A Tale of Two Pants by Wookinpanub

Wookinpanub · September 2014

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

2008, I was slowly beginning to move from carrying some extra weight for my tall frame to being downright fat. I attended an out of town graduation. I purchased some new dress pants at Joseph Banks where I don't usually shop. I had worn 38 waist for some years now and without trying them on, purchased a nice pair of slacks, size 38. I put them in my suitcase for the graduation 2 days later. The morning of the graduation I showered and put on these new pants, only to find out they only zipped about halfway up the zipper track and buttoning them would take an act of God. I was officially a size 40 now. I had no other dress pants with me, only shorts. I believe I was already in XXL shirts so I had to wear these pants partially zipped and unbuttoned with my XXL shirt untucked and covering the wardrobe malfunction. We ate at an Italian restaurant for lunch and filled my fat belly with pasta, bread and beer. We then took some family pictures. Needless to say, I looked like a fat, disheveled slob.

2014, I am now wearing size 36. I look like a nice fit 42 year old with much more confidence in my appearance.