about how much they loved each other. turned out she was cheating on him and left him for the other guy.
another couple i know post about how much they love each other right after they have huge fights.
anecdotal evidence. so it must apply to everyone.0 -
If you are happy, I don't see why you would care whether other people you barely know are happy or not, or jump to conclusions about it. The conclusions seem to come from within the person making them.0
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If you are happy, I don't see why you would care whether other people you barely know are happy or not, or jump to conclusions about it. The conclusions seem to come from within the person making them.
this is what i was thinking.0 -
#26 they don't post how happy they are on social media every five minutes.
Sooo many people just don't seem to "get" that there are really only TWO people in any given relationship and that there is *no need* to broadcast everything that is happening in your relationship to social media, or even to your friends and family.0 -
Relationships are made up of two individual people. There is the couple/relationship, and the individuals with their own lives/personalities/issues (strengths and challenges).0
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How many years has this person been married?
3 weeks. I think I failed on half of these by week 4.
Apparently they've never had to deal with their husband urinating in the parking lot of their office building.0 -
Always everything looks perfect when is written in real life it's hard. We don't need all of that to be happy and have great relationship or marriage. We need only one thing to follow #1 and only RESPECT and with that comes everything else.0
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Always everything looks perfect when is written in real life it's hard. We don't need all of that to be happy and have great relationship or marriage. We need only one thing to follow #1 and only RESPECT and with that comes everything else.0
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Yeah. I have two rules:
- Love your partner for who they are
- Be who you are
If you can't do one or the other, get the hell out. Otherwise, everything else will fall into place.0 -
My fiance and I definitely need to work on one or two of these, but I think we're doing pretty good overall. Great list.
I have to say. sometimes I think my relationship is really dysfunctional (and it did used to be), but then I see some of the things other people are going through in theirs and I think we're actually doing really well. lol0 -
How many years has this person been married?
3 weeks. I think I failed on half of these by week 4.
Apparently they've never had to deal with their husband urinating in the parking lot of their office building.
Life's too short for long lists of arbitrary rules that don't allow for public peeing.0 -
bump0
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These are excellent and so very true. #9 and #12 are my favorites. #21 is an issue for me. I find it terrifying, but I am working on changing that.
i didn't read the OP. I just quoted you to say "go lions!"0
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