Self sabotage round about

Firefly0606

Using MFP is about my zillionth attempt to lose weight. Every time I start well, lose about 5-7kgs, then for some stupid reason I just stop.

So I feel like I am at the point in this zillion-and-first attempt where I give myself a round of applause for a job well done, stop logging calories, have a day off exercising, which turns into 2,3,4 forever days and go back to my old ways and pile it all back on.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

I am posting this because this is the only thing I haven't tried before - sharing the shame of failing. My mini goal is always to get under 100....which is usually about a 10-12kg loss from starting point. Rather than the numbers getting closer and closer to 99.9 motivating me, it seems to have the opposite effect...am I afraid to succeed? I don't know. All I know is that I am very familiar with being unhappy with my weight, smiling on the outside but miserable on the inside, terrified of health complications which run in my family (chances of diabetes are high anyway given family history - but I would rather get it at 61 than 31...)

Does anyone else do this? How the heck do you get off this self sabotage round-about? I am loving MFP for all the right reasons, it is free, not a fad, sustainable, genuine lifestyle change....I know this is the way to go. I don't want to fail at this - how do I push through?

RodaRose

Using math to convert the numbers is complicated for some of us. I had to read it three times and even then I was only able to make a guess.
Listen, weight loss IS HARD. Embrace that. Feel it. It is o.k. to do something hard.
Trust me when I tell you that everyone on this board has tried to lose weight a few times (That means that they were not successful the other times).

Read the boards and see what some people are doing to make the weight loss journey work for them.
Some eat little meals through out the day. Some have one or two big meals, and so on.
Many feel that exercise helps them feel good and helps them make good food choices.

Maybe instead of focusing on the 99, focus on 5 at a time.
That way you can see weight loss as doable.

hortensehildegarde

keep coming back it works if you work it!

sounds like maybe you are likely trying to go too far in the extreme when you are doing a "job well done". Maybe try smaller changes for a couple weeks (or however long you normally go before you "revert"). Don't worry about the loss just practice the changes.

Also maybe next time you take the time off- make a note of how you are feeling/why you are doing it. There are lots of tools to do that here, from a post on these boards to a blog entry to writing on your wall. Something to help you pay attention to what you are thinking and be self-aware and present in the moment. Even if it doesn't stop you from going back to old habits maybe it will help you pin point why you are doing it.

I can relate to the wondering about being afraid of "succeeding", once I owned up to admitting I was terrified of it it my eating sort of naturally became a bit less ridiculous.

cincysweetheart

So I feel like I am at the point in this zillion-and-first attempt where I give myself a round of applause for a job well done, stop logging calories, have a day off exercising, which turns into 2,3,4 forever days and go back to my old ways and pile it all back on.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Does anyone else do this? How the heck do you get off this self sabotage round-about? I am loving MFP for all the right reasons, it is free, not a fad, sustainable, genuine lifestyle change....I know this is the way to go. I don't want to fail at this - how do I push through?

DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion and my opinion only…. but it's something that works for me. Take it if you like… if not. That's okay too. I'm not claiming that my way is the only way.

To the first point: I totally do this! I set a goal… I work toward it. I achieve it. I congratulate myself for a job well done. Then I'm done. I stop working towards it. After all… mission accomplished, right? Except when it comes weight loss… then it all piles back on!

Because of this, I have learned to HATE the word "goal." I try to eliminate it from my vocabulary as much as possible. It is a nasty, four-letter word in my world. This is how I work around it. I am proudly NOT a goal-oriented person. I have decided that I have to be process oriented. I know what kind of life I want to have… so I focus on living that kind of life. In this case… it involves eating healthy, being more active… etc, etc. If the scale goes down… GREAT! Don't get me wrong… I love to see that. But it's not something that I aim for. My purpose is simply to continue to do those things that will allow me to have the kind of life I want. If the scale doesn't go down… it doesn't bother me. There is no feelings of failure involved. And when the time comes that I do get down to my so-called "goal weight" it doesn't mean "mission accomplished." It is simply part of the process that will continue. There is one thing that I keep reminding myself of… "If you focus on results, you'll never change. If you focus on change, you'll get results."

Allow yourself to feel proud of your progress. Give yourself little rewards for milestones if it helps you. But focus on the process… not on the goal.

That's how I keep myself from giving up when the scale doesn't move like I think it should. How I keep myself from getting down on myself when I realize how far I still have to go. This is also how I keep myself from self-sabotaging when I'm successful. How I prevent myself from doing the yo-yo thing. And for me it applies to more areas of my life than just weight loss.

I hope this helps someone.

blackcoffeeandcherrypie

Stop trying to lose weight for a week or two and just log calories.

You will be horrified by some of the things that you eat. You will be pleasantly surprised by others.

Without even trying, you will begin to avoid the really calorific foods just because you know how much of a chunk of your daily calories they will take.

You're not dieting, you're simply eating a little bit more healthily.

Diets are rarely sustainable, they have a huge failure rate (as you have discovered) but cutting out a few bad foods is really easy and sustainable and the weight will come off in little amounts, one day at a time.

You won't be depriving yourself of all the things you like, so there won't be any urge to 'take a day off'.

neandermagnon

you need to make your plan sustainable. Go for slower fat loss, give yourself a larger calorie goal, make sure whatever exercise you plan to do is something you really enjoy and can logistically do easily. And plan rest days into your schedule. Choose forms of exercise that you enjoy and don't torture youself in the gym (unless you really like that kind of thing)... Instead of having a whole day "off the diet" - plan treats and special meals into your calorie goal. Have a day where you eat at maintenance once a week if it helps you to fit in all the foods you want to eat. You stay in the habit of logging, and your daily diet isn't so boring that you feel the need to have a day off at all. Don't give up any foods at all, just adjust the portion sizes and how often you eat them so you can fit them into your goal (yes of course eat all the protein, fruit, veggies etc first... but save calories for a bit of whatever you fancy).

The result will be slower fat loss, but who cares if it's slower, if you're able to stick with it in the long term and get to goal, and more importantly, stay there forever?

The all-or-nothing mentality is usually what results in people doing really well for a time then giving up and repeating the whole cycle. You don't have to be perfect. It does not have to be all or nothing... it just has to be enough to ensure that you're burning off more calories than you're eating. You don't need to lose the weight quickly... it's more important that you get to goal and don't regain the weight.

This requires a whole mindset change, but it's totally worth it because you get to enjoy life when you're losing fat (possibly even more than you enjoyed your life previously due to the mental health benefits of regular exercise and a healthy diet) and you'll not have to put that much effort into sticking with it.

EvgeniZyntx

This might help ... it's about driving consistency

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/EvgeniZyntx/view/30-days-how-to-improve-anything-696457

good luck.

amusedmonkey

The best thing that works for me is taking whatever is sabotaging me and turning it around to benefit me in some way. For example, I turned around my inability to eat small portions by introducing big portions of salads or loading my regular dishes with vegetables, I turned around being bored often with a certain diet into an adventure of trying a new approach every time I get bored..etc.

I do have this habit of self-sabotage like you do. Did you know in the past month alone I "quit" 5 times? That it took me 2 months to go from 101 to 99kg? That I quit and maintained for 5 months after losing 25 kg?

The trick is to maintain every single time you quit, to never stop counting calories even when you aren't dieting, to keep your calories at maintenance level when you aren't losing and finally to RESTART whenever you get the momentum and drive to lose again. This way, even if you aren't losing at least you aren't gaining, and making small steps forward every once in a while is better than making no progress at all.

One of the most important things you need to learn for this to work is to accept that things will be very slow at times. How long will it take you to lose the weight? a year? 2? 5? Even if you slowly inch your way towards your goal you will get there eventually. I mean if you only lose 1 kg a month after a year you will be 12 kgs lighter, but if you quit for good the year will pass anyway and you will stay the same weight or gain some more on top.

girlwithcurls2

[/quote]


Because of this, I have learned to HATE the word "goal." I try to eliminate it from my vocabulary as much as possible. It is a nasty, four-letter word in my world. This is how I work around it. I am proudly NOT a goal-oriented person. I have decided that I have to be process oriented. I know what kind of life I want to have… so I focus on living that kind of life. In this case… it involves eating healthy, being more active… etc, etc. If the scale goes down… GREAT! Don't get me wrong… I love to see that. But it's not something that I aim for. My purpose is simply to continue to do those things that will allow me to have the kind of life I want. If the scale doesn't go down… it doesn't bother me. There is no feelings of failure involved. And when the time comes that I do get down to my so-called "goal weight" it doesn't mean "mission accomplished." It is simply part of the process that will continue. There is one thing that I keep reminding myself of… "If you focus on results, you'll never change. If you focus on change, you'll get results."

Allow yourself to feel proud of your progress. Give yourself little rewards for milestones if it helps you. But focus on the process… not on the goal.

That's how I keep myself from giving up when the scale doesn't move like I think it should. How I keep myself from getting down on myself when I realize how far I still have to go. This is also how I keep myself from self-sabotaging when I'm successful. How I prevent myself from doing the yo-yo thing. And for me it applies to more areas of my life than just weight loss.

I hope this helps someone.
[/quote]

Interesting approach! I like it! Thanks for a whole new way of thinking for me. Perhaps this is why I am good at losing weight, but not at maintaining it. Until now :flowerforyou:

Firefly0606

Thank you everyone for responding. Some very encouraging words here that are helpful.

I think I am going to not other with my scales for a while, and log religiously. I weighed in yesterday....that will do for a couple of weeks. I am here to change my lifestyle, not a fad diet.

Thanks again.

adge1475

keep coming back it works if you work it!

^^ This right here :happy: