i don't judge obese people

rayonrainbows

this is the tread we need here, on this forum where most all of us have the common goals of making positive changes for our bodies and out lives.

i saw the thread "i judge obese people" -- and i read it. and i felt awful. that sickly UGH shudder deep inside that i feel when i see violence or other prejudices. i know it's just one person's experience and projections, misplaced and possibly partially misinterpreted on an internet forum. but i felt the pain and frustrations of those who read that forum post, and received yet another kick in the confidence.. one more reminder of the painful judgments they've experienced.

we don't need that negativity -- there's enough of that in the world already. MFP can be a wonderful community because we have the opportunity to connect with other people who are experiencing similar struggles, setbacks, and hopefully successes. there are a ton of different opinions here, which is great. a ton of people with difference experiences, in different stages of their fitness journeys. but MFP should be a safe place of support and encouragement. maybe some tough love too, if it's asked for. but always understanding. and always compassion.

i was obese at one point. i was young and didn't know better. that's my reason. that's my excuse. some people's reasons for straying from the "normal" weight category (both obese and underweight) are deeper and more complex and painful than anything i could ever imagine. the reasons are plenty and varied, and everyone has a story.

we can list some potential reasons. it might be helpful to have concrete causal scenarios in the backs of our heads next time we encounter someone who is different from us. depression and medication are common. stress and unimaginable trauma. addiction and habit and hopelessness. etc. cycles build upon themselves, and breaking free from destructive cycles is harder for some than for others.

but no matter the reason, people are people. they are struggling with their issues, big and small, just like the rest of us. they are complex beings, who are more than a number on a scale and way more than whatever you see in the small moment you interact with them.

if understanding and compassion are too difficult for you, try. then try harder. they're two of the best qualities we are capable of having and sharing with other people (and animals, &etc). and if you truly can't see beyond your own experiences far enough to appreciate our differences, maybe just fake it 'til you make it. something, anything, other than projecting your negative judgments onto others who are here looking for support.

for those of you who were hurt by the other forum post, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the OP and i'm sorry for the rest of society that has judged to the point where one more forum post is just the tip of the iceberg. i'm sorry for myself and all the times i haven't been the understanding person i want to be. i hope you can brush the negativity and judgments off and carry on being the strong person you are.

i'm happy you're here, on MFP, and i believe in you. you have the power to take control of your body, and it's going to feel sooo darn good to read your success story when you succeed.

hopefully i haven't said anything that could be misinterpreted and cause an argument in this post. i truly mean only support and encouragement, and please forgive any mis-wordings that might be interpreted otherwise..

/end rant

So_Much_Fab

jc_0324

:flowerforyou:

jennifurballs

Mercifully, that other thread just disappeared in a black hole where it belongs.

Cathalain

For me, it was partially family conditioning (my entire family was obese and it was just taught to me because no one knew any better). And it was partially growing up in an abusive situation - my mother was NPD and was a master at making me think I was crazy. It didn't help that I was already being taught bad habits and being put down by my own family (who had little room to talk, honestly), but when I experienced others outside of my family beginning to do it as well, I just gave up hope that my life could be any better - I just accepted that, yeah, this is the way I was always going to be and I'd either learn to live with it or kill myself.

I attempted suicide many, many, many times.

It was only when I was diagnosed with diabetes that I "woke up", if you will. I'd been through years of counseling for my mental health and was finally on the road to healing from that, but once the diabetes took hold... I guess I just said, okay, my mind's good, now let's work on my body.

And here I am.

I judge NO ONE. I can't afford to. I do not know what someone else has been through in their lives, and for me to make a pronouncement that "X is better than you are"? When I'm omniscent, I'll give you a call. Until then - I don't have the power or the right to say I'm better than anyone.

Peace.

rayonrainbows

@ Cathalain -- glad you're here with us now and trying to work through your past.
also congrats on your awesome loss thus far!

dbanks80

Well said! I saw that other post and thought "My arent we pious just because she lost the weight"

1Cor1510

:flowerforyou:

:flowerforyou: :drinker:

Annie_01

Santayana - "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it",

uconnwinsnc1

So my friend and I, both of us have lost significant weight so far, laugh at fat jokes once in a while. We tease each other for being fat in the past and mock each other in good humor. I don't really judge people but I understand where the OP of the other thread is coming from. As people who are on a mission to get into the best shape we can we cannot allow ourselves to accept the idea of being obese anymore. So when we see someone who is, it might make some of us uncomfortable because we can see ourselves in that situation. We then brush it off with a thoughtless joke to relax ourselves.

It's whatever. Don't make this more than it is. Just let people be. Yup.

farmerpam1

Yes, I saw the other post and it left me speechless and sad. Thanks for so gracefully addressing it. If anything, since joining, I've gained more compassion when I see a stranger who is overweight. I imagine that they too are a member on MFP and have been celebrating the slow and steady progress that we all struggle with. I judge not, I assume nothing. Thanks again.:flowerforyou:

JustinAnimal

To be fair, I don't think the initial thread was intended to be negative. What I got from it was that the author was almost taken aback that they were judgemental of obese people, especially as they had previously been one.

I have to admit that I judge people all of the time. If you truly take a look at someone and don't offer up some initial thought / reaction in your mind, you are stunted, in terms of evolution. We automatically make snap judgements of people for survival reasons. If you didn't assess things / people for whatever (threats, benefits, allies, enemies, etc.) you'd probably be taken by surprise a lot.

ALL THAT ASIDE, I think it's great you're trying to foster a culture of positivity. i love when the positive starts flying, but I get my butt chewed all of the time for expressing my honest opinions.I haven't found this site to be the most positive; individuals are positive. We need more people like you, trying to spread the love. Shame on me for getting jaded so quickly.

ETA: It was my own judgment of large people that eventually made me look at myself and say, "Oh, I bet people are judging ME, too." I let my unhealthy appearance fuel my desire to be healthier, which is probably what a lot of people do.

Tiernan1212

:flowerforyou:

LeenaJean

I read that post as well and I'm having a hard time with it. It hurt my feelings a lot. I lost 65 pounds on MFP originally but then gained it back after a pregnancy and being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I got low enough that they mall was not the scariest place in the world to me anymore, since gaining the weight back I'm feeling the anxiety of the mall again. I feel like I want to cry when we go there. I think after reading that post it's going to take a long time for me to forget her words.

nytshaed512

I'm considered morbidly obese. There... now I've said it! *looks around herself* Nope, nothing happened.

I have been working hard to lose weight for years. I have gone on high protein/low carb diets, no carb diets, high carb diets, no sugar diets, starvation diets, vegetarian diets, and so many more. I have even had bariatric surgery (to the tune of $10k) and haven't lost much of anything. I'm sure you're like "okay, where's the exercise?" I'm glad you asked....

I have a black belt in tae kwon do. I do weight training, walking, running, dancing, yoga, martial arts, and lots of other "sports" activities. I can maintain my stamina of working outside for hours on end doing one thing or another. (My dad and step mom live on a ranch and there are lots of chores and projects to be done there.) I am constantly on the go with my full time job, full time school, gym workouts, married life, and social life. Here's the kicker.... I don't lose weight, I just gain. When I was at the bariatric surgery followup appointments, they wanted to get a body composition done on me. That opened my eyes to what I REALLY look like. Instead of needing to lose 130+ lbs I only needed to lose 60. That's just 60 lbs of fat. I weigh 280 lbs and they wanted me to get down to about 200-220 lbs. That means I'm almost solid muscle.

I just did a martial arts performance at a charity benefit a couple weeks ago, the amount of energy that I put into what I do made some of the other women (all a healthy looking, fit set mind you) astounded them! They were in shock! I always loved how I may be bigger but I can still kick your butt; it's very disillusioning. But... I'm not the only one in my martial arts system that is heavy. There are a few men that are about 6 ft tall and weigh more than I do. I learned from them that I don't have to be able to jump around and do arial kicks and stuff, it's rather hard to move a mountain when it's still. Meaning, I can just be tough enough to take the punches and kicks and still score a point or so with the agile fighters.

Recently my dad said something that really hurt me. First off, my family are big people. I didn't do sports growing up. I was the "fat kid" for a long time. I didn't like the sports that were offered at my schools so I never got involved. I was in band and that was my extracurricular life. My family weren't really active anyway and the diet was not very good either. Back to now, I recently found out I have PCOS so it is VERY difficult to lose weight. You could be doing EVERYTHING correctly and still not lose weight. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time. My dad has been on a high protein diet since the beginning of May and has lost 65 lbs. He wants me to do this diet too. I told him no. He is so adamant that I do it his way instead of my own way. I decided I'm going to show him that there are more than just 1 path to reach a goal.

"I don't judge obese people" is a wonderful thing.... the fat woman just might be capable of kicking a skinny person's butt in many different arenas.

MegE_N

In to support THIS OP's message.

dbmata

this is the tread we need here, on this forum where most all of us have the common goals of making positive changes for our bodies and out lives.

i saw the thread "i judge obese people" -- and i read it.

I didn't read it.

I do judge obese people, myself harshest of all. I think a little bit of judgement is ok, but I think changing how you treat people because of those high falootin' judgements is where things get sticky.

I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to get better and judge less. However, sometimes, I just can't help it when I see someone huge drinking a large frappucino, eating a donut and talking about how hard they're working out at curves. >_<

VaxSA

this is the tread we need here, on this forum where most all of us have the common goals of making positive changes for our bodies and out lives.

i saw the thread "i judge obese people" -- and i read it.

I didn't read it.

I do judge obese people, myself harshest of all. I think a little bit of judgement is ok, but I think changing how you treat people because of those high falootin' judgements is where things get sticky.

I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to get better and judge less. However, sometimes, I just can't help it when I see someone huge drinking a large frappucino, eating a donut and talking about how hard they're working out at curves. >_<

I feel the same, both as you do, and as OP does. Personally, I would not call what you describe here and judgement of obesity - more judgement of those who complain about their problems, but actively sabotage the solution. I think you would probably react the same way if an unemployed person complained about having no money, but turned down a cleaners job at a decent rate of pay because they wanted something different.

I do not believe it is right to judge someone for a failing in themselves, unless they make that failing someone elses problem, accept help, and then refuse to help themselves, followed by a new litany of excuses and no thank you for the poor person who said they would help when asked. Those people I judge, Fat, skinny, loud, quiet.

But just for being a fattie? No sir. Better a fattie with a kind and generous heart, than a beauty without.

dbmata

I do not believe it is right to judge someone for a failing in themselves, unless they make that failing someone elses problem, accept help, and then refuse to help themselves, followed by a new litany of excuses and no thank you for the poor person who said they would help when asked. Those people I judge, Fat, skinny, loud, quiet.

Preach.

Francl27

I do not believe it is right to judge someone for a failing in themselves, unless they make that failing someone elses problem, accept help, and then refuse to help themselves, followed by a new litany of excuses and no thank you for the poor person who said they would help when asked. Those people I judge, Fat, skinny, loud, quiet.

Preach.

Agreed.

I'd be a hypocrite for judging obese people, considering I was one.

caracrawford1

You rock. :flowerforyou: