Feel like giving up and quitting.
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For what it's worth, I understand your feelings on food. I don't know if I could appropriately call it an addiction, but it took me a long, long time to realize that I've used it as a coping mechanism, stress relief, source of pleasure, and sustenance all at once. I think part of what helps is also working on yourself. For this year, I've determined that I'd learn how to deal with stress and unpleasant feelings head-on, rather than stuffing my face and pushing those feelings down to deal with later. School, in particular, is a great source of anxiety and stress for me - and this semester is no different. Normally, I would eat garbage at school and come home and eat even more garbage. I force myself to log whatever I eat at school, and focus instead of what I can do to actually solve the issue.
Don't think of food in terms of "should" or "should not". Try to think of it more as, "is this worth the calories?" I'm a total fiend for pizza. I don't tell myself I WILL NEVER HAVE PIZZA AGAIN - I've tried saying "I will never have (insert trigger food here) again until I learn self-control". It doesn't work - because I was thinking about it wrong. I simply tell myself, "how much would be worthwhile for the calories?" Ordinarily, I can EASILY scarf down an entire pizza. Rethinking it in terms of how many calories I consider pizza to be worth makes it difficult to justify more than a slice or two. Tracking and rethinking my food choices provides a measure of control - which, for someone who has often felt powerless over what I've perceived as a shameful lack of self-control, is very empowering.
Don't set time limits on yourself. Your body didn't get to where it's at overnight - the weight won't either. I've always self-sabotaged after I didn't see results as quickly as I wanted. Trying to reset your thinking, and change your life rather than merely your waist, helps provide the perspective and patience needed to stick with things.0 -
I'm going to give some unusual advice as you seem stuck and frustrated. I highly suggest reading two books: The Big Fat Surprise and Keto Clarity. These two books look at the science of how we evolved as humans and may resonate with you. Why is this unusual? Because it's not how we've been taught to eat.
Why does this matter? Why would you go against what was told to you? Because it's just not working? You're hungry all the time, you're not seeing results, even when you're actively trying to do what's right and what's supposed to work.
If you want to evoke change, you need to do what you haven't tried before. I've seen these 2 books change lives for the better, and for the long term.
I hope this advice comes across as helpful.0 -
If your wife wants you to lose also, see if she'll log her foods on here also. My husband and I did this together and we have almost 750 days logged in. I have lost 85 pounds and my husband has lost over 75 pounds. Find motivation in one another. For us, we eat more protein, veggies, and fruit than carbs and we stay inside our calorie range. I eat between 1500-1600 and my husband eats between 2000-2100. Enjoy one "cheat" meal together once a week! You can do it!0
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Wicked_Seraph wrote: »For what it's worth, I understand your feelings on food. I don't know if I could appropriately call it an addiction, but it took me a long, long time to realize that I've used it as a coping mechanism, stress relief, source of pleasure, and sustenance all at once. I think part of what helps is also working on yourself. For this year, I've determined that I'd learn how to deal with stress and unpleasant feelings head-on, rather than stuffing my face and pushing those feelings down to deal with later. School, in particular, is a great source of anxiety and stress for me - and this semester is no different. Normally, I would eat garbage at school and come home and eat even more garbage. I force myself to log whatever I eat at school, and focus instead of what I can do to actually solve the issue.
Don't think of food in terms of "should" or "should not". Try to think of it more as, "is this worth the calories?" I'm a total fiend for pizza. I don't tell myself I WILL NEVER HAVE PIZZA AGAIN - I've tried saying "I will never have (insert trigger food here) again until I learn self-control". It doesn't work - because I was thinking about it wrong. I simply tell myself, "how much would be worthwhile for the calories?" Ordinarily, I can EASILY scarf down an entire pizza. Rethinking it in terms of how many calories I consider pizza to be worth makes it difficult to justify more than a slice or two. Tracking and rethinking my food choices provides a measure of control - which, for someone who has often felt powerless over what I've perceived as a shameful lack of self-control, is very empowering.
Don't set time limits on yourself. Your body didn't get to where it's at overnight - the weight won't either. I've always self-sabotaged after I didn't see results as quickly as I wanted. Trying to reset your thinking, and change your life rather than merely your waist, helps provide the perspective and patience needed to stick with things.
I think for me I'd have to insert Pizza too. Maybe even lasagna. Love it all. But pizza is definitely a hard one for me too.
Plus I do find it hard, say when my work is having a potluck or even family. There is so much good food around and you want to try it all. It's hard to hold back and just say no when it's all right there for the grabbing.
Same as my work when we have a work through your lunch day. This is typically for days we know it'll be real busy. They'll bring in food for us and I do my best to order what's healthy, but it's hard. When they do order pizza I've been trying to order the vegetarian instead of the pepperoni. At least knowing it's a little less in calories than the meat pizza. It is all a mind set. Just learning how to change your mind and think differently about it.0 -
I'm going to give some unusual advice as you seem stuck and frustrated. I highly suggest reading two books: The Big Fat Surprise and Keto Clarity. These two books look at the science of how we evolved as humans and may resonate with you. Why is this unusual? Because it's not how we've been taught to eat.
Why does this matter? Why would you go against what was told to you? Because it's just not working? You're hungry all the time, you're not seeing results, even when you're actively trying to do what's right and what's supposed to work.
If you want to evoke change, you need to do what you haven't tried before. I've seen these 2 books change lives for the better, and for the long term.
I hope this advice comes across as helpful.
Thanks for the info. I'll have to check them out.0 -
If your wife wants you to lose also, see if she'll log her foods on here also. My husband and I did this together and we have almost 750 days logged in. I have lost 85 pounds and my husband has lost over 75 pounds. Find motivation in one another. For us, we eat more protein, veggies, and fruit than carbs and we stay inside our calorie range. I eat between 1500-1600 and my husband eats between 2000-2100. Enjoy one "cheat" meal together once a week! You can do it!
It's not so much my wife wanting or forcing me to lose. I think she'd like to see me reach my goals and has tried to help before. She just got upset with me when I'd say want that extra at dinner and she's telling me No. She'd say you're not listening anyway so why do I bother. I see her point.
Although she's not really over weight herself, at least to me, I believe it's still good for her to practice trying to eat the same as well. I mean I try to get to the gym, but I'm going alone all the time. At times I thought, she should be here too. It's hard with our schedules I'll admit as I work days and she works evenings. But exercise is good for all of us, not just the over weight.0 -
Good for you for sticking around so long, and for still trying. I somewhat understand the frustration with food availability at home. Dr. Pepper is my Achilles heel with my eating, and my husband refuses to give it up. So we always have a 12 pack in the fridge. I quit for over a year, but fell back into it, grrrr. Small little suggestion - find something that keeps you active, and get really, really into it. (Win-win!) Activity can be an appetite suppressor. Once you're in love with some form of activity, you may decide your focus on food becomes to fuel the activity, versus all the other triggers. You may feel a difference in performance based on what you eat, and that could be a motivator, as well. Good luck!!!0
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I'd recommend you leave your wife to her own journey. DH tried nagging, bugging, and asking me - and it only annoyed me. I wasn't ready to do healthy stuff or lose weight until I was ready.
That said, if I saw I want to do something active or eat less, DH is (usually) behind me all the way. I laugh because he does sabotage me sometimes by persuading me to skip a workout or whatever.0 -
Rangerfied wrote: »Just reveiwing some of these old posts. Starting to get discouraged again. But looking back at my weight logs I probably am down some in weight since I originally posted. Guess I've hit a plateau and now have to try and get over it.
I thought I'd check what people told me before to see what I may respark in me.
I doubt it's a true plateau.
You've identified the problem... you overeat and undertrain, and it sounds as if you self-sabotage with negative attitude the moment things don't go swimmingly, which then gives you permission to give up.
I actually agree with your initial realisation that your thinking needs to change in order for you to find some true motivation and actually do the hard work that's necessary. If you really are suffering from depression (which is different to "just not feeling happy sometimes"), then maybe you need counselling rather than calorie counting at the moment.0 -
You mentioned finding someone to talk to to find the source of your food issues. Is that possible for you? Can you find a local therapist that might be able to help? Or, look online for some self-help techniques that help you locate the true source of the issue.
Also, have an honest discussion with your wife. Set boundaries and ground rules for each of you, such as whether it is okay or not for her to tell you that you can't have more dinner or whether it's reasonable for you to expect her to make changes, too.
It sounds like you are a quantity eater so try little things such as @Chaagy suggested and remember that we generally eat the quantities we do out of habit, but don't really NEED that much food. Take a portion of something. Make sure it is smaller than your usual portion size. Tell yourself that if you want more that food will be there. Eat slower. Enjoy and taste each bite. Wait 10 min. or so and see if you are still truly hungry. If so, get another smaller portion. It's just a matter of creating new habits. You can do it!0 -
I can see his wife's position. You can't on the one hand ask for someone to support you, but then don't expect them to challenge you when you don't make any changes.0
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You mentioned finding someone to talk to to find the source of your food issues. Is that possible for you? Can you find a local therapist that might be able to help? Or, look online for some self-help techniques that help you locate the true source of the issue.
Also, have an honest discussion with your wife. Set boundaries and ground rules for each of you, such as whether it is okay or not for her to tell you that you can't have more dinner or whether it's reasonable for you to expect her to make changes, too.
It sounds like you are a quantity eater so try little things such as @Chaagy suggested and remember that we generally eat the quantities we do out of habit, but don't really NEED that much food. Take a portion of something. Make sure it is smaller than your usual portion size. Tell yourself that if you want more that food will be there. Eat slower. Enjoy and taste each bite. Wait 10 min. or so and see if you are still truly hungry. If so, get another smaller portion. It's just a matter of creating new habits. You can do it!
Yes I'd probably say I am a quantity eater. It's a habit that goes way back. A habit that I'll admit is hard to break. If I'm really enjoying a dish of food at dinner, then I do go back for more. I may not feel full, but I'm also not hungry. But I'm like that's really good and away I go having more.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and maybe that is what I need to find in my area.0 -
To combat my inclination to eat in large quantities - I have been weighing and pre-logging. If it pushes me over for the day, I'll cut back my portion to fit. I HATE to see that red number!!0
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Since you have a ton of existing data to work with, do you know what your actual average intake has been in the last 3 months? I'm wondering if you're trying to hit a too-extreme deficit. (It seems like 2200-2500 might be a significant deficit if you're still around 271). Could you try cutting 250 calories off of your average intake? It might be easier to stick to that goal, and at this point, it seems like consistency and adherence are your biggest challenges. A 250-calorie deficit every day would give you a 0.5 pound loss per week; it's not huge, but it will add up over time.0
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Someone already said it before, but I would also remmond you the book 'The Beck Diet Solution'. This book is not a diet, but it is a six-week program for changing your mindset about food and learning to practise helpful skills. It helped me a lot and for me it was exactly what I needed.0
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I totally get the pizza and lasagna and office food. Sometimes it feels like it's always against us. But one thing I like to think about is, will I ever be able to have this food again. Probably. Will I go to another family gathering in a week or 2 weeks, and will there be good food there again. Probably. There's a lot of easy to get food out there, that isn't the best of it, and can be easily eaten again. So, it's all regular food that you always get. And tomorrow or soon, you'll get it again.
Save those blow-outs for when you really know this is something special. It could be your birthday, or just eating at the place that has the best darn cheeseburger on the planet. Then go for it.
All other times, you'll get pizza again, probably from the same place. Those regular chips and ice cream you eat, you're always eating them. Wait until you find the best darn chips on the planet, or go to the best darn ice cream shop. Those are the times for indulgence.
I'm heading into Chinese New Year this weekend, and I expect I will probably be about 100-200 calories above my plan, but so be it. I'm not going to blow it out this weekend, and by Monday I will be 100% back on track.
It's tough to get your wife to help you. My wife managed to hide snacks for a bit, but I don't want her creeping around trying to hide snack eating from me. And eventually, I kind of realized, it's really all on me to do it (or in this case not eat it) for me. She doesn't run with me, but she will go on walks with me. Perhaps you just need to find certain things that you do together, and certain things that you don't. I will say, let's go walk in the park this afternoon, and she'll be up for it. But I definitely know she's not a gym gal, or a running gal.... though somehow she manages to remain pretty fit. I did mention we should do a few YouTube workouts, and she said she'd be up for that. So that's encouraging.
At the end of the day, I cannot force her to do something she has not committed to doing for herself. Nor did she have luck getting me to be healthier until I finally decided I would. I will ask her to join me, but if she does not, then I will still do it. Who knows, maybe she will see me having so much fun, and then join me. You can only lead by example, suggest, and encourage. The decision is hers. Just as the decision is and always has been yours to do what you need to do.
Keep up the fight!
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I managed to average around 1700 calories a day (over the week) including pizza Wednesday and some beer.
If your heart's not in it no "diet" will work for you unfortunately..0 -
Since you have a ton of existing data to work with, do you know what your actual average intake has been in the last 3 months? I'm wondering if you're trying to hit a too-extreme deficit. (It seems like 2200-2500 might be a significant deficit if you're still around 271). Could you try cutting 250 calories off of your average intake? It might be easier to stick to that goal, and at this point, it seems like consistency and adherence are your biggest challenges. A 250-calorie deficit every day would give you a 0.5 pound loss per week; it's not huge, but it will add up over time.
Unfortunately, most days I'm in the red numbers. Too be honest I sometimes don't know why I keep logging. But I do it anyway. It's like a habit now.0 -
Not saying what works for me works for everyone but I'm 359 currently a month ago I was 381. I just eat alot of fruits n veggies and cut out breads all day but breakfast. I eat 3 eggs n 3 slices of bacon with healthy lite bread. Then for lunch I do lettuce wraps with deli turkey or chicken. And veggies
I haven't incoprate weights yet. I need to take one step at a time0 -
skinnyfatman959 wrote: »Not saying what works for me works for everyone but I'm 359 currently a month ago I was 381. I just eat alot of fruits n veggies and cut out breads all day but breakfast. I eat 3 eggs n 3 slices of bacon with healthy lite bread. Then for lunch I do lettuce wraps with deli turkey or chicken. And veggies
I haven't incoprate weights yet. I need to take one step at a time
Great job. That's good you're down that much in a month. Congratulations. Keep up the good work.
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