Eating to please others
meganlea2431
Posts: 26 Member
Such a terrible night. I eneded up wasting calories because my boyfriend made me feel guilty for not eating junk food with him. How does anyone else deal with this and still stay motivated. I feel like i messed up so bad he had.me eating right before bed :-( I am really in nees of some motivation and support tonight :-(
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I have an extremely limited diet due to upper and lower GI problems, so this is something I have very much experience with. Over the years I have learned that eating with or around friends and extended family can be difficult. I keep some of my GI troubles to myself because it's personal and embarrassing so many of them have often thought I am being difficult or overly picky with my diet. I've been mocked and teased and have learned to live with it. They stop after awhile or the ones that become close friends realize over time that my eating habits are something I cannot or will not change for them. If they say something or try guilting me to the point beyond light teasing, I will flat out confront them and ask them to stop. The ones that understand stick around and the ones that didn't were not very good friends anyhow.
You have to learn to do and eat what is right for you. It may be frustrating and inconvenient but it's important. I would say try talking to your boyfriend about it and ask him him to support you. He may not be aware that he's hurting your hard work.
I can barely even eat at restaurants when I go with people and I always bring my own food to all gatherings but the people who I am close with are used to it and are quite understanding once I explain to them that this is what is best for my health. Try talking to him, and maybe even try getting some "healthy" junk food options you could snack on while he has his snacks.
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Just don't give in? Not sure what else to suggest. If he can't respect your needs, dietary or otherwise, maybe you should explain them to him again.
I piss people off all the time by watching my diet, I don't give a ****. They don't have to deal with the weight I would gain if I ate every time someone else wanted to grab something or snack.0 -
Sorry but I think you may just have to woman up and say "No, thank you!".0
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Oh Hai,
First of all, props, self-accountability is an awesome thing. The fact that you're self aware and keeping track of yourself shows that you want to succeed. That said, don't beat yourself up too badly when you're simply being human, and make a mistake. It happens to all of us at some point or another - and hey, it's want keeps us growing, and learning, so it's not all bad.
Motivation is a tricky thing, it comes and goes for all of us, and is highly dependent on what we have going on at the time - I like to remind myself (regularly) that it's not a static thing, it's never going to be something that's always on. The trick is not to let yourself fall further down the 'demotivated rabbit hole' by being too self-critical when things don't go to plan. You wasted some calories, I totally get how much that sucks, but instead of feeling bad... use it, and let it go.
Whenever I have a blow out - and let's be honest sometimes they aren't as rare as we'd like them to be - I generally have a conversation (no, not the crazy out loud kind) with myself the next morning, and decide what I'm going to take away from it. If it's because of influence from someone else (ermagherd, the boyf wanted to make cookies! And then I ate too many of said cookies) I like to remind myself who is actually going to have to run those cookies off (oh, that's right me!), and that it's okay in any relationship to ask for what you need (hello! support!). If it's because I was sad or mad about something, I like to remind myself to find better ways to cope with things, hello running!
I get that boyfriends can be dumb sometimes - mines pretty awesome, but even he needs reminding sometimes that support is something exampled, not just talked about - so maybe you could talk to him about it and let him know that food is not always your friend, and that while you can respect his need to eat junk food, you'd prefer he showed his support for you by not pushing it on you and respecting your choice for healthier options?
Good luck with the adventure!
S.0 -
It's hard for people who aren't trying to lose weight to understand this journey. Food, and the sharing of it, is so much part of the social fabric of most cultures. I'd encourage you to sit your bf down and explain to him what you're attempting and why it's important to you. If he continues to insist afterwards then, I'm sorry to say it, but I think you'd have to conclude that he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Good luck.0
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He didn't want to feel bad about making bad food choices so pressured you to join him, so you're both doing it.0
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Tell him no way, I am not eating it.0
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Sorry, that's tough! Don't be to hard on yourself though - just do better tomorrow. We all have days where we just lack will power when it comes to food. At least I know I do, especially after a long busy day at work. If you feel really bad about it though, try to add in an extra workout, even if it is just a walk. Best of Luck! : )0
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It's hard for people who aren't trying to lose weight to understand this journey. Food, and the sharing of it, is so much part of the social fabric of most cultures. I'd encourage you to sit your bf down and explain to him what you're attempting and why it's important to you. If he continues to insist afterwards then, I'm sorry to say it, but I think you'd have to conclude that he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Good luck.
I totally agree with this. Communication is the key to your success. If you talk to him and he understands, then you'll both have a much easier time.
This journey is difficult if you don't have support. Tell him that you need his support and what that support looks like, practically - i.e., not forcing you to eat something you don't want to eat. Hopefully he'll be receptive! Best wishes.0 -
I had the same thing with my mum, god rest her soul. She would look worried when we didn't clean our plates.
She meant well. Her family were very poor growing up, and never had enough to eat. She didn't want to do it to us.
Your boyfriend might feel a bit insecure about eating "bad" food on his own. Or perhaps he just wants to eat with you. It doesn't matter.
Either decide not to worry about calorie counting that night, or say you don't want any. When I am offered cake and the person insists, I tell them I'm worried I might develop diabetes. That normally works.
But beating yourself up over it afterwards is madness. Tomorrow is another day. 0 -
Just don't give in? Not sure what else to suggest. If he can't respect your needs, dietary or otherwise, maybe you should explain them to him again.
I piss people off all the time by watching my diet, I don't give a ****. They don't have to deal with the weight I would gain if I ate every time someone else wanted to grab something or snack.
Totally agree with this0 -
Just keep saying no thanks, and mean it. It took my hubby 6 months to get the message, now he says "I made dinner but I gave you extra veggies instead of potatoes"0
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You gotta learn to say no to the food pushers. Don't feel bad about it, stand up for yourself. He can expand his waistline all he wants while you chisel yours down.0
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Just like they showed you in high school, "Just Say No!"0
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Such a terrible night. I eneded up wasting calories because my boyfriend made me feel guilty for not eating junk food with him. How does anyone else deal with this and still stay motivated. I feel like i messed up so bad he had.me eating right before bed :-( I am really in nees of some motivation and support tonight :-(
Wow ,this sounds like a situation that happened with me. I have been a social drinker and also abstained from EtOH. ( I am neither right now). But when I stopped drinking EtOH (back in the day), my friends who were drinking it got very upset with me, and tried multiple times to tempt me. I actually left the party early due to extreme annoyance. I don't need it to have a good time. It was choice.
All decisions basically come down to choice. So OP, Not sure what it is....misery loving company or maybe thinking because you aren't participating, you're judging. ....but you will experience this again and again. You are strong, you can say no!0 -
It's hard for people who aren't trying to lose weight to understand this journey. Food, and the sharing of it, is so much part of the social fabric of most cultures. I'd encourage you to sit your bf down and explain to him what you're attempting and why it's important to you. If he continues to insist afterwards then, I'm sorry to say it, but I think you'd have to conclude that he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Good luck.
I totally agree with this. Communication is the key to your success. If you talk to him and he understands, then you'll both have a much easier time.
This journey is difficult if you don't have support. Tell him that you need his support and what that support looks like, practically - i.e., not forcing you to eat something you don't want to eat. Hopefully he'll be receptive! Best wishes.
Good answer!!!!0 -
It's simple: change your boyfriend. At least you'll feel guilty for something!0
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Doesn't sound like he is at all interested in what you want for yourself. More that he's interested in seeing how much of what he wants he can get you to do. Often with these guys the more persuadable you are, the worse they end up treating you in the expectation of getting away with it longer term.
The right guy will respect you for putting your foot down and putting your health and your own happiness before their whim.0 -
Stab him in the eye with a fork and scream "No thanks you commie *kitten*!!!"
That'll teach his a s s.0 -
But seriously, your man is being ridiculous. Let him know that, and eat what you want. He will get over it.0 -
It's hard when people are trying to sabotage you. I have a lifelong eating disorder and people DO NOT understand that my food phobias are serious. They also don't understand that I am super serious about my diet. I get lots of eye rolls and sighing when I say that I can't eat whatever because it's too many calories. You just have to say no and be firm. Let them get mad because they are the ones being ridiculous, not you!0
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Such a terrible night. I eneded up wasting calories because my boyfriend made me feel guilty for not eating junk food with him. How does anyone else deal with this and still stay motivated. I feel like i messed up so bad he had.me eating right before bed :-( I am really in nees of some motivation and support tonight :-(
You are the only one in control of what you put into your body. So that means you have to take the responsibility and not him. Next time say no. If you find this difficult you may need to rethink why you're trying to be healthier. Right now, you have to move on from this and take something from it. That being, learning to politely turn him down should this happen again x0 -
Just keep saying no thanks, and mean it. It took my hubby 6 months to get the message, now he says "I made dinner but I gave you extra veggies instead of potatoes"
That is so sweet of him ????0 -
Sorry but I think you may just have to woman up and say "No, thank you!".
this...
though theres nothing wrong with eating right before bed, you'll only gain weight from it if you're eating in a surplus...0 -
Just don't give in? Not sure what else to suggest. If he can't respect your needs, dietary or otherwise, maybe you should explain them to him again.
I piss people off all the time by watching my diet, I don't give a ****. They don't have to deal with the weight I would gain if I ate every time someone else wanted to grab something or snack.
Totally agree with this
Very True - "They don't have to deal with the weight I would gain if I ate every time someone else wanted to grab something or snack. "0 -
This needs to be printed out and all MFPers that feel badly about less than perfect behavior should read it every time. I love this so much!Oh Hai,
First of all, props, self-accountability is an awesome thing. The fact that you're self aware and keeping track of yourself shows that you want to succeed. That said, don't beat yourself up too badly when you're simply being human, and make a mistake. It happens to all of us at some point or another - and hey, it's want keeps us growing, and learning, so it's not all bad.
Motivation is a tricky thing, it comes and goes for all of us, and is highly dependent on what we have going on at the time - I like to remind myself (regularly) that it's not a static thing, it's never going to be something that's always on. The trick is not to let yourself fall further down the 'demotivated rabbit hole' by being too self-critical when things don't go to plan. You wasted some calories, I totally get how much that sucks, but instead of feeling bad... use it, and let it go.
Whenever I have a blow out - and let's be honest sometimes they aren't as rare as we'd like them to be - I generally have a conversation (no, not the crazy out loud kind) with myself the next morning, and decide what I'm going to take away from it. If it's because of influence from someone else (ermagherd, the boyf wanted to make cookies! And then I ate too many of said cookies) I like to remind myself who is actually going to have to run those cookies off (oh, that's right me!), and that it's okay in any relationship to ask for what you need (hello! support!). If it's because I was sad or mad about something, I like to remind myself to find better ways to cope with things, hello running!
I get that boyfriends can be dumb sometimes - mines pretty awesome, but even he needs reminding sometimes that support is something exampled, not just talked about - so maybe you could talk to him about it and let him know that food is not always your friend, and that while you can respect his need to eat junk food, you'd prefer he showed his support for you by not pushing it on you and respecting your choice for healthier options?
Good luck with the adventure!
S.0 -
Your boyfriend guilty you into eating over your limit. Sounds like a keeper.0
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Wow ,this sounds like a situation that happened with me. I have been a social drinker and also abstained from EtOH. ( I am neither right now). But when I stopped drinking EtOH (back in the day), my friends who were drinking it got very upset with me, and tried multiple times to tempt me. I actually left the party early due to extreme annoyance. I don't need it to have a good time. It was choice.
All decisions basically come down to choice. So OP, Not sure what it is....misery loving company or maybe thinking because you aren't participating, you're judging. ....but you will experience this again and again. You are strong, you can say no!
I so relate to this. It's so hard sometimes to say no to your friends who have been your drinking buddies and going-out-to-eat buddies for so long!!! To the OP though, you just have to keep doing you and the rest will fall into place 0
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