I'm fat!

chaniluv

Obviously.

So here's the thing: I only eat about once a day. I'm not starving myself, I just don't feel hungry all that often. My one meal a day isn't generally overly large or unhealthy. My family is under the impression that I am just "destined" to be fat. My mom had a similar issue. She was never really obese, but she was chubby most of her life. She used to walk two miles a day and barely eat, but she just couldn't lose weight. Ever since I stopped being able to fit into my jeans, I've adopted the mentality that this is true for me also. It's just impossible and there's no use trying.

But that ends here! I want to lose weight. Not for one person in particular, but to better myself and thus improve the lives of my loved ones. My boyfriend is amazing and claims to love me despite how hideous I find myself, but I've been clingy and jealous and irritable because I just don't understand why he's with me. I keep thinking it's only a matter of time before someone more attractive comes along. It's stupid to think that after all he and I have been through together, but a low self-esteem is just so toxic. I have skipped out on a few social events that my daughter was invited to because I didn't want other people to see me and judge me. I don't go to visit my skinny sister if I can avoid it because I feel that I look like a water-retaining seacow next to her. I haven't spoke or hung out with most of my friends in two or three years; I'd rather if they just remembered me as being the average-weight thing I was than see what I've become.

Currently, my boyfriend is in the hospital fighting for his life. He and his best friend were victims of arson last Thursday. His best friend died and my boyfriend has been sedated this whole time, in a drug-induced coma and on a ventilator while his burned lungs heal. I want to be as strong as I can for him when he gets out and I badly need something to distract me, so I figured an adventure to do the impossible was a good idea.

I did cardio for twenty minutes today on top of walking my daughter to and from school and I finished off the last of my soda (I won't be buying any more). I'm going to try finding healthy and filling recipes tomorrow. It's going to be very difficult to ignore my urge to add cheese to everything, but I'm hoping I can manage. I don't know what I'm going to eat. I love potatoes, but generally I eat potatoes with salt, butter, and cheese, which are all apparently no-nos.

Any culinary suggestions?

Also, does anyone here drink Crystal Light? My sister is diabetic and has told me that it is healthy, cheap, and tastes just like Kool-Aid.

steelinquisitor

I have had crystal light and it is definitely not kool aid. It does taste good just not like kool aid. I like the blue berry tea, and fruit punch flavors, but I am pretty weird. I am not even sure they sell the blueberry tea any more. I am currently using MIO. In my opinion it tastes better, but it is probably more expensive.

Stace0925

Kudos on your bravery in writing this post and on wanting to change your life for the better! Tracking daily on my fitness pal is a great way to stay accountable. Good luck on your journey!

sweetchildomine

Good for you!!! I'm sorry about your boyfriend, I hope he recovers soon! I drink Crystal light all the time. It's not necessarily "healthy" (lol its full of chemicals) but it has very little calories and gets me to drink more water than I would lol.

chaniluv

@jeffmatty: I might have to try both MIO and Crystal Light out. Thanks for your review!

@Stace0925: Thank you!

@sweetchildomine: I figured that might be the case. Anything that is dyed seems to have bad chemicals in it. I think I might try it anyway just so I can stomach water. I've been drinking primarily soda for most of my life (ew, I know) so I'll need all the help transitioning that I can get!

Misshodge64

Awww, miss lady be strong. If you been through that you can surely lose those pounds. I would probably eat at least 1500 calories and strength train, build muscle through out the body and eat more. You seem to have alot on your plate. Your going to be alright :-)

runningforthetrain

Hi - Good for you for taking an initiative for your health. I wish the best for your boyfriend's recovery. What an awful thing to have happen.

On reading your post and profile it sounds like the soda is a big problem. I am not sure but something is telling me if you quit cold turkey its gonna be tough. I don't drink soda regularly only as a treat. But, sometimes I do get a craving-- if you have this all the time- I can imagine it being pretty hard to quit.

One trick I do that works for me is to dilute Coke with soda water. I have 4ozs of coke with another 4 oz Perrier or other soda water. I just wanted to mention this to you in case you just want a soda while you are trying to wean yourself off of them. Half the calories is better than full calories. Personally I think diet soda is unhealthy. If I want a little sugar I just try to limit it.

Best of luck to you. Keep at it. Lots of good help on this site.

chaniluv

@Misshodge64: Thank you! That's why I thought now would be the best time to do it. I'm already doing the impossible by somehow keeping my mind through all this, so losing weight seems way more plausible now. Plus, my boyfriend's going to need a lot of emotional support when he wakes up and finds out about his best friend, so I'm going to need to be confident and strong for him.

@runningforthetrain: Thanks for the advice! I hadn't thought of diluting soda with soda water. That sounds like a fantastic idea. I'm going to try quitting cold turkey, but if that doesn't work out I'll certainly give that a shot. I think soda is probably my biggest enemy. I don't eat a lot, but I go through a /lot/ of pop.

@thread: I had a banana and a glass of Juicy Juice for breakfast and walked my kid to school today, so that's thirty minutes of leisurely walking. Woohoo! I'm going to do some aerobics and take a shower.