Question about LoVe - not MFP related.

JennaM222

L O V E

What is it?

A Profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person? Your souls recognition of it's conterpoint in another person? ( Thanks wedding crashers ) Or an Evil succubus that can haunt you forever.

Any who - Here is my big question. Why are some people so scared of love? I love myself, Most days. I LOVE LOVE all my friendships and my family dearly. I love my childhood cat, Levi. I love new shoes and a good pedi. I deeple CARE for my boyfriend, but do I love him? I am not so sure. He is one of the nicest & sweet men I have ever had the luxury of dating. He is very closed and gaurded with his heart. It makes it hard for me to love him. What is it with guys and this issue?

Even though I have had a HORRIBLE past relationship that lasted years, I still find it very easy to love and be open. I give 100% of myself to my loved ones, and maybe thats why I am struggling with this issue.

Guys, whats wrong with you...

And Ladies, have you ever dealt with this? I know I need to handle this issue with care.





P.S. - I know not ALLLLL guys are like this

fitgirl4life

Well I am going to go out there on a limb and just say it like it is:

If your boyfriend is guarded and doesn't open his heart out to you, well, he's just not that into you! The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you'll find your true soul mate.

I speak from years of personal experience. I worked hard on relationships for YEARS with several boyfriends, convinced I would be the one to break through their "wall". I was CONVINCED that if I just hung around long enough, they would start showing me the love and affection I just knew they felt inside for me.

Ha!

I have seen time and again that these men who are "guarded" and "can't show their love" seem to be instantly cured when they break up with you and find someone new. THEN they can show the next girlfriend all the love you worked so hard to get.

I'm with my soul mate now. Why didn't anyone tell me 20 years ago that love was supposed to be this easy, this fun, full of emotion and connections on every level?! I am showered daily with love and affection. He opens up to me and tells me everything that is going on in his heart and in his head. There are no games. We talk all the time. It is magical! AND I've been married to him for nearly 9 years now.

When you're with the right person, you will feel 100% confident that you are loved, adored and cherished. If you don't feel that now, move on because your soul mate is out there waiting for you! :flowerforyou:

treekins

Hmmmm I'm probably not the best to reply to this...just got out of a horrific relationship! Right now, I'm scared to love or trust (which have to go hand in hand!)...

But I wanted to say I think everyone asks these same questions...YOU'RE NOT ALONE! I think love can be equally wonderful and terrible...but the highs of it certainly wouldn't be so high if the lows didn't hurt so much. And I think most would say it's worth it.

Good luck, keep wondering...personally I don't think love is a choice! It's either there or it's not. The heart has a mind of it's own haha!

Tree

fuhrmeister

Well I am going to go out there on a limb and just say it like it is:

If your boyfriend is guarded and doesn't open his heart out to you, well, he's just not that into you! The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you'll find your true soul mate.

I speak from years of personal experience. I worked hard on relationships for YEARS with several boyfriends, convinced I would be the one to break through their "wall". I was CONVINCED that if I just hung around long enough, they would start showing me the love and affection I just knew they felt inside for me.

Ha!

I have seen time and again that these men who are "guarded" and "can't show their love" seem to be instantly cured when they break up with you and find someone new. THEN they can show the next girlfriend all the love you worked so hard to get.

I'm with my soul mate now. Why didn't anyone tell me 20 years ago that love was supposed to be this easy, this fun, full of emotion and connections on every level?! I am showered daily with love and affection. He opens up to me and tells me everything that is going on in his heart and in his head. There are no games. We talk all the time. It is magical! AND I've been married to him for nearly 9 years now.

When you're with the right person, you will feel 100% confident that you are loved, adored and cherished. If you don't feel that now, move on because your soul mate is out there waiting for you! :flowerforyou:

I Agree!!!!!!!

Unless your boyfriend has been through a really bad lose (parents or a child) or a really heartbreaking relationship....either of which he needs to go toalk to soemone about. Than he's probably not the guy for you. But you really have to know that in your heart.

I spent years chasing one guy. I wanted to move wherever he was going to grad school even if it was Siberia and he was like...um don't do that. If I was willing to make thet sacrafice and he couldn't put the emontion into noticing what I was will to do then he wasnt worth my effort (no matter how good a person he really was)

I am now with the love of my life. He always tells me he loves me and even when things are really hard...they are truly easy b/c we are there for each other.

Good luck to you!

lsellnow

I'm not sure I would necessarily agree with fitgirl4life's response. I mean, she definitely makes some excellent points, and in a lot of cases, yes, if a guy seems "guarded" it could just be that he isn't as interested. But it's not ALWAYS the case. You're probably the only one who can decide.

I (a girl) am usually pretty guarded in a romantic relationship. It's not because I don't care for the person, or am not into them. If I wasn't into them I wouldn't be dating them. But I've been hurt pretty bad in the past, and so I'm really cautious now, and it's hard for me to just put it all out there. You're the only one on this message board who would be able to say what the situation with your boyfriend is.

I really like what treekins said. It's either there or it's not. Some people have an easier time with it than others. And like fitgirl said, when you're with the right person, it will just happen the way it's supposed to.

There are so many different kinds of love, too. Like, the way you love your parents is not the same way you love your children, is not the same way you love your friends, is not the same way you love your spouse/boy/girlfriend. And it's not necessarily something wrong with guys. I know just as many girls who don't date well. It's not really something wrong with them either. Love is tricky. The more two people love each other, the more power they have to hurt each other. That's a scary thought, and some people have walls put up and can't really help it.

JennaM222

A little more backround information.

We have only been dating 6 months come January, exclusive after about 2.So, safe to say we are really getting to know eachother. I am not looking for advice if he cares for me or loves me or not per say, just wondering how different people work. But I do appreciate all the responses, and Flirtgirl, I have read 'He is Just not that into you: front to back like 3 times, haha But I agree with alot you have said.

I also let him know this weekend that if if he is scared to know how I feel about him, of if my telling him how I feel about him ever will push him away that he needs top end it NOW. that it is not fair to me, and he has not.

BullDozier

I'll chime in with a male point of view. I happen to agree with a lot of what Isellnow said. I think most guys are naturally more guarded with their feelings, and aren't so free to just let those feelings show through, even for the most important person in their life. They are taught to keep those feelings inside, and only show them at certain times (like at a football game for instance).

Also, when you're taught to keep those feelings inside, and you do decide to share them with that girl you really like (for instance, at a young age) and get rejected, you don't get the positive reinforcement to keep sharing those feelings.

I'm of course speaking from personal experience and not as a psycological expert. My dad was very stoic and did not encourage me and my brother to share feelings. I was not lucky in love as a high schooler, so I didn't get that positive reinforcement to share feelings.

Even now, I am happily to the love of my life, but I still find it difficult to fully open up and share those feelings. Just yesterday I was driving home and thinking about what I would do or say to her to tell her what I think, but like everytime, as soon as I see her, my instincts are to clam up and keep it all inside.

It's a hard behavior to change, but I definitely do not agree that if a guy isn't totally open with his feelings he isn't that into you. He very well could be, but just never learned how to express those feelings in a way the woman is expecting.