Cannot Stop Bingeing; Need Motivation

marshmallowhunter

I have several bad eating habits that I feel almost powerless to stop.

For one, for most of my life, I have been a constant grazer. Absent-mindedly walking back to the fridge and pantry constantly throughout the day. I cannot simply have clearly-defined meals and snacks and then move on to activities other than eating. I seem to always need to me munching on something to preoccupy myself. I'm sure it's due to the maladaptive habit of eating to relieve boredom, but even when engrossed in activities I like or that require mental attention, I find myself frequently interrupting myself to grab another quick morsel to eat.

Another bad habit I have is binge eating. It feels like I'm on autopilot or only an observer, but not the dictator, of my actions. Without even thinking, I uncontrollably fill my stomach with whatever is available, often before I even know that I am doing it. It has gotten awful as of the last couple of weeks. When I first started MFP, I had a clean week before falling off the wagon, after which, I became very inconsistent. These days, I can't go more than three days of eating well before I binge again, despite the fact that I keep on telling myself that I will never do so again. When I start to eat badly, it spins out from there, as I reason to myself, "I've already eaten too much. I'm not losing weight at this point, anyway. May as well have that extra donut. Hit 'em for a penny, hit 'em for a pound."

My third problem is my sweet tooth. I am powerless before sugary treats, mostly candy and baked goods. I cannot have these in moderation, as having one makes me crave more, and so it never stops at the first; it snowballs until I run out. This has also gotten worse recently. Until recently, I never went out on late-night junk food runs, as the idea of going out for the sole purpose of acquiring bad food was just unthinkable. If it were already available, I'd go to town on it, but if not, I wouldn't feel bothered to leave the comfort of my home and walk a few blocks to get some. Recently, it had become an activity I've given in to every other night.

A of late, I forbade myself candy and pastries, telling myself to go without them for a solid two weeks, just to see if I can do it and possibly to weaken my impulse-reward complex. Despite never previously liking soda of any kind all that much, I've taken refuge in diet sodas, which I now have every day. Though artificial sweeteners don't seem to have the negative health effects of sugar, I fear that I am not helping myself get over the need to have something sweet every day.
Also, I eventually found a work-around around my prohibition on bakeries and candies, according to the exact words, but not the spirit, of my vow. On my recent binges, I've found myself eating {I}plain freakin' sugar{/I}, or sugar mixed with cream cheese (hey, that's essentially what cheese cake is!), rationalizing itself on the basis that it is not "candy nor bakeries." I also purchased a 400g tub of chocolate cream cheese, only to find it empty that night, feeling so ashamed that I hid the container in the bottom of the trash can so that nobody would know I purchased it only to eat it all on my own.

I've told myself I'd stop this behavior, and after a day of not binging and eating balanced foods yesterday, I found myself returning to my binges, sugar and all, this past night. It was after a whole day of eating good, balanced meals in the daytime, and not grazing or eating frivolously, as well. I made a nice dinner to end off the night, but then found myself nippish after that, and one thing led to another...

This behavior is so damaging to my self esteem, as it makes me feel powerless. Like, if I can't control what I myself do, the only thing a person can control, what am I? I mean, I understand that I am likely fully in control of my actions, and rationalizing things to myself to abdicate responsibility, but it really makes you feel like you have no free will, like whatever you do is predetermined by things outside your control, when you can't even stick to your intentions of how to eat.

How do I get past this?

joanna_82

It would be my suggestion to find a therapist to talk through your problems.
You say it is triggered by boredom but do you have any other ideas as to why you feel you need to do it? Aside from loving sweet stuff, of course.

I used to binge eat, it was triggered by terribly low self esteeem and lack of confidence. I also had no self belief and didn't look after myself. Once my therapist got me to see that I was essentially self harming by overeating, I realised that I had to start treating myself better if I was to have any confidence. I stopped bingeing because I wanted to be good to myself, to look after my body and to feel well.

In my own experience, I had to find a reason to stop that was more important than all the reasons I gave for keeping going.

I also found that I couldn't be too strict with my diet otherwise I went right back to square 1. For me, getting to 3 meals a day was my first challenge, to just normalise by eating behaviours a bit. Then I tried to make small changes in my diet to make it healthier, while still including moderate amounts of the things I love. I set MFP to the lowest weight loss possible, and just concentrated on eating properly. It works. I am 102 days binge free.

Good luck! You can do it!

marshmallowhunter

{quote} It would be my suggestion to find a therapist to talk through your problems.{/quote}

Hmm. I didn't think of it as {i}that{/i} sort of problem, but now that you suggest it, it sounds exactly like an eating disorder. I should probably talk to a professional about it. Thanks!

{quote}You say it is triggered by boredom but do you have any other ideas as to why you feel you need to do it? {/quote}

I have had emotional problems (never diagnosed with anything, but I felt sad often) in the past, but I feel a lot better these days than I did a couple of years ago. Still, as I never went to a doctor, I don't know that I'm completely "better" now just because I feel better. Also, due to recent events, I do have quite a bit of stress these days.
My binges don't seem to directly follow negative emotions, but I suppose my emotions can still be working in ways not evident to my conscious mind.


Yeah, I keep on trying to convince myself that the rewards of eating well far outweigh the fleeting enjoyment of overeating (not that it's even always enjoyable; sometimes I eat so fast that I don't get to savor the flavors, which of course makes me want to eat more in order to catch that elusive flavor, and the process amplifies itself; Also, the physical discomfort of overeating makes me wonder why I do it), but sometimes things that make sense logically don't affect my behavior emotionally. I know that I'll feel better emotionally and physically, and look better on the side, if I stop binging, but I can't seem to convert that rational thought to action. My impulses cloud my reasoning faculties, and I find all sorts of flimsy excuses to eat that extra bite.

GoingSlightlyMad

I'm no expert, but based on my personal experience I find that what triggers my binges is a deadly combination of boredom (the impulse of opening the fridge while not hungry), feelings of low self esteem ("why do I try so hard, it won't matter anyway, I'm useless, I can't do this"), an attempt of filling the inner void with food (when that void is not what we tecnically call "hunger"), giving myself a sugary treat (the more you eat the more you crave it) and extremely drastic caloric restrictions (your body needs fuel!).

I recommend you to think up strategies to manage this problems one by one.

For example:

When you feel bored instead of opening the fridge, go for a walk, play flappy bird or something. Pretty much the same for the inner void. If you must open the fridge, have a glass of water with lemon slices instead, or make yourself some tea, maybe put some honey in it for your sweet tooth!

If you feel sad, write a list of the things you like the most about yourself, reasons why you're worth taking care of. There's plenty! Stop damaging yourself!

Don't deny yourself one of the greatest pleasures of life (one of my favourites I have to say :happy:): Eat that cookie! Eat it slowly, smell it, look at it, but mostly be conscious of what you're eating while you do it. Try and practice this every day.

And last but definitely not least, nourish your body with all the nutrients and energy it needs. You can't live with 100 calories a day.

I don't know if this is your case. You should still talk to someone about it (I mean someone who knows better than me ).

I still haven't been able to overcome bingeing. But at least my binges are each time less harmful, smaller and even with healthier "choices" of food (you really don't have much choice during the episodes though, do you?). I think It's all about practice. As soon as you acknowledge you're eating too much, put down the spoon and stop eating inmediately. Your diet is not ruined.
And don't let that binge lower your self esteem! It's only going to trigger more binges and you're deserve better.

Good luck! x

P.S.: I see I'm not the only one who enjoys the odd pleasure of eating sugar by itself. :embarassed:

Edit:
I forgot before... Workout! I find that when I feel I'm tearing down and about to binge, working out helps me relieve stress. And afterwards, you want to eat healthy to avoid ruining your workout!

joanna_82

I do think it might be helpful to talk to someone about it- even just to understand it a bit more and maybe delve deeper into why you do it and whether that gives you any insight into being able to stop it.

I would also suggest you start a diary of your thought process around your binges. What you feel at the time, why you want to eat what you eat, etc. This is something i did and it related to a food diary, which led me to explore those times that I binged because i hadn't eaten all day, and those times that i had had a really stressful or upsetting day which led me to buying chocolate and crisps on the way home etc.

You don't have to stop what you are doing right now, but the diary might make you more aware and more mindful and that might in turn lead to you changing your behaviours.

I am a big believer that to overcome these things is a big deal, but in the same way, it takes a big leap of faith, belief in yourself and a real want to get over it and enjoy food for what it is, not just to get that 'fix'.

lanniesue

Your post could have been written by me. I have tried off/on for several years to do the diet, NO-S (no snacks, no sweets, no seconds, except sometimes on days that begin with S). It helps to control all day eating and helps to enjoy food more, instead of eating mindlessly. I have not been successful on it, but decided today to try that plan, in conjunction with counting my calories. That way if I "cheat" and have a piece or two of candy, that I will count the calories and hopefully be under my calorie goal. Just wanted to let you know that you are not by yourself in your actions. I am trying to beat my food addiction also.

lanniesue

Joanna, thanks for sharing your experience. I am going to try to tell myself to focus on my health instead of the weight.

sloth3toes

Another bad habit I have is binge eating. It has gotten awful as of the last couple of weeks.

I agree that you might benefit from some professional help.

I do wonder though.... You say the binging has recently gotten worse, and it sounds like the other issues have recently gotten worse as well? What's changed in the last few weeks? Have you changed your diet up quite a bit recently? It seems to me that when we suddenly make a bunch of dietary restrictions, there are often a lot of negative consequences.

rjriggit

Well done for coming this far. Its hard to face up to.

I'm also a binger. I do it to reward myself, or if I've had a hard day. I can swing by the shops on the way home and pick up a baguette and eat the whole thing. BUT I have weeks where my motivation is stronger.

Theres a sweet basket at work that everyone contributes to. I have planned fruity snacks for the times when my cravings are worst (11am and 3pm) to fill me up and stop making an excuse to have a chocolate bar or a piece of toffee. Because its never just one! That really helps.

Also as time goes on and you start to do well, you really do lose a taste for it. In the last few weeks I've realised how thirsty, bloated and unwell eating sweet processed foods can make me. Earlier today I went up to the basket and decided at the last minute that I was just thirsty and had an apple in my bag. I had to think about how eating that chocolate would really make me feel and only then was I strong enough to keep on walking.

Keep your chin up and know that you're not on your own. Try and surround yourself with healthy alternatives - and don't beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon. Its an ongoing process, not an overnight transformation!

SoDamnHungry

Get a hobby to keep your hands busy so eating isn't the only thing you do while bored.

Whenever you binge, log it. Just keep logging, and that will often stop you in your tracks. Seeing all the unnecessary stuff you're eating and the calories that you aren't even enjoying might at least slow you down.

I'm one of the few people who will think that cutting out cakes and junk for a couple of weeks is a good idea, as long as you gain control over your binge eating. As a huge sweets lover, I've cut out refined sugars a couple of times for a couple of weeks just to crave them a little less. Even when I eat within calorie goals, most of the stuff I eat is sugar and delicious, delicious garbage. So trying to cut them for a bit and lessen the urge isn't a bad idea. However, like I said, have your binge eating under control because otherwise you'll just binge on other things to make up for the cake your brain and body wants.

morningbell1

I have struggled with binge eating for years. You're off to a good start by even wanting to stop doing it! I agree with the suggestions to talk to someone about this. I have also found that I tend to binge more if I tell myself I'm NEVER EVER going to binge again. Everybody slips up sometimes, but if you give yourself permission to make mistakes you're more likely to get back on track after that! It's okay not to be perfect.

fitnessqueeninnyc

Hey there... I don't know much about food binging but I do know a thing or two about alcohol and cigarette binging... When I was a smoker (a year and a half clean), I found that certain places, times of day, stress, or social settings would trigger my cravings for cigarettes immensely. I had to have a cigarette, rain, shine, cold, hot.. When I finally made my mind up to quit (after 100 attempts), one factor stood out more than anything else, I was finally ready/fed up... I knew it would be an arduous journey but I finally convinced myself that I was worthy of more than what I have valued my life. I turned to exercise as my saving grace when I felt weak. With each challenge I grew stronger. When I lost my motivation, I reminded myself that I'm only doing myself a disservice if I didn't at least try. I too suffer from issues with low self esteem but conquering quitting smoking renewed my resolve in recommitting to learning how to love myself for who I was. I still have my struggles everyday, but I remind myself that if I've gotten this far, I can continue my path, no matter the circumstances.

The point to my story is that, in order to overcome your blockages in life, you have to take a deep look at the what, why, and how's of your life and make a promise to yourself that you will recommit yourself to yourself every single day. Sometimes it's minute to minute, others it's second to second.. It won't be easy but nothing in life worth having is ever easy. If you fall off the wagon, reexamine what caused you to fall and devise a plan on how you will combat those triggers when they return. Come here for support when you need it and are feeling weak. Someone is always around to comfort you, guide you, or just listen. I guarantee that with time and patience, you'll learn to overcome your fears and move forward in a positive manner. Wishing you the best of luck and many blessings. Please feel free to add me as a friend, I promise I'll try my best to help you in any way I can...

marshmallowhunter

I forgot before... Workout! I find that when I feel I'm tearing down and about to binge, working out helps me relieve stress. And afterwards, you want to eat healthy to avoid ruining your workout!

Yeah, I've noticed that I eat healthier on workout days, as well. I'll try to exercise more often. Thanks!

I do wonder though.... You say the binging has recently gotten worse, and it sounds like the other issues have recently gotten worse as well? What's changed in the last few weeks? Have you changed your diet up quite a bit recently? It seems to me that when we suddenly make a bunch of dietary restrictions, there are often a lot of negative consequences.

Hmm. Well, a binge I had recently came after three days of reducing my carb intake.
While most sources I have read say that low-carb is perfectly safe and healthy, my mistake was probably trying to jump head-first into it, rather than gradually reducing my intake.

Whenever you binge, log it. Just keep logging, and that will often stop you in your tracks. Seeing all the unnecessary stuff you're eating and the calories that you aren't even enjoying might at least slow you down.

Yeah, one problem that I have is that when I lose control and binge, I don't log anything. Then, feeling it would take too much effort (and be too painful) to record what I've eaten after the fact, I just forsake MFP for that day. This ends up making my logs inaccurate, as I have multiple days where I begin logging at the beginning of the day, and then give up that evening, which shows a very low caloric intake, skewing my weekly or long-term aggregations and rendering the info worthless.

If I force myself to log everything, then I suppose not only will I become more cognizant of what I'm eating and slow down, but I'll be able to better track how well I'm doing.

zericaaaaa

you can do this! I also have issues with binging. as simple as it sounds, something I usually tell myself when I want to binge is 'I can have these foods tomorrow.' when I want to binge its usually because I am always meticulously watching what I eat and I feel like I just want to 'let go' and enjoy myself. but when I remind myself that theres always tomorrow, for some reason it makes me feel better. I usually binge on 'healthier' foods (pretzel chips, fiber one brownies, ect.) so when I go to eat 3 or 4 servings I stop myself, log it for the next day and remind myself that I CAN enjoy these foods, just not right now in one sitting. like I said, its kind of a simple concept that involves a good deal of self control but its something that has helped me a lot.

but I definitely also find myself binging late at night when I'm alone, watching tv, stressed out, mind racing. I'm still trying to figure out how to stop myself during those times. I think something I will start doing is brushing my teeth when I feel the urge to eat, or just put on a youtube video to help induce sleep and try my best to relax. no matter what, it will take an incredible amount of willpower, but it is WAY more feasible if you believe it when I say- you CAN do this!!