I need to stop drinking... anyone been there?

mombie2six

So, I really need to stop drinking. About a year ago, I went through something traumatic, and ever since, to deal with anxiety and depression, I've been drinking about 4-5 nights a week. I wait till the kids are in bed and I indulge. The husband and I have at least 2 but usually 3 or 4 drinks. It can be beer, wine or liquor. I have gained 15+ pounds this year and I truly believe it's all the extra calories from the alcohol. I look gross. I have a muffin top now. Nothing fits. I HATE it. I've never drank this much in my LIFE, and I'm 33 years old. I've also NEVER had issues with my weight, and I've had six babies! I can exercise till I'm sweaty and can barely breathe every day and it hardly does anything for me. It's because I'm taking in too many calories, more than I'm physically able to burn off.

I don't want to do this anymore, but every time I say I'm going to stop, I have a bad day or I'm reminded about what happened last year, and I give in. I've said I just won't buy it anymore, but then I give in. After seeing that I've gained yet another pound today, I've decided enough is enough. I did talk to my doctor and he prescribed something for the anxiety, so I'll try that and see if that helps.

Has anyone been down this road before? I could just use a couple friends, people who have been down this road that can offer suggestions or just someone to talk to. I know I can do this.

Please, no judgement. It's hard enough to tell complete strangers this little secret I have, I don't need to be bashed for it. And I don't need to hear "just stop", either, because I've tried.

Thanks for reading and any advice you might have...

ew_david

Did you go to counseling for your traumatic event last year? If that's where your drinking stems from, you need to start there.

emdeesea

To a certain extent I can relate and I know how easy it is to make those excuses to yourself. I've had a bad day, I've had a bad week, I'm exhausted, etc.

I went through periods of drinking way more than I should have and it also stalled out my weight loss. It's been said around here that you can't out exercise a bad diet.

But not only was I simply drinking too much and taking in too many calories, but the hangovers are so much worse than they ever used to be, almost to the point that I wonder if I was not able to metabolize alcohol anymore. I'm talking not just headaches but being ill all day.

So in April I gave it up completely. I just stopped. I was never addicted so it wasn't a big deal and I don't miss it. For me, it was more of a social crutch as I have terrible social anxiety along with just excuses for stress. Now I just deal with it.

In your case, you probably should start with dealing with that traumatic event. Sounds like you're self-medicating, which is never a good thing. And with six kids, I imagine that you're super busy all the time. i hope you have help around the house because that will help.

healthyplocc

Hi, and thank you for your post. I know what you mean! I struggle myself. Today as a matter of fact I'm going to TRY to stop drinking Mon-Thurs. It has now become a habit for me. It's just what I do after a hard days work. I myself have had a traumatic so I thank you for being brave and asking for no judgment. It is easier said than done for someone to tell you to "just stop." I'm going to go through this journey with you. So, remember you are not alone! I saw you already lost 1 pound, congrats! Keep on going, you CAN do it!

HeidiCooksSupper

My father self-medicated" with evening alcohol until he was in his late-50s and ended up hospitalized in a state of catatonic depression and with ruined health. He lived another 30 years, miserable but no longer drinking.

My mother "drank along" with my father. We kids were raised by parents we knew would be potted each evening and hung over each morning. We not only had adult responsibilities foisted on us too early but we had to deal with the irrationality of polluted parents. My siblings and I were all damaged by that upbringing. We still deal with the psychological pain in our 50s and 60s.

I self-medicated with evening alcohol through my 20s and 30s. I wasted a lot of time, a lot of money, and a lot of personal relationships. Luckily, I quit in my mid-30s. I was headed down a path I didn't want to take.

SEEK COUNSELING!! I cannot empathize this enough. You can be a great parent fat but you CANNOT be a great parent regularly drinking 3 or 4 drinks a night. This is too important for you and your children.

_SantaClause

Been there. I have been struggling with my sobriety for the past 18 months. I am finally at 4+ months sober this time, and my life is 1000x better than it ever has been.

One of the biggest things you can do, and in your case, you have already done is admitting that there is a problem. There are so many of us that refuse to accept it, and continue to live our lives with booze, until we hit true rock bottom, or die...SO CONGRATS!!!

One day at a time...the best advice I have ever received was to make it a goal every day to put a sober head on your pillow every night. Sometimes you have to just focus on not drinking for that hour...and the next hour...until you make through the day.

I get the secret thing, for the longest time, almost a year I was afraid to tell people in "real life" that I had a problem. My friends on MFP were my saving grace, they truly saved my life. But please don't be ashamed of it, it's something you can fix, and that's the good news.

You HAVE to get your husband on board. Now that doesn't mean that HE has to stop, but he has to support your decision to stop.

Get to an AA meeting. They are amazing. You don't have to say anything, just go.

Add me if you want, I am here.


I'm proud of you.

Michael27587

I have been there, up until the last few months. I got into the routine of drinking regularly and slowly the pounds crept up on me.

There is a lot of empty calories in alcohol. This site has one of the best food trackers around. Log everything you eat and drink into it. You might be amazed (as I was) how many calories I consumed. With me I just hit the same spot you were in and said ENOUGH, I quit drinking and after about a month now have a drink only occasionally.

Do keep in mind even if you are not an alcoholic you might have withdrawal symptoms. After a day or two you might end up with a pretty bad headache. Most of the time this goes away before ten days. Google alcohol withdrawal symptoms and be aware that some of them could be dangerous. Mine were not and I hope yours are as well.

You know the funny part is after I got off the drinking routine I looked back and asked myself why the heck did I not back off sooner.

Good luck with it and post often for support, you are not alone.

Mike

Uselessly_Irrelevant

That's tough! I also have a bit of a problem with drinking - I would drink 4 or 5 a night most nights. Usually it would just be, "i'm going to have 1 to wind down" and then by the time I had 1, i'd talk myself into 2 and then my impulse control is out the window. The way I managed to stop is therapy to address my anxiety and depression, taking myself out of the environment that made it hard for me to say no, and doing my damnedest to control my impulses.

It's not easy, but it's doable. If I were you, I'd talk to your husband and let him know that you wanted to cut back on your drinking for your weight and for yourself. Have plans and routines you can use to wind down. When you're stressed out and want to have a drink maybe take a bath instead, or paint your nails... read, go for a walk, anything. I made a list for myself of activities that I find enjoyable, and I go through them. Usually after about 20 minutes the urge has passed. I will also give myself cheat days so I don't feel deprived. I will try to have 1 drink every few weeks and when I drink it, I really pay attention to drinking. How does it taste, feel in my mouth, how do I feel, what does it smell like, etc.. this way I'm not mindlessly gulping down a bottle. The downside is on my cheat days I sometimes screw up and talk myself into that second glass then end up drinking the whole bottle. I try not to beat myself up when this happens, just remind myself that what is done is done and do my best from then on to not repeat my mistakes.

Good luck, feel free to add me if you want someone to talk to who's been down a similar road. It's gonna be tough, but you can do it

Skout528

As somebody who has post traumatic stress disorder in my history, I have been sober for 6 years and I could never have done it without professional help. The help is for the trauma, NOT the drinking. If you are having flashbacks, obsessive thoughts where the event runs over and over in your mind, panic attacks triggered by something that reminds you of your trauma, then you need to talk to a professional. There is a difference between treating anxiety, and treating post traumatic stress disorder. Very different approaches. I really hope you find some peace, resolution, and I hope you will consider finding someone in your town to go see. Good luck and peace and light to you

larrodarro

I had to stop drinking about 20 years ago because of a health problem. I had a problem with one of my kidneys, and it got to where it hurt when I drank. Pain has a way of making it's point better than anything else. I didn't have too much problem stopping drinking, but 10 years ago I stopped smoking pot. That was much harder, and I struggled with it for about a year before I was able to put it behind me for good. I had smoked for 30 years, from age 13 to 43. Looking back I wish I had stopped much sooner. Now I can't stand the thought of my mind not being my own. Not to mention the money that I spent.

Talking to a professional is always a good move. If that is not possible, talking about your problems on here will help.

Good luck,

Larro

SonyaCele

i've had a bunch of really traumatic events in my life , and i love to drink. and every day its a struggle and its one minute at a time, one day at a time and last week i was good and went 6 days without drinking. I just take it day by day and try and get as many days as i can between drinks. One time i went for a whole year without drinking. but lately i get anywhere from 4 to 6 days between drinks. You can PM me or friend me if you want. This week my goal is to make it to the last day of the month without drinking. The more i go to the gym the less i drink.

mmcrath

Try Kava. It will give the relaxed feeling of alcohol without the hangover and the weight gain.

tabicatinthehat

So relate to this. Add me if ya like. I just started counseling.

NH_1970

AA might be helpful. You can google it and look for the information online for meetings in your state. There are a lot of different kinds of meetings and if you don't like discussion meetings or talking during meetings if/when they come to you, you can say 'pass'.
You can also read online what different kind of meetings are, they have Speaker meetings, big book meetings, discussion meetings, step meetings, open and closed groups, etc.

Also trauma can affect the brain, mental health counseling can help with trauma. They can teach you coping skills to deal with what trauma does to the brain/body/spirit.

Goodluck

SonyaCele

oh i will tell you from experience, that drinking wont help you resolve your ptsd issues, it only makes them worse. If you can get some sober time behind you , you'll start to find your body and mind will allow you to heal and learn to accept what happened and cope with it much better. Alcohol only makes the healing process harder and longer and even more painful.

olehcat

I understand this quite a bit. I had a very traumatic event happen about 6 years ago, followed by an amicable but still grief-inducing divorce, and wine became my crutch for awhile. In some ways it still is, haha. Still working on that. I was drinking more wine than I wanted, but as soon as I recognized what was going on, that I could and should take days off, that I was drinking way more than ever before and basically wasting evenings, I just decided to cut way back. I still have wine because it's a genuine pleasure (I love the taste and it keeps me from snacking in the evening), but I have recognized that I don't like that feeling having too much, that it probably did contribute to me gaining weight (that along with some very bad food habits), of going to bed dizzy, of not being able to accomplish more in the evenings because the evenings were a blur. But I understand that going from too much to just a small amount is harder for some people than just going cold turkey. It's really a matter of knowing yourself.

ButterflyEl

As somebody who has post traumatic stress disorder in my history, I have been sober for 6 years and I could never have done it without professional help. The help is for the trauma, NOT the drinking. If you are having flashbacks, obsessive thoughts where the event runs over and over in your mind, panic attacks triggered by something that reminds you of your trauma, then you need to talk to a professional. There is a difference between treating anxiety, and treating post traumatic stress disorder. Very different approaches. I really hope you find some peace, resolution, and I hope you will consider finding someone in your town to go see. Good luck and peace and light to you

This a thousand times.

However, if you are suffering from PTSD which it sounds like you might be, you may have to work on getting a handle on your drinking before dealing fully with the PTSD which is really bloody hard because the drink is serving an important purpose right now- it's helped you survive up until this point (yes it sounds mad but identifying what you're getting from the drink is really important and goes beyond just addiction) but now it's become it's own demon and you've got to find healthier alternatives to provide whatever it is you're getting from the drinking. I know this the hard way with my own demons. I'm in therapy atm, I am however still not quite strong enough to do the full EDMR PTSD therapy so I see my PTSD specialist therapist about every 2 weeks and he's helping me get my life back together till I'm at a point where I can let go of all my crutches and am stable enough to do the intensive work and really leave the PTSD behind forever.
You may need to see two therapists- one for the PTSD and one for the drinking or have two different support networks like a therapist (I keep saying that because that's a really crucial part of your recovery) and AA as others have suggested.

You can do this and you deserve a life free from drinking and the trauma.

cebreisch

I think most people around here can relate - as eating often turns into an emotionally comforting thing when other things go differently than we'd like. People can overindulge in alcohol, in food, in gambling, you name it, there's probably an addiction for it. Mine was with food. I was talking to my endocrinologist today and we were talking about how easy it is to put on 5 pounds in just a few days, but it can take a month to try to lose.

Anxiety meds may help....depression meds may help too. I wish it were as easy as saying, "just quit it." but it isn't. It never is. I was totally on my game from about April 2011 until the end of March 2013. I had lost 115 pounds, and had surgery to remove the belly for another 26 pounds. Recovery was more difficult than expected for a variety of reasons - most of which were hormonal. Not to mention my dad passed away in December. I fell off the wagon and couldn't find it until about a month or so ago.

Eating was my coping mechanism, and I gained about 70 pounds back. Now I'm at 88 lost after clawing my way back.

You can do this. It's to the point where it's really bugging you and gnawing at you. The next step is figuring out how to start to ease into losing the weight and lightening up on the alcohol. Most dieticians call alcohol "liquid calories" in that it offers no nutritional value whatsoever, but I know it's a case of sometimes you just gotta.

The other thing to realize, and it sounds like you have - that you can exercise until the cows come home and still not work off the damage done by overeating or drinking. That means it's more important what you put in your body than what you do with it. Take steps that are measurable enough (like drinking 8 glasses of water a day, or logging your food (become a food journal nazi!!)), or just eating more protein) that you can start making progress but isn't going to completely blow you out (like giving up alcohol completely).

Find something that's important enough that it makes it worth it to be uncomfortable. I'm trying to lose the enough of the rest of this weight in the next 16 months that I can have the rest of the skin removal surgery.

There's no doubt that you can do this. Especially since it's bugging you. That's where it started for me.

stephe1987

Some suggestions:

Maybe go to bed earlier so you're not tempted to drink? If you don't drink until after the kids go to bed, maybe you should go to bed when they do.

If that's not possible, I would suggest slowly cutting back. Limit yourself to 1 or 2 drinks per night. Maybe start off with water and then have a drink. Or get a huge water bottle and don't allow yourself to have any drinks until it's finished. Then you either won't be able to drink because you didn't finish your water or you feel too full (the thought of putting anything else in your stomach will make you feel sick). At the very least, you won't be able to have as many drinks as before.

rebeccahorne090314

Realistically our culture deems drinking to be a very "social" activity - something that accompanies most things we do - eg Dining out, BBQ's, Summer Weather, Holidays, Watching Sport, Unwinding etc etc. I too drink 4-5 times per week but to counter balance the calories have turned to low sugar mixers and white spirits. I have tried and failed to eliminate alcohol completely and instead of beating myself up about it i have just changed my habits. Instead of half a bottle of wine I may have 1 or 2 Vodka/Soda's (followed by a nice big glass of water) each night which limits my hangovers, my overall consumption and the calories! Wine and Beer are "sometimes" drinks and i always make sure to have 2-3 alcohol free days each week. While this is not as "strong" a response about alcohol as the rest of the reviews for someone who wants to keep alcohol in their life but play a much smaller role - i find this equation works! For someone using drinking as a response to trauma - "limiting" can be hard but as other people suggest - perhaps first address the cause and talk to a professional AS WELL as cutting back on the alcohol. Good Luck!

mombie2six

You guys are great. I wasn't expecting this many responses! For the record, I started seeing a therapist about five or six weeks ago. So I am dealing with the root of the problem. I only just recently told her that I was uncomfortable with the amount that I've been drinking, and she wasn't "worried", per se, but she said that if I wasn't comfortable with it, then I should start by working on reducing the amount that I drink rather than cut it off completely. She said that early to mid thirties is a common time for people to start indulging more regularly with alcohol. I'd never heard that before, I'd think it'd be early twenties!

Tonight was a difficult night with the kids acting a little out of control, and now that things have settled down for the night, I'd love nothing more than a stiff drink in my hand, but instead I did 20 minutes of yoga and I'm going to watch a little TV with the hubby and turn in early. That's the plan anyways.

Also, some of you said that my husband needs to either be on board with me quitting/reducing my alcohol intake or join me in the battle... so, for the record, he's on board to join me!

mereditheve

Try Kava. It will give the relaxed feeling of alcohol without the hangover and the weight gain.

Do NOT take this advice! Kava is another substance to abuse. It is addictive and dangerous even to a healthy liver, let alone to someone who is already drinking daily.

It is natural to have a crutch, especially after dealing with a traumatic event. It only becomes a problem when that crutch does you more harm than good. I will readily admit, exercise is a crutch for me -- it is how I cope with a stressful day and helps keep me even keel versus hot tempered. Don't think of it as "giving up" alcohol -- instead think of what you are gaining by replacing it with a healthy "crutch."

throoper

Hey lady, I hear ya. I have a few drinks at least 3-4 days a week, not to deal with any kind of trauma but just because I enjoy the relaxation after work and it's certainly a habit at this point (dare I say addiction ) Anyway, my husband and I have just stopped drinking for at least 2 weeks, maybe a month, as part of getting on the South Beach Diet. I'm glad your husband in on board too - that makes all the difference! When we've done this in the past, we have a SodaStream and will make some lime seltzer water or a nice cup of tea instead of a drink at the end of the day. I do find that having *something* else to drink helps.

Anyway, good luck! If you are looking for more MFP friends, I'm on here every day and try to be good support for my friends : )

holly_wendelin

I did a search on this topic and found this thread. I'm in the same boat and I'm terrified. My drinking is affecting my health, my exercise, my weight loss, and my relationship. I am going to a counselor today to get some help. If anybody here wants to friend me, please do so, I could use the moral support.

bboozer57

mombie2six wrote: »

So, I really need to stop drinking. About a year ago, I went through something traumatic, and ever since, to deal with anxiety and depression, I've been drinking about 4-5 nights a week. I wait till the kids are in bed and I indulge. The husband and I have at least 2 but usually 3 or 4 drinks. It can be beer, wine or liquor. I have gained 15+ pounds this year and I truly believe it's all the extra calories from the alcohol. I look gross. I have a muffin top now. Nothing fits. I HATE it. I've never drank this much in my LIFE, and I'm 33 years old. I've also NEVER had issues with my weight, and I've had six babies! I can exercise till I'm sweaty and can barely breathe every day and it hardly does anything for me. It's because I'm taking in too many calories, more than I'm physically able to burn off.

I don't want to do this anymore, but every time I say I'm going to stop, I have a bad day or I'm reminded about what happened last year, and I give in. I've said I just won't buy it anymore, but then I give in. After seeing that I've gained yet another pound today, I've decided enough is enough. I did talk to my doctor and he prescribed something for the anxiety, so I'll try that and see if that helps.

Has anyone been down this road before? I could just use a couple friends, people who have been down this road that can offer suggestions or just someone to talk to. I know I can do this.

Please, no judgement. It's hard enough to tell complete strangers this little secret I have, I don't need to be bashed for it. And I don't need to hear "just stop", either, because I've tried.

Thanks for reading and any advice you might have...

bboozer57

I have been there 1st of all your not a bad person u may have a disease called alcoholism . That's up to you to decide but there is no shame saying you have a problem the shame is not doing anything about it . You took the first step and admired you have a problem . My suggestion is contact someone form a a alachaholics anonouse and just get some info we they have all been where you are right now . 1nd pray for guide nice god loves you you are his child and he understands your pain prayer works. Don't beat yourself up everyone has a crutch to fall on . If you love those children get help now it only professes. You r not alone and you r special in gods eyes don't ever forget that . I will pray for u . Make that call aa is super with super nice people who understand