A little down today....

Kwauhop

This is my blog entry from tonight....It's a little about my weight loss battle and a little more about my life in general...I just had a bad day...sorry if it's off topic for this forum, I just need somebody right about now.....

Sometimes I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. Today is one of those days. As a young mother of 2 very active little boys I sometimes find that I lose myself. I'm a great mom and a devoted wife, but what happened to me?

I look in the mirror and see a person who looks completely different than the way that I feel. I have very little time to myself and I'm lucky if I can get my workout in before bed time. I often times get discouraged and give up on myself, feeling as though I'll never be able to reach my goal. Not having a great support system isn't helping much either. My husband has never said anything negative about my weight, but when I do talk to him about wanting to change and being so unhappy with myself he acts as though I can miraculously turn things around in a day.

I have no friends, only family. Since I had my oldest at such a young age I have no one around who "gets it". Every friend I ever had ditched me after I had a baby and every other mom on the planet looks at me like I'm the scum of the earth because of my age. Who do I have to talk to? No one. I'm about 15 years ahead of my time and I can't seem to fit in anywhere.

I just need someone. Throughout my entire life everyone has leaned on me and come to me with problems, well now it's my turn. I need a real person, not someone on the other end of a computer screen to act like they give a **** about me. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone all the time. I had this epiphany today....

My grandmother looked at me and asked if I would like her to watch our boys for new years eve. She wanted to know if me and my husband had plans to go out. I told her no, but thanks for offering. Then she asked why I wasn't planning anything and I told her because I don't have any friends to plan anything with. I sounded absolutely pathetic.

Everyone needs friends right? It's not normal to be completely alone aside from your husband, children and inlaws, right? I feel trapped. I love my kids and this has nothing to do with them, I just need someone else in my life. I'm a stay at home mom, so I don't even interact with other people on a regular basis at work. The most I get in a day is a conversation with the elderly ladies in the line at the grocery store about what's on sale and who has a coupon for it. I suck.

Where can I buy a personal life and how much would one of those cost??????

foster1980

You helped yourself by venting...It's the best way to release all of the frustrations we have. Just know you are not alone and there are sooo many other people out here who are just FED up with the way things are in their lives...It will get better, just try to do what you can and if venting or writing helps...Do it, and then read it later. You will be surprised how much you let go.

Take care...

kthom

It is not uncommon to feel alone when you are a stay at home mom of small children. Have you considered taking your boys to play groups or a toy lending library to meet other moms like you? You may feel that other moms are judging you but it may be you judging yourself. Make the first effort and you may find some great friends. I was a young first time mom too and it is easy to feel judged but that might not be the case. Good luck with your efforts and those at the end of a computer screen are always willing to listen.

darlene98

I remember going through the same thing! It's hard having young kids and trying to have a balance. One thing I had to realize is that one day my kids are going to grow up and not want to hang around me. They will have a life of their own. Where will that leave me? I just started trying to find new friends and also spending more time with my husband. It's ok to have a life of your own and have kids to o as long as there is a balance. Don't give up. Some days I think the walls are caving in on me and I don't have anyone to talk to but other days it's not so bad. Even though this is an online website it helps me to communicate with people that share the same goals. Keep it up and go out with you man on New Year's.....even if it's just a long drive!

Veggie_Eloise

Wow, this sounds like I could have written this posting.
I don't want to be that person on the other end of a computer screen, but I do know how you feel.
I lost all my friends once I got pregnant because they are out partying and being young.
My son is almost a year now and it just gets so lonely.
My husband, having a job and some friends, just doesn't understand.
I planned for the New Year to start putting myself out there. Taking my son to the park, library, anywhere so we can both make friends.
I'm totally afraid, because my only interaction with people is on MFP, but I know it'll be best for both me and Aiden.
You do need people in your life so you aren't looking in the mirror wondering who is looking back at you, but I know it's hard.
Also, I know this sounds lame but a family member suggesting going online to find mommy sites or craigslist and posting to maybe set up playdates with mothers and kids in a similar age group. That way your boys can be entertained and you can meet someone that can relate better to you.

Sorry I rambled, hope that helps at all.

robbienjill

Keep your chin up. Even those of us who do not have kids feel the same way. Being married and having a career has the same toll. Happy New Year. Go out with your husband and have fun and make some new friends while you are out. You can do this:flowerforyou: ~Jill~

AmberElaine84

You poor thing. I completely understand what you are feeling. Seriously. There are some days that I feel SO lost. I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm a cook, a maid, a chauffer. But where did I go? What happened to ME?

Friends? Well, they come and go. There are a lot of friends that kind of disappeared after I had kids as well. Or they have one, while I have THREE. There is a girl who used to be my friend, who only had ONE kid and could never understand why I didn't want to pack all three of my kids up every weekend and drive an hour away to go spend money we didn't have with her EVERY weekend. And when we stopped going every weekend, she stopped talking to me. But befriended another one of my friends, who only has one child as well.

People can be really sucky! I have just a few, and I mean a FEW people to count on. And they know me, and my life. They know that my kids and husband are my number one priority. I am SO, so sorry you are going through this. I don't even go to work, so my daily interaction is kids...all...day....long. And when my husband comes home from work, he is tired, so I don't get much of a life with him, and we rarely go out.

Please hang in there. I know you don't want friends with someone on the other side of the screen, but please feel free to send me a message if you ever need someone to lean on. ♥♥♥

Also...I'd like to buy a personal life as well. Will trade kids.... :devil: :devil:

Kwauhop

Thank you everyone for your kind words...I'll feel better. This too shall pass.....

nickeymhughes

to start off being a stay at home mom is hard when it comes to having friendships... I have very few friends and like you, my husband of 16 years and my kids are all I have... I just started having a relationship with my family after 20 years.. (long story) anyway depression runs in my family and I suffer from it. I feel alone alot, and most of the time I like to be alone... my husband loves me dearly and I love him as well, but I also know a girl need girlfriends.. My husband comes from a very good old fashion christian home and he believes when a couple gets married they become one and they are to only spend time with one another and for 16 years this is how it has been.. I don't always like it but I respect it and value it . There is nothing wrong with feeling this way.... I used to see girlfriends hanging out and be so jealous but I think as I have gotten older it don't bother me as much. I can say that I have meet several different s called "Friends" over the years and have learned to be picky because most married couples just don't spend as much time toegher as my husband and I do and they tend to stop calling me when I say I can't go out to "party" with them. Most people I meet tell me it's not normal to not have other people in my life other than my hubby and kids and I used to think they were crazy but I'm not so sure anymore because 2 years ago I moved back to my home state of Wisconsin to work on a relationship with my Sister (which is awesome now!) and last year at work I meet a girlfriend and I have come to value our friendship and I enjoy being able to have her to talk to. If you would like add me as a friend and I will be happy to have someone to talk to when I get down.. I hope this makes some sense.. I suck at writing!!!

nickeymhughes

like your post.. very realy and incouraging

nickeymhughes

Praise God for all his scriptures.. one of my favorites is just as you said "this to shall pass"... Psalms is wonderful for encouragment......